


Part II: Rewriting History

by HedaQueenslayer



Series: Rewriting History [2]
Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan, clexa - Fandom
Genre: CLEXA LIVES, Clarke, Clexa, Endgame Clarke Griffin/Lexa, F/F, Female-Centric, Femslash, Love, Multi, Protective Clarke Griffin, Soul mate, Soulmates, Surprisingly cohesive as shit, The 100 - Freeform, lionheart, queenslayer, what a trashterpiece
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-24 21:37:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 72
Words: 167,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6167596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HedaQueenslayer/pseuds/HedaQueenslayer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part 1: Jus Drein Jus Daun<br/>Because, FUCK YOU JASON.</p><p>disclaimer: don't read this unless you're looking to procrastinate literally everything and fall headfirst into an epic(ally gay) saga.</p><p>PREVIEW:<br/>"The legend is of Heda Kom Jus, the first commander of the blood and her life-long love Heda Kom Faete, (commander of fate). It is said that the commander shared her life-force with her lover to bring her back from the brink of death. It caused an unbreakable bond, unknown even to them. Later, when they were separated their souls split to entwine with the other so they would carry each other always. The legend continues to say that Heda Kom Faete refused to accept their reality and in her dying days she transcended time and space disappearing into the void to find her star-crossed lover. Their unwavering love drives the spirit into the afterlife and worlds beyond their time, the two will always find each other. It is the only grounder soulmate story I know of. Besides us, of course."</p><p>Or, the soulmate saga.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Oh fuck.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Comments and Kudos much appreciated!
> 
> As always,
> 
> FUCK YOU JASON.

Nyko: "Put her over there."

Abby: "Jackson, blood. Now."

**...**

**Day two**

Abby: "I've done everything I can, now it's up to them."

**...**

**Day 4**

Octavia: "It's taking too long, what's wrong?"

**…**

**…**

**...**

**Day 7**

Kane: "Is it safe being unconscious this long?"

Abby: "They're out of the woods physically. Mentally…it's a question mark."

**...**

**Day 8**

Raven: "We just have to have some hope."

Octavia: "I'm running low on that lately…"

**Day 9**

Clarke's eyes fluttered open before she winced and closed them again. The fluorescent lights above her were blinding. She opened her eyes slightly again, this time prepared for the burn of the light. When her eyes adjusted and could focus she saw a warrior staring at her from the corner of the room. His eyes were wide, she watched as he quickly glanced to his left with a hopeful look before rushing out of the room without a word.

 _That was weird,_  Clarke thought. Clarke began to look around. She was in the Ark, that much was clear.  _Medical Bay,_  she thought. She heard the hum and beeps of heart monitors; she saw tubes and medical supplies everywhere. Her left arm had an IV in it. She had a cotton long sleeve shirt on and her boy shorts underwear on. Clarke scratched her head trying to make sense of everything. Her muscles were stiff, sore and weak, she didn't have the faintest reason why. She looked around the room before her eyes landed on a bed to her right.

She saw a petit body lying there, the blankets tugged snug around the feet and legs. She saw olive skin of a hand and arm resting on top of the blankets that looked like marble; she saw a sword hanging beside the bed along with a long black coat. Clarke shifted slightly; her body was so weak and stiff. She ignored its protests so she could properly see who lay in the bed.

Clarke stopped moving. Her breath left her and her heart stopped.

 _Lexa?_  She thought.

What was the Commander doing here in the Ark? More importantly, what was Lexa doing in the medical bay, in the Ark?

Clarke shook her head trying to make sense of what she was seeing. This didn't make any sense.

She looked around the room again before looking back at the unmoving body. She saw tubes and IV's not unlike her own sticking out of the girl. Clarke's mouth twitched slightly as she took in the girls form. Her chest was rising and falling slowly. She looked peaceful lying there. Clarke allowed herself a few more moments of watching the peaceful scene, she found looking at her made her calm down, made her head feel a little less foggy.

No matter how she looked at it though, she couldn't connect the dots.

_This doesn't make any sense._

Clarke tried to search her brain for reasoning. Her head felt fuzzy, the more she tried to remember the more she found blank or fuzzy images. She shut her eyes tight and tried to think, tried to sort it all out. She tried to remember what she was doing right before she woke up here in the Ark.

The last thing she remembered was standing in front of the door to Mount Weather.

As the memory entered her head she felt her insides clench and send a tremor through her before it passed. The bodily response to the memory shocked her. She couldn't remember anything after Lincoln blew the door's lock. She kept her eyes shut and tried to push her brain to think, to recall what she was missing.

Her memories before that were intact: Images from before the battle at Mount Weather began to flow in a timeline. She saw herself kill Finn to save her people. She saw herself trying to scrub away his dried sticky blood from her fingertips. She saw the pyre with Lexa beside her. She saw herself sending Bellamy to the mountain alone; she saw Raven and her pulse generators, Octavia and her sword, and lots of images of Lexa; Those ones ringing through clearer than the others.

Clarke's hand reached up to clutch her chest right above her heart as images began to bombard her mind.

The one at the forefront was Lexa kissing her. She felt nerves course through her body at the thought. She saw herself return the kiss before telling her she wasn't ready. Another pain in her heart made her rub her hand on her chest trying to soothe it.

No matter how hard she tried to focus nothing else came to her mind.

Clarke rubbed her sore head trying to remember. Her head began to throb with a headache. She rubbed her temples before bringing her hands to her eyes and rubbing them as well. She felt confused, lost and empty.

Clarke shifted on the bed so she was now on her side facing the Commander's bed.

Her memory felt spotty. Like there were parts of it missing. She tried to ignore how much that worried her.

Clarke found her eyes trained on the Commander again. As she watched the peaceful girl she felt herself relax slightly, her mind began to focus as she watched the chest rise and fall. Clarke felt her breathing return to a normal pace as she matched her breathing to the rise and fall of the girl in the room with her.

She remained there until she fell asleep again.


	2. Memories Come in Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know there are mistakes throughout here. I don't do a lot of editing because I try to keep a heavy flow of updates. *maybe someday* I'll get to edit it
> 
> Kudos and comments most welcome!

 

 

 

Clarke woke the sound of a door opening. She opened her eyes to find her mom's teary eyes looking down on her full of love.

"Mom?" Clarke said groggily, her voice raw in her throat, it sounded unnatural. She tried to move before her mom's gentle hand rested on her chest making her stay where she was.

"Easy, honey. You've been unconscious for eight days. Your body needs to recover more."

Clarke breathed out heavily at the information, but she stopped trying to sit up. "Eight days?" Clarke asked confused.

Abby nodded, a worried look crossed her face.

"What about our people in Mount Weather!? Did we get my friends out? Did we save them mom?" Clarke's voice cracked and broke in her panic.

She got no response. Abby paused, Clarke watched as her face fell into one that depicted despair. Clarke didn't miss the flash of her mom's eyes landing on Lexa before she finally broke the silence.

"You don't remember?" Abby said slowly.

Clarke shook her head slightly, now very worried. "Mom…I didn't get them out did I?" Clarke could feel tears burning her eyes threatening to spill.

Abby's hand on Clarke's chest began to rub soothingly as she sat down on the bed beside her, "You did sweetie. You saved everyone Clarke. You saved all of us."

"All of you?" she asked, that didn't make sense.

Abby nodded flashing another worried glance from Clarke to Lexa.

Clarke got no verbal response though. "Mom. Just tell me."

Abby sighed, "Things…didn't go as planned. The Mountain ended up capturing a lot more of us than just your friends. The grounders got out safely but you were forced to take matters into your own hands…you didn't have a choice baby."

Clarke squinted at her mom, unsure of what that meant, "What do you mean?" She felt herself begin to panic all over again.  _What did I do?_  Is what she really wanted to ask.

Abby had tears in her eyes now, "You did what you had to." She looked to Lexa and back to Clarke, "You both did."

Clarke stayed silent racking her brain. They had a plan, a good plan. She was sure it would have worked. Obviously the plan didn't last long when the battle came…Clarke felt her heart ache again.

"…I killed everyone." It didn't come out as a question. Clarke could feel the truth in her bones now.

Abby nodded, "You had no choice, Clarke."

Clarke felt tears on her cheeks. She squeezed her eyes shut. Pain filled her as she thought of the innocents in Mount Weather. Then an image formed in her head.  _Bodies everywhere, a mountain of them, flames and heat…_ Clarke shuddered, but her mind told her that image wasn't real. Her brain told her that was a nightmare.

"Clarke?" Abby said.

"I'm so confused…" was all she could say.

She felt Abby place a hand on her arm. "Clarke," she paused as if unsure how to continue, "Mount Weather was four months ago."

Clarke's eyes flew open, "four months ago?" Her voice was stronger in the shock of this information.

Abby nodded as Clarke stared at her, mouth open and slightly shaking her head trying to make sense of it.

_What the fuck happened in the last four months?_

A huge chunk of Clarke's life was missing. The knowledge that she really was missing memories made her feel emptier than she already had felt. Clarke said nothing but tilted her head to look at Lexa.

She felt concerned for her. "Mom, is she going to be okay?"

Abby spoke, her voice thick with emotion, "She's been unconscious as long as you have. Her injuries were more extreme. She underwent surgery to repair a collapsed lung from an arrow. Her blood is unique so we couldn't compensate for how much she lost…she has a battle ahead of her. It's up to her now."

Clarke nodded, fresh tear coming to her eyes.

"You saved her life Clarke."

Clarke looked at her mom. She couldn't speak. She just nodded before looking back at Lexa. Then,  _arrow?_  That didn't make any sense.  _Who's arrow? Grounders use arrows._  Lexa had been shot by one of her own people?

Instead of explaining further and preventing Clarke from asking further, Abby stood, "I'll let you rest. I'll send the kids in a bit. They've all been so worried."

Clarke said nothing. Her mind was buzzing.  _Four months…What the fuck happened?_

Sometime later Clarke woke. She opened her eyes; she was still facing Lexa's bed. Clarke looked keenly for any signs that she had moved, that she had woken up.

There were none.

Her body was still except for the movement of her chest. Her arms hadn't moved, her legs hadn't moved, the blankets were still tucked in tight around her.

Clarke sighed, dejected that Lexa was still unconscious. She felt her worry for the girl grow the longer she looked. Lexa had war paint on her face, though the rest of her skin showing was clean and washed. Her hair naturally wavy and lacking it's braids. The war paint confused Clarke. Before she could muse any further her head turned as she noticed the same grounder from before hurry out of the room.  _So weird,_  she thought as he disappeared.

Shortly after her left Raven and Octavia had entered.

Huge smiles came across their faces as they saw Clarke alert and looking at them. Clarke smiled back, happy to see her friends. She was surprised when Octavia bounced over to her and landed on her wrapping her in the tightest of hugs, "You're awake!" she said excitedly.

The reaction from Octavia shocked Clarke. The last time she spoke with Octavia the girl had told her off on the march to the mountain.  _That was four months ago,_  her little voice in her head reminded her. Clarke returned the hug awkwardly, but thankful.

Octavia finally released Clarke and Raven landed on her wrapping her in a big hug too. "I knew you'd be fine," she whispered in Clarke's ear. Clarke hugged her tightly. When they finally broke apart Raven sat on the end of the bed as Clarke noticed Octavia walk to Lexa's bed side.

She saw her reach out and lightly grab Lexa's hand giving it a slight squeeze and sitting down on the end of her bed, careful not to disturb her body. Clarke found herself feeling jealous at the sight, seeing how comfortable Octavia was with Lexa. The feeling confused her.

"So, how are you feeling?" she heard Raven ask.

Clarke tore her eyes from Lexa and Octavia reluctantly, "confused," she stated.

Raven nodded and squeeze Clarke's leg, "You're mom told us you were having trouble remembering."

Clarke nodded, trying to hide the tears that insisted on filling her eyes again.

"Clarke, it'll be okay." Octavia said trying to reassure her.

Clarke tried to nod again, she tried to believe her but something was preventing the belief from spreading.

 


	3. Sleepy baby Lexa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because FUCK YOU JASON.

Raven and Octavia remained in the room with Clarke for a few hours. Clarke was happy to have the company. She listened quietly as they filled her in with the goings on around camp.

Clarke was relieved to know Bellamy, Monty and Jasper were all safe as well.

When she had worked up the courage Clarke decided to try to have them help fill in some gaps in her memory.

"So…the Mountain," she began awkwardly.

She saw Raven and Octavia flash a glance at each other before Octavia spoke quietly, "You did what you had to Clarke."

"I know I killed everyone…"

Raven smiled at her sadly, "Clarke you saved all of us, they were drilling me and your mom for bone arrow when you pulled the lever..."

"The lever?" Clarke asked before realization dawned on her… _of course._  "I irradiated the Mountain didn't I."

The girls nodded slowly, "You did it for us, to save us," Raven said quietly.

Her words didn't make Clarke feel better. She felt guilty as a new wave of tears came to her eyes. She rolled over so she was facing Lexa's bed again.

"She left us didn't she," was all Clarke said after awhile looking at Lexa.

"She made a deal with the Mountain so that they couldn't touch Lexa's people again, she saved hundreds maybe even thousands of her people…" Octavia said quietly looking at Lexa with an enormous amount of respect that Clarke didn't fail to notice.

"You…you guys…weren't angry with her?" Clarke asked, trying to hide that the knowledge made her angry, trying to ignore the fact that Lexa had kissed her, admitted feeling for her even, only one day before she betrayed her.

"At the time, when it was fresh and we didn't understand," Raven obliged.

"That was a long time ago," Octavia began a huge smile spreading across her face, "A LOT has changed since then-"

Clarke noticed Raven flash a warning look and a subtle shake of her head to Octavia that shut her up. Clarke still noticed it. The silent conversation the two were having confused her even more.  _Seriously, what the fuck happened in the last four months._

"Time heals all wounds, Clarke," Raven said calmly now that she was satisfied that Octavia wasn't going to reveal whatever she was now hiding.

"Not all of them…" Clarke said quietly her eyes resting on Lexa again, thinking of how she left her on the mountain, a bit of anger in her gut and hurt in her heart.

"You saved her life," Octavia told her seeing Clarke's eyes on Lexa a small grin forming at her mouth.

"That's what I've been told. No one has told me how."

"We were at war with Azgeda, Broadleaf and Shallow Valley. You both took poisoned arrows…Clarke I don't know how you managed it but you were able to slow Lexa's bleeding with coagulant and tell me about the poison before you passed out. I put the tree sap on your wounds and we dragged you two the fuck out of there," Octavia told her. "Clarke you even managed to drop a smoke bomb and give us more cover so we could get you two to safety. You saved more than one life that night. Shortly after, our enemies retreated with no solution to the conflict."

Clarke stared at Octavia. Apparently, she had missed a lot in the last 4 months.

She felt Raven squeeze her leg, "Hey, You okay?"

Clarke looked at her and sighed, "Yeah. Yeah just tired."

Raven looked at her watch, "Shit, I bet its midnight. Come on O lets let her rest."

Octavia bounced up and over to Clarke and gave her another hug, "I'll be back in the morning."

Clarke bid them goodnight and settled back into her position so she could see Lexa. She focused on her breathing trying to make more sense of the information she was given. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't remember it.

Clarke fell asleep shortly after.

As she slept her dreams took over.

She heard war drums, she heard gunshots, arrows whizzing around her and explosions in the distance. She felt a burning in her left arm, pain everywhere and panic in her body. A fury of images flashed in her mind, never long enough for her to fully grasp or make them out before the next one would show. She woke when her dream ended with her flat on her stomach looking into Lexa's half-lit green eyes.

Clarke woke with a start, quickly assessing the room and trying to find her centre. She looked at the clock telling her it was three in the morning. Clarke shifted and she saw the warrior move when she did. He began to head for the door, "wait," Clarke called and the man stopped dead looking at her.

Clarke hadn't expected him to listen. She quickly regained herself, "You don't have to tell them I'm awake." She was surprised again when the man nodded and looked at Lexa hopefully. Clarke didn't know why but she found herself speaking again, "You can go rest if you want. I'll watch her."

Clarke's eyes widened as the man bowed low to her and left the room.  _Fucking weird._  Grounder's bowed to no one but their Heda. To no one but Lexa...

Clarke sat up gingerly. She shifted and swung her legs off the bed. Clarke braced herself as she tried to stand. Her legs gave out before she grabbed on tighter holding herself up. She grunted as her body adjusted to being on her feet again. Clarke pulled her IV cart behind her as she slowly crept from her side of the room. She wasn't sure why but she was moving to Lexa. All Clarke knew at this moment that she had to be closer to her. She had to let Lexa know she wasn't alone while she was trapped in her mind.

Clarke stumbled as she got closer falling onto the edge of the bed and bracing herself. She groaned as her muscle protested but Clarke remained resolute on her mission. She pulled a chair that felt way too heavy closer to the bed. She sat on it and took some deep breathes trying to recuperate from her little trip across the room. Clarke looked up to the sleeping form in front of her. She felt hot tears well in her eyes as she watched Lexa. Clarke's hand moved on its own, closing the gap to Lexa's left hand. Clarke hesitated before gently wrapping her hand into Lexa's. A _perfect fit,_  Clarke's little voice piped up. Clarke looked at their hands, they looked like they were made to hold each other. She felt tingles radiating up her arm from their contact. She felt it begin to course into her, filling her up a bit, making her just a tiny bit lighter. The contact was soothing her fears, her mind and her tears.

She began to rub her thumb against Lexa's hand. She took her other hand and rested it on top of their clasped hand and she bowed her head to the side of the bed. She took a couple deep breathes. Sterilization smells filled her nose before a sweet floral scent overpowered them. The scent calming her even more, Clarke adjusted her head to a more comfortable position as sleep took her.


	4. She awake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because FUCK YOU JASON.

"Clarke?"

Clarke woke up at the sound of her name. She saw Lexa, but her eyes were closed. Clarke sat silent watching her closely, "come on" she whispered.

"Clarke," the voice repeated.

Clarke's heart sank. It wasn't Lexa, the girl was still unmoving except for the visible movement of her breathing. She felt a hand on her shoulder and she tore her eyes off of Lexa to find Octavia standing beside her.

"Hey," was all Clarke could say.

She felt Octavia squeeze her shoulder, "She'll come out of it. You did."

Clarke nodded, trying to believe her but she couldn't ignore the sinking feeling in her gut.

"Did you want to get out of here? Your mom said you could leave if you stick around the Ark. Maybe have a light breakfast?" Octavia suggested.

Clarke shook her head. Something in her body keeping her routed where she was.

"You don't want to leave her do you?" Octavia asked knowingly.

Clarke looked at her again and shook her head sure that Octavia could see her unshed tears. Octavia smiled sadly and looked at Lexa then back to Clarke.

"I'll go get you some breakfast, be right back."

Clarke was alone again. She looked at Lexa longingly. She realized her hands were still wrapped around Lexa's left hand. She thought she should remove them but something in her told her that wasn't an option. She sat there in silence for a long while just staring at the girl before her.

Her eyes roved over body, they lingered on the war paint before she saw the Commander's mask fade away and she was seeing only Lexa. Clarke's heart began to beat with a little more power. She felt stronger the more she looked at Lexa. She ignored the paint, ignored the Commander's head peace and  _really_  looked at the young girl that lay in the bed.

Clarke noted the small traces of sun-kissed brunette hair; the soft natural curls cascading down onto the pillow and her slender shoulders. She was in the same cotton shirt that Clarke had on but it didn't look strange to her; she felt like she had seen it before but she didn't know how. She found herself reaching up gingerly to softly brush her fingers into Lexa's hair, allowing her fingertips to lazily graze her scalp before weaving their way through the rest of her soft locks.

_Not yet,_  her voice rang through her head from the memory of her admitting that she reciprocated Lexa's feelings for Clarke after they kissed. When she had told her she wasn't ready to act on those feelings.

Then, realization dawned on Clarke and it confused her all over again. For some reason, she felt  _ready now_. Her heart was screaming 'yes, a thousand times yes!' but her mind was still dumbfounded like a confused child.

She continued to stroke Lexa's hair spurring her thoughts on more. It didn't make sense, she felt the anger of the betrayal from the mountain was lacking in conviction if it was really there at all. The knowledge that she had saved Lexa's life on an actual battlefield, where they were apparently fighting side by side only stomped it out. She couldn't even find the intense hurt from the betrayal that should have existed within her, the one that she was sure was there yesterday.

Clarke heard Octavia return and she quickly reached her hands back, trying to hide how intimate that would have looked. She was already missing the contact.

Octavia rolled her eyes, "it's okay Clarke," she smiled sadly, "you're allowed to care about her."

Clarke looked at the girl curiously, she obviously knew something but Clarke wasn't sure it entirely had to do with the scene she had walked in on. Before she could inquire Octavia was shoving some fruit and nuts at her. While they ate Abby had come in. She began checking Clarke's vitals and removing her IV's.

Clarke watched as Abby checked over Lexa. She looked on hopefully as Abby had turned to them when she was done, Abby shook her head, "No change."

_Not yet,_  Clarke's little voice corrected Abby.

Clarke smiled inwardly, she was happy to find that she did still have hope.

"Let me check your arm," Abby said and she grabbed for Clarke's wrist and began pulling the sleeve up revealing a-

"What the fuck is that?" Clarke asked loudly reaching up to touch a brand that had been burned into her forearm.

Octavia laughed, "Oh that's right, you don't know do you  _Ambassador_?"

Clarke stared at her in disbelief before looking back at the brand and then her eyes lingering on Lexa, "What?" she whispered trying to make sense of it.

"Proof once again, that you saved us," Abby said simply, smiling proudly at Clarke. "You took the brand to become Skaikru's ambassador in the clan coalition."

Clarke ran a finger gingerly over the semi-healed burn, tracing the swoops of it. She looked up, "Are we really safe?"

Abby swallowed, "for now."

Clarke didn't press her. Obviously her mom was hiding something but Clarke was too overwhelmed to care right now. The only thought in her head being that she had bound herself to Lexa…

Clarke got up and gingerly made her way to the sink and bathroom to clean herself up. She returned and Abby was gone. Octavia was lounging in Clarke's bed popping nuts into the air and catching them in her mouth.

"You don't have to stay O," Clarke said, "I'm sure you have other things to do than keep me company."

Octavia smiled, "Not at the moment. Oh and by the way, I'm your guard and Indra's second now just FYI." She said it with so much pride Clarke had to smile.

"A true grounder O, I always knew you were a warrior at heart," Clarke said fondly.

Octavia flashed her a grin, "You're not so bad yourself."

Clarke looked at her confused, "Oh yeah, I'm a warrior alright," she said sarcastically.

Octavia stood rapidly and stood in front of Clarke chair, "You are," Octavia said earnestly. "You have no idea Clarke."

Clarke sighed and looked away sadly, "I wish I could remember."

"You will," Octavia said fervently, "you just have to have some hope."

Clarke looked at Lexa again giving in to her urge to hold her hand again, "I have hope."

Silence followed and Octavia must have realized Clarke wanted to be alone. Clarke dozed off once again while running her free hand through Lexa's hair, her head lying softly on lexa's forearm. Blurry images filled her dreams again. Flashing in and out before she could make them out.

Movement made Clarke stir and wake. She raised her head quickly, hand still clasped in Lexa's and one in her hair beside her head.

Green eyes were staring at her, Clarke sucked in a sharp breath and stood up before sighing in relief, "Lexa," she whispered thankfully. She couldn't blink; she didn't move anything else she just let herself sink into the freshly lit green eyes. A giant smile spread across Clarke's features, happiness overwhelming her and relief washing over her.

As soon as it was there it was gone again.

"Sky person?"

Clarke choked on her breath and swallowed, tears coming to her eyes but not falling. Clarke pulled her hands from Lexa immediately as she stepped back a few steps. Her heart fractured,  _she doesn't remember you._

Clarke didn't remember anything after Mount Weather.

Lexa didn't remember her at all.

 


	5. Lexa waking up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wake up bitch

Lexa was standing; everything around her was black except for the light in front of her that was silhouetting someone in its glow. Lexa moved to get closer finding her feet were heavy and hard to move. She struggled against the weight of them but was determined to move towards the light and the being in front her. She opened her mouth to call out to them but no sound escaped her. Lexa pushed herself, willing her muscles to lift each leg, to fight through the pain and move. She struggled to breathe, the breath wouldn't come fully and she was gasping with each step. She balled her fists and pushed through the blinding pain, slowly inching her way forward.

She found she was making progress, the figure coming into view. She recognized a woman's shape silhouetted in the glow now. Lexa pushed her feet onward, one in front of the other forcing her mind to focus on reaching the light.  _Who are you?_ She tried to call out to them again but silence ensued. It infuriated her pushing her forward faster. An invisible tether beginning to pull her towards the woman.

She watched as the woman moved and began to walk farther away from Lexa, heading towards the light. Lexa noticed golden blonde hair shining in the light,  _odd,_  she thought. It's not a traditional hair colour for her people. Blonde hair was considered a unique trait in grounder culture. Curiosity filled Lexa's head as she began to run, her breathing becoming stronger, the pains in her muscles lessening and the weight of her feet subsiding.

She was running.

She was gaining on the woman, getting closer and closer with every step. She was finally reaching out, she grabbed the woman's shoulders turning her to see her face-

Lexa woke with a start, eyes wide open and a huge gasp for air.

She took a couple breaths trying to regain her self as she squinted in the god-awful lights above her head. She grimaced and looked quickly around the room, it was metal, hard and cold. It lacked fresh air and real light. It disgusted her. She saw tubes in her right arm and a shirt was on her that wasn't her own.  _Prisoner?_  Her Commander voice rang in her head. Lexa saw her coat, armour and sword hanging beside the bed.  _Not likely,_  she had her weapons within reach. Something else was going on here. She was definitely in the Sky People's ship though. She decided not to panic, to let her head override her emotions like so many times before.

Lexa turned her head as she noticed warmth and tingling heading up her left arm. She sucked in a sharp breath as she saw blonde hair on the head that was resting on her forearm. She then noticed that the woman was holding her hand, she also noticed her other hand lay lazily in Lexa's hair beside her head. Lexa froze staring down at the woman, incredibly lost for what was happening. Confused by the closeness, shocked by the intimacy of the scene.

No one touched the Commander.

Except Lexa didn't move. She sensed no threat. Instead, she let the warmth fill her up as she tried to think, finding the woman's touch oddly comforting and unusually familiar. She racked her brain trying to think. The last thing she remembered was waiting for Gustus to show Clarke of the Sky People into her tent. Images flew before her:  _her childhood, her nightblood conclave, becoming Heda, Costia_ … Lexa flinched at her memory and felt the blonde stir.

Lexa realized then she was staring into a deep ocean of blue. Right into the eyes of the blonde woman, Lexa involuntarily sucked in a breath at the sight of her.

She was stunning. Even in the fake light of this tin can her beauty was overwhelming. She was in a long sleeve shirt and a small pair of briefs. Lexa's heart thumped violently at the sight of her. Lexa heard her name fall effortlessly from the woman's lips in a relieved whisper. She found herself not minding that she didn't use her formal title. Very few people called Lexa by her real name, even fewer spent their time in their underwear in her presence. Lexa stared curiously at the woman, confused and at a loss to how they got here.

She gasped in another small breath when the girls smile widened exposing even more beauty.

Lexa knew she had to speak, she had to say something to the woman, she had to know who she was, "Sky person?" she heard her Commander voice ask.

Lexa felt her heart ache when she saw the woman's face fall; her hands withdraw and shock cross her face before sadness filled it. Lexa wanted to reach out to help her, to comfort her but the Commander within her wouldn't allow it.

She saw the blonde's face change to mask whatever she was feeling, Lexa had been doing that her whole life. She knew the subtle changes. She eyed the girl more keenly, trying to figure her out.

"Hi…" the woman said awkwardly, her voice thick with emotion and quiet, "You…you don't remember me do you." Her voice was like a melody in Lexa's ears.

Lexa raised her head slightly, "Clarke of the Sky People?" she guessed and something inside her was screaming telling her she was right. She was surprised at how effortlessly the name rolled off her tongue - Like she had been saying it all her life.

She decided in that moment she really like the woman's name. It suited her. She saw Clarke smile sadly and nod indicating Lexa was correct. Lexa wondered why she looked so sad. Instead, she heard herself confess, "the last thing I remember was waiting Gustus to grant you entrance into my tent."

The blonde raised her eyebrows and swallow before calmly speaking, "yeah, my memory cuts out a few days after that…"

"Are you well?" The words came out of her mouth before she realized she was saying them. She had no idea what spurred her to ask Clarke that.

Clarke smiled sadly again, she nodded, "For the most part." Lexa could tell her answer was layered.

Lexa raised her eyebrows watching the girl before Clarke continued. "I could help you piece together the next few days if you like…but after that I'm as lost as you."

"What do you mean?" Lexa asked worry filling her.

"Lex-Commander," Clarke corrected herself, "That was four months ago."

Lexa's mouth dropped.  _Four months,_  she had missed four months of her life, four months of her people's lives were missing from her memory, everything was wiped from her mind. Lexa's breathing began to intensify, she felt pain with every intake of breath, she winced as her rapid breathes were starting to choke her on the right side.

"Hey. Hey you're okay-" she heard Clarke say laying a gentle hand on her forearm before Lexa lost consciousness again.

When Lexa woke again, she looked up to find Clarke.

She was sitting in the chair with her feet curled under her with her head against her shoulder as she slept. Lexa allowed herself to smile in the presence of the sleeping girl. She studied her face, etched with worry but peaceful in her slumber. Before long Lexa heard herself whisper, "Clarke?" She had to see the blue of her eyes again, she had to wake the girl, she had to speak to her.

Clarke stirred at her name and leaned forward, "Hey, I'm right here." she said her voice thick with sleep.


	6. Mad isn't even the word

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> she awake...

Clarke was leaning forward, trying to let Lexa know she was there for her, for whatever she needed. Even if it was just to know she wasn't alone. Clarke hadn't let herself leave the room since Lexa passed out; she couldn't let Lexa wake in this unfamiliar place alone and scared. Clarke knew the fear that came with not knowing what happened, it was settling in her bones threatening to ruin her every moment. But somehow, being there for Lexa helped her focus. It allowed her to set aside her needs for Lexa's and she would gladly do it.

Clarke looked deep into Lexa's green eyes. Her mind flashed back to seeing Lexa on her stomach and the light threatening to fade from those eyes forever, Clarke felt her hand reach for her chest and she knew. She knew in that moment that was reality - that was a memory, her last memory before she had lost consciousness on the battlefield.

"Are you alright? Can I get you anything?" Clarke asked.

Lexa shook her head continuing to look at Clarke. Clarke couldn't tell what was written on her face, confusion mixed with something else…

Clarke stood and went to the table and poured a glass of water for Lexa she returned to her chair and handed it to her. Lexa reached out slowly and took the cup, their gingers grazing gently emitting invisible sparks of electricity between them. Clarke watched fondly as Lexa drank the water lifting the cup from her mouth again Clarke took it. She paused and reached out her hand towards Lexa's face and wiped the small bit of water left on her lip before realizing the girl's wide-eyed shock that appeared at her motions and dropping her hand again. Clarke quickly turned and put the cup back on the table, taking longer than it should have hoping to regain her composure in the extra time. Lexa had no clue who Clarke was, she had no clue that she had kissed her and that Clarke had kissed back, she didn't know Clarke at all right now. She took a couple deep breaths and went back to her chair.

"Sorry," Clarke muttered, "That was probably inappropriate."

"You do not have to apologize, Clarke," Lexa said softly. Clarke heard gratitude and warmth in her voice.

Clarke chanced a small smile and looked at Lexa again making eye contact, "You had a punctured lung and poisoning," Clarke said trying to change the subject, "that's why you were struggling for breath, your lung is still healing."

Lexa nodded looking at the IV's in her before looking at Clarke and tilting her head, "guns?" she asked expecting her to guess to be right.

Clarke sighed and shook her head. She didn't want to be the one to tell her that her life's work of uniting the clans had evaporated and she that couldn't even tell her from her own memory; Her only information coming from Kane and Bellamy's updates from Polis. Raven had been bringing the radio in while Clarke had been sitting with Lexa's unconscious body.

"It's okay, Clarke. You can tell me," Lexa said obviously realizing that Clarke was hesitant.

Clarke swallowed, "they were arrows," she chanced a look at Lexa, deciding if she was going to break this news to her she could at least look her in the eyes. "Azgeda, Broadleaf and Shallow Valley…"

Lexa tried to sit up at this revelation. Clarke moved instinctively and assisted her before pulling away quickly again. The closer she was to Lexa the more she wanted to hold her.

"An act of war," Lexa hissed through the pain of sitting up.

Clarke nodded, "It was a war…from what I'm told."

"I need to speak with Indra," Lexa seethed making a move to pull the blankets off her. She ripped the IV's out and struggled to move before pushing herself out of the bed. Instantly Clarke stood up and braced the girl by the arms as she swayed on her feet.

"Okay, Okay we can do that. But maybe she should come to you?" Clarke was saying trying to calm Lexa down.

LExa swayed before looking at Clarke and resigning to her fate. She lowered herself back down and struggled to shift back to where she was sitting.

"Can I help you?" Clarke asked reaching out to Lexa but pausing before touching her. Afraid to upset her or cross the girl's boundaries.

Lexa froze and looked into Clarke's eyes, Clarke saw gratitude reflecting in them. She wondered if Lexa ever let anyone assist her. Clarke smiled as Lexa nodded and let Clarke guide her into position, allowing her to compensate for the muscles that wouldn't work for Lexa. Clarke pulled the blanket over the commanders toned legs and onto her stomach. Clarke spent an extra moment giving the blankets a little tug, tucking the girl in.

Clarke removed her hands and stepped back. She caught herself locked in Lexa's gaze which reflected confusion and fear, her eyes full of questions. "I can go get her now if you like," Clarke told her.

Lexa paused and opened her mouth before stopping and swallowing whatever she was going to say. Instead she closed her mouth and nodded. Clarke smiled and nodded and turned to leave. As she was about to leave the room she heard Lexa call out lightly.

"Thank you Clarke Kom Skaikru."

Clarke returned shortly later with Indra. Clarke stayed in the main medical room while they spoke. She could hear voices, steadily getting louder and louder before finally she heard a crash of metal instruments flying into the wall. Clarke moved as quickly as she could to the room, turning into the door just as she heard Lexa erupt in a laboured yell.

"EVERYTHING I HAVE WORKED TO ACHIEVE? GONE? The Coalition fractured and war in my lands once again!" Her tone was fierce and terrifying. Clarke couldn't remember ever hearing Lexa sound like that. She heard only the Commander and what was worse, she saw only the Commander. She could not find Lexa behind the rage of the Heda.

Suddenly Lexa caught sight of Clarke, Clarke briefly saw a flash of Lexa in her face before it twisted and the Commander's mask was back. She crossed the room much quicker than Clarke had expected, "You did this. You caused this," she hissed threateningly stopping a foot in front of Clarke their faces dangerously close.

Clarke froze. She was shaking her head, tears began to come to her eyes, pain and guilt filled her body. "I'm sorry," she whispered through a half sob and tore out of the room.


	7. Tiny Warrior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My tiny warrior friend

Clarke took off from the medical bay in a whirlwind. Her feet moving on their own, she was blind with tears and stumbling every few steps. Clarke found herself leaning against the Ark's cold metal walls as she made her way through its lonely halls. She grunted in pain, and gasped for air. Her tears were choking her while she tried to remain quiet.

Clarke moved labouredly through the halls as her mind ran.

She stumbled and fell to the ground, crying out in the shock and pain from falling on the metal floor. She heard a door open, "Clarke?"

She felt Octavia's arms around her pulling her to her feet slowly. Clarke blinked through her tears, "Sorry," she said stupidly.

"Clarke, what's wrong?" Octavia cooed, rubbing a hand on her back trying to calm her ragged silent cries.

Clarke couldn't answer, she just shook her head.

Octavia simply nodded, "C'mon lets get you to your room."

Clarke was lost in her head while Octavia guided her into her quarters. She only snapped out of it when Octavia sat her on the bed. The brunette didn't leave; she crossed the room and sat on the couch. She remained silent watching Clarke as Clarke tried to hide her tears and despair. She was failing miserably, she knew it but Octavia remained silent. Clarke was grateful to her, she was glad she wasn't alone right now.

After Clarke calmed down a bit she looked at Octavia and she spoke. Her voice was quiet, "She doesn't remember me."

Octavia let out a little gasp that she tried to hide before rushing to Clarke's side. She laid a hand on her shoulder, the other on her thigh. Clarke began to cry again and she felt Octavia shift so Clarke could rest her head on her shoulder.

"She doesn't remember me…" Clarke repeated through a sob. She felt devastated.

"What does she remember?" Octavia asked quietly.

Clarke calmed her sobs slightly before she answered. "Waiting for me to enter her tent, when I met her for the first time…"

Clarke felt Octavia arm around her tighten, "I can't believe that…"

Clarke looked up at Octavia; her voice was off, like she was crying. Clarke checked to make sure she wasn't imagining it and sure enough she saw tears in the girls eyes.

It confused Clarke before her mind started to kick in. All the awkward looks between Octavia and Raven, the memory she did regain from the battlefield, the feeling in Clarke's heart…

"Something happened between us didn't it?" Clarke asked quietly. As soon as the words left her she knew she was right. She could feel it in her heart.

Octavia looked unsure whether she should answer, "Clarke, it's not my place to-"

"She kissed me before we went to Mount Weather, and now she  _hates_  me," Clarke cut her off bearing the truth to her. It was Clarke's little secret. No one knew about the kiss. Not even Lexa technically. Something in her told her she had to tell Octavia, if only to manipulate her to tell her the truth. She  _had_  to know.

Octavia's jaw dropped, "Four months ago?"

Clarke nodded, "she initiated it, I returned it and she doesn't even remember."

"Fuck…" Octavia said in disbelief.

Clarke cocked her head, "Octavia, please?"

Octavia looked at her for a long time before Clarke's pleading stare began to break her resolve. "Clarke, I don't feel comfortable revealing anything about you two…it's  _really_  not my place. Wait, why do you think she hates you now?"

Clarke looked away ashamed and incredibly hurt at the reminder, "she thinks I destroyed her coalition…"

"That's crazy! The two of you were working together though? I don't think Lexa ever hated you."

Clarke nodded sadly her hand going to the brand on her arm, "You didn't see her. She was so angry…"

"She's probably just confused Clarke, I'm sure you can relate."

"Maybe not…maybe it was my fault, she cared about me O, she admitted it before she kissed me that day. I may not remember much but I do know Lexa is ruled by her head and she fights her heart with every breath. She cares deeply but she's not allowed to show it. What if…what if she lost that battle with her head?"

"Well if that is true she definitely doesn't hate you."

"She resents me then…I don't know which hurts more."

Clarke felt Octavia turn to face her better forcing Clarke to look at her, "You love her don't you?"

Clarke stared at Octavia, fresh tears coming to her eyes, she nodded, "I feel it in my heart, but I have no idea how I got there. When we kissed I wasn't ready – Finn had just died. I remember the door to Mount Weather about to open and the battle before I went unconscious. I remember feeling love as I stared into her eyes… _whenever_  I look in her eyes actually… Anything in between those memories is a question mark."

Octavia gave her a sad smile before she wrapped Clarke into a hug, "Trust your heart Clarke, it knows what it's doing," she whispered.

Clarke returned the hug and began to let her tears flow freely into Octavia's shoulder. It was therapeutic, letting her truths out and unburdening her slightly. Octavia let Clarke cry until she couldn't any longer before she forced her to get into bed and rest. She sat down beside Clarke in the bed and watched over her why she slept.

When morning came Octavia left Clarke to clean up. She had the shower hot and found it burned some of the emotional pain she was in again. Only when it was gently soothing it did she feel the water burning her left bicep. Clarke reached up and felt a scar that ran in a diagonal line across her bicep. That was where the arrow that Lexa had tried to save her from. Clarke smiled sadly at the scar and the memory. She began to cry when she realized that Lexa also had been hit in the arm from the arrow Clarke had tried to save her from. Lexa had loved her at one point. She cried harder as she wondered if she ever would again.

When Clarke had finally stopped crying she got dressed. Clarke walked into her room and sat down on the couch to put her boots on. Her mind trailed back to Lexa. She wondered if she had calmed down, if she would even want to see Clarke ever again. Clarke ran her fingers on her brand scar after she tied her boots. She looked up and saw something that made her move. She picked the item up and looked it over.

Her sword.  _Lexa's sword._  Clarke didn't remember how she got it but she knew it had been given to her, it had been in her hands as she tried to protect them both on the battlefield. She didn't know what pushed her but she strapped the sword on over her t-shirt. She felt better with it on her back. Much more like herself than she had since she woke up. Clarke then strapped what she knew to be Lexa's dagger to her thigh. She felt stronger with them, more in control instantly.

Clarke took a deep breath and left her room.

 


	8. Angst and Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I did a bad thing...

Lexa felt horrible while the Commander within was still seething.

Indra had informed Lexa on what she had forgotten the last four months regarding her coalition. Lexa was surprised when she learnt that Skaikru were now part of it. How she had adopted a clan while she lost three others. The information was bitter to digest. Lexa didn't want to admit why but she blamed Clarke. A part of her knew deep down that that hadn't been a decision made entirely with her head. That's why she took her anger out on Clarke. Lexa had blamed the wrong person. It wasn't Clarke's fault – it was her own. She knew she had let her heart get in the way. She just didn't know how it got to that point.

She knew she was attracted to the blonde. That much was clear to her, painfully so even. But her heart was telling her more, it was more than just attraction, it was-

 _Love is weakness,_  her commander voice cut off her train of thought, full of conviction.

Clarke's face flashed again and again through her mind and it both infuriated her and made her heart sing. The commander within her was trying to stifle it out.

"Love is weakness," Lexa repeated quietly her actual voice lacking any faith in her words.

She was alone in the medical room she had shared with Clarke. Her head rose hopefully when the door opened only to fall again when she realized it was the Abby woman.

"How are you feeling today?" she asked full of care in her tone.

"Weak," Lexa admitted doubting Abby would hear her true meaning.

Abby flashed a little light in her eyes and checked her injuries. Stepping back she said, "Okay, you're free to move about but I'd prefer you come back her again tonight so I can check you over again in the morning."

Lexa stood slowly and nodded.

"Did you want me to find Clarke?" she heard Abby ask.

 _Yes._  "No," Lexa answered.

She saw Abby nod sadly before she left the room.

Lexa stared at the door after her. Then she went to dress. She put her clothes on that had been folded on the table on her bedside. She put her coat on and fastened it. She strapped on her dagger to her thigh and left her sword where it hung.

She walked out of the room after eating a bit of fruit that had been left for her. Lexa didn't know where she was going. She didn't see anyone as she left the medical bay. She stopped outside of it and looked around. She didn't know which way to go. She didn't know where she was headed but her feet started moving on their own pushing her to go down the right hallway.

She walked for a few minutes slowly before she stopped when she saw a young brunette in front of her.

"Heda," the girl said and bowed her head in respect.

Lexa cocked her head, "I do not know you."

The girl raised her head, "I know. I'm Octavia, Indra's second and Clarke's guard."

 _Curious._ "You're of the sky people?" Lexa asked looking the girl up and down. She looked more grounder than SkaiKru.

Octavia rolled her eyes, "maybe when I first landed on earth."

The girl's reaction made Lexa's mouth twitch slightly hinting at a smile. She had the warrior spirit that was much clear. "Do we know each other well?" Lexa heard herself ask.

Octavia smiled, "Yeah, I suppose we were hinting at a friendship?"

That puzzled Lexa. The commander didn't have friends. She had subjects.

_What had the Skaikru done to her?_

"The more I hear, the less I feel I know myself," Lexa said quietly, unsure why she felt she trusted the girl.

Octavia smiled sadly, "You're not the only one that's lost you know."

"Clarke." Lexa said, the name flowing easily over her mouth.

Octavia nodded, "Just don't shut her out okay. She's been through a lot."

"Would you," Lexa paused, "mind telling me about her?"

That surprised Octavia, it was written on her face. "Oh, um, yeah sure," she said flashing a glance at the door to her left, "Lets go outside though, I fucking hate it in here."

Lexa's mouth twitched again as she followed the girl.

She followed Octavia out of the Ark and she paused when she felt the warm sun hit her face. She closed her eyes and tilted her head up high breathing in deep. The fresh air was clearing her head, making her feel fresh and a little more vibrant.

She caught Octavia staring at her before she gestured to a wooden table and metal and chairs. Lexa followed her and sat down gingerly. She sat in silence as Octavia told Lexa about Clarke; About how they all looked to the girl for guidance. How they followed her and trusted her. How Clarke had saved them time and time again. Lexa felt her admiration growing with every word. She was absorbing every tid bit and letting it settle within her. A part of her felt like the information wasn't fresh. Like she had known this before. This made Lexa feel lighter, part of her still remembered even if her brain couldn't.

"She did this all on her own?" Lexa asked finally when Octavia was finished.

Octavia shrugged, "pretty much. But you know, you could just ask her these things yourself."

Lexa shook her head and looked away, "No. I do not think that is a wise decision."

Octavia groaned and Lexa saw her eyes roll, "You two are going to kill me." With that she tapped her hand on the table and left Lexa to her thoughts.

She sat there awkwardly alone thinking over the information she had just been given. None of it felt fresh.

Finally she stood and began to walk around the grounds. She didn't know why but her feet were carrying her outside the gates of Arkadia.

Lexa walked to the left into the trees. She let the familiar scent or Earth, wood and moisture enter her and bid her forward with every step. Lexa kept her head down not paying attention to where she was heading before she stopped at a clearing. Something golden caught her eye and she looked up.

In the middle of the clearing was Clarke. The sun was basking her in a healthy glow that seemed to accentuate every curve and highlight every single perfection the girl possessed. Lexa felt her heart pound at the sight her. She felt her insides grow tight and warmth start to fill her up that had nothing to do with the sun. She remained silent watching the girl; she was dancing in the clearing swinging effortlessly with a sword. Lexa's breath caught in her chest as an image filled her mind: it was her and Clarke sparing ending with Lexa holding her close from behind and whispering in her ear in admiration.

Lexa's hair stood up on her arms. A memory.

Her feet began moving forward, to bring her closer to the edge of the clearing and pushing her into the open.

Clarke froze when she realized she wasn't alone.


	9. More angst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the little aussie with a sword

Clarke had the gorgeous blade out and was swinging it. She twirled the sword and spun lightly on her feet. The movements felt natural, something that surprised Clarke. Octavia was right, maybe Clarke  _was_  a warrior. The movements were therapy, they helped clear her mind and push down her intense feelings. The ones that came of love along with the mourning and despair of losing said love; the ones that were threatening to break her.

No matter how long she danced with the blade cutting the air Lexa's image kept popping into her head. She craved to see her but she resisted the urge, fighting it off with every swing of her blade. She furiously sliced at the air in front her, her momentum building in her frustration. She was losing the battle with her feelings. Clarke twirled again before she froze.

Standing on the other side of the clearing was Lexa.

She had her commander gear on without her sword. She had no face paint either. Clarke remained rooted in her spot as Lexa moved closer and closer, when she was a few feet away Clarke looked away - afraid to see resentment in her eyes. The green eyes that Clarke was sure had held love once.

Lexa cleared her throat awkwardly when Clarke looked away.

Clarke refused to look at her.

"What do you want?" Clarke said her words venom in her mouth, her tone a fine mixture of pain and acid.

"Clarke," Lexa started, "I need to apologize."

Clarke looked up despite herself. She didn't expect that. Lexa took a step closer.

"I'm sorry," Lexa whispered her own voice full of real pain.

Clarke's mind flashed with an image: A knife to Lexa's throat, a knife cutting into her olive neck, the girl small in Clarke's arms and the smallest sincerest whisper of "I'm sorry."

Clarke dropped the sword and turned away, blinking at the image.  _What the fuck?_  Why did she have a memory of almost killing Lexa.

"Clarke?" she heard Lexa call to her, breaking her out of her thoughts.

Clarke turned back to her meeting her eyes, "It's alright," she said. And it was. The commander apologized to no one. She knew this was Lexa, what was better she saw Lexa in her eyes and not the commander.

"There you are," Clarke whispered before she could stop herself.

Lexa looked confused and Clarke quickly changed the subject.

"Are you feeling better?"

Lexa nodded, "Things are," she paused looking deep into Clarke's eyes, "a little more clearer today."

Clarke took a step forward, "Do you remember something?"

Lexa nodded, "Yes but I am unsure as to what it means. We were sparring…"

She trailed off as her eyes landed on the sword on the ground. Clarke saw her eyes widen and then look back at Clarke.

"That's mine…" Lexa whispered in disbelief.

Clarke nodded and smiled sheepishly unsure where this was going to head. Truthfully, she did't remember getting the sword from Lexa but she knew it was hers.

Lexa walked over to the sword and bent wincing slightly in pain picking it up. She twirled it before turning back to Clarke. She took a couple steps closer. Clarke found herself holding her breath in the proximity before Lexa adjusted and held the sword out to Clarke like an offering. Clarke looked from the sword to Lexa and saw the small smile on her face.

Clarke took the sword and put it in her scabbard. She saw Lexa's smile grow slightly before it turned to sadness, "I've only given one of those away before…"

Clarke swallowed, "Costia?" She remembered Lexa's story at Finn's pyre. Their first emotional tether. She felt it ground her.

That broke Lexa out of her dazed look, she caught Clarke's eyes, her face serious and full of curiosity she nodded.

"Who are you?" Lexa asked full of wonder.

Clarke shuddered, "I'm no one."

"No." Lexa disagreed, "that is not true. I have been told of your feats Clarke. Your undying need to fix everyone's problems, your resolve and stubbornness. You possess greatness Clarke mom SkaiKru. Leadership qualities that one is born with. I should know."

Clarke smiled ironically, "at least one of us believes that."

"You are Wanheda. You command death and hold fate in your hands, your mind is strong but your heart is stronger." Lexa sounded proud even in awe of Clarke as she spoke.

Just then, another image swarmed Clarke's brain, Lexa and her sparring with her blade ending with Lexa tight against her back a blade to Clarke's chest but no fear in Clarke's body.

She looked at Lexa when the memory stopped, "I remember us sparring," she said and Lexa's cheeks flushed slightly pink. Clarke smiled softly at her, knowing she too remembered holding Clarke tight against her. Clarke blushed too and sat down, Lexa slowly joined her.

The two remained silent but Clarke was just enjoying Lexa's company. The silence didn't bother her when Lexa was around. She found it comfortable and soothing while their minds and memories were so distorted. Clarke lay back on the grass and began to watch the clouds above her. The sky was beautiful from down here. It was a completely different experience than looking down on Earth from space.

"I wish I could remember," she heard Lexa whisper as she too lay back.

Clarke couldn't ignore the longing in her voice, the desperation in her plea. Not remembering, it seemed, was destroying Lexa as much as it was Clarke. Clarke turned her head to look at her, "we will."

That surprised Lexa she too turned her head to look at Clarke. She saw the twitch at the corner of her lips as she offered the hint of a smile, "you carry hope Clarke kom SkaiKru. It is refreshing."

Clarke looked away reluctantly, "Fools are always full of hope."

"I do not believe you're foolish Clarke," Lexa's tone was serious, "you're mind is too strong."

"How do you know?" Clarke asked incredulously.

"I can feel it in my bones," Lexa said softly.

Clarke rolled onto her side so she was facing Lexa absorbing her features and watching the sun dance in her hair.

"Clarke?" Lexa asked.

"Hmm?" Clarke said snapping out of her daze.

"This feels oddly familiar," Lexa shifted so she too was facing Clarke now.

Clarke moved her hand slightly so it was just making contact with the outside of Lexa's hand. Clarke was too afraid to grab for it. She felt tingles in her hand at the contact. "I know what you mean. Almost like we've been here before…" her eyes locked to Lexa's green orbs.

"It feels like another life," Lexa said sadly. "I feel empty Clarke, like I've lost a part of me."

"You mean your memories?" Clarke asked, though she too felt the emptiness in her heart where their memories of each other should be.

"No," Lexa replied simply, "like I left a part of me somewhere. All I know for certain is that I feel less empty, less alone when I'm with you."

"You're not alone Lexa," Clarke promised, meaning every word. Her heart was telling her to reach out, to grab the girl and hold her tight, to tell her she'd never let her go. But she couldn't.

Clarke was surprised when Lexa hand twitched and paused before moving and clapping their hands together,  _a perfect fit._


	10. Protection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> protection mode.

As soon as she moved her hand to place it in the blondes Lexa regretted it. Not because Clarke's hands were silky soft, not because the warmth sent tingles into her belly, not because it felt right, not because it felt like coming home from a war; but instead, because as soon as her hand connected with Clarke's she knew she would want more.

She could feel in her heart that they did have more -  _once_. Not too many days ago actually. She studied the blonde's features intently. She found specs of gold mixed into the blue orbs that hypnotized Lexa and drew her closer to Clarke, if only to get a better look. The longer she looked the more she noticed Clarke look so conflicted. As conflicted as Lexa felt inside. Laying there in the clearing, next to Clarke felt right and wrong all at the same time.

Lexa felt nervous in the presence of the blonde. Almost as though she couldn't trust herself. Afraid of their connection like she was a pre-teen with a crush but most of all fearful of what that connection could cost Clarke. If Clarke  _had_  been Lexa's before, if people knew the way Lexa's heart seemed to beat for the girl then Clarke's life would inexcusably be in more danger than ever before. Lexa wasn't sure how they had come to this. She silently cursed and chided herself for being so reckless, for opening her heart and putting another life– another  _love_ in mortal danger.

She could feel the pull of an invisible force drawing her to Clarke, the pounding in her heart only satiated slightly by concentrating on Clarke's features. Her heart was trying to drown out the noise in her head. Pushing her to  _feel_  instead of think. Lexa swallowed the lump in her throat, her eyes traveled from Clarke's eyes to her button nose, to her plumps lips, to her eyes, to her lips, to her eyes again…

Lexa was holding her breath now. Clarke was leaning in, they were getting closer and closer. Lexa could smell sunshine and rain, Carke's natural scent washed over her, intoxicating and alluring. Lexa's eyes flew to Clarke's lips before they raked over her body quickly. Clarke in tight blue jeans, a fitted white top that exposed her bare arms, the brand…

Lexa flinched when she saw it. Her eyes trailing back to Clarke's but the blonde made no moves and made no sound. Lexa stared for a moment and swallowed. Clarke carried her coalition brand on her arm. Clarke was Lexa's  _ambassador_ , a tidbit of information Octavia conveniently forgot to mention it seemed. Clarke had obviously  _bound_  herself to Lexa. What was worse Lexa had  _let her._  That fact terrified her. How could she have been so reckless with Clarke's life?

She reluctantly felt herself remove her hand from Clarke's and move to sit up before sighing and standing.

"I'm sorry, I have to go."

She heard Clarke shift to a sitting up position but Lexa trained her eyes hard to the ground. If she looked back at the hurt expression that no doubt was on her face she would crumble and falter. If she allowed that to happen she didn't think she could protect Clarke. The need to protect the girl with sunshine in her hair was overriding everything now. She had to leave. She had to walk away to protect the girl. And so she did. First, an awkward step, with her foot feeling heavy. Then the other followed suit until she was moving slowly away. Lexa took a deep breath and closed her eyes trying to ground herself. Trying to ignore her heart that kept telling her to go back, to look at Clarke, to grab her and hold her, to go  _home._

Lexa walked slowly, at an agonizing pace she had her eyes trained ahead of her pushing herself not to look back. She did. And she regretted it immediately.

Clarke was looking after her crestfallen with her chest heaving, she didn't even look away when their eyes met. Lexa swallowed again as her pace all but stopped.  _Move_ , her Heda voice in her head told her. She took an awkward step feeling physically torn between her heart and her head. Both telling her different things in each moment, neither sticking to their first command. Her head told her to walk away that she'd be able to think clearly without her presence, heart kept telling her to go back to comfort Clarke and herself in the process, then her head would also tell her to go back that it was the logical choice before her heart would pound and harden with resolve and tell her walking away meant Clarke was safe.

So she listened to her heart and made up her mind.

She walked away into the shade of the trees not daring another look back. She knew if she looked again she'd return to the girls side and she could not, would not let that happen. All in the name of protecting the girl she mistakenly let herself fall for. A few tears brimming to her eyes threatening to escape. She mentally chided herself and continued on her pace to Arkadia.

When the tears finally did escape Lexa froze. Images poured into her brain as a flashback replayed itself. It was Lexa kissing Clarke in her tent followed by her walking away at Mount Weather. Lexa's hand flew to her chest as the physical pain from the memory took over. She gasped for air through her still healing lung as she tried to make sense of the memory. She was abandoning Clarke, the guilt and heartbreak she felt were her own.  _It was for your people,_  the Commander within tried to placate her. Logically, it was a sound tactical decision that saved thousands.

Lexa shook her head; she didn't deserve to have any placating or justifying of her actions. What she had done was unforgiveable on a personal level; she was sure in her heart that she hadn't even forgiven herself. And yet, somehow the blonde had obviously done it.

Lexa marvelled in her head as she thought about Clarke.

She was as kind as she was beautiful, as smart as she was strong willed, and courageous. More courageous than Lexa herself. Lexa knew why: Clarke Griffin allowed her self to follow her heart with such conviction and passion that her head would always work alongside it versus against it like Lexa's. The thought made her slightly jealous. She wished she could reconcile things between her head and her heart but she knew it was impossible…

And yet, she obviously had at some point. She just couldn't remember doing it. Lexa walked into Arkadia alone and went straight to the medical bay and her temporary room. She let the door close behind taking off her coat and then let herself fold into a ball on her bed staring at the wall. She shut her eyes and let sleep take her, suddenly exhausted from her little trip outside the wall.

She dreamt of a battle outside Arkadia in the night. She dreamt of bullets, explosions, arrows and poison. She dreamt of courage, pain and strength. She dreamt of death. And she dreamt of love as the memory of eleven days ago flooded her minds eye. So much love it made her feel warm and tingly pushing the fear of death out of her body. Mostly, Lexa dreamt of Clarke.

When she finally woke she opened her eyes and her mind began to whir and process. Lexa sorted out the memories in her head. She had kissed Clarke. Their first kiss was Lexa's initiating it. That confused her until she remembered Clarke's sentiment 'maybe life should about more than just surviving.' She remembered feeling  _hope_  for the first time in years in that moment. With Clarke the cause and root of that hope. It made her heart leap and she was so thankful to have regained that memory. She treasured it, she was sure. It was the day she gave in to her heart since the day she shut it down and shut people out.

Clarke had changed Lexa.

She had brought her back to life.

That much, Lexa was sure about.

She could now clearly remember their beginning with the kiss and their end, so to speak, with the battle. Though Lexa's heart didn't believe that their story had ended. With both of them still alive Lexa knew her heart was beating only for Clarke.

That terrified her all over again.

It put both of them in danger. A shiver ran through her body and she closed her eyes trying to shut out her fears. When she finally slept again Lexa had woke up in the morning with a brand new memory:

_"Wait!" Lexa sighed as the man was bring his foot back to strike again. All she knew was she had to stop it. She stepped forward quickly and closed the gap. She fell to her knees more so to get closer to Clarke than to obey Nia. She then laid her blade on the ground in front of Nia's feet. Lexa kept her eyes on Clarke the entire time. Her eyes were burning with unshed tears. She wanted to reach out, she wanted to touch her one last time. She wanted to wrap her in arms and never let her go._

_"Silly girls," Nia said softly drawing her sword and raising it, "Don't you know that love is weakness?"_

_The question wasn't even out of the Queen's mouth before a flurry of action was taking place. Lexa kept her eyes on Clarke waiting for the blow, in the same instant she watched Clarke's eyes turn dark blue with determination. The blonde twirled on to her back revealing a small hooked blade as she sliced at the man's legs bringing him to the ground in a howl of pain. Lexa heard crashes and gunshots ring out around them as Clarke stood and pulled her gun that was concealed under furs out. She cocked the pin and pointed it at Nia freezing the Queen in her swing and her men in their tracks._

_Lexa stood up grabbing the sword from Nia's hand, she looked at her for a moment before smiling and answering Nia's question as she turned to look into Clarke's blue eyes, "Not ours."_

_BANG_

Before she could process this revealing memory the door opened and Abby walked in, "Oh good you're awake."

Lexa sat up on the bed, "Good morning Abby."

Abby gave her a smile, "How are you feeling today?" She crossed the room and began to assess Lexa's injuries again.

Lexa shifted and found she was indeed feeling much better today, "Much better, thank you. You are a very good healer."

Abby waved her hand to brush off the compliment, "It was the least I could do Lexa."

Hearing her name fall casually from Abby's lips should have bothered her. But it didn't. Something told her that her and Abby had common ground. As Abby moved her way around to assess Lexa's back she spoke again, her tone was soft and motherly. It surprised Lexa.

"I heard you were having trouble remembering as well," it wasn't a question.

"Some things are...clear. Others are still a mystery."

Abby rested a soothing arm on Lexa's shoulder and offered a small smile, "I know that you are this great and powerful leader to your people, that the duty to your people comes first." She removed her hand and headed for the door, "But for Clarke's sake, try to remember that she loves fiercely...you hold her heart in your hands Lexa. Be careful you don't drop it."

"Never again," Lexa said quietly when she left unsure of whether Abby heard it.


	11. Getting lit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> get lit little Clarke

Clarke stared open mouthed and hurt as Lexa walked away and disappeared into the trees. Clarke huffed out a sigh and lay her head back down. That girl confused the fuck out of her. Just when she thought they were making progress, about to try to figure this mess out together Lexa had left her.

Deep down Clarke knew why. She could see right through Lexa and the tough exterior. The girl was conflicted; she had seen it in her eyes. Lexa yearned to remember their history, their hopes for the future just as much as Clarke. But Clarke knew she couldn't force it. All she knew was that the memories and their locked doors seemed to relent whenever Lexa was near her. Interacting with Lexa was comfortable and safe even if she couldn't remember exactly how they got to that point. It felt like home, as natural as breathing. As messed up as her head and memory was she had felt centered and less afraid in Lexa's presence.

Now that she was gone from the clearing Clarke could feel the loneliness sinking in around her. The bright light of the day to seemingly darken with right alongside her thoughts and fears. Clarke sighed trying to relax. She shut her eyes and tried to push her fears away.

She couldn't. Something else crept into her mind in the silence and wake of Lexa leaving.

It was the memory of Lexa walking away on the Mountain.

Then it was Clarke pulling the lever, then it was her walking through the MW dining hall full of fresh corpses.

Then it was Clarke lying in the cold dirt, shaking in sobs but body rigid with fear. Her heart was broken and she was lost.

Images flew through Clarke's brain, all as terrifying as the one preceding it. Everything from Clarke's time alone in the woods came back to her one after the other before her eyes flew open on the last one; the image of her walking away from an injured Lexa after the Pauna's second attack.

Clarke was panting with the memories and clutching her heart. The knife to Lexa's neck memory now made perfect sense as Clarke thought back to the anger and hurt she had been feeling for 3 months alone while she tried to avoid it.

Clarke fought a sad smile; at least she had those months back. The only thing missing now was the last one. The one that would depict how she came to accept her feeling for Lexa, the one that would tell her exactly why her heart sang in the brunette's presence. Clarke felt herself pining for forgotten time.

She shuddered realizing that night was falling. She had been out here all damn day. She mentally cursed at herself. She got up and began the slow walk back to Arkadia.

She saw no one until she saw torches and spot lights on the wall. People were outside it, finishing up their hunting trips and going to store their gear. They nodded and waved as Clarke passed them. She didn't respond she kept her head down lost in her thoughts.

"Hey Clarke!" she heard Monty calling out to her snapping her out of her daze. Clarke smiled when she saw him to her right and she walked over. He was sitting around a fire with Jasper, Raven, Octavia and Lincoln. They seemed to be in good spirits which quickly faded when Clarke neared them. She saw their smiles fade as they looked at her.

Clarke sat down beside Raven and looked up. She felt their eyes on her assessing her carefully. Clarke rolled her eyes, "Guys, stop."

She saw them all fidget and start looking anywhere else but Clarke. Accept Raven and Octavia. Clarke's mouth twitched, her friends, her  _best_  friends knew her too well.

She flashed a glare at Raven, "Seriously. Stop. I'm fine."

"Liar," Octavia muttered before slamming a cup in front of Clarke.

Clarke took it and flashed looks to them both, "Just shut up and drink," she warned them.

Clarke downed the contents in one gulp slamming it back on the table indicating to Monty she wanted more moonshine. She downed it the second he finished pouring. She felt the liquid burn her throat and warm her belly. Her head wavered slightly as she slammed the cup back down. Monty filled it again eyeing Raven carefully but deciding to ignore her warning glances.

"Maybe you should slow down there," Jasper suggested.

Clarke rolled her eyes. Hard.

"I'm a big girl and I think I deserve these drinks," Clarke said bitterly. "I can have fun."

She felt Raven lay a hand on her thigh, "You don't look like you're having fun Clarke."

Clarke gave her a huge fake smile and downed her drink wiping her lips as she slammed the cup down, "See? Fun."

It was Raven's turn to roll her eyes but she didn't say anything as she sipped at her own drink. This time when Monty didn't try to refill the cup Clarke stood and did it herself. Eyeing them all one at time, daring them to speak about it.

To her surprise, they didn't challenge her.

Jasper started rambling on about Harper and Monroe hooking up. Clarke was thankful for the distraction but she didn't participate in the conversation. Instead she drank. And drank. Refilled the cup and drank some more. Clarke could feel the alcohol burning her insides, making it's way through her body and inebriating her senses. She tried to ignore the thoughts that crept into her brain. The ones telling her to stand up, to go find Lexa, to give in and go where she wanted to be.

But she didn't.

Lexa didn't want to see her. That was painfully obvious when she left her in the clearing after making a move and holding her hand.

Her mere presence seemed to be a special kind of torture to Lexa right now. Clarke understood but couldn't help feeling a little bit of resentment towards it either. Did Lexa not understand that Clarke was in the same boat? That they were both suffering? That they were both struggling to understand how they got here?

Clarke felt anger boil up inside her the more she thought about it. She didn't think to chalk it up to the alcohol. She couldn't think straight at this point. She stood up before stumbling and falling back onto the bench, Raven's arms swinging out and steadying her.

"Clarke," She said soothingly trying to keep the blonde planted, "did you eat today?"

 _No._  But Clarke didn't answer. Instead she stood shaking out of Raven's hands and left the group. She didn't stumble very far before Octavia was lifting Clarke's arm and putting it over her shoulder to stabilize her drunken walk.

"Come on Clarke, I got you."

Clarke protested before she realized it was useless. The tiny warrior easily overpowered her. Clarke heard Raven following behind them. When they ushered Clarke into her quarters Octavia awkwardly shoved her to the bed. Clarke fell heavy but did not spill her drink. She grinned, quite happy with herself and took another swig. She let the alcohol burn in her mouth before swallowing. Each sip making her head a little less clear, each thought pushed a little farther out of reach.

Clarke smiled to herself as the thoughts faded. She took another sip and adjusted on the bed so she had her head now on the pillow. Raven sat on the end of the bed and rested her hand on Clarke's foot. Clarke avoided her gaze. Octavia had left the room at this point; Clarke had no clue where she had gone.

Finally Clarke couldn't ignore Raven's staring.

"Stop," she warned her angrily.

"I'm not doing anything," Raven said.

"Stop looking at me like I'm about to shatter," Clarke said bitterly.

"I don't think you'd ever shatter dude," Raven said patting her foot soothingly softening her hard stare.

 _I already have._ Clarke stayed silent and rolled onto her side; she took another big swig of the burning liquid.

Octavia came back into the room carrying some food. "Lifted this from the mess hall," she said proudly setting the tray down on the bed. She hopped up beside Clarke and handed her some items. Clarke sat up and took them suddenly realizing just how hungry she was.

She ate slowly, washing down each bite with her drink.

"So…did you want to talk about it?" Octavia tried quietly breaking the silence.

 _Yes._  "No," Clarke lied, wanting to protect everyone else from the pain and torment within her.

Raven rolled her eyes. "Liar," she repeated her earlier sentiments.

Clarke glared at her but Raven glared back, "You're not fooling anyone Clarke."

Clarke nodded resigning to the fact that her friends knew her too well. Clarke emptied her cup in a large gulp. The satisfying burn now lacking.

"She's pulling away," Clarke said quietly defeated.

She felt Octavia moved and settle in beside her and leaning her torso into Clarke's shoulder. The small act of comfort that Clarke found herself silently appreciating. The girls remained silent waiting for Clarke to elaborate.

She didn't.


	12. Drooling is endearing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> drooling summerchild

When Clarke woke she was face down on her stomach, a puddle of drool seeping out of her mouth and soaking Octavia's thigh beneath her head. Clarke groaned and pulled the covers over her head when she opened her eyes. She had a sore pain in her neck from her awkward drunken sleep and the fluorescent lights burning her sensitive eyes. Then Clarke bolted up, swaying as she did and she ran to the bathroom to throw up the contents of her stomach.

When she returned to the room she found Raven stretching and Octavia looking at her making sure she was okay. Clarke waved off her look of concern and got back into the bed beside her. Clarke groaned and the two girls laughed lightly as if afraid to upset her.

"My head is killing me," Clarke confessed scrunching up her face.

"Hangover," Raven confirmed.

Clarke chucked her pillow at her, "No shit."

Raven laughed as she slowly got up. I'll go get you some water. Clarke rolled over so she was cuddled into Octavia. She didn't remember how the two of them had gotten this close but she was ever so thankful that she felt easy enough to seek comfort from her tiny friend. Octavia smiled at her and put her hand on her back as Clarke settled in.

"She'll come around Clarke," Octavia confirmed.

How she knew Clarke's mind was already on Lexa she would never know. But Clarke nodded none the less.

She stayed silent picturing the girl in her head. Raven entered the room with some food and water. Clarke drank but could not stomach the food right then.

"So…" Raven said settling in on the couch, "has anything else come back to you?" she tried, testing Clarke mood.

Clarke nodded.

"That's good! …Isn't it?" Octavia quipped.

"I remembered her leaving me at the Mountain, I remember being in the woods alone after I ran away, I remember true fear and loneliness, a knife to Lexa's throat, the two of us sparring and the battle before I woke up from the mini coma."

Clarke looked up to see open mouth stares from each girl, "what?" she asked perplexed.

"I'm sorry can we repeat the knife part? Or at least,  _elaborate?_ " Raven said.

 _Oh that._  Clarke rifled off a quick explanation, when she finished she heard Octavia break the silence.

"Fuck Clarke. You must have been touched by the hand of God…" Octavia said in wonderment.

 _A goddess maybe._  Her mind corrected the girl.

"Seriously though, she wouldn't have hesitated to kill a person threatening her life. That girl is ruthless…" Raven said in agreement staring at Clarke not even trying to hide her bewilderment.

"I mean, I knew you two were close but man alive!? I had no fuckin' idea just how deep it ran," Octavia said excitedly.

Clarke tried to ignore her tone. She rubbed her face trying to hide the small smile that was threating to form as she thought about the truth of their statements.

Maybe Lexa  _did_  love her. Maybe she  _still did,_  somewhere deep down.

Clarke could dream couldn't she?

Clarke could surely hope, couldn't she?

"I always knew something deep was happening there," Raven said.

Clarke looked at her sceptically.

"You two did think you were really good at hiding it," Octavia said laughing.

"Can't ignore the eye fucking though." Raven added.

"Excuse you?" Clarke said annoyed.

Raven shrugged, "What?"

"We do not  _eye fuck._ "

Octavia couldn't contain her laughter now, "Okay, sure Clarke," she said in a mocking tone.

"You may not realize it but that girl eye fucks you sideways every time she looks at you," Raven told her.

Clarke blushed. She knew what they were talking about even if she didn't want to admit it, "I wish I could remember  _actually_  fucking her," Clarke heard herself say to Raven's wide eyes.

Octavia laughed even harder, "Oh gross! Did not need the mental image Clarke."

Raven shrugged again looking coyly at Clarke, "It's not such a bad image." She winked and got up to leave the room. "I'll catch up with you two kids later, I got shit to do."

"You mean you've got Wick to do," Octavia called after her as Raven left with the last part of her being her middle finger high in the air behind her to Octavia.

When she left Clarke rolled from Octavia's side and drank some more water. She felt it clear her head a bit. She looked at Octavia, "Thanks. For last night…and everything else."

Octavia nodded and smiled waving her off with a hand, "You would do the same for me."

And she would.

Octavia got out of the bed popped some more food into her mouth before turning to look at Clarke, "So what's the plan for today?"

Clarke shrugged. She honestly didn't know.

Yes she did.

She wanted to see Lexa. She wanted to be with Lexa. Right now.

"I need to shower," she said instead. Octavia nodded and left the room. Clarke showered and dressed, strapping her sword on once again and letting it make her more confident. Satisfied and less hungover feeling Clarke left her quarters. She headed straight for the medical bay.

"Hi honey," Abby said as she entered.

Clarke greeted her keeping her eyes on Lexa's door. Abby did not fail to notice.

"She's not in there."

Clarke tore her eyes from the door and placed them on her mother, "Where is she?"

"She left with Indra a few hours ago."

Panic rose in Clarke.

"She'll be back hon," Abby said reassuringly.

Clarke nodded in silence turning and leaving her mother there alone. Storming down the hallway Clarke ignored Jasper and Monty's morning greetings and headed outside. She squinted in the fresh light and kept her head held high looking through the people she found ahead of her. She turned left and went to one of the TriKru tents that were set up within Arkadia's walls. Clarke ignored the stares and low bows she received, utterly surprised when no one stopped her march.

Clarke said nothing to any of Lexa's people as she stormed into the largest tents. Her surprise that they had allowed her to freely enter Lexa's tent quickly vanished as Lexa's aroma washed over her, bathing her in its warm glow. Lexa had been here but there was no sign of her now.

"Fuck." Clarke stated slightly disappointed. Then she saw a bow and quiver and grabbed them, slung them over her should and left the tent again. Not before grazing a hand dreamily over Lexa's bed furs.

Clarke had made up her mind. If she couldn't do what she wanted then she would do something to take her mind off of it. She decided she was going outside Arkadia's walls, left the tent and saddled one of Lexa's horses. Again surprised that no one said 'boo' about it. She hopped up and tore off out of Arkadia alone.

Clarke rode for a few hours wanting to put as much distance between her and the Ark as possible. Wanting to be entirely on her own. Embracing the loneliness today versus running from it. Lexa obviously didn't want to see Clarke, if she had she would have already. Clarke knew deep down that she wouldn't have had to search for Lexa if Lexa had wanted to see her. She would have readily made herself available instead of disappearing from camp.

Clarke reigned in the horse pulling it to a stop. She hopped off allowing the horse to water itself at the stream before tying the reigns to a tree. Clarke started scouting. She began to listen a little more keenly. She searched the ground for any signs of disturbance or animal droppings. Finding some small pebble shaped droppings Clarke knew she had found a close by deer. She began to silently follow the grazing animals trail, getting further and further from her horse in the process.


	13. The comeback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I apologize to those of you who have been waiting for me to update. After Thursday's tragedy I have been extremely overwhelmed, hurt and too depressed to write. Also, when I did try yesterday it came out really fucking angry.

Chapter 13:

Lexa was pushing her horse as fast as it could go. She heard Indra’s horse falling more and more behind her under the added weight of the buck Indra had brought down. They had been out since the early hours of the morning. Lexa couldn’t shoot her bow due to her injury yet so she had been mostly on her horse all day and watching Indra. It bothered her that she couldn’t actually take part in one of her favourite past times but she didn’t let it show. To do so would be undignified especially in front of one of her generals.

She pushed her horse up a slimy bank of Earth and through the trees. She wove the horse left and right threading it between trees as she went along. She only slowed when she came to a small stream. She remained on the horse but allowed it to quench its thirst.

As hard as she had been riding all day Lexa’s mind couldn’t help but wander back to Clarke.

She wondered what she was doing today. She wondered if Clarke had looked for her at all. She wondered if Clarke was upset with her for the day before.

“Heda, _your horse is very swift today,”_ Indra said in Trig when she found Lexa by the stream.

“Icarus is always swift.” Lexa told her in English fondly patting the horse’s neck.

Indra did not respond, she simply hopped from her mount and let it drink deep in the stream. Lexa watched her let the horse finish before hopping up in the saddle again. She turned to look at Lexa expectantly.

“Heda _we should be heading back to Arkadia, night will be falling.”_

Lexa nodded, “Sha, _ride ahead I won’t be far behind.”_

Indra looked apprehensively at Lexa before deciding not to question her orders, she nodded and kicked the horse off back in the direction that had come.

Lexa sighed as she watched her move out of sight before patting Icarus and calmly saying, “Lets go _home.”_ She pulled the reigns to make the horse turn and she kicked him into a light trot. As she rode she found herself picturing Clarke’s golden hair and sky blue eyes; her hints of a smile that made Lexa weak in the knees even while riding the horse.

It was dark when Lexa and Indra returned to Arkadia. Lexa looked keenly towards the gate when it opened and began roving the crowd for the sunshine hair.

But she saw no signs of Clarke.

Lexa followed Indra through the crowd towards her tents. They dismounted and tied the horses. Lexa slowly made her way around Icarus brushing him and his mane. She rubbed his muscles down and thanked him quietly for his service that day. With a final pat she turned and walked to her tent.

Sunshine and rain filled her nose when she entered. _Clarke._ Lexa knew the smell. She wondered when Clarke had last been in the tent. No one entered Lexa’s tent. She looked shrewdly around and softly ran her hand through her furs on her bed. Nothing was out of place as far as she could tell. She looked around a little more. She tilted her head when she realized her bow and quiver was gone.

She didn’t question it. She knew Clarke had taken it. _No one_ else would have. She allowed herself to smile. She and Clarke had been quite close. She knew that. She wanted so badly to remember that she sat down on the bed and shut her eyes tight. She forced her brain to think to start replaying what she remembered. Willing it to picture what she had forgotten.

After awhile she sighed and let her hands fall flat on the bed at her sides. It was useless.

She couldn’t force her brain to remember. It was pointless to try. What will be will be. If she was to remember it would come at her brains own pace. If she was never to remember…

Lexa shivered at the thought. She wouldn’t accept that. It left too many options, neither of which were better than the last.

Her first: she leaves Clarke, she shuts her feelings down (again) and lets the Heda take over.

Her second: she stays with Clarke, they learn to love again; They make new memories.

Her third: she secretly loves and pines for the blonde and keeps her at arms length because loving a girl while being a commander was a death sentence for the girl. Just like it was for Costia.

 _‘To be the commander is to be alone’_ Lexa heard Titus her Flamekeeper’s voice in her ears. She shut her eyes and tried to ignore him.

Her brain was telling her that he was right. Her heart was a different story.

Her heart shouted to her about hope and living a life for herself _and_ her people. Her heart was shouting at her demanding her to let herself feel, to let herself love and be loved.

She wanted to listen.

She felt so conflicted.

So torn.

So lost.

So alone.

Lexa sighed and put her face in her hands. She stood up and went to her table. She looked at the jug of water and walked past it to the flask at the far end. That she took a large swig out of that burned her throat. She felt the alcohol seep into her and flow to her extremities. She took another swig and set it down replacing the cap again.

After, she washed off the dirt and muck from the days ride. She changed into a lacey top and adjusted her braids slowly straightening and folding in the fly away wisps of hair.

When she was satisfied she decided to head out of the tent to walk the grounds. If she happened to run into a certain blonde then so be it.

After a few minutes of walking around and saying hello to her subjects Lexa walked a little closer to the Ark doors. She kept her eyes peeled but saw no sign of Clarke. Instead she found Octavia and Raven sitting at table playing some sort of drinking game. Octavia smiled when she saw her and beckoned her over. Lexa didn’t know why but she decided to join them when seeing the warm smile from Octavia. She nodded and sat down as Raven began to explain the game.

Lexa sat quietly listening and nodding when she needed to. She was glad when the conversation revolved solely around the rules of the game. It prevented her from asking about Clarke. She would have assumed Clarke would be out and about with her friends but she hadn’t seen her at all yet. She wanted to ask. But she didn’t.

Instead she joined in on the drinking game.

It was very similar to their own grounder drinking game, “Boar’s Ass” where they would toss pebbles on a table trying to land them in the other person’s cup. It was a foolish name that came from the end result of the game: one person always ended up sounding, looking or smelling like a boar’s ass. Lexa smiled as she was handed three round disk shaped objects, “washers” Octavia had told her.

Raven went first, she missed and took a shot. Octavia hit her bulls eye on each Lexa and Raven’s cups causing in them each to have a shot. According to the rules she now got to go again, this time she missed Lexa’s cup. Lexa hit her mark five times in a row much to the chagrin of Raven who was looking through slightly dimmed and glossy eyes now. Octavia was thrilled, downing her shots easily. Lexa missed the next and was forced to drink. Raven’s aim and force of her tosses were way off at this point. Octavia was smiling wide and Lexa couldn’t control the small smiles that began to form on her own face. She was feeling oddly warm and fuzzy inside that had nothing to do with the alcohol. It was _friendship._ It was taking the simple joys of bonding and absorbing them, swallowing these fleeting moments of ease and letting them fill her up. It was clearing the air and allowing her to be just a little freer, a little more relaxed…a little less guarded. She found herself revealing a little more Lexa and a lot less Heda around these two girls.

This was all Clarke’s doing.

Lexa knew it deep down. A long time ago she would have never allowed herself these moments. She wouldn’t have sat down, she wouldn’t have had her tent in Arkadia’s camp, and she wouldn’t be secretly scanning the crowd for Clarke…

This is what Clarke was doing to Lexa.

The blonde had opened the doors to her carefully locked away heart and Lexa was having a hard time battling it. It was hard to close those doors. Maybe she didn’t want to anymore. _But you must, for Clarke’s sake._ Lexa tried to ignore her Heda voice of reason that oddly seemed to be both agreeing and disagreeing with what Lexa’s heart was saying. She found herself both wanting to find Clarke, desperately needing to see her blue eyes and wanting to stay away, if only to keep her safe.

“Lexa? Earth to Lexa??” she snapped her head out of her thoughts and found Octavia grinning at her.

Lexa shook her head, “My turn?” trying to act like she wasn’t zoned out.

Octavia nodded and pointed at Raven. The mechanic was awkwardly leaning in her chair her head lolling side to side as she looked around with a goofy grin. “Maybe, we avoid her cup for awhile?” Octavia said laughing.

Lexa smiled and nodded, she trained her eye on Octavia’s cup and flung the washer. She missed and downed her own shot. She let it sit in her mouth and burn her tongue before swallowing. Octavia filled her cup again and took a shot with a washer of her own. She got it in and Lexa downed it. She felt liquid courage building up within her. She started to not hide her head and eyes scanning the crowd.

Octavia picked up on it instantly, “Looking for something in particular?” she said knowingly.

Lexa shifted in her seat and poured another shot. She thought that would be answer enough.

Octavia giggled and put her hand on the table. “Be right back, gotta use the facility.”

Lexa looked at her, confused, “What facility?”

Octavia’s eyes widened, “I gotta pee commander.” She said through a laugh and a cocked eyebrow and headed inside the Ark at a brisk pace.

Lexa caught herself smiling at the response. She studied her cup, emptied it’s contents and eyed Raven. Just as she caught a grin from Raven the girl began to fall sideways. Lexa tried to stand to catch her but missed due to her own inebriation. She heard a thud and a rocket of laughter shoot out of the girl on the ground. Lexa smiled, chuckled softly despite herself and went to help her up.

It took a little while to get her sorted out and stable on her chair again. Raven sighed and finally leaned back into it. Lexa gave her a little push to the left to make sure she was sitting without leaning to prevent another topple. Just as she was sitting down again Octavia re-joined the table.

She was staring intently at Lexa. Lexa turned her head, no longer trying to avoid her stares. She locked eyes with the tiny warrior and cocked her eye brow, “Is there something you wanted to ask?” Lexa asked.

“Yes.” Octavia said simply.

Lexa tilted her head and watched her expecting the question to come.

“But I can’t.”

Lexa nodded. Unsure what that meant. Instead Octavia stood up and downed her cup. “I’m going to go find Lincoln. I just decided him and I need to have a conversation instead,” she grinned evilly, “a good, long, rough …talk…”

Lexa gave her a small smile and nodded once while she raised her glass in salute, “By all means…have a good…talk.” Lexa finished knowingly.

Before Octavia left she turned to look at Raven. “I’ll help her,” Lexa told her. Octavia nodded and took off.

Lexa stood up and moved to Raven’s side. She cleared her throat as Raven opened her now lazy eyes. Lexa held out a hand, “Come on, I’ll help get you inside.”

She didn’t know why she was doing it but she knew inside that her and Raven had had some sort of relationship. Much like the one she had with Octavia, which was odd considering she almost had them both killed. She smiled instead of frowning at this fact; Clarke had certainly changed a lot of things that was for certain.

Lexa had no clue where she was headed but she let Raven lead the way with Lexa throwing out an arm and hand every few steps to help keep her on her feet and from running into the walls. They went to the right for a few minutes before Raven stopped and turned around.

“I can get home from here, thanks,” she said through slurred lips, “you should pop in there.” She had pointed lazily to a door to Lexa’s left and she turned to stumble further down the hall. Lexa hesitated, thinking she should walk her to her quarters. She looked back at the door with a number 13 on it, she looked puzzled before a sound made her jump slightly. She turned to find Raven on the floor laughing through the pain she was obviously feeling. Lexa walked over and helped her up.

“I think I’ll take you the rest of the way.”

When Lexa had finally gotten Raven to her room. She stuck around just long enough to make sure Raven was alright before she left. She found herself following her steps and stopping right outside the #13 door. Lexa furrowed her brow before she knocked. She was too curious to walk away.

There was no answer.

She turned the handle and found the door unlocked. She lightly pushed it in, “hello?”

No answer. She walked in and it was scent overload. The room just screamed Clarke to her. There were drawings in charcoal on the metal walls. It was of trees, of the sky, and of a river that looked like the one by TonDC. Lexa smiled and gently ran her hand along one of the tree trunks. Lexa smiled and turned, stumbling slightly over the chair.

But where was Clarke?

Lexa felt panic rise into her throat. Her mind began to grasp at conclusions – too many conclusions. She cursed at herself for not inquiring with Octavia or Raven. Was Clarke safe? Was she in camp somewhere? Was she enjoying the company of someone else maybe? Maybe she was. Lexa tried not to feel jealous at the thought but she couldn’t help it. She did not own Clarke, the young blonde was allowed to do as she pleases. If being with someone else did make her happy then Lexa would ultimately accept that. That she was sure of. She tried to ignore the tiny part of her that told her it would be safer for Clarke in the long run.

She huffed in annoyance and sat down on the bed. The next thing she knew she was bombarded of images of Clarke with other people. She swallowed and tried to push the pain that came with those images away. She lay back and shifted so she was on Clarke’s pillow. She turned her head into it and inhaled deep. She let Clarke’s smell fill her senses and soothe the tears the images were causing to burn in her eyes. Soon Lexa felt herself drift off into a drunken sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys your comments keep me going after this BS with the show. *RAGING*
> 
> Writing Clexa has been therapeutic to many of us. They inspired so many wonderful works of fiction and fan art that I feel it would be causing a further injustice by allowing the results of Thursday to destroy Clarke and Lexa in our hearts and minds. 
> 
> They deserve to have us inspired by them, more importantly we deserve to BE INSPIRED.  
> We deserve to be loved, to love and to have hope. If no one else will represent us then we WILL represent ourselves. Lexa and Clarke would both fight to be heard. And so shall we.
> 
> Don't let them destroy us. Don't let them destroy your hope.  
> Lexa lives on in our hearts, minds, stories, art and within us all.  
> We are all Heda.
> 
> And I'm still crying.  
> Because FUCK YOU JASON.


	14. Lonesome Blonde

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting back my groove slowly. I promise by 22 you'll be like this bitch is ON IT.  
> and then you'll be like FUCK YOU JASON this is the story we never knew we needed.  
> Because soul mates aren't one sided.

 

**Chapter 14:**

Clarke heaved and tugged through panting breaths. _Come on, you son of a…_

It would be dark soon and she was struggling to pull the dead deer along behind her. She had not thought this through. She should have brought the horse to the deer. _This pace was agonizingly slow_ , she huffed out in frustration. She kept slipping on the damp grass beneath her, her pants now thoroughly muddy and boots soaked.

A part of her thought leaving the deer would be smart with the darkness creeping in on her but she couldn’t leave it behind. Clarke had shot the deer with her second arrow, followed it quite a while before it succumbed and fell on the grass.

She could not bring herself not to honour the animal; it wasn’t the type of person she was. She took a life and would do what she could to make sure it meant something. She would use the various parts for various gear and food. She had a special idea for the skin as well. She patted her satchel on her side that held some rabbit furs and smiled a secret smile. She then adjusted her grip on the dead animal and heaved off towards where she had left the horse.

Finally, she heard the soft stomping and breathing of her horse. By that point it was very dark out. Clarke resigned herself to the fact that tonight she would be sleeping in the woods. She tried to ignore what she could now remember from the last time she was alone in the woods. The things that had her shivering now that had nothing to do with her soggy clothes.

 _This is different_ , she told herself. She wasn’t out here to run from anything or to avoid her feelings. She had come out here for herself: to expel pent up energy, emotions and tension…some of that sexual yes, but that was beside the point.

Of course, she bit her lip, she _had_ originally left camp to escape the thought of Lexa avoiding her but that rapidly changed as she had ridden further from camp. The farther she rode the more natural it felt, the more she felt like it was the right decision. She felt confident with every gallop, as the wind had flown through her hair. And she didn’t realize how far she had gone when she began tracking the deer.

So now, not only was she in a weird limbo with Lexa, but she was also in a weird limbo in the wilderness. She didn’t know exactly where she was. Whether she was in TriKru territory or if she was in the borderlands where she could have easily crossed into Broadleaf territory she honestly didn’t know. Each nation had a 10km borderland buffer zone separating them; she hoped she was in it or before it but definitely not after it. That thought gave her another chill.

She focused on what she was doing and built a fire. She actually laughed a little at herself for wondering if Lexa was worried about her. Clarke was being silly, Lexa was avoiding her at all costs it seemed and she had her coalition’s problems to worry about. Her mind was definitely not on Clarke. She was certain.

Clarke swallowed a bitter taste in her mouth at the thought. She got up and ran her fingers through the cool stream before filling her water skin and drinking deep. She emptied it into her mouth and refilled it again. She decided to leave the saddle on the horse just in case she had an unexpected visitor that night. She ate some berries she had gathered on her hunt and sat down next to her kill. She had her boots drying beside the fire and her legs spread close to it. In it’s flickering glow Clarke began her work with the dead deer.

She ended up spending a few hours cutting away and cleaning the kill. She left it in tact for the most part to try to preserve the fur and meat until she got back to camp. She took what she needed and cooked it over the fire on a stick. She let the hot meat fill her belly and stifle out the chill of the night and her thoughts. She looked up through the leaves of the trees and sighed watching the night’s sky.

Looking up at the stars from Earth was unbelievable. Every time she did it would take her breath away. Clarke didn’t understand why but sometimes in the still of the night like this looking up she could feel longing. She always chalked it up to being homesick. Something about that made her smile bitterly inside, why the fuck would she be homesick for a jail cell that was the Ark? Maybe it was because of the burdens she carried on Earth. Once up on a time she used to dream of the ground and feel the same sense of longing.

Clarke took a deep breath to steady herself and try to ease her mind again from its tangent.

Appreciating the view from down here was something that made you feel so small. It helped shrink Clarke and the weight she carried on her back. Looking up and taking deep breaths Clarke could feel her burdens begin to shrink until she was just a young girl looking at the stars once again.

She lay back to get a more comfortable view. She had always imagined the view from down here. Staring at Earth from space was a special kind of torture; living in a world of greys in the Ark Clarke would ache for colour. She used to dream of the flowers, mountains and the trees. She used to imagine herself laughing and happy about nothing in particular with the wilderness around her.

It was a kid’s dream she knew. She now knew all too well of the dangers of this world and the consequences that come with her choices; but that didn’t stop her from letting her imagination run in these quiet tranquil moments. Clarke would not be burdened by her responsibility to her people tonight. She peacefully watched the stars and let the smell of burning wood from her fire fill her nose.

Soon, she thought about Charlotte. Then she thought about Wills, her father, Anya, Finn…

 _Lexa._ Clarke groaned in annoyance, as the green eyes she loved to look into would keep popping into her brain. She found herself wanting to say ‘fuck it’ and pack up her things and take off into the night back to Arkadia and Lexa. She knew that was a dumb move as soon as she thought of it. Aside from the fact that Lexa didn’t want to see her, there would be no way for her to know where she was going tonight. She hadn’t paid close enough attention to where she had headed when she left. She was so caught up in the rush of the moment. So she knew she was stuck where she was. She didn’t know whether to be thankful for her accidental fortune or not.

Clarke got up and tossed another piece of wood on the fire letting it burn bright and making the air around her a little warmer. She had no furs. She hadn’t planned on being out here all night. Clarke had goose bumps on her arms and legs and she shifted a little closer to the blaze. She turned on her side and brought her knees to her chest, left hand moving and laying on Lexa’s dagger she had given her before she fell asleep thinking about her pouty pink lips.

When Clarke woke her hand immediately tightened on the dagger on her thigh. She quickly flicked at the snap allowing her to pull it free and she swiftly rose to a crouch. The horse had woken her. He was padding the ground and huffing, his ears were pricking the air for the sound that bothered him. Clarke scanned her area, there was a foggy mist in the trees that ghosted in around with the breeze. It was early morning, the sun not completely ready to greet the day yet. Clarke’s eyes flashed back to the horse’s ears they were now keenly forward listening to Clarke’s left.

She paused in her crouch waiting for sound or sights.

Minutes passed with nothing but birds chirping and crickets in the distance.

Clarke slowly got up and began to gather her things. She kept her eyes and ears peeled as she worked. She had her bow, Lexa’s sword and quiver on her back. The dagger was hanging on her thigh with the snap undone for easy access. Clarke stomped out the remnants of her fire and hopped on the horse. She spun him and took off with the deer carcass bouncing on its ass.

The fog ripped and swung behind her and the horse in her wake. She weaved in and out of the trees with ease, slowing and speeding up the horse whenever it required. They worked as a team slowly coming into less dense tree cover.

Clarke heard the whizzing and twang of a bowstring, to her left she heard the unmistakeable sound of arrow head biting into a tree. Clarke’s breath hitched and she turned her head to the right for the source of the arrow. She couldn’t see anyone; she kicked at the horse begging him to move faster as she heard another twang. She ducked her head close to the horse to minimize the target.

She took a sharp left and spurred the horse forward attempting to distance herself from the shooter. She flew forward as she heard another arrow loosed at her. It too missed her as she caught movement to her right. She saw a bearded man, in green tatters and a bone mask riding a black horse with red war pain on its sides. Clarke shivered in panic. She was being hunted. _Again_.

Clarke kicked the horse again urging it faster. She went left and right and she attempted to vary her speeds trying to throw the man off his mark. He was relentless. Arrow after arrow were whizzing by her, into trees and empty space beyond. She was getting more scared by second. She rode for what felt like hours as the sun came higher into the sky, the grounder still on her trail.

She silently thanked Lexa for having the swiftest steeds in the coalition. Her personal horses: Icarus and Daedalus being above the rest. They were battle tested and true. Clarke could remember Lexa telling her all about them proudly in her tents before they ever went to Mount Weather.

Then, She felt a familiar sting as her right leg became pinned to the horse’s side. Clarke screamed and looked down to find an arrow right through her calf and the head in the horse’s side. Daedalus whinnied in the pain but kept his motions forward. She tried to ignore the jostling pain throbbing through her leg as he went along, she instead patted his neck with her right hand thanking him and urging him onwards.

Clarke kept looking over her shoulder for the man following her. She coukd hear the faint stomps of his horse and a few more arrows being shot. She couldn’t see him anymore and soon heard no more arrows. She looked forward again as the horse went right into the river in front of her. He kept his pace as best he could as he ripped through the slight current. Clarke held on tight as he crossed to the bank. _TriKru terriroty,_ Clarke let out a little sigh of relief. She knew this river. Daedalus knew where he was headed. Clarke felt her head swim as she buckled and almost fell off. The pain in her leg was overwhelming her and tears of pain were leaking from her eyes now. The adrenaline was fading and increasing her pain now that she no longer had a pursuer.

She felt herself tugging on the horse’s neck trying to remain upright. The horse continued moving on a familiar path, Clarke let her body fall forward no longer being able to hold herself upright in the pain. She patted his neck and whispered, “Good boy, take me to _home_ …” she then gasped in pain, her sight blinking out of focus, ”Take me to Heda….find Lexa…” she croaked in pain.

She hoped that would be enough. She couldn’t even keep a hold of the reigns any longer. She tried to keep her eyes open; she tried to block out the shooting pain that came with each step the horse took. If he was in pain Clarke couldn’t tell. He seemed to keep his pace and his intentions remained on moving forward. She was now blinking through tears and half lidded eyes before she passed out from the pain, shock and most likely poison from the arrow.


	15. The Search

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Find her.

Lexa woke up in the very early morning and sat bolt up right. She had a sinking feeling in her gut. She immediately removed herself from Clarke's bed. She frowned when she realized Clarke had never come back to her room. She was embarrassed that she had fallen asleep waiting for her but that was easily pushed to the side of her mind as she assessed how she was feeling.

All she knew was something was wrong. She quickly sped out of the room. She walked down the hall and finally, out of the Ark. Lexa spun around searching the grounds. There were few people out an about this early in the morning. There was a fine mist on the grounds and beyond. She saw small fires still burning but few people.

She hurriedly walked towards her people's tents. She spotted Lincoln sharpening a spear and changed her direction. "Heda," he straightened and bowed his head in respect to her.

"Lincoln," Lexa acknowledged him, "Have you seen Octavia per chance?"

Lincoln smiled and got up setting the spear down in the dirt. He went over to a small tent and opened the flaps. He bent over and grabbed at something before Lexa realized he was gently dragging Octavia out of the tent by her ankle. The girl remained snoring as her fur moved with her clutched to her chin. Lincoln smiled lovingly nudging her with his foot. As his girlfriend groaned and rolled in response, "fuck you Lincoln,  _the sun has yet to greet the day_ ," She said finishing in Trig in disgust.

Lincoln laughed and cleared his throat as she turned her head to look at him, "What? I drank too much last night I know, but can't we go out on a hunt later? Gimme just five more minutes."

Finally, Lexa couldn't be ignored anymore. The pit in her stomach was folding and causing uncomfortable pains to shoot into her chest.  _Something was wrong._  "Octavia," she interrupted sharply, "Have you seen Clarke?"

Octavia spun around wildly to take in the view of Lexa, she quickly got up and straightened her clothes out to stop showing her bare right breast. "No," she said, shaking her loose shirt down her arm a bit so it sat properly, "is she in her room?"

Lexa shook her head "She didn't come back to her room last night." Lexa clenched her jaw, she felt weak revealing that she had waited for the blonde that never showed but she figured it would be better than waiting for Octavia to go check and find what Lexa already knew.

Octavia screwed up her eyes and scratched her head, "That doesn't sound like Clarke." She confirmed now worried.

Lincoln spoke next, "I'll go ask around," he took off quickly.

Octavia looked at Lexa shrewdly then she flashed a glance at Lexa's tent, "Did you check your tent? The medical bay?"

Lexa shook her head, "Not yet."

"You check the tent, I'll go to the bay then to Raven's. We'll find her."

Lexa swallowed her fear and nodded in agreement. She hurried to the tent and pushed inside. She quickly searched it. No sign of Clarke. She walked outside and continued her search to the back of the camp. No blonde heads. She stormed back to front of her tent and stopped taking in a deep breath. The sun was starting to rise now and she tried to let its light warmth help calm her down.

It wasn't helping; Lexa still couldn't ignore the feeling in her gut.

It worsened when she saw a panicked Octavia run out of the Ark. "She's not in there either, Abby hasn't seen her since yesterday morning!"

Lexa's eyes widened and her breathing stopped. Clarke had been missing for 24 hours.

She immediately turned to head to her horses. She stopped.

Daedalus was gone. She hadn't noticed yesterday when she was settling Icarus in after her hunt with Indra. She cursed to herself, she was normally so observant. She was far too distracted yesterday.

Clarke obviously took her horse; it also didn't surprise her that she did. She actually smiled at the notion, if only briefly. Lexa had told her people a long time ago way back before Mount Weather to treat Clarke's word as her own unless told otherwise.

Lexa quickly bridled Icarus and hopped on bareback. She tore him around and sped off towards the gate. She heard Octavia running behind her to her own steed. Lexa didn't stop; instead she kicked him into another gear as the gate opened. Her instincts told her to head right so she did.

She heard Octavia's horse behind her some distance and Lexa kept her eyes trained for any signs of Clarke or Daedalus. The sun was slowly making its way higher into the sky as Lexa made her way into a dense section of trees and burst through them. She continued on searching the woods for Clarke. She swallowed the panic and pain she felt weighing on her chest.

Then she saw the grey steed labouring with every step but pushing itself forward, hanging limp on his neck was – "CLARKE!" Lexa let out a scream in panic trying to get her attention. She spurred Icarus faster until she saw the problem.

Clarke had a foot of a shaft of an arrow sticking through her calf and the other end had her pinned to the horse. Lexa hopped off Icarus and slowed Daedalus and quickly moved to assess Clarke.

"Clarke?" Lexa said trying to get her to wake. She placed a hand on her cheek and the other on her neck to raise her limp head. She tried to lift her eye-lid to spark the girl to wake.

She didn't.

Just then Octavia was at her side, "Broadleaf arrow."

"Could be poison." Lexa seethed, who knows how long this arrow had been in her. "Get her down now."

Lexa moved to the front of Daedalus and held the reigns trying to keep him calm. They had to detach Clarke's leg from his side. She held on tight as he whinnied in pain as Octavia ripped the arrow loose. Clarke still hung limp on his neck, the arrow right through her leg.

Lexa moved to help Octavia remove Clarke from the horse. She tried to calm her breathing as she lay Clarke's head in Octavia's lap and quickly moved to the leg. The fact that it was through and through was good she thought, that meant if the poison was present it had less time to infiltrate her system. It might have kept her alive this long. Lexa mentally winced as she realized she may lose Daedalus to the poison, she really had no idea how long that arrow had been in either of them. But she had to focus on her task at hand. She quickly snapped the arrowhead off, "hold her still," she commanded to Octavia.

Octavia put her hands firmly on Clarke's shoulders to prevent any movement if the arrow removal woke her up. When she was set Lexa pushed the arrow shaft through. Clarke gasped and woke at the pain; Lexa caught her blue eyes before Clarke fell unconscious and limp on Octavia again.  _She's still alive._  Lexa shuddered at the pale complexion of Clarke.

The blood slowly began to seep from either side of the calf now; she quickly went through her pockets and found the sap vial. She put it on each side of the wound and did her best to get some inside it. She had to get it into her system. She then motioned to Octavia and Octavia removed a chunk of her loose shirt with her blade. She ripped it into a strip and handed it to Lexa. She had it wrapped tight in seconds.

Just as they were about to try to move Clarke Lincoln had shown up. He quickly assessed Daedalus and then helped Lexa get Clarke onto Icarus. As soon as she was up and secure Lexa took off. She tightened her arm around Clarke's waist as she pushed towards Arkadia.

"You're going to be okay," Lexa whispered.

Clarke's body slumped forward as if to contradict her. Lexa winced in her own pain as her hand landed on Clarke's chest and she struggled to fix the girls position. Clarke felt cold and clammy to the touch; Lexa could feel beads of sweat on her fingertips and palm as she held Clarke tight against her.

Icarus continued his valiant run through the gates of Arkadia and onwards. Lexa called for Abby as she closed in on the Ark, she halted Icarus as Octavia hopped off and was at her side. She put a hand on Lexa to let her know she was ready to take Clarke's weight. Just as she reached onto Lexa a memory swam into her head:

_A knife to her throat, Clarke standing before her. A whispered and layered apology to the girl with Lexa's life in her hands before Clarke had fallen to the ground in Lexa's arms…_

_She had panicked when Clarke fell; she knew she had. She had been so afraid of losing Clarke. She had the centuries in Polis find her a horse and help load Clarke to the front of the saddle the moment Clarke fell into her arms. Lexa felt responsible for all of Clarke's physical injuries as well as her emotional ones. She felt like a monster. She left word of where she was headed before dashing out of sight on the horse clinging to Clarke keeping her steady. "Hold on Clarke," she had kept whispering unsure if it was more to Clarke or to herself. She rode at lightning speed, pushing the horse to push itself. All that mattered in those moments was getting Clarke the medical attention she obviously needed._

"Heda, you can let go," Octavia's voice snapped Lexa out of her memory. Lexa only nodded and then began to release her clutch on Clarke. She hopped down and followed the men that were now carrying Clarke into the Ark.

"Poison?" Abby was asking.

"Most likely, I have already put the tree sap on and in the wound however," Lexa responded with a thick voice.

Abby nodded and turned back to her work. Clarke was now unconscious on the bed. Jackson was poking her with a needle and a tube while Abby began to attend to the arrow wound. Lexa began to pace back and forth, eye trained on the blonde.

Finally Abby broke the silent tension in the room, "No trace of poison," she told them.

Lexa cocked her head.  _Not good._  But she kept her mouth shut. Now was not the time to dwell on why there was no poison, all that mattered right now was that those blue eyes opened. Its all Lexa cared about. She continued her pacing of the room avoiding the glances from all inside.

Meanwhile, her Heda inside was also pacing; But she was also banging the walls demanding blood.

Finally, Lexa couldn't ignore her any longer. She took one last wistful glance at Clarke and left the room. She tore out of the Ark towards her tents. Each step that carried her from Clarke made her feel a little more empty, a little more cold but she kept her blistering pace.

"Indra," she commanded. The warrior shortly appeared before her.

"Broadleaf in the borderlands, send riders: Kill all but one."

"All but one Heda?"

"Yes, that one will be mine," she seethed. Indra bowed low and sped off for her men.

Lexa took a deep breath and turned to head to Icarus. She quickly patted him, thanked him for his service and promised she would have Daedalus back at his side shortly. She then commanded Ryder to tend to the injured horse by any means necessary with one request: do not let him die. He promised he would do what he could and was gone again. Lexa turned and sped back to the Ark, an invisible force pulling her and pushing her feet forwards into the tin can she hated so much.

When she arrived in the medical bay they had moved Clarke to the private medical room her and Lexa had previously shared. No one spoke to her as she quietly moved around them and into the room where the blonde was lying alone. Lexa found herself shutting the door behind her and immediately at the blonde's side.

Lexa felt hot tears welling in her eyes as she looked at her. She would suddenly do  _anything_  for Clarke to wake, for her to speak, for her to say Lexa's name. She felt her heart ache and she stepped closer. Only then did she realize her heart began to hurt less. She took another step and reached out her hand. Her fingers brushed Clarke's forearms that were still incredibly cold but warm tingles and invisible sparks were buzzing at the contact. Lexa's breath shuddered in her chest as the tears threatened to spill. Before she knew it she had Clarke's hand in her own. She sat down on the chair beside the bed and leaned forward trying to get as close as she could to the blonde. She tightened her grip,  _the perfect fit_  of their hands and bowed her head to touch her forehead to Clarke's back of her hand. She found herself trying to pass on her strength, willing the girl to speak, to let her know she was okay.

She felt small squeeze in her hand as she opened her eyes to see the dirt covered fingers tightening around her own.

She was still unconscious but she was here. She knew Lexa was here. She knew she wasn't alone.

And Lexa let herself smile.

She leaned forward and ran her free hand through Clarke's damp sweaty hair feeling the invisible sparks as she did so, "Sha, ai laik hir klark"  _Yes,_   _I am here Clarke,_ she whispered.


	16. Love blooms again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're holding on because I have so many twists and turns planned out right now: clan battles, blackblood theory, soulmate theory, end of the world revelations, new revelations, a massacre, DEATH (not our girls because they're eternal), LOVE, fluff, smutt, torture, fire and flames. Maybe even some mutationssssss

…

Lexa had been stroking Clarke’s hair for some time now while holding her hand tight. She looked fondly at their two hands clasped together. Clarke was hanging on as tight as Lexa, not so tight to be painful but tight enough for her knuckles to be white. Clarke was still unconscious and her body still. Her eyes had been flickering under her eyelids for at least, a few hours now she reasoned. It had to be mid-day.

She knew her people would come to her as soon as they returned with any spoils from their hunt for Clarke’s pursuer. She gritted her teeth as she thought back to finding Clarke limp on Daedalus’ back. She would make them suffer she vowed silently both heart and head in sync for now. Maybe, she should allow Clarke to decide his fate, she pondered. She wondered if Clarke could take the life of the man that almost took hers. If she couldn’t, Lexa would.

Lexa sighed a deep breath she didn’t realize she was holding.

Her heart was beating at a steady pace, the warmth of their joined hands was soothing her, allowing her to relax a little bit more with each hour that passed. She had to wake soon. She _had_ to. Abby had said the poison wasn’t present; _yes, she just needs rest_ , Lexa thought.

 _“It takes as long as it takes”,_ she told herself never realizing she actually said it out loud. Her eye threatened to spill her tears again as she looked down on beauty before her. Her one hand was continuing it’s motions through her hair. Her thumb and first two fingers lightly grazing the blonde’s scalp before threading back into her flow of hair.

Lexa was in love with Clarke. Lexa _is_ in love with Clarke. There was no use denying it any longer. Being in this proximity to the blonde was only making the feeling and understanding grow.

She had felt it the moment she laid her eyes on the girl, the first and second ‘first’ time.

Deep down she knew she had even seen Clarke in her minds eye when she had been unconscious a few days ago. It had been the blonde with sunshine in her hair that she had followed back to the light, back to consciousness, only to find her right at Lexa’s side when she woke up. Even though she didn’t remember everything at the time, she had felt it inside - she felt she had known her for a lifetime.

She had never felt a pull to someone like the one that was within her right now. With the time she had now to reflect on it - she couldn’t ignore it any longer especially with their hands entwined and bodies close. The two were irrefutably connected on some sort of level, she had felt the pull to go find Clarke the moment she woke this morning. In fact, she knew she had woken _because_ of the pull. Her heart had told her to find Clarke and her head listened to its command without question. A rare occurrence, _until Clarke_ came along.

The longer she was sitting there thinking about the girl and just how strong her heart was beating for her the more her head began to agree with what it was saying now.

Now it was clear why Lexa had the memory of Clarke executing Nia. Why Lexa could remember giving herself up to the mercy of the Queen. Lexa stroked Clarke’s cheek as the memory replayed, “And in the end, you were the one saving me,” she confessed to her.

Lexa’s heart thumped a little stronger in her chest.

Yes, it was time to stop running from the truth.

Lexa swallowed. They would have to be careful… love was dangerous on the ground. It was a weakness and a weapon used to inflict damage, this was certain. It had already been used against them once with only Clarke’s quick thinking that had saved them.

This is of course, if Clarke was even still interested in her like that.

She really had no idea just how much the girl could remember, or how she felt about Lexa. They hadn’t spoken about anything really and it was Lexa’s fault. She knew. She had already spent more time with Clarke in the last few days with one of them unconscious than with her and Lexa both alert. She sighed, she had pushed her away and left her to deal with her memories on her own while Lexa tried to ignore her feelings and force her brain to remember.

The fact that she had forced herself to avoid Clarke in the name of protecting her did nothing to make her feel better about what she did. Lexa shook her head and lowered it. _Things are such a mess_.

A knock came at the door breaking Lexa from her silent torture. Lexa looked up, placed her hand on Clarke’s cheek and rubbed her thumb twice against it softly. She saw no stirring from Clarke, “Enter” she called into the void.

She pulled her one hand off of Clarke’s cheek but kept the other one clasped to hers. Knuckles on both girls hands still white. She was sure the circulation in their hands was poor from the tension but they still felt warm like they were emitting heat.

“Hey, she still out?” Octavia’s light voice filled the room as she entered.

Lexa nodded, “Yes, how long has it been?”

Octavia shuffled over and sat at the foot of Clarke’s bed. She laid her hand on the blonde’s leg, “it’s afternoon now. I was just coming by to check in on Clarke and was wondering if you wanted me to bring you some food?”

Lexa nodded, “Yes please, and some for Clarke.”

Octavia smiled, “That’s the spirit!” and she bounced out of the room.

When she returned she had Raven in tow. “Heard about you getting me home last night Commander,” she said winking when Lexa greeted her. “I owe you my thanks,” she finished as she gave an awkward sort of bow.

Octavia snorted at the display, “’I owe you my thanks?’” she mocked.

“What? It sounded better than ‘thanks for bringing my drunk ass home, I owe you one.’” Raven shrugged smiling.

Lexa looked between the two and just rolled her eyes turning to face Clarke. She didn’t really understand those two sometimes, “’I owe you my thanks’ is a perfectly normal thing to say,” she said quietly.

“Not for this wrench monkey whose favourite words are ‘fuck’ and ‘fucking’,” Octavia pointed out still grinning.

Raven laughed and raised her hands in defense, “Woah, woah, I’ll have you know that _all_ the curse words are my favourite. I don’t discriminate or play favourites.”

Lexa gave a small chuckle while Octavia burst out in small fit of giggles and tossed a piece of fruit at Raven. They sat in the room with Lexa while she ate small portions of the food Octavia had brought with her. She was sure to put a small plate beside Clarke for when she woke up.

After another hour Raven and Octavia took off to complete some of their tasks for the day. Each promised to be back in a few hours to check in on _them_. Lexa did not fail to notice that the girls specifically included Lexa in their sentiments not just Clarke. For that, she was grateful.

Sometime after they left another knock had come at the door. This time Ryder came in and bowed, “Heda.” He greeted her. His eyes were flickering from Lexa to Clarke.

“Does Daedalus live?” Lexa asked not hiding the worry in her voice. She loved that animal, even more so now thanks to his dedication to get Clarke to safety.

Ryder returned her gaze, “Yes, Heda. He rests beside his son Icarus.”

Lexa let her self a small smile, “Thank you Ryder, please see that his needs are met.”

With that he bowed and left the room. Lexa leaned in again and put her hand on Clarke’s cheek. “He lives Clarke, so you must too,” she told her quietly. Lexa squeezed a little tighter to her hand. Then, Lexa couldn’t resist as she stared at the blonde she stood and slowly leaned over her before closing her eyes and placing a soft sweet kiss on the girl’s cheek.

“I need you,” she whispered before she returned to her seat.

After that Lexa allowed her eyes to close as she leaned back in the chair. Her hand still very much attached to Clarke’s and grip still very tight. When she opened her eyes again she found herself curled up in a ball in the chair with her knees against her chest but hand still clutching to Clarke's. Lexa adjusted her legs and stretched a bit to lean forward and feel Clarke's cheek, she softly stroked her cheekbone with her thumb before moving her hand to Clarke's forehead. It was warm, not clammy like before.

Clarke was getting stronger. Lexa felt a little of the weight in her chest release slightly. She sighed and smiled softly now running her hand through Clarke's hair again, Lexa leaned her head down and sat her forehead on the side of Clarke's bed. The top of her head was nestled into Clarke's side right above her hip. And there, is where Lexa slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I miss Lexa.
> 
> Blood must have blood. Fuck you Jason
> 
> THANK YOU FOR READING!  
> Thanks for the comments and kudos you guys make my heart ache a little less...though it's still eternally as black as my soul.


	17. Safe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Safety for both

**Chapter 17:**

Clarke’s eyes fluttered open. She was surprised to find that she was in the Ark, that last thing she remembered was telling Daedalus to find Lexa. She smiled softly as she looked around - he saved her. The Ark’s fluorescent lights weren’t blinding her from above. Instead, there was a soft glow and shadows dancing on the walls. Clarke looked to the far side of the room and saw three large candles lit; while she allowed her eyes to adjust she looked down to her left side.

Lexa was there, head bowed and curled into Clarke’s side, their hands tightly gripping the others for dear life. Their hands were creating an intense heat between the two. Clarke smiled and adjusted herself wincing in pain as she felt her calf injury. She ignored it and turned her body more anyways. Now she was curled on her side with Lexa’s head and bent over chest in her little body nest that her new position created. Clarke smiled as she reached her free hand to the sleeping girl. Clarke felt tears in her eyes as she gently stroked the girl’s hair.

_Lexa had found her._

And Lexa had _stayed._

She hadn’t dreamed that.

Clarke smiled happy that she didn’t dream of Lexa finding her. That Lexa had actually been sitting vigil beside Clarke until she woke, that Lexa had whispered things only Clarke’s unconscious mind could recall clearly. All Clarke knew was that she had heard it, even if she couldn’t remember the words exactly.

Her heart soared and pounded in her chest as if daring her to ignore it.

Even if they didn’t recall the events of last month Clarke now had renewed faith. Her love for Lexa was unbendable, steadfast and eternal. She felt it deep within her heart, body and soul. There was an intense warming in her heart that seemed to be pushing out into the rest of her body as if she were to overflow.

And she continued to stroke Lexa’s soft brown hair.

She kept her ministrations up even when the brown head of hair moved and turned to its side. Eyes still closed but a soft smile forming as Lexa’s unconsciously moved to lean into Clarke’s touch.

And Clarke’s heart soared again, this time to never land in the same spot in her chest twice. The pounding of her heart was beating stronger and stronger as she watched Lexa smile in her sleep. In this moment Clarke decided that she didn’t care if Lexa remembered their love or not. Clarke could _feel_ it and that’s all she needed.

She refused to ignore her heart that seemed to beat for this girl and this girl alone. She may not remember how they forged this bond so strong but it was there and impossible to ignore. _It takes as long as it takes_ , she decided, reciting Lexa’s words from Mount Weather in her head. She would wait for Lexa. She would wait for her love to be returned again. She would devote herself to keeping Lexa and her heart safe. She would not let anything rip their love apart, diminish its strength or deny it. It existed within Clarke and that’s all she needed to know.

Just as Clarke stroked Lexa’s hair again she saw the girl’s smile widen as her eyes fluttered open dreamily. Clarke sighed happily when green eyes met blue. Lexa briefly sighed in relief before her eyes widened and she sat up straight, “Clarke,” she breathed out.

Clarke smiled warmly at her and squeezed her hand, “You found me.”

Lexa nodded and Clarke saw tears welling in her eyes. Clarke reached over and lightly caressed her cheek before removing her hand again, “I’m okay Lexa.”

Lexa only nodded again, she hadn’t blinked until the words ‘I’m okay’ were spoken. Clarke could see an invisible weight lift from the girl as Lexa swallowed.

“Is Daedalus okay?” Clarke asked concerned, worried that though she may be okay the horse could be a different story and that would hurt Lexa deeply.

Lexa gave her a small smile waving off the concern. “Yes Clarke, he is fine. He’s strong like his rider.”

“Like you,” Clarke said agreeing.

“Like you,” Lexa corrected her, her tone serious.

Clarke smiled at her silently thanking her for the compliment. “I’m glad you’re here,” Clarke said truthfully.

She watched Lexa’s smile brighten a bit more, “Me too.” Lexa patted their hands with her free one and made to disentangle their clasped hands. Clarke wouldn’t let her; she caught Lexa’s eyes and knew hers were expressing fear. She didn’t want Lexa to let go; she didn’t want her to withdraw again. She wanted her close and wanted Lexa in control not Heda. She wanted to soak in this moment forever.

She watched as Lexa nodded in understanding before placing her hand on Clarke’s forearm and gesturing with her head to the table, “I’m not going anywhere. I simply wanted to grab you that plate and water.”

Clarke smiled sheepishly now slightly embarrassed but Lexa surprised her by rubbing soothingly on her forearm before gently releasing her grip in Clarke’s hand. Reluctantly and not without some effort Clarke also let go. The intense heat between their hands dissipated as soon as the contact broke.

Lexa rose and went to the table and returned with water and food for Clarke. Clarke sat up in her bed and took the plate that was offered to her before she took the cup and sipped at the cool liquid. She felt it wash down her dry throat and soothe it. She placed the cup back on the table and then popping some nuts and berries into her mouth. The flavours popped on her tongue and she washed it down with some more water.

“Better?” Lexa said taking the plate away when Clarke was finished.

“Better,” Clarke confirmed, “thank you.”

Lexa didn’t say anything she just refilled the cup and moved the plate back to where it had come. When she sat down in the chair again Clarke smiled at her. “I like the candles, way better than the Ark’s lights.”

Lexa smiled warmly, “I thought they may help, I did not enjoy waking up to those lights a few days ago.”

Clarke grabbed for her hand again and grinned when Lexa didn’t refuse her. She grinned wider when Lexa entwined their fingers and looked at their hands intently.

“Do you feel that?” she asked, her voice in awe.

“The heat?” Clarke asked looking at their hands.

Lexa nodded and looked to Clarke, “You feel it too?”

Clarke smiled back at her, “I’ve always felt it. I thought it was just me.”

Lexa’s mouth parted slightly, “I thought it was just me.”

Clarke laughed, “I think they call that chemistry.”

Lexa looked at her confused by this word.

So Clarke clarified, “In science, chemistry is about identifying substances of which all matter is composed, so tiny you cannot see it with the naked eye. It’s about investigating their properties, interactions and changes. But that’s not really what I was referring to – I’m talking about chemistry between people. Where it exists when there is complex emotional or psychological interaction between two beings.”

Lexa nodded, “So it’s invisible to the naked eye?”

Clarke rubbed her thumb against Lexa’s hand, “it’s something you feel.”

Lexa looked to their hands before back to Clarke’s eyes, “I saw you when I was unconscious.”

Clarke’s eyes widened, “What? When you woke up and couldn’t remember who I was?” She couldn’t help that her voice cracked with pain at the second part.

Lexa smiled and her eyes unfocused slightly as she spoke, “I was in a room or a vast expanse where everything was black all around me, except I wasn’t alone. I could feel that I wasn’t alone in the darkness. And then I saw her, bathed in a white light, sunshine in her hair and back towards me. I pushed my body to the breaking point to reach her and when I finally did I tried to turn her around – that’s when I woke up to find you at my side.”

When Lexa finished her explanation her eyes were focused, glued intently on Clarke. Clarke screwed up her eyes, “How do you know it was me then? I mean other than my hair?”

“I _feel_ it.”

Clarke shuddered at the intensity of the moment. She gripped Lexa’s hand, brought her other around Lexa’s neck softly and leaned forward so she could place her forehead against her own. She could feel shaky soft warm breaths meeting with her own in the space between their mouths, “I feel it and so, so much more,” Clarke whispered her confession. Without hesitating she pulled Lexa into a hug and held her tight. She felt instant warmth rising between them again where their bodies were touching. She smiled as she felt Lexa’s strong arms encompass her as well and attempt to steady her breathing.

“Me too,” she heard Lexa whisper in her ear. And Clarke’s heart soared once again.

~~

The two had held each other in that embrace for sometime before a knock at the door made them disengage. Their hands found the other’s again as Lexa told whoever was at the door to enter.

Raven came in with Octavia at her heels. Clarke didn’t fail to notice them both eye her and Lexa’s hands before smiling wide at her. Clarke’s cheeks flushed. Octavia came to Clarke’s bedside and held out a pair of crude crutches.

“What used to be mine is now yours,” Raven said amusedly.

“Thanks,” Clarke noted as Lexa took the crutches and placed them beside her before grabbing Clarke’s hand again.

“Do you feel up to leaving this room? You guys have been here since yesterday afternoon,” Octavia inquired watching Clarke.

Clarke nodded, “Yes, I’d like to go outside.”

As she spoke the words Lexa was already rising and moving so she could slide her free hand under Clarke’s arm and help her fix her position on the bed. Clarke pushed the covers down and swung her legs over the bed. She had a white wrap on her right calf, “Poison?” she looked up to Lexa and asked.

She watched as Lexa swallowed something and simply shook her head and flashed a glance at Octavia and Raven. Clarke understood, Lexa wanted to speak with her about it privately before discussing it with anyone else. Clarke smiled at her indicating she took the hint and moved so she could brace herself on Lexa better. Lexa adjusted and gently moved her arm to Clarke’s back to help her stand. Clarke put the weight on her left leg and leaned slightly into Lexa’s warm side. Lexa handed her the crutches and Clarke assumed the position.

The three girls followed Clarke’s slow hobble out of the medical bay.

“Hey, woah, let me check you out first,” Abby said looking up from her desk. She looked very tired, Clarke observed. She felt guilty knowing a large part of it was because of her.

“I’m fine mom, I want to go outside.”

Abby ignored her and motioned her to a chair. Lexa took Clarke’s crutches and waited patiently while Abby worked. Clarke kept her eyes on Lexa. She saw concern, worry, guilt, fear, hope, and yes, love written on her beautiful features.

Abby put a new bandage on the leg and wrapped it tight before standing and granting Clarke permission to leave. “But, not out of the Ark’s grounds please,” Abby requested. Clarke was stunned to see her looking not at Clarke but at Lexa.

Lexa bowed her head, “Inside the grounds,” she agreed while looking at Clarke.

They made their way slowly outside. Lexa was at Clarke’s left, she sensed that she was tense and her body language told Clarke she was worried she would fall. Clarke smiled at her, “I’m okay, I’ve used crutches before. I broke my ankle on the Ark when I was twelve.”

Lexa smiled but said nothing and her body language did not change, though she did see a little soft sigh get released. Clarke rolled her eyes at her worry as she saw Raven and Octavia head to speak with Lincoln and Harper.

Clarke began to head left towards the Trikru tents. Lexa silently with her at her side. Clarke adjusted and began to move towards the horses. She saw Icarus standing tall and alert. Beside him was the grey steed lying down and on his side. Clarke quickened her pace and paused as Icarus stomped his feet threateningly twice as if guarding Daedalus. Clarke bowed her head and let a tear drop onto her cheek, “I want to thank him,” Clarke whispered her truth to Icarus. She was incredibly shocked when the horse huffed and bowed his head before moving and allowing her access to Daedalus.

She hobbled a few feet closer before abandoning the crutches and falling to her knees. It caused a huge amount of pain and she cried out but crawled closer to his side regardless. She felt Lexa’s hand on her shoulder as Clarke began to cry into the horse’s side.

“He is alright Clarke. Ryder sedated him yesterday, he is just resting trying to heal,” Lexa said soothingly rubbing Clarke’s shoulder before she too was on her knees. She put her arm around Clarke’s shoulder and she too bowed closed to the horse and laid a hand on his side with her free hand.

Clarke cried harder, letting the tears flow, “I thought he was dead.”

“It would take more than an arrow to kill him,” Lexa told her quietly, she leaned back so her back was straight. Her hand began to rub soothing circles on Clarke’s back while the blonde cried her eyes out. Lexa remained silent until Clarke had no more tears to shed at the moment. Clarke moved so she could whisper in the horse’s ear, just loud enough that Lexa heard it, “Daedalus, ai owe yu ai chof.” _Daedalus, I owe you my thanks._


	18. The Pain is real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa loves Clarke so damn much it hurts

Hearing Clarke whisper to her horse only made Lexa’s heart sing a little louder for the blonde. She cared so deeply for all life that it was truly remarkable. For someone who came from the sky Clarke’s ability to connect with everything on the ground was breathtaking. Lexa smiled warmly at the exchange as she stood to grab Clarke’s crutches and wait for the girl to be ready to move again.

She waited patiently not wanting to interrupt. Finally, Clarke found her eyes and Lexa immediately reached out a hand to help her stand. Clarke took it and waited as Lexa helped her with the crutches before they set off again. Clarke looked at her; “I had a deer on his back. Do we know where it went?”

Lexa looked at her confused, “You did have a deer yes, I am not sure where he lies now.”

She saw fresh tears well in Clarke’s eyes; she closed the distance between them quickly and placed her hands atop of Clarke’s on the crutches. She looked at her closely, “What is it?”

Clarke sniffled, “I killed him. It can’t be in vain.”

And Lexa understood. Clarke wanted to honour the animal she took the life from. Clarke hated killing, Lexa knew that much. She avoided it as best she could unless she had a reason to do it. She smiled knowingly, “I’ll have him brought to my tent.”

Clarke nodded now reassured and they set off again towards Lexa’s tent.

Inside, Lexa had pulled out a chair at the table for Clarke to sit at. Lexa smiled before ducking out of the tend and barking orders to her people in Trig. Shortly after she popped back in, “Clarke, come on we can do this outside.”

Lexa helped Clarke relocate to just outside the tent where she saw a wooden structure made from branches. It was a deer rack. She watched intently as Lexa’s men put the deer on the rack and set it up for Clarke. When it was ready Lexa watched fondly as Clarke struggled to move around the animal and begin her work. When Lexa rose to try and assist her Clarke shook her head the look of determination in her eyes made Lexa smile and back off. She instead, sat down and watched the blonde work.

Clarke knew what she was doing. It was clear the longer Lexa observed her.

Obviously this was one of many kills she had to make in the wilds of their world. Lexa couldn’t help but be curious for what Clarke had in mind for the fur. Lexa could teach her to repurpose it if Clarke needed help or ideas. She thought fondly about the prospect of lots of time spent in close quarters with the blonde. Spaces where she could get drunk off the girls spirit alone while the world was kept at bay.

Every so often Clarke would look up to search for Lexa’s eyes who was all too eager to oblige her. Each time telling Clarke silently that she was still there, still enjoying their time together. Clarke worked in silence for awhile before Lexa heard a sweet melody being hummed from the girls lips. The sound made its way to Lexa and danced through her ears and around in her head. She wondered if Clarke could sing, she began to imagine the girl’s raspy voice singing songs of old; she watched as her pink tongue were dart out slightly from time to time and become trapped between teeth. She felt tingles in her belly before they spread south just thinking about it.

Lexa wanted to know what the song was but she didn’t want to interrupt and break the sound. Clarke kept her tune, Lexa smiled when she would see the occasional tapping of Clarke’s hand against her thigh. She saw so much peace and joy within Clarke at this moment; a girl caught up in her work, her no longer idle hands having a purpose and her mind on its task. Lexa never wanted to forget this moment she stared intently burning the image into the dark recesses of her mind. This memory, this melody in her head she would keep forever.

If she and Clarke never remembered the last month she couldn’t bring herself to care right now. She would make new memories with the blonde. Starting today.

“What is that tune?” Lexa heard herself ask, sad that she stopped the sweet sound.

Clarke looked at her, “What tune?”

Lexa smiled, “You were humming a second ago.”

Clarke blushed, “Oh shit, I do that sometimes.”

“I liked it,” Lexa grinned earnestly.

She smiled with teeth when she saw Clarke’s cheeks flush even redder. Clarke tucked her hair behind her ear so it was away from her face as she finally looked away from Lexa and back to the deer.

Lexa was about to ask about the song again when Clarke answered her silent question, “My dad played guitar, he taught me to play that song on the Ark. The song has so many meanings, it can be applied to so many situations…”

Lexa watched as Clarke paused after she spoke and looked to the sky lost in thought. Instead of pressing Lexa decided to leave it at that for the moment. It may be a discussion better saved for private. There was something happening in the girl’s head and Lexa was afraid she might upset her if she hadn’t already.

“Clarke,” Lexa whispered, “Are you alright? I did not mean to upset you. We can talk about it later or not at all, whichever you wish.”

She heard a small sniffle and Lexa mentally chided herself.

“Later, maybe,” she heard Clarke say quietly.

Lexa took a deep breath but exhaled it and relaxed when she heard Clarke begin to hum the tune again. A small smile slowly making its way back to where it should always be.

After another hour Clarke had finished with the deer. She let Lexa’s people take the meat to be shared amongst their people while Clarke kept the antlers and fur. She gave Lexa a smile when she offered to carry her items for her and Lexa proudly accepted both. She followed in blissful silence as Clarke made her way slowly to the tent. Lexa sped up and pulled the flap back for Clarke to easily enter. She placed her items on the table before turning to see Clarke struggling for balance by the washbasin.

Lexa quickly made her way over and offered her arm to stabilize her, which Clarke willingly took. The blonde cleaned the blood and fur from her hands before straightening and moving with her crutches to sit down on the corner of Lexa’s bed. Lexa smiled at the sight of the blonde sitting there fiddling with the crutches at her side.

Lexa crossed to sit down beside her, “You’ve done that before yes?”

“Yes,” Clarke said a hint of sadness in her voice.

“You remember doing it?” Lexa was curious.

“Yes, when I spent the other night in the woods,” Clarke looked away, “I remembered running away from everyone and everything into the wilderness. I remember the nightmare that replayed every single night. I was scared and so alone…”

Lexa swallowed, and opened her mouth, but before she could speak Clarke continued.

“I remember you coming to find me in the woods.”

Lexa looked at her confused, “I did? I do not remember that…”

Clarke smiled sadly, “You did.” She confirmed, “But I left again anyways. I wasn’t ready to face my demons, or you,” she added quietly.

“And then when you were ready you found me in Polis,” Lexa said realization dawning on her thinking about Clarke’s knife to her throat, as Clarke nodded.

“And then I brought you here,” Lexa said finally.

“You did?”

Lexa smiled, happy that they seemed to be filling in gaps for each other, “I did, and you needed your mothers medical attention.”

“You saved me,” Clarke said, “A knife to your throat and you still saved me.”

“I had to,” Lexa said and Clarke placed her hand in her own. The invisible heat bubbling to the surface between them again. Clarke’s eyes were shining and Lexa was getting lost within them. The deep blues, the way they mixed flawlessly with splashes of grey and flecks of gold - Yes, Lexa could look into those eyes for the rest of her days.

Clarke smiled and squeezed her hand a little tighter, “what else do you remember?”

Lexa looked away trying to organize her thoughts, which was extremely difficult while she was locked onto Clarke’s. “Before that? Everything until we parted at Mount Weather,” she eyed Clarke carefully as her mind flashed back to their first kiss, “there is a large chunk of 4 months still missing from my memory. After Bringing you here from Polis I remember us sparring,” Lexa started blushing at the memory, “then its us in Ice Nation and finally us face down on the battlefield.”

Clarke screwed up her face, “Ice Nation? I don’t have that one…”

Lexa swallowed unsure if she should divulge this painful memory but knowing she must, “You ended up in the hands of the Ice Queen,” her voice cracked.

~~

Clarke’s eyes widened, “Like Costia?” her hand flew to her mouth and she gripped Lexa’s tighter as the memory swam into her head.

 

_"So this," Nia looked away from Clarke briefly and set her eyes on the tent as she spoke and silence surrounded them, "is the Mountain slayer." She looked back at Clarke with a disgusted smirk, "this," she gestured with a wave of her hand, "is the powerful Wanheda…The Commander of Death." The surrounding camp laughed loudly mocking Clarke and her grounder title, she lowered her head, she couldn't see how she could get free and make any moves._

_Clarke kept her head down, refusing to look at the woman again. She felt a solid fist strike her in the face._

_"You will look at her when she speaks to you!" the man who cracked her said._

_Clarke gritted her teeth. The fist from the man had knocked sense back into her; she was stubborn and she would find a way… She raised her chin defiantly, refusing to let it lessen her, instead deciding to take pride in her title. She found herself slowly rising to her feet again. Today, she_ _would command death._

“Holy fuck I killed her,” Clarke stated in shock as the memory finished with Nia shot in the head.

Lexa offered her a half smile, “Queenslayer,” her voice betrayed her half smile – there was awe and reverence laced around that title. So much so that Clarke felt a shiver run through her. Another title. Another death. _Another worthwhile reason,_ Clarke’s little voice told her with steadfast intent making her believe it had to be done.

“Are you alright?” she heard Lexa ask after Clarke hadn’t spoken for a few minutes.

Clarke nodded slowly, “I think so. It’s just a lot to process…”

“We can talk about something else if you like. We don’t even have to talk at all if that’s your wish,” Lexa was saying.

“I could talk to you forever,” Clarke told her truthfully not wanting there to be silence between them right now. “But, I would like to change the subject.”

Lexa nodded and smiled, “to anything in particular?”

Clarke sighed and lay back and flipped onto her side so she could face Lexa, “Hmmm, I don’t know. Something light, I don’t want the darkness today.”

Lexa shifted so she could now sit cross legged looking down at Clarke watching her trace her fingers into the furs on the bed. “Have you ever seen the sea?” she heard Lexa ask.

Clarke looked up, “No, only in books on the Ark.”

“I would like to take you if you’d like,” Lexa said softly as if afraid Clarke would say no.

“You would like to take me?” Clarke asked trying to hide her enthusiasm.

“Yes,” Lexa trailed off dreamily, “the blue in your eyes rivals the sky _and_ the sea - that is where they meet and I’d like to see the three blues all at once.”

Clarke’s breath caught in her throat. _That was a good answer_. “I would love for you to take me,” Clarke confessed breathlessly, with her heart all a flutter. Lexa was so smooth sometimes Clarke had forgotten.

“Then it is done, as soon as we can make the trip,” Lexa said smiling fiercely at the thought. It was contagious and Clarke grinned just as wide right back. She reached out and entwined their hands once again, the spark flying once again.

“I wish I could remember the last month,” she said sadly looking at their entwined fingers.

“I decided not to force it. They will come as we need them it seems,” Lexa said softly watching Clarke.

Clarke looked up at her, “how can you be so sure?”

“Fate is the only thing that will decide that for us. We continue to live our lives and make new memories. In time, the old ones will find their way back.”

“When did you become so hopeful?” Clarke asked incredulously.

“I _believe_ , it was when I met a certain blonde,” Lexa said softly and kissed the back of Clarke’s hand.


	19. Queen and Lionheart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of monsters and men - king and lion heart (I changed the word King to Queen because The gay™ and clarke is SUCH a lionheart I want to cry.
> 
> New updates tomorrow:)

Later that afternoon Indra had come by the tent. Clarke watched as Lexa removed herself from her position to go and speak with her. She couldn't hear what they were saying but it looked like a heated discussion. Clarke watched curiously before Lexa flashed a glance at her before she went outside behind Indra. Clarke huffed in frustration, she was quite happy in their tent just the two of them how dare the outside world come knocking again.

Clarke picked herself up and started fumbling for her crutches knocking one to the ground. She swore and tried to move herself to stand to pick it up. Finally, when she had it on the third try she tucked it under her arm and began to head towards the tent flap. She had her head down and she almost had Lexa knock right into her before her arms flew out and caught Clarke by the elbows stopping them from crashing into eachother.

Clarke looked up, "You couldn't have come back ten minutes ago when I couldn't pick my crutch off the floor?" she joked before realizing the face Lexa had on.

"What's wrong?" Clarke said worried now. Lexa brow was creased and her eyes were darker than they had been 15 minutes ago. She looked livid; her jaw was clentched so tight Clarke could see the muscles in her neck straining. Her face quickly changed to a softer one as she heard the concern in Clarke's voice.

Jaw was still clenched, she was still angry.

Clarke balanced herself and reached up with her left hand to stroke Lexa's cheek, "Hey, talk to me."

Lexa swallowed and leaned in slightly to the warmth of Clarke's hand, "I cannot, I made a promise today – no darkness."

Clarke furrowed her brow now but the look in Lexa's face told her there was no use pushing her right now. Clarke lowered her hand to the balled up fist of Lexa's right, as Clarke went to pry her hand loose from the fist she noticed black blood on Lexa's knuckles. She gasped and raised her hand so she could take a better look.

Lexa tried to pull her hand away, "that's nothing."

Clarke huffed in frustration as she tugged Lexa's hand back so she could see it, "If you make a joke about me having to see the other guy, I swear to-"

"He shot you," Lexa cut her off.

"What? Who?" Clarek asked confused. Lexa was now visibly shaking in anger but she did not answer, then it dawned on her. "The arrow in the borderlands, you found the hunter."

"I believe we have," Lexa said her voice icy but her eyes soft as they danced on Clarke's face.

Clarke sighed, "No darkness today right? Come on, lets go sit down."

Lexa helped Clarke return to the bed to rest her leg but did not sit down. Instead, she paced the tent like a woman on a mission. Clarke watched quietly as she went from one side of the tent to the other and back again. She followed he same amount of steps each way never deviating from her path.

After watching her for what seemed like an hour Clarke finally raised her hands, "you are driving me crazy with that pacing." Her words froze Lexa who was now looking at her.

"I'm sorry."

"No," Clarke said now feeling bad, "I understand, I really do. I'm sorry I shouldn't have snapped like that."

"You don't have to apologize to me Clarke, I shouldn't have been so caught up in my head."

"Wouldn't be the first time," Clarke quipped with the cock of her eyebrow and a sly smile trying to make Lexa feel better.

Her face softened with Clarke's expression. "I supposed not," She admitted smiling.

Clarke let out a small chuckle, "I could tell you about that song…if you still wanted to hear about it."

That did it. Clarke wanting to share this with Lexa made the girl quickly cross the tent and place herself beside Clarke on the bed. She sat cross legged again facing Clarke eager to listen. Clarke adjusted and moved so she could lay her head on Lexa's crossed legs. She lifted her hair out from under her and swung it over Lexa's right leg so she wouldn't be so uncomfortable. She sighed when Lexa's hand immediately found it's way into the blonde hair and began threading her hands through it.

Clarke remained quiet just absorbing the feeling of Lexa's hands in her hair. She felt light soft touches that blazed with heat.

"So, Clarke of the sky people, what is your sky song?" Lexa asked quietly prodding Clarke out of her day dreams.

"I wish I had a guitar," Clarke started her eyes up on Lexa, "or something to hit the notes with."

"You seemed to hit the notes in your humming, that is enough," Lexa said quietly.

Clarke began to hum the melody. Lexa fell silent as she listened, her hands now beginning to pull and separate strands of hair. Clarke felt the braids beginning to form. It was incredibly relaxing and before long Clarke spoke.

"It's called Queen (King) and Lionheart by a group called Of Monsters and Men," Clarke told her. "My dad used to sing it all the time, since I was a baby actually. It's from before the world ended. It was his favourite song. Mine too…"

"Does it have words?"

"Yes, powerful words. Words I didn't really understand until I landed on earth."

"Could I hear them?" The sincerity in Lexa's voice was so earnest Clarke couldn't deny her.

"Promise not to make fun of my singing?"

"I could never," Lexa told her softly smiling. Clarke had no choice but to believe her. She never sang for anyone, only with her father did she sing and play guitar. She hadn't touched on since he was floated.

Clarke cleared her throat, now extremely nervous. She swallowed her nerves and shut her eyes,

 _"_ _Taking over this town, they should worry,_  
_But these problems aside I think I taught you well.  
__That we won't run, and we won't run, and we won't run."_

Clarke began to tap her hand on her thigh to keep the beat,

 _"_ _And in the winter night sky ships are sailing,_  
_Looking down on these bright blue city lights._  
_And they won't wait, and they won't wait, and they won't wait.  
__We're here to stay, we're here to stay, we're here to stay."_

She swallowed the emotions creeping over her,

 _"_ _Howling ghosts they reappear_  
_In mountains that are stacked with fear_  
_But you're a Queen and I'm a lion-heart.  
__A lion-heart."_

She wiped a loose tear out of her eye,

 _"_ _Her crown lit up the way as we moved slowly_  
_Pass the wondering eyes of the ones that were left behind._  
_Though far away, though far away, though far away  
__We're still the same, we're still the same, we're still the same."_

Clarke swallowed and kept her hand tapping on her leg, her thoughts on her and Lexa now,

" _Howling ghost they reappear_  
_In mountains that are stacked with fear_  
_But you're a Queen and I'm a lion-heart._  
_And in the sea that's painted black,_  
_Creatures lurk below the deck_  
_But you're a Queen and I'm a lion-heart._  
_And as the world comes to an end_  
_I'll be here to hold your hand_  
_'Cause you're my Queen and I'm your lion-heart._  
_A lion-heart, a lion-heart, a lion-heart, a lion-heart  
__A lion-heart, a lion-heart, a lion-heart, a lion-heart"_

Her voice cracked again as she neared the end,

 _"_ _Howling ghosts they reappear_  
_In mountains that are stacked with fear_  
_But you're a Queen and I'm a lion-heart._  
_And in the sea that's painted black,_  
_Creatures lurk below the deck_  
_But you're a Queen and I'm a lion-heart._  
_A lion-heart, a lion-heart, a lion-heart, a lion-heart  
__A lion-heart, a lion-heart, a lion-heart, a lion-heart"_

When she finished Clarke's tears were flowing like a faucet. Lexa's hands stopped braiding and began to wipe away at the tears. Clarke leaned into each touch thankful she was there.

"Do you cry because of the memories of your father?" Lexa asked quietly trying to understand.

Clarke nodded, "Yes but also," she swallowed, "because I just discovered something new, the story almost sounds like us…"

Lexa smiled softly at her and stroked her cheek, "Lionheart," she called her lovingly.

"And you're the Queen," Clarke began to cry all over again and she shifted so she could put her head tight to Lexa's belly now half in her lap and half lying on her. Lexa simply adjusted and pulled her closer. After a few moments of Clarke's crying she shifted again moving Clarke easily in her lap so she could cradle her. And she let her cry.

After a while Clarke cried herself to sleep in the arms of her Queen.

Later in the afternoon Clarke woke up still wrapped tightly in Lexa's lap, Octavia was speaking quietly to Lexa and quickly stopped when she noticed Clarke woke up.  
"Hey girl, how's your leg?" She asked loudly.

"Hurts." Clarke said flatly looking at Lexa and giving her a smirk. It was the same answer Lexa gave her the day in the woods after Lexa had been attacked by the Pauna (the first time).

Clarke adjust and sat up straighter in Lexa's lap, Lexa kept her hands around her, placing one on her thigh and the other on her far hip keeping her in place. Clarke tried to stretch a bit, "So what's on the go now?"

"Nothing much really it's quiet today for the most part. Monty has a new batch of shine done, Jasper and him are excited to break it out tonight, Kane and Bellamy should be returning from Polis this evening as well." Octavia told her.

Clarke knew that was not what they had been discussing before she woke up but she decided not to press it.  _No darkness today._

Lexa and Clarke followed Octavia out of the tent, the sun was sitting lower in the sky than earlier and her stomach was growling. They went and at some lunch outside with Lincoln before he left on a scouting trip. Clarke watched as the warrior and his tiny warrior princess snuggled up for a last minute goodbye. There was so much tender kissing that Clarke had to look away and give them some privacy. Her glances landed on Lexa, her desire to do the same to her building within. She looked away trying to hide the desire in her eyes when Lexa's green met her blue.

When they had finished eating Lexa excused herself to go speak with Indra and her people while Clarke remained with O.

"So how are things?" Octavia said sitting down and whipping the remnants of Lincoln's saliva from her lip.

"Just peachy," Clarke said dryly, "got a hole in my leg to match the one in my arm now."

"Yeah but how's the one in your heart?" Octavia said flashing a glance in Lexa's direction.

"It's not a hole anymore, it's more like fractures," Clarke corrected her now too looking at Lexa. "Like the memories missing make it incomplete? If that makes any sense..."

"Well she doesn't seem to be pulling away anymore right? "

Clarke shook her head, "No, I don't think she will pull away again." And she really didn't.

"Then there's hope! You can make new memories!" Octavia said excitedly rubbing her hands together.

Clarke smiled still looking at Lexa, "Yes O,  _we_  have hope."

And they both did.

 


	20. Lovers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loverrrrrssssss

Later…

There was a nip in the air as the sun began to set. You could hear bustling and movement all around the camp as their people went here and there to finish their tasks for the day.

Camp fires and cooking spits came roaring to life and the smells of burning wood and cooked meat filled the air. A few areas of camp had larger fires being built to give off heat in the cooler air. Small crowds began to form around them and voices and laughter filled the air as well.

Lexa and Clarke were back inside Lexa's tent just being content with being together. There were candles lighting the room in a soft warm glow. A large fire sitting in an old metal drum was giving off heat in the middle of the tent and small vents above was allowing the smoke to leave the tent. Clarke was using a piece of burnt wood to trace designs into Lexa's war table.

Lexa smiled, there the blonde sitting across from her, drawing on the wooden table with a piece of burnt wood bringing the trees within the table to life. The irony was not lost on Lexa as she smiled a little wider when Clarke began to hum her little tune. In Lexa's head she sang the words, singing right along with the memory of Clarke's voice serenading her earlier that day. She felt her heart flutter in her chest when she saw Clarke's little tongue get caught between her teeth as she concentrated on her work. It warmed her insides and sent it flowing into her arms, legs, toes and fingers.

"So your people believe in reincarnation?" Clarke's voice broke Lexa out of her trance.

Lexa nodded confused to what brought that question on, "We do. The spirit of the Commander resides within me. It chose me to lead my people, when it is my time my spirit will chose the next."

"So you're an old soul?" Clarke inquired, blatantly ignoring Lexa's talk about her impending death.

Lexa nodded slowly, "I guess I am."

Clarke paused for a moment, "I think so too." And she smiled the cutest most thoughtful smile Lexa had ever seen cross her face. Her heart beat loudly in her chest at the sight.

"Sometimes I dream about the past Commander's lives," Lexa revealed to the blonde. She had never told this to anyone, not even Titus. It was always an unspoken belief but Lexa never revealed it was actually true –  _until_  now. She was not disappointed as Clarke's eyes flew wide open as she looked up at her. There was something in Clarke's eyes that told her she believed but her face said she didn't. Lexa smiled to encourage her to keep asking questions if she wanted.

"Would you tell me about them?" Clarke asked quietly before turning back to her work on the table.

Lexa gave her a small smile. "Few of their stories end very happily," She warned.

Clarke looked up, "You don't have to tell me about it if it's painful."

"I have never told anyone about it," she confessed.

Clarke dropped the piece of wood she was using to draw with. She was not expecting that. Lexa saw Clarke reach out her sooty hand and Lexa gladly accepted it, squeezing tight. Lexa found strength within her now to tell her more. The warmth in their hands now going up her arm and straight to her heart.

"The first time it happened was the night the Commander's spirit made itself known me. It was my ascension day, the day I took my place as Heda. I had a dream filled with fire and death. In the middle of the flame I saw a young brown haired woman before she disappeared. There were explosions as well. I saw an old world that used to be so beautiful my heart broke to see it destroyed. I have images in my minds eye of how it looked before it ended; Rows of houses, beautiful trees, a quiet river and rows on rows of yellow flowers that I have never seen in my own lifetime."

Clarke remained silent listening intently enthralled, her eyes glued to Lexa.

"The dream toyed with my emotions. I remember feeling an enormous amount of love, so much so it was almost overwhelming. But as the images changed it caused me to feel a never-ending heartbreak, guilt and so… so much longing." Lexa sighed at the pain, "I felt incomplete and lost. And that's when I found myself among the stars…floating," Lexa trailed off as the faint memory of the dream rang through her head. Her body shivered and goose bumps coursed on her skin.

Lexa saw Clarke shiver; she offered her a smile letting her know she was okay. She was really glad she could share these things with Clarke without any condescension from the blonde. She felt no fear, only trust and it was pushing her to tell her more.

"The next time happened just before Costia was taken. I saw Raul the 5th Commander being tortured on a blood tree in sacrifice for his people. Relinquishing his title and suffering the pain of three hundred deaths," Lexa was shaking now as she once again felt the pain Raul had been feeling in her bones. Clarke tightened her grip and rubbed her thumb over the back of Lexa's hand soothingly. "I did not know at the time but it was a warning. Raul's spirit was trying to tell me that Costia was going to be tortured and killed while I sacrificed her for my duty…" Lexa was crying softly at the memory of her young love.

"I'm so sorry Lexa," was all Clarke could say. Her voice barely a whisper and full of pain for Lexa.

Lexa gave her a small smile through her tears. "I've had two more instances of these dreams or warnings if you can call them that."

Clarke remained silent but eyes were still glued to Lexa's, her gaze was so intent that Lexa had to look away from time to time to keep her head and retell the story.

"Really? Before a war or something? ...Are they all bad?" Clarke inquired to change the subject off of Costia and Lexa's heartbreak.

Lexa shook her head, "No." She now smiled warmly at Clarke, "Although, most of the Commander's lives ended tragically – there were some with light moments and even brief glimpses of happiness in their lives. Once, I dreamed of a proposal of sorts. A woman, I'm not sure what Commander it was, she was pledging her sword and life to a tall blonde while on bended knee… I remember feeling warm, tingly, light but determined like I had a purpose. It was beautiful, so beautiful that I woke with happy tears in my eyes."

"When did you have that one?" Clarke asked fascinated with the admiration she heard in Lexa's voice.

Lexa smiled emotions rising to her throat, "Thirteen days before you crashed to Earth."

Clarke blushed at this revelation and tucked a wisp of hair behind her ear, then she absentmindedly ran her fingers over the braids Lexa had done earlier, "Lexa, do you believe in soul mates?"

Lexa cocked her head, intrigued with the notion, "I've never thought about it much. Now that I do, the answer is yes. I am sure they exist for some lucky people. Do your people believe in that sort of thing?"

Clarke's smile faded, "Some do. Most of their belief comes from imagination and books we had on the Ark rather than actually finding it."

"You don't believe?" Lexa asked seriously, extremely intrigued with Clarke's answer and where her head was at.

The blonde shrugged, "The Ark was so confined. There were people but so few people compared to the how the world was…it's hard to believe your soul mate was in the same tin can as you floating in space," Clarke said quietly. There was a hint of bitterness in her voice.

Lexa sensed that she was feeling defeated so Lexa inquired further wishing to understand, "Can you explain the premise of soul mates? To the extent of your people's beliefs?"

Clarke looked up, she was searching for something in Lexa's eyes before she spoke, "My dad used to say there were ten signs that you had found your soul mate. The first and most obvious being something you feel inside. It's next to impossible to explain the feelings within you."

Lexa nodded, she could relate to that just sitting in the presence of Clarke.

"You're going to laugh at this one," Clarke said lightly. "The second is flashbacks." She raised her eyebrows, "Your soul mate has been present in your past lives. Your soul mate and you find each other throughout time, paths always colliding and ever connecting. Sometimes you're lovers, sometimes you're destined to be a part, sometimes you're enemies or even related."

Lexa watched her intently but her mind couldn't resist flashing back to the memory of the commander that had pledged her life to a blonde. She felt a shiver run through her spine before settling in her heart as she then thought of the brown haired girl wrapped in flames. She swallowed, "what else?"

Clarke smiled and continued to rub her thumb against the back of Lexa's hand, "You get each other, it's like you understand each other better than anyone else. You fall in love with his or her flaws. Soul mates are always tested, their bonds break and re-entwine, they bend and they build stronger throughout history."

"Keep going," Lexa implored trying to encourage Clarke. She had sensed a bit of emotion in Clarke's at her last revelation.

Before Clarke could continue Octavia and Indra were requesting entrance.

"Later?" Clarke asked quietly squeezing her hand.

Lexa smiled wide, "Yes, please." She kissed the sooty hand in her own, "I would love to hear more." Her people did not have such belief about soul mates. Their views were simpler – a soul mate was one that followed its match throughout time and space – that was the extent of the lore. Hearing about the finer details of what Clarke and her people saw as a soul mate was opening Lexa's eyes incredibly. She let the thoughts within her sink in as she bid entrance to Octavia and Indra.

"Kane and Bellamy should be arriving in a few hours," Octavia said skipping to Clarke's side. "Woah, that would make a sick tattoo," Octavia stated looking at Clarke's work.

Lexa watched as Clarke leaned back in her chair to admire her work, "You think so?" A small smile played to her lips.

"Hell yah, I might get you to design mine. Do we know of anyone that makes the marks?" Octavia asked turning to Indra.

Lexa watched Indra flash a glance her way. The look Lexa was giving her told her to keep her mouth shut. Indra spoke anyways, "There are few that talented." Her eyes never settling on Lexa again as she finished, "The village of Runai has one of them. It's a three days ride from here."

Lexa let out the breath she was holding and stood up, "We should dress for the evening and join our people Clarke."

Clarke smiled and Octavia and Indra left the tent to wait outside. Lexa went to one of the trunks by the bed and removed a long coat, not unlike the one she had on. She then took out a pair of gloves that were missing the fingertips. She sighed, they would have to do for now. She crossed the room to assist Clarke in standing and helped her put on the coat. It sat long on the short blonde but it looked amazing on her. The black of the coat and hints of red fox fur blended effortlessly with Clarke's golden braids. Lexa gently grazed Clarke's neck as she pulled her hair out from under the collar and let it flow freely on her back. She then clasped the toggles while Clarke balanced precariously on her crutches.

When she was finished she took a step back and her breath was sucked from her chest.

Her heart thumped loud. It sped up and Lexa felt energy coursing within her.

"What? It looks dumb doesn't it?" Clarke said looking down at herself.

Lexa quickly closed the distance and couldn't resist putting her hands on either hip of Clarke's. She felt heat under her finger tips at the touch, right through the clothing. She swallowed, "No," she swore, "It looks…" she paused at a loss for words. Clarke blushed and Lexa immediately found what she was searching for, "You look beautiful."

Clarke's cheeks were cherry red now she looked away sheepishly. Lexa moved her hand to cup Clarke's face so she would look at her once again. Clarke blinked and then locked her in a gaze; Lexa saw her throat bob as she too swallowed whatever emotions were swarming within. She heard a shaky breath leave the girl in front of her.

Lexa swiftly moved her hand to cradle Clarke's neck and brought her in tight against her body and held her close. "Just beautiful, Clarke," She whispered. She felt Clarke lean into her and nuzzle her forehead into Lexa's neck. The warmth in Lexa was building; she swore she could almost feel the temperature in the room rise as well.

Finally, Lexa stepped back, "I hope that was okay. I couldn't help myself…"

To her relief Clarke smiled and cocked her head, "You never have to apologize for that."

Lexa smiled, thankful that she didn't overstep her boundaries. "Come on, lets go find some dinner."

She followed Clarke out of the tent while Clarke said, "Okay, but we're coming back here later."

Lexa did not argue.

Meanwhile, her heart beat loudly for the Lionheart in front of her.


	21. Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liar Liar

As the night went on and they had ate their full their small group relocated to one of the larger fires. This one had fewer people around it as it was closer to Lexa's tent. They all set up around the fire, some sitting on logs, others on chairs, some on the dirt. Lexa and Clarke were seated close beside each other on the ground on a small fur right in front of the flames. They sat with their legs stretched out towards the heat and backs rested against a log.

Clarke had been quiet through dinner lost in her thoughts of her and Lexa's conversation in the tent.

Now, she was having a harder time thinking about it as her friends all showed up to gather around the heat. Clarke wondered when winter would come, if they would survive the push of the cold against their metal can home. She shivered and scooted a little closer to Lexa, needing to feel the heat from their bodies touching once again. She moved subtly trying to inch her way over, she pushed her right leg against Lexa's before she felt Lexa shift and move her hip and side against Clarke. Clarke grinned at her, she knew what Clarke was going for and if she was not mistaken Lexa had been searching for it too.

Jasper, Monty, Raven, Octavia, Linoln, Monroe and Harper were all located in various spots around them. Clarke looked around before giving in to what she really wanted and leaning in a little more to Lexa.  _Fuck 'em,_  she thought. She knew there were rumours about the two girls in and around camp. She knew some of them knew the truth behind the rumours while others had guessed and others simply dismissed it. The people around her were  _her_  people, she could trust them couldn't she? She eyed Lexa from the corner of her eye, she wondered if she was thinking the same.

Monty and Jasper disappeared into the darkness while the group took up various conversations. Clarke and Lexa remained silent just enjoying the company, Clarke caught her occasionally glancing her way and giving her her secret smile that was just for Clarke, the one that stayed mostly in her eyes.

Clarke tingled everywhere every time she saw it.

Shortly after Monty and Jasper returned with their newest creation of liquor. Clarke took the cup she was offered with a small smile. She didn't need to drink tonight, she could get drunk just off Lexa's presence but she took it anyways. She saw Lexa eye the cup she offered as well, and Clarke moved her hand to Lexa's thigh briefly and gave it a squeeze before removing it again. She knew deep down that Lexa had the same notion about Clarke's presence.  _Or maybe Heda's telling her 'no',_ Clarke pointed out.

Lexa glanced at her and with a subtle nod she too accepted the cup. Clarke shifted a little and held her cup up and out in the small space between them. "To those we've lost," she said.

Lexa eyed her softly for a moment, Clarke couldn't make out what was going on in her head. Lexa swallowed, "And to those we shall soon find," she whispered and touched her cup to Clarke's and held it there. Clarke was frozen in her gaze, stilled by the conviction and emotion in her voice. She felt fire in her belly, desire in her nether region and tingles everywhere their bodies were making contact. Her heart was pounding on her chest begging to be released. She was leaning in, she knew it but could do nothing to stop it, a few more inches and she'd claim the pouty pink lips that had been taunting her all day. She licked her lips readying them-

"Typically you drink after a toast," she heard Raven mock.

Clarke leaned back coming to her sense, eyes still on Lexa's lips before they darted back to her green eyes. Lexa's eyes were darker than moments before, their cups remained touching at the rim. Clarke swallowed her desire and smiled. She dipped her head a bit towards Lexa before pulling the cup to her lips and downing it all.  _That was fucking intense._ She did need that drink in that moment.

She saw Lexa do the same and blush, Clarke sighed and looked to the moment destroyer that was Raven Reyes. She glared at her.

"What?" Raven asked innocently shrugging.

Clarke pursed her lips, "You are the worst."

"Child please," she scoffed, "You would pick me first, don't even lie."

Clarke flashed her look to Lexa, before going back to Raven beside her and whispering, "Sorry Reyes, I think that spot might be taken now."

Raven laughed and leaned in to whisper coyly, "I will graciously accept a close second to Heda Eye-blaster there."

Clarke shoved her in the ribs with her elbow, "Enough," she warned worried that Lexa heard that. Not knowing really why it should embarrass her. But it did a bit. She felt like a schoolgirl with a crush. Like she was 13 again and saw Bellamy for the first time. She snickered in her head,  _what the fuck were you thinking as a kid?_  But she knew what she was thinking at the time, she was a young adolescent on the brink of puberty and he was relatively attractive and older. She later found out how fucking stupid the boy was resulting in her losing all attraction (however minute and fleeting) for him. Now she was simply thankful to have him as a friend that  _sometimes_  came through for her.

She thanked Monty for the refill and sipped at her cup, her eyes flickering onto Lexa who was speaking with Octavia and Lincoln about his last scouting trip. Her eyes roved around her, taking in the facial expressions, her body language and energy. She watched the fire dance in the reflection of her eyes and felt herself bobbing and weaving her head to the silent beat.

Lexa was stunning. In low light, in the fake light of the Ark, in sunshine and in the dark; Lexa was  _everything_  and more. Clarke struggled to find the words, laboured to find the descriptions and strained to find the sentiments that would adequately define the girl on her right. Nothing did her justice. Clarke reached out, with her free hand and put it on Lexa's forearm that was lying in her lap. She smiled when Lexa smiled without looking at her and simply leaned a little more into Clarke. These subtle gestures would have to be enough for now Clarke sighed.

"Clarke?"

The sound of her name from a man's voice shook her out of her day dreaming, reluctantly looking away from Lexa she turned to the source of the sound.

"Bellamy?" she stared in shock, he looked different. His face was dark and sunken in, his hair was a wreck on his head falling in every sort of direction. His clothes were tattered and covered in dirt and wet mud. He was struggling for breath and now leaning heavily on Jasper who had his hand on his chest keeping him upright.

"What the hell happened to you?" Octavia shouted crossing the space to her brother.

She stole the words right out of Clarke's mouth.

Bellamy wheezed in pain, "Echo, she helped me escape."

He was labouring for breath, Clarke felt Lexa move and immediately begin helping her stand and handing her the crutches. Clarke made her way over to him and looked at him closely. He had been beaten to a pulp and dragged behind a horse by the looks of it. Clarke felt Lexa's hand slip on her side at her ribs, the other hand tucking gently under her armpit to keep her stable while she began to assess Bellamy's wounds. She pressed and poked in the light of the fire, "Jesus. Bell," Clarke exclaimed. The amount of pain he had to be in was unbelievable. Clarke saw broken ribs before she felt them. Don't even get her started on the lacerations and infections that may be sinking in already.

"Scout the lands that surround Arkadia now," Lexa was barking orders at Indra who came to investigate. "Look for Kane. Now!"

Clarke looked at her, that's right Kane was supposed to be with Bellamy. "Get him inside," Clarke heard herself begin to bark her own orders; she tried to ignore the look of pride on Lexa's face and the even more primal look in her eyes as she did so. "Get him to my mother, now!"

When they had gotten into the medical bay they were all standing around, everyone asking random answers no one knew the answers to.

Lexa was pacing.

Clarke cleared her throat and the room fell silent.

Lexa stopped pacing and gave Clarke her full attention. Clarke stared back at her finding strength to speak.

"When is the last time you heard either of them on the radio?" she asked the room.

"Yesterday morning, Kane and Bell were set to leave for Arkadia from Polis," Raven answered her.

Clarke set her jaw, "Okay, so that means they got separated in the time between then and now. But why would Echo free Bellamy and not Kane? He wouldn't have just left Kane behind," she said thinking back to Bellamy trying to free her in Nia's tent. It seemed so long ago.

"We need to contact Polis, maybe Kane is there still?" Lexa said calmly helping Clarke calm herself as well.

"I'm on it, I'll be back with the radio," Raven said.

"I'll go," Octavia said laying a hand on her shoulder, "It'll be faster and I need something to do."

Raven gritted her teeth but nodded admitting defeat. Clarke frowned she hated seeing that. Clarke looked back at Lexa, "Who's Echo?"

"Ice Nation. She must have sent him with a warning, a message or something." Lexa answered. She then began to pace again. Clarke tried to ignore it.

"I need to talk to Bellamy," Clarke moved to the room she and Lexa had once shared and barged in.

"Clarke, he's not ready," Abby started saying.

Clarke continued to the bed on her crutches forcing abby to move, "Bell. Hey Bell, you're okay. You're safe." She stroked his damp hair back off his forehead and he opened his eyes.

"Clarke. Echo, she sent me to warn you."

"What, what warning?" Clarke said panicked, he looked like he was going to pass out.

"Her life is in danger," he groaned through the pain of speaking, "Lexa."

"Bellamy?" Clarke was now shaking his shoulder with her one hand. He had gone unconscious. Frustrated she turned on her crutches and left the small room. She felt Lexa's long coat she was wearing swoosh behind her with each swing on the crutches.

Everyone's eyes were on her, "What did he say?" Octavia was asking.

"Nothing. She just let him go, she didn't tell him anything. No message." Clarke ignored the look she now saw Abby giving her as she exited Bellamy's room.

She ignored the even worse look Lexa was giving her from the other side of the room. Still pacing.

"Kane's in Polis, he ended up staying behind because he loves that place so damn much," Octavia said exasperated. "Like what the fuck are the chances?"

"Choices we make are fates design," Lexa offered loud enough to silence the room.

With that she walked out of the room at a fairly brisk pace. But not too fast that Clarke couldn't keep up pace but five feet back.

When they entered the tent, Clarke kept her head down and made her way to the wash basin. She leaned awkwardly and cleaned up her hands and face before making her way to the end of the bed and sitting down. Lexa turned to face her when she knew Clarke was settled.

"You lied." It wasn't a question.

Clarke hung her head low, "I lied."


	22. Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But torture doesn't work.

 

 

 

"Why? ron ai ridiyo op"  _tell me the truth,_  Lexa asked Clarke. She did not feel angry although she was sure Clarke thought she was. Lexa tried to relax her posture a bit trying to ease Clarke's mind. She really just wanted to know the truth behind the matter.

When Clarke didn't answer and kept her eyes on the floor Lexa moved so she was standing right in front of her. She took a deep breath and knelt down in front of her so she could look at her face. She lay her hand on Clarke's thigh, "I cannot protect you if I do not know what is happening," Lexa explained softly.

"You're not angry? Like I betrayed you?" Clarke surprised Lexa by asking her this.

Lexa shook her head and smiled softly at Clarke when she finally saw the blue sparkling within her eyes, "Nowe."  _Never._

That got her a small smile, "I didn't want to say anything with everyone around back there." Clarke explained, putting her hand on Lexa's and letting the warmth spread with her palm. "The warning was for me."

Lexa set her jaw tight. She felt rage build in her before Clarke's face stifled it out, worry taking her. She saw tears welling in the blonde's blue eyes. Lexa reach up and stroked her cheek, "Beja, tell me."  _Please._

Clarke leaned into the contact, "'Her life is in danger. Lexa'" she quoted Bellamy quietly as if afraid to utter it.

Before Lexa could try to console Clarke or even comprehend what she was so intensely upset about Clarke was standing and pulling her up and into her so she could burry her face in Lexa's neck. She could feel Clarke's warm tears against her neck and Clarke's warm cheek. Lexa folded her arms around her holding her in place, "Clarke, I am not in any more danger than usual," Lexa said softly trying to soothe her worries. "This is not new information, really."

She leaned back slightly to try and look at Clarke. It was useless the blonde was not relenting. She kept her face buried in Lexa's neck; she could feel her breath shaky on her skin. Lexa placed her chin on Clarke's head and began gently rocking the girl in her arms.

"It's Ice Nation Lexa. You're in danger because of me, I killed the Queen." Clarke spoke her voice faint and cracked.

Lexa stroked her hair, "You did Queenslayer," her voice warm, "it is natural for them to want vengeance."

She heard Clarke sniffle, "Can't they take their vengeance out on me? Why do they have to target you?"

Lexa held her a little tighter, "Maybe they think I'm your weakness," she whispered.

"You're probably right." She heard Clarke say in a voice that made Lexa concerned. She swallowed and relented her grip a bit on Clarke and tried to see her face.

"Would you like to stay here tonight with me?" Lexa asked softly, "You could protect me," She joked. She was now desperate to make the girl smile again, "Beja?"  _Please._

She wasn't disappointed. Clarke was now looking up at her, eyes wide and brimming with her tears, but smiling. She nodded, "I want to." She was  _not_  joking.

Lexa's heart thumped triumphantly at the confirmation. She helped Clarke with the coat before addressing her own. She located some nightwear for the two and averted her eyes as Clarke and her changed. That was  _until_  Clarke asked for her help to replace her bandage. Lexa looked over and had to swallow hard lust that ran through her in that moment.

She saw tiny feet that led to perfect ankles, smooth calves (even the one with the hole in it), perfect knees that broke way to gorgeous thighs. All of that and more only accentuated by the black boy cut briefs she was in. Lexa couldn't help but let her eyes wander up to see Lexa's tight fitting top clinging to her every curve, hugging her plump breasts and exposing her arms.

Lexa's eyes lingered on the clan coalition brand for a moment before letting her eyes get lost in Clarke's face and hair. She watched the candle light glint and shimmer against the braids that Clarke was now unravelling. Lexa sucked in a deep breath now desperate for air as well as Clarke.

"Lexa?" Clarke asked, her voice concerned. Lexa blinked and smiled and averted her gaze, her breathing returning to normal.

"Sorry," she mumbled awkwardly. "I-I did not mean to stare."

She heard a beautiful little laugh come from Clarke, "Oh please, you didn't offend me so stop thinking you did."

Lexa let herself relax. She didn't upset her. Lexa moved to grab the bandages for Clarke and immediately sat down and set to work. She let her fingers trail delicately against Clarke's skin, marvelling at the invisible sparks she could feel but not see.

"Incredible," she whispered.

"Chemistry," Clarke confirmed with a smile when Lexa looked up.

She watched as the blonde shifted on the bed when she was finished to scoot up to the top. Lexa stood up and helped pull the sheets and furs back for her. This time it was Lexa who noticed Clarke's stare, she smiled to herself afraid to break the spell.  _Look away my Lionheart_  she granted her silently. As Lexa moved to pull the furs up over Clarke she felt the blonde's arm snake around her and pull her into the bed so she landed on her hip and leg.

"If you think you're being noble and sleeping on the ground think again," was all Clarke said. Lexa didn't argue. This is what she wanted to. She just tucked legs under the sheets and pulled the furs up. Clarke settled in on the pillow next to hers, Lexa shifted so she could lay on her side and face Clarke.

They lay in silence for awhile attempting to let the events of the evening run their course through their bodies and minds. Lexa concentrated on watching Clarke and letting her image burn into her eyes. She could stare at her forever. She saw Clarke smile and turn to face her as well. She reached out and entwined their fingers relishing in the heat once again.

"Did you want to hear more about soul mates? Where did I leave off at?" Clarke asked quietly.

Lexa smiled wide. She was so happy that Clarke had remembered their discussion earlier that day. Lexa was so eager to hear more about Clarke's beliefs. She knew deep down that Clarke believed in such a thing even if she didn't want to admit it. Something in Lexa was just screaming, ' _she has to believe.'_

"There were ten signs: the feeling inside, flashbacks, understanding and acceptance I believe is what you have covered."

That earned Lexa huge grin. "I didn't think you were listening that intently," Clarke said.

Lexa shrugged, "I listen to everything you say," she gave her a small smile, "even the things you don't."

Clarke's mouth opened at the sentiment and she blushed. Lexa smiled and averted her gaze not wanting to embarrass her more. Sometimes she forgot how smooth she was.

Eventually Clarke rolled her eyes, and began playing with their hands that were still entwined. "Anyways," Clarke started and Lexa leaned a little closer listening close. Clarke looked into her eyes, "The fifth would be intensity, a soul mate relationship will be more intense in both good and bad ways. They can often butt heads but they're able to resolve the problem by looking beyond it."

Lexa saw her swallow before continuing. Her hand gripped Lexa's a little tighter, "It's you two against the world. Soul mates compromise and unite creating a bond that's ready and willing to fight whatever the world throws their way," Clarke continued.

It was Lexa's turn to swallow this time. The intensity in which Clarke said that threw her off guard.

"The seventh would be that you're mentally connected, even when apart you feel the other there." She smiled, "You feel secure and protected by their love always."

Lexa shifted and slowly put her hand on Clarke's forarm before sliding it up over her shoulder and letting it rest on Clarke's side. Clarke shifted a little closer in response, smiling at Lexa. Their foreheads were now touching and they were locked in each others gaze.

"The ninth sign of a soul mate is not being able to imagine your life without her- them, I mean," Clarke shook her head but still looked at Lexa trying to hide what Lexa was already too aware of herself.

"What's the tenth Clarke," Lexa whispered, she tried to ignore the heat that was generating between their now entangled legs.

She saw Clarke swallow and stare at Lexa in a whole new light, "Eye contact. Constant, gazing, revealing, silent-conversation-having eye contact."

Lexa felt a shiver run through her body despite the heat between their two bodies. The girls fell silent. Lexa playing Clarke's ten signs in her head over and over. No matter how she saw it – the truth was smacking her right in the face. Was Clarke of the Sky People Lexa's soul mate? Would she really be se lucky? She saw Clarke's face mimicked her own, questioning and searching for answers within herself.

Before Lexa could say anything Clarke spoke again, "Do your people have any stories of soul mates?"

Lexa sighed, there was only one at the forefront of her mind right now. "Yes, it is of the first Commander and her lifelong love… But it is not a happy ending type of story."

Clarke nodded in understanding, "Will you tell me some other time?"

Lexa swallowed, "Yes, that's a good idea. There are visuals that I can show you as well - Paintings from many years ago. Do you think you would like that?"

Lexa saw excitement in Clarke's eyes, "Yes, definitely. Let's do that."

"We can go in a few weeks, when your leg is better."

They fell into comfortable silence again before long they both drifted off to sleep together. Foreheads still touching, hands still entwined, Lexa's arm protectively on Clarke's side and their legs entangled. Everywhere their bodies were touching there was a raging heat originating from within. They would wake the next morning in the same positions with smiles on their faces.

Around noon the next day Clarke had questioned Bellamy alone. He couldn't tell her who had him exactly just that it was Ice Nation, he didn't know the people that held him. They had beaten him senseless and were going to torture him for information. It was then that Echo had helped him escape and send him home. He didn't know what information they were going to try to get from him but Clarke could only assumed it had to do with Lexa. She didn't share this information with him. He didn't need it. And with his injuries he'd be out of the fight for awhile. She left him to rest and headed out to find Lexa.

She found her with Octavia and Indra and she smiled when she saw Clarke.

"Hey," Clarke said, "What's going on?" She saw worried glances flash to Lexa. Clarke watched as Lexa set her jaw, "ron ridiyo op" _tell the truth_  Clarke requested not unlike the way Lexa had the night before.

To her surprise Lexa gave her her small smile, "We need to discuss what to do with your borderlands fan."

_Oh that._  Clarke swallowed afraid of where this was going. Lexa must have noticed it because she motioned for Clarke to join her a short distance away from Octavia and Indra.

"'Jus Drein Jus Daun', right?" Clarke asked sadly.

Lexa nodded, "Yes but there are options here. I am leaving it up to you my Lionheart, his transgression is against you."

"Okay, I understand. What are my options?"

Lexa swallowed, "Well, we take him to Polis and get answers..."

"You mean torture him."

Lexa eyed her, "Yes, we make him speak his truth and find out what he knows so we are better prepared."

Clarke glared at her, "Torture doesn't work Lexa." Her voice was spitting anger.

"It  _does_  work Clarke, you simply have to do it right," Lexa's voice was calm and controlled.

Clarke gritted her teeth, she was now very angry. "How can you be so calm about that?"

"Clarke, you must understand," Lexa's voice cracked, "His arrow held no poison. Do you know what that means?"

"You don't hunt with poison arrows - it spoils the meat. What does that have to do with anything-"

"Clarke think," Lexa chided her.

"Oh my god. You think he was sent for me, not to kill me..." shock was written on Clarke's face and she knew it. "I'm sorry Lexa, I didn't mean to get so angry."

"You don't need to apologize but you do have a decision to make," Lexa said simply before giving Clarke a small sad smile.

Clarke shook her head sadly, "when do you need to know my decision?"

Lexa stepped closer to her, "By nightfall and his fate to be carried out tomorrow."

Clarke looked up searching her eyes, "What would you do?" she was looking for guidance.

Lexa gave her no smile, "You  _know_  what I would do Clarke. I will not make this choice for you, it is yours and yours alone. I will support it either way." She squeezed her arm and turned to head back to Octavia and Indra.

Clarke watched as she went but remained where she was. She looked up into the sky. 

_But torture doesn't work._


	23. Wanheda Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Wanheda no mou"  
> False, bitch.

 

 

 

As nightfall beckoned closer Clarke could no longer ignore the decision she had to make. Octavia had already asked her ten times if she decided. Lexa did not ask once, in fact - she had remained out of Clarke's eyesight for the rest of the afternoon. Clarke knew she knew she would tell her when she was ready. She also knew lexa wasn't avoiding her from their little argument earlier, she was simply allowing Clarke time to process her mind.

She kept herself busy with her deer fur that she was now working stitches into. She worked the thread and needle like a seasoned pro finding it much easier to stitch animal furs than human skin. She tried not to think about how she would either need to kill the man herself or allow Lexa and her people to torture and kill the man for her and his information.

_But torture doesn't work._

She huffed in frustration. Both options sucked. She hated being put in this position.

"Damn it!" she stabbed herself with the needle. She sucked on her finger and tasted the metallic taste of her blood.

"Clarke?" Lexa's voice came from outside the tent.

"I'm fine, one second." Clarke said trying to scramble her stuff into a little box she was using. "Okay."

Lexa entered her eyes immediately raking over Clarke, "You're hurt."

_How does she know?_  "I stabbed myself with a pin I think I'll live."

Lexa's posture relaxed, she seemed unsure what to do now. Clarke saw her start to bow a bit and knew she was going to leave, "wait." Clarke stopped her.

Lexa waited for Clarke to continue.

"Can I see him?"

Lexa tilted her head, "You wish to speak to him?"

Clarke nodded, each bob of her head confirming it. She watched as Lexa raked her tongue against her teeth and then spoke, "I'll take you to him."

Clarke followed Lexa to the back corner of her Trikru people. There is where Clarke found the man dangling from his wrists and tied to a post. He was hanging just far enough off the ground that he was using his toes to try and help alleviate the pain in his arms. Clarke hobbled closer.

"He doesn't have a beard," she said looking from the man to Lexa.

"No."

"Then he didn't shoot me! The guy had a huge beard." Clarke said looking at Lexa a spark of happiness in her voice. Maybe she didn't have to make this choice after all.

"It does not matter."

Hope be damned. "Lexa, he is innocent."

"He is by no means innocent Clarke, he was in the woods searching for you along with a party of six others." Lexa's voice was ice. Clarke could tell she was trying to conceal what she was feeling. Clarke looked back at the man.

She hobbled closer so she could speak to him.

"You didn't shoot me," she said to him. He shook his head. "You shot at me." He nodded.

"Why?"

He said nothing.

"You have to tell me, I can't save you from this unless you tell me." Clarke was pleading now.

He said nothing.

"Please, just tell me. You didn't harm me, we can fix this. Just give me what we need to know and we can figure this out." She was trying to compromise. Lexa remained silent behind her but watchful.

"Wanheda no mo."  _Wanheda no more._  The man said.

Clarke shivered and backed up, inching her way back to Lexa. Lexa looked at her but Clarke kept her head down, "I've decided," she said as she passed her. "And torture doesn't work." She whispered just loud enough for Lexa to hear, Clarke knew she would understand. She knew in that sentiment Lexa would know Clarke's intentions.

The next morning rolled around and Clarke had spent the night in Lexa's tent again.

This time however the feeling in the tent was different. Awkward even. Clarke felt herself being distant with Lexa. They talked very little. A part of her was blaming Lexa foolishly for what Clarke had to do today. She knew it wasn't Lexa's laws but the laws of their people that needed to be carried out today. There was no sense in pushing blame. Yet, she still had spent the night in bed beside her but curled into a ball and facing away from the brunette. Lexa had offered to leave Clarke alone and sleep elsewhere but Clarke answered her by shifting in the bed and pulling the covers back. Lexa had hesitated but eventually gave in to the silent request.

For that Clarke would be eternally grateful. Lexa was there for Clarke in presence alone if that was what she needed. Clarke rolled over ready to face the day. Lexa wasn't there. Clarke sat up and searched for her in the tent.

"I'm right here Clarke," Lexa said entering the tent.  _How did she know?_  Clarke thought to herself as she watched Lexa move the basin and wash her hands. She was already dressed and had her commander's red sash trailing behind her.

"I'm sorry about last night," Clarke blurted out no longer able to keep it in. She just wanted Lexa to look at her.

She did.

Clarke raised her hand, "Before you tell me I don't have to let me tell you why you're wrong." She saw Lexa close her mouth and wait.

Clarke sighed suddenly unsure of where to start, "I was angry and I took it out on you passive aggressively and that was wrong. But, what makes it even more wrong is that I wasn't angry with you, I know this is our people and our ways on the ground I get that – I do. But it doesn't make me have to like it. And I'm sorry, I was terrible and you even stayed with me because I didn't want to be alone. Lexa, I never want to spend another night like that again."

Clarke watched as Lexa crossed the room, her hands still wet now making their way to cup Clarke's cheeks so she could look into her eyes, "Apology accepted," she whispered before she kissed Clarke on the cheek before rubbing the spot with her thumb and releasing Clarke.

Clarke let out a shaky breath she was holding in her chest. Her head, eyes and senses were swimming with Lexa.

"Clarke?" Lexa called to her as she was drying her hands.

"I'm fine. Totally fine," Clarke said coolly now moving to remove herself from the bed ignoring Lexa's little smile but treasuring it all the same.

She put on the clothes Lexa had set out for her not failing to notice how hard Lexa was trying to keep her eyes on her own tasks. Clarke blatantly began to take her time slipping into each item while seated on the bed.

After awhile she had only put on her pants. She heard a deep intake of breath before she watched Lexa turn and face her eyes glued to Clarke's face, "You're going to need more layers, it's cold this morning."

Clarke smiled mischievously, "hmm, that's weird I find it really hot in here…"

She watched Lexa's eyes dart over her form before settling on her eyes again, "It is warm in here." There was a deep husk in her voice that made Clarke's toes curl. Before she could even bite her own lip and give Lexa her 'come hither' stare the tent flap opened and Indra came in.

"Commander, we are ready," Indra said flatly not noticing the tension in the room until just then.

Clarke blushed and began dressing much faster. She was done in seconds and Lexa was at her side helping her to the crutches.

"I haven't even eaten breakfast yet and I have to kill somebody," Clarke groaned bitterly.

"Just another day on the ground right," Lexa said softly looking at Clarke sympathetically. She knew how life was on the ground. She and Clarke knew better than most actually. Lexa understood Clarke and Clarke understood Lexa. They understood how each of them became who they were today. What needed to be done day-to-day did not sit well with Lexa as much as Clarke. She knew that. She just sometimes forgot. She made a mental note to try to be as understanding as Lexa in the future. Like that could ever happen. But a girl can dream.

As Clarke paused at the exit of the tent she felt Lexa's hand on her own releasing it's hold on the crutch. She entwined their fingers and once again paused to look for the invisible sparks they both felt. She then found the green eyes looking at her, "I will be right behind you," Lexa said reassuringly.

"I know," Clarke replied and squeezed her hand before grabbing onto her crutch and heading outside.

Lexa behind her right where she said she would be.

A crowd had gathered in a weird silent semi circle. The man was removed from the post and placed standing weakly against a larger timber that was cut down for today's event. He had been cleaned up as best they could manage and it is then that Clarke see deep cuts to the mans face. She sees welts and a black eye that had formed now better exposed in the sunlight. She shivered slightly as she remembered Lexa's cut knuckles and she turned to find her staring at Clarke without the hint of remorse for doing it to the man.

Clarke felt her heat swell in her heart and spread throughout her body, that side of Lexa terrified her, but she had to admit as the heat began to rest in her core it also turned her on. It was an unsettling mix of desire and fear and Clarke was sinking in it right now as she watched the girl.

Clarke wetted her lips before she felt a nudge at her ribs and Raven's voice in her ear at a low whisper, "Yo, cool it I can practically hear your vagina screaming from here."

Clarke swallowed and chided herself while Raven on the other hand smiled.

"This morning, we gather to see justice carried out." Lexa was now saying to the crowd and moving to stand in front of the man. "Justice will be done at the hand of the wronged." She now raised her voice so it demanded resect as she continued, "Klark Kom Skaikru, Legendary Wanheda and Queenslayer has chosen your fate. What say you Wanheda," Lexa bowed slightly gesturing to Clarke.

Clarke spoke loudly, trying to convey strength. She kept her eyes trained on Lexa drawing from hers, "I hold this man's fate in my hands in full understanding of the weight of such responsibility. This man will die today."

There were eruptions in the crowd and Clarke shivered.

Lexa moved so Clarke could make her way on the crutches closer. Clarke adjusted and held them out Lexa immediately took them for her and stepped back. Clarke took a deep breath and eyed the man before her, she gingerly put more weight on her bad leg and hobbled a little closer. She glanced at Lexa letting her know she was okay when she saw the girl move to assist her. Clarke needed to do this on her own.

She bent when she was close to the man and unsnapped the dagger at her thigh. She swiftly removed it and held it tight. Tension was thick in the air, it was a cool morning with frost on the ground. Clarke barely noticed. She didn't notice her own breath in front of her face until this moment. The man was shaking in the cold. He was suffering.

"How many cuts Wanheda?" she heard someone bellow in the crowd before he was fiercely silenced by Lexa's raise of a hand.

Clarke hobbled a little closer, "Just one." She whispered and slit the mans throat. His head quickly dropping as blood gushed out and down his front. Splattering the frost beneath him. Clarke took a deep breath and pushed it out, "yu gonplei ste odon." Clarke whispered to the man as she wiped the blood from the dagger and slid it back to its spot. She immediately felt Lexa's hand in her own as she came to stand in front of Clarke preventing her from seeing the body.

Lexa had dropped the crutches and had her by both hands, "You're okay, Clarke."

_How did she know_? Clarke thought as she now felt faint. When Lexa repeated her words Clarke came back to her senses."I'm okay, I just  _hate_  doing that," Clarke confessed.

"I know," Lexa said calmly, "we'll move whenever you're ready. Just take your time Clarke. The people around us just think its the pain in your leg that's bothering you. They don't need to know it's in your heart. I've got you - just breathe."

And Clarke felt a little calmer already.

 


	24. Ocean Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fucking SEA man...

 

Chapter 24:

It had been two weeks since Clarke killed the Broadleaf man on the tree.

Clarke had been very quiet the whole time. It was driving Lexa mad but she remained ever quiet at her side whenever she felt she needed her. More often than not before Clarke even asked for it. Though Clarke said very little Lexa knew the man’s death weighing on her.

Clarke _valued_ life.

It’s one of the many reasons Lexa loved her and felt such a strong connection to the blonde bombshell.

Lexa _valued_ life as well.

They remained in their awkward love limbo. They often cuddled up under the furs at night in Lexa’s tent but during the day their light touches and gestures were nowhere to be found. Lexa felt the strong longing in her heart and the need to be near Clarke every day but there was something holding the two of them back. Lexa knew deep down it was Clarke’s torment; she was punishing herself for killing the man two weeks prior.

Lexa hated that. She would rack her brain daily trying to figure out how to cheer Clarke up and fail. At night however, she _would_ earn soft sighs from Clarke as Lexa hummed her Lionheart song. She did this almost every night when she knew Clarke was having a hard time sleeping and was quite pleased when it would allow Clarke to drift off to sleep. Sometimes it took three or more repetitions but Lexa didn’t mind, she was just happy that something was helping.

Clarke’s leg was healing nicely, she no longer was using the crutches but her pace while walking was very slow. Lexa always slowed to match her awkward strides and ignored the annoyed and stubborn looks Clarke would give her when she did. She’d often huff in frustration or roll her eyes. Sometimes she’d swear under her breath and curse her dumb luck. These were the times when Lexa had to chew her cheeks to keep from smiling at the girl; she really loved the fighting stubborn side of Clarke. She loved every side of Clarke if she was being honest.

There was a very cool nip to the air now. Winter was coming and coming fast. Whenever they were out of the tents you could see your breath in front of you. Fires would go in the grounds all day long now. Every morning there was thick frost on the ground and the mud in Arkadia would freeze before melting off in the sun of the day creating a slippery mucky slop everywhere you looked.

This morning as Lexa walked beside Clarke she finally had a plan to make the blonde smile.

She took her chance and slipped her hand lightly into the crook of Clarke’s elbow and guided her from inside the Ark to her tent in silence. She was thrilled when Clarke didn’t shake out of her light touch but she didn’t show it.

“I have an idea for today,” Lexa said when she got them into the tent. She made her way across the room and began rummaging through the trunk by the bed.

“Like what,” Clarke asked quietly sitting down at the table. Her hands now tracing the designs she had drawn there a few weeks ago.

“Something to get you out of your head,” Lexa stated simply trying to hide the pain in her voice she was feeling for Clarke.

“Good luck.”

Lexa stopped what she was doing and went to Clarke’s side. She hesitated for a moment before putting her hand on Clarke’s shoulder, “I want to take you to see the sea.”

Clarke turned slightly so she could look up at her, “Now? Today?”

Lexa nodded, “If you would join me yes.”

She watched Clarke put her head down and bite her lip.

“Clarke,” Lexa said giving her a small squeeze, “you did what you had to do. You can not keep tormenting yourself like this.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, which made Lexa speak again this time more firmly with a little more Heda behind it. “Clarke. I’m serious. Look at the choice you made, really think about it for a second.”

She watched Clarke set her jaw and Lexa knew what was coming already, “You don’t think I’ve been thinking about it every damn day since it happened?” She had yelled and stood up making Lexa remove her hand and drop it to her side.

Lexa took a deep breath trying to calm herself, “Clarke, I know you have.” Her tone was soft now but still serious. “You had two options that morning: kill him and spare him more pain or hand him over to me. Do you know what I would have done to him?”

“Torture him,” Clarke spat angrily.

“Yes. But do you know how I would do it?”

This got Clarke’s attention and she was now staring at Lexa, wide eyed unable to speak.

Lexa swallowed the lump in her throat as she prepared to let Clarke know just how serious she took anyone threatening her life. She would make her understand that what Clarke did was _mercy_.

“I would have strung him up by his ankles and placed him over hot coals. I would have cut him to the bone over and over again. I would have let each cut heal just so I could open it again. I would have broken every finger in an agonizingly slow fashion. I would split his ribs each day. I would filet his skin from his arms. I would make him scream in pain. I would make him cry for his dead mother. I would make him feel every single ounce of the pain I feel.” Lexa’s voice was steel but she couldn’t hide the emotion behind it.

She watched Clarke swallow and take a step forward, “The pain you feel?”

Lexa nodded and looked to the ground. “You showed him mercy Clarke. Mercy he did not deserve,” Lexa looked up now as she finished, “If something worse had happened to you, if I had not of found you, if I had been too late…” Lexa shuddered at the thought. “He did not deserve the mercy you showed him.”

“But I’m fine,” Clarke said quietly.

“It does not matter, em jomp yu op en em jomp ai op. ” _he attacks you and he attacks me._ Lexa was staring at Clarke, silently begging her to understand.

Clarke closed the gap and put her hands on Lexa’s hips, “Lexa, I am sorry. I had no idea.”

Finally, she understands.

Lexa smiled softly, “You’re merciful Clarke. Just don’t forget that. It’s who you are.”

Clarke nodded and pulled her body tight against Lexa’s. _Finally._ Lexa sighed and put her arms around her. For the first time in two weeks they were embracing during the daytime and finding their common ground once again.

Clarke pulled back, a small smile on her face. Lexa beamed. “So the sea you say?” Clarke asked mischievously.

“Yes Clarke, we’re going to the sea today,” and Lexa moved to grab a fur, a bow and her quiver, her sword and her gloves. She handed the fur to Clarke to hold while Lexa strapped Clarke’s sword to her back for her. Right where it should always be. Lexa smiled as she finished and grabbed another pair of gloves for Clarke.

She reached for Clarke’s hand, “You seem excited,” Clarke giggled. It had been weeks since Lexa heard it and she smiled wide.

“I am excited. And if I’m not mistaken you are as well.”

Clarke nodded and grinned, “I am. Thank you.”

Lexa smiled warmly, “I am not only doing this for you, I want to see the sky and sea meet your blue eyes. I’m being a little selfish.”

Clarke kissed her on the cheek, “I think you deserve to be selfish, even if you never allow yourself that.”

“That’s why I need you around Clarke. Balance,” Lexa confirmed pulling her out of the tent.

Lexa led Clarke over to Icarus and Deadalus. She saddled Icarus while Clarke minded to Deadalus and stroked his side where the arrow had struck. She smiled when she noticed he was heeling just as well as her leg. She kissed his neck and nuzzled her nose into him.

Lexa moved Icarus into position and held her hand out to Clarke who took it and gingerly got into the saddle. She extended her hand to Lexa now and she hopped up behind her. Her arm finding its way on its own to Clarke’s waist and pulling her flush with Lexa’s chest. She breathed in deep into the braids in Clarke’s hair. Sunshine and rain, it never disappointed. Lexa turned Icarus on the spot and gave a gentle kick.

They made there way through the grounds before Lexa halted and turned her head waiting.

“What’s wrong?” Clarke asked confused why they were stopped. “Come on, I haven’t been outside Arkadia in weeks, I want to go now,” her voice was a slight whine and Lexa smiled into Clarke’s hair.

“We are waiting for our guard Clarke. It’s not wise to head out alone right now…not with things in motion the way they are.”

It was then that Octavia and Lincoln arrived as well as two other men of Lexa’s guard.

“I haven’t seen the sea!” Octavia said excitedly looking at Clarke and then back to Lincoln. Her excitement was contagious. Lexa felt it settling in her bones as well. She could also feel Clarke getting more excited too. Lexa rubbed her thumb on Clarke’s hip bone and was surprised to feel Clarke’s ass jut backwards just a bit but enough to put pressure on Lexa’s core. She shivered at the sensation. Even in the bite of the air she felt instantly warm, too warm almost with her big coat on. Lexa adjusted her grip on Clarke, her arm and hand now firmly keeping Clarke just where the blonde had moved. She felt Clarke’s gloved hand find hers.

Lexa kicked Icarus into motion. They rode hard and fast.

It was four hours to the sea but none of the group seemed to mind. Lexa led the way flanked by Octavia and Lincoln and then her two men behind them. Lexa could hear Clarke sing every now and then their little song and Lexa would hum along in her ear. She sometimes joined in on the chorus but mostly she listened happily to her Lionheart. Lexa couldn’t resist putting her face in Clarke’s neck and letting her warm breath tease the little bare skin she could find under the coat.

Finally, she could smell the change in the air. They were getting close. Lexa could tell Clarke felt the change in the air as well as she now sat a little straighter, excitement radiating off of her. Lexa watched as the sun danced on her hair and face before the breath was sucked from her lungs as she approached the sea. “Clarke shut your eyes,” she commanded, and when Clarke didn’t Lexa pressed her hand into her hip slightly. Clarke looked at her longingly about to question the request, “Beja?” Lexa asked politely.

Clarke shut her eyes without question.

Lexa then kicked the horse to go faster and hopped down as soon as she was close enough. She was no longer trying to contain her own excitement. She had waited so long for this moment. She wanted to see Clarke in all her glory standing and taking in one of Lexa’s most favourite views in her lands. She wanted to see the three blues mixing together and she needed it right now.

She rushed to help Clarke down and pull her closer to shore.

“Lexa, slow down!” Clarke giggled in her haste eyes still crammed shut adorably.

Octavia and the three men hung back and covered the perimeter keeping watch but allowing them some privacy.

Lexa stopped and turned Clarke so the sun was on her face, Lexa froze at the sight. She saw the dark blue of the sea meet the light blue sky and Clarke’s sun kissed hair flowing in the cool breeze, Lexa brushed a piece of hair behind Clarke’s ear and smiled. She felt heat rising within her as she looked at Clarke and watched the sun dance on her skin.

“Lexa, I wanna see the Ocean too…” Clarke was getting impatient. Lexa quickly adjusted where she was standing so she could see all three blues at once when Clarke opened her eyes.

She took a deep breath preparing for her breath to be sucked out of her chest this time; she knew it was going to happen. It was inevitable. Lexa whispered softly, “Clarke, this is one of my favourite spots in the lands I rule. I share this secret, this moment, this view - with no one but you…”

She saw take a deep breath and let out before her eyes fluttered open. And Lexa’s breath was ripped from her chest. Her heart stopped mid-beat. Her eyes widened and her mouth opened in shock.

She was not prepared for the beauty before her.

Her heart **thundered** back to life. It was almost painful but she didn’t want it to stop. Lexa knew it was beating for Clarke. She felt like time was standing still.

Clarke’s golden hair had been picked up in a gust of wind as soon as she had opened her eyes. Beneath her long lashes Lexa saw the striking blue and gold flecks in Clarke’s eyes mix effortlessly with the light blue of the sky and the yellow of the sun, and then she saw the deeper blue of the ocean crash into Clarke’s eyes in a perfect storm of beauty.

“Lexa,” Clarke breathed out mesmerized staring out into the expanse. She was watching the sky meet the earth and listening to the waves crash into each other. Her hand was clutching to Lexa’s so tight it hurt, the heat between their hand even through the gloves was scorching.

Lexa couldn’t take her eyes off of her.

“It’s…there are _no_ words,” Clarke struggled to articulate the view.

“I know what you mean,” Lexa said still staring at Clarke.

This. This right here was Lexa’s favourite view in her lands.

This was Lexa’s favourite view in all her lives before and all of the ones to come.

This beauty would satisfy Lexa until the end of time.

Her free hand went to her heart; she swore she could feel it swelling as she stared. She felt warm tears on her cheeks and did nothing to remove them. She felt the cold wind off the ocean on her face but it felt like a hot summer day to Lexa.

Finally, Clarke blinked and turned to look at Lexa. Her face was written with happiness, her smile as wide as the ocean. Lexa saw Clarke swallow and step closer; she reached up and began to dry Lexa’s tears while one of her own escaped.

“Why are you crying?” Clarke whispered as if afraid to break the spell they were under.

“I believe you call them tears of joy,” Lexa breathed back staring into her. Clarke smiled for her and rubbed her cheekbone with her thumb. It was like striking a match; Lexa could feel the heat from it even through her gloves. “Thank you for letting me bring you here Lionheart.”

“Thank you for bringing me here my Kwin.” _Queen._ She blushed at the intimate nickname as Lexa’s eyes bored into her. Clarke’s voice was nothing more of a whisper but Lexa felt every ounce of emotion behind it. Her heart was still thundering in her chest and screaming Clarke’s name. And then Lexa’s memory swam and she lost focus while Clarke’s hands moved to her hips to keep her steady. Everything came back to her at once. Every single memory she had been missing was back and flooding her mind. It was like the floodgates were released. Lexa was now sobbing and clutching onto Clarke for dear life. Clarke grabbed her back holding their bodies firmly together and running her hand through Lexa’s hair.

“Lexa, shhhh, it’s okay,” Clarke was cooing.

Lexa clutched her ever harder, “Clarke. I remember,” she breathed out through a racket of fresh sobs. She was happy. So happy she couldn’t stop the flow. Clarke didn’t try to stop her this time.

“I’ve got you, you don’t have to be stoic with me Lexa. Let it out,” Clarke was now crying too.

Their chests were doing a weird bouncing dance as their sobs consumed them. Only when they both had calmed down did their chests finally find their rhythm rising and falling together as they held each other close.

Lexa felt Clarke let go slightly and lean back. She looked down to see the perfect storm in Clarke’s eyes crash into her own. Clarke licked her lips and whispered, “kissem ai” _kiss me._ Her eyes were darker now but still dancing.

The fire in Lexa’s heart exploded into an inferno.

Lexa moved her one hand from Clarke’s lower back. She let it glide up her side before lacing it into her hair and behind her neck. Her other hand kept their bodies flush as Lexa tilted her head and captured Clarke’s waiting lips in a sweet embrace. They immediately sunk into it, the fires within them raged and roared. Their hearts were beating wildly trying to crash through their chests and physically meet. Their lips scorched and sparked as they moved against each other. And Lexa swore she could feel Clarke’s emotions within herself.

It was bliss.

It was instinct.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *I made up "kissem ai" to mean kiss me. Because fuck you I couldn't find it anywhere.
> 
> This is the LONGEST chapter in either part of the story....SO FAR. 
> 
> as always thanks for the kudos and comments - you give me life!!  
> I apologize for the numerous mistakes throughout the story *maybe one day* I'll have the time to go back and edit but I just wanna keep this flow up for you as best I can


	25. Almost only counts in horseshoes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They kind of do it? Kind of...

Lexa was sitting beside Clarke on the cool sand of the beach. They had a fur draped over them both and Lexa was holding her close. Clarke had her head against her chest as they watched the Ocean crash into the shore. Clarke knew she should feel cold in the crisp air but she didn’t. Clarke had her legs bent over Lexa’s one thigh with her feet between her legs and snuggled up close. Lexa was rubbing her hand through Clarke’s hair and humming Clarke’s song in her ear. Every now and then Clarke would sing the words softly with her before her blissful happiness would overwhelm her and fresh tears would come.

After a couple hours Clarke couldn’t hold it in anymore, she had to ask.

“So you remember it all? _Everything’s_ _back_?” she was jealous.

She felt Lexa’s chin on her head before she moved and Clarke felt her smile against her hair, “ _Everything_.” Her voice was angelic and filled with joy.

Clarke squeezed her thigh, “Is it good?” She was so freaking curious. That kiss was _too_ _good_. They had obviously had more than enough experience with it.

“It’s _better_ than what you could ever imagine,” Clarke felt a kiss to her head. “At least, it’s better than I could have ever imagined.”

A shiver went through Clarke’s spine that had nothing to do with the cool air and everything to do with the husk in Lexa’s voice. She reached up and pulled Lexa into another kiss. There had been no tongue in the one before and it wasn’t present in this one either.

It was soft and sweet. It was laced with deeper meaning. Clarke filled it with the love she felt but couldn’t express yet. she was till holding out for her memories. She felt Lexa’s hands move and begin roaming Clarke’s back and side. Her one hand made its way to softly caress Clarke’s cheek as she tilted her head for even better access. Clarke didn’t mean to let out that small whimper, but there it was and Lexa inhaled it.

Lexa pulled away, her eyes still closed savouring the moment absorbing Clarke’s whimper; “I have a surprise for you, Clarke.” Lexa flicked her hand to someone, Clarke couldn’t really care whom, she just kept looking at Lexa wishing she would stop talking and kiss her again.

“Finally!” Clarke heard Octavia come running out of the brush and join them on the beach. “I have been _dying_ to touch the water!” Clarke watched and giggled as Octavia dropped her big coat, shirt and pants and go bolting into the cold water and screaming with joy as a wave crached into her.

“I hope a half nude Octavia wasn’t my surprise,” Clarke smirked at Lexa.

She saw Lexa’s eyes blazing on her and a grin spread on her face, and there it was. There secret smile, the one that was just for Clarke. She shrugged, “I think it’s better.”

Clarke never noticed the box Octavia had given to Lexa. She watched as Lexa handed it to her and smiled tenderly at her.

It was a wooden box that had been smoothed down but not so much as to remove the deep rich grains of the wood. Clarke undid the leather toggle keeping it closed and her breath left her chest when she opened it. Inside was a deep brown leather book that had empty old pieces of parchment bound in it. Beside the book was a bunch of random writing utencils. Clarke was shocked to find some were coloured.

“Lex,” Clarke breathed out unable to finish her name. She ran her hands against the items gingerly as fresh tears came to her eyes. Lexa had specifically went out of her way to make not only the book but find her the things she would need to create art. “You did this, for me.” It wasn’t a question.

“Do you like it Clarke?” Her voice was soft, hopeful.

Clarke swallowed and looked at her before chastely kissing her pouty lips and turning her attention back to the items. She saw the gigantic smile that was written on Lexa’s face as she watched Clarke eagerly open the book and begin to work. Clarke ignored Octavia who was running full tilt towards them to get dried and dressed again.

“F-f-ffuck that was so cold!” She squeeled, “We definitely need to bring Raven to the Sea!”

Clarke couldn’t help but agree.

But maybe not this spot. Maybe they keep this spot for her and Lexa. Clarke smiled internally and kept working. Inspiration flooded her senses and the girls that were now chatting ran into the back of her mind. She couldn’t hear them she was too enthralled with her work. She was entirely too happy to be creating art in Lexa’s arms, it felt like a dream

She wasn’t dreaming.

“Clarke.”

“hmmm?”

“We need to be leaving Clarke,” Lexa’s voice was very soft, bittersweet almost as Clarke knew it was killing her to end this moment. Clarke found her green eyes and gave her a sad smile, she understood. It was impretitive that they get back before dark.

The ride back seemed shorter than getting to the sea. Clarke’s mind was still on the rolling waves and the smell of the salt air. She was happy. She shifted in the saddle with Lexa behind her and reached up. She slid her hand on the back of Lexa’s neck and turned her head so she could kiss her lips. “Thank you for today.”

Lexa smiled into her lips before breaking the kiss and turning her attention back to steering Icarus, “Thank you for coming.” Clarke could feel the sincerity behind her words. It made her shiver in pleasure. They had both gotten SO much out of the day. Lexa her memories and Clarke…well Clarke got her inspiration back.

When they got into camp they left Icarus to be watered and fed while Clarke and Lexa went to their tent to wash up from the day. When they were finished Clarke was sitting on the edge of the bed running her hands on her present from Lexa. She saw Lexa’s smile widen at the sight.

“I really can’t find the words to thank you,” Clarke said quietly. It was the truth.

“Your smile and joy are all the thanks I require Clarke,” Lexa said sitting beside her and putting a hand on her thigh. “I honestly could not be happier-“

“Hold that thought,” Clarke cut her off with a finger on Lexa’s lips. She slowly traced them before removing her hand and placing it on the leather toggle of the box.

“Are you going to show me your creation?” Lexa asked curiously.

“You didn’t watch me make it?” She knew she hadn’t but she asked anyways.

“I did not. I wanted to allow you some privacy, so I kept my eyes on Octavia and the sea. I won’t lie, I am rather curious.” Lexa nuzzled a soft kiss onto Clarke’s cheek.

Clarke smiled, and opened the box. She removed the book and flipped to her drawing before laying it in Lexa’s lap. It was smallish in size but full of detail. She watched Lexa’s hands gently graze the drawing and heard a gasp as she did so.

“Clarke?” She seemed at a loss for words. Her whisper was so soft Clarke barely heard it.

“Do you like it?” Clarke was so hopeful. _Please like it._

“It’s us,” Lexa whispered softly still tracing the picture. Clarke smiled Lexa understood her. She took one look at that drawing and knew exactly what Clarke had made. Clarke’s heart thumped a weird beat that she didn’t mind at all.

Clarke watched as Lexa’s finger traced the lines of a deep-rooted tree whose branches spread wide and lovingly to the sky. She watched as her finger moved along the ornate tails of the suns rays that were reaching out warmly back to the tree. She saw a single tear land in the middle of the drawing. It was done in charcoal. There was no colour. But it was beautiful.

“It’s so full of _life_ , Clarke,” Lexa sounded amazed. The sound of her voice sent tingles through Clarke and her heart thumped loudly screaming Lexa’s name.

“You really like it?” Clarke asked. She watched Lexa keep moving her hand lovingly on the page before she looked up into Clarke’s eyes and soothed her soul.

“I want to have it marked on me.”

She wasn’t joking.

“Like tattooed? Like the one on your arm?” Clarke furrowed her brow.

“Yes I want to bear your mark.” Lexa was serious.

Clarke could tell. She shook her head trying to make sense of it all. “But Lexa isn’t your body like reserved for _special_ marks? Don’t they have to _mean_ something to the Commander?”

She watched Lexa’s throat bob in a swallow, “This _does mean something_ Clarke.” Lexa’s voice shook with something Clarke couldn’t quite understand and didn’t have the time to investigate. She felt a shiver run through her as she placed her hand in Lexa’s gently tugging it from the book. Invisible sparks flying in their trail.

“It _means_ _something_ to me too, I _want_ it marked on me _too_.” Clarke said in a serious half whisper staring her dead in the eye inhaling the sweetness of Lexa’s scent. She had designed it to be marked on her. She never imagined Lexa would want it. Hell, she didn’t even know she was allowed to have something like that on her.

“I can mark you, my mother taught me before I was taken to Polis to be trained,” Lexa said quietly surprising Clarke all over again. “And I can teach you how to do it before you mark me.”

“Me? Listen, I’ve never done anything like that before – it’s _permanent,_ what if I screw up?”

Lexa smiled, “Clarke, you’re a _real_ artist compared to me, I am certain you can do it. Besides, I would not allow anyone else to make this mark on me.”

Clarke took a deep breath inhaling all that was Lexa, and then she filled her every sense as Lexa’s hand shifted with the stealth and efficiency of a trained warrior and a skilled lover. Clarke felt her toes curl in excitement as Lexa kissed her with a whole new level of intensity that earlier that day. Clarke kissed her back matching Lexa’s force and need in stride. Her lips blazed against Clarke’s burning their way right to her heart with every touch.

She felt Lexa’s hand softly but firmly keeping their heads together. Clarke didn’t have the words to express what was happening within her at that moment. Her heart was breaking and healing at the same time. It was flame and fire that was filling her up and spreading wildly. She tangled her hands into Lexa’s hair and felt the stoic brunette melt in a soft low moan.

Clarke felt hot in her belly before she felt her desire growing between her legs.

She felt her hand clutching at Lexa’s back pulling her into her and gently pushing against her relishing in the burn of their bodies through layers of clothes. She softly poked her tongue out and grazed Lexa’s lips asking for permission. She felt a shudder run through Lexa’s whole body before she tilted her head and opened her mouth allowing Clarke’s tongue access. And let me tell you Clarke explored every inch of that sweet tasting mouth. She felt herself sinking into Lexa as she allowed Lexa to explore her own mouth. She felt Lexa’s hands clitching at her with even more intensity now roaming to her thighs and squeezing gently. They were getting too caught up in the motions, but Clarke couldn’t stop. She moved and pushed Lexa back onto the bed so she could better access the girls mouth. She let her body sink and melt onto the strong brunette below her. Clarke began pushing her hands on Lexa’s hips before pulling her forcefully to meet her own. She heard a guttural moan from Lexa as she started pushing more forcefully into Clarke in response. Clarke felt her hand blazing trails up her back and pulling her closer.

Clarke let her hands roam down Lexa’s side before pushing gently on her shirt and scorching her own trail up to her ribs, back down to her hips and then down her thighs and squeezing firmly, her leg was now between Lexa’s and she was pushing right where Lexa needed her. Clarke smiled into their kiss as they rocked in this sweet pressure and release dance of their bodies. She felt soft moans escape between them with no clue who was making them at what time; they were one at this moment and both fell off a little cliff of pleasure together fully clothed and in an intense make out session.

Clarke didn’t remember experience anything like it. She was satisfied and not all at the same time. She didn’t think she’d ever get enough of Lexa. A part of her deep, deep down knew for certain that it was impossible. She’d pine for that girl until the end of time. She was now wrapped up in Lexa’s arms and they were giggling off an on at the moment they just shared.

“Lexa?”

“hmmm? What is it my Lionheart?” She sounded sleepy and her eyes were only half open.

“I’m hungry.”

With that Lexa was up and Clarke was laughing as she watched her bark orders to have food brought to them.  
They ate and talked about nothing in particular. Clarke was just as happy as at the beach. She didn’t think she had ever seen Lexa smile and laugh this much. Clarke didn’t think she was really that funny but Lexa made her feel like she was a professional comic with perfect lines.

“HEDA! WANHEDA! COME QUICK!”

Shouts erupted outside the tent. Lexa and Clarke dropped their conversation and ran outside the tent.

“Ryder! Chit ste em?” _What is it?_ Lexa barked at her right hand man.

Ryder was out of breath from running to his Heda. He stopped to catch his breath and wheeze out the answer, “Fire, Runai burns!”

 _Runai?_ Then it hit her, Lexa mentioned it before. Three days ride from here, the village of Runai was burning...


	26. When the Rain comes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit storm brewing...

 

Lexa tried to control her heart rate as she absorbed the words Ryder spoke.

The village of Runai was burning. They were of the Plain Riders Clan - one of the clans still loyal to the coalition. Lexa took a deep breath. Trying to ignore the sinking feeling in her gut. She knew she would have to go investigate. She must speak with their leader Roma, if she was still alive that is. Roma was a great warrior but she was older now in age, her body weaker than before. Lexa wondered if she could survive seeing her village destroyed.

The Heda within her began barking orders in Trig to her warriors, “ _Gather your things, we take half our men posted in Arkadia with us._ ” Her voice was strong despite how she felt inside. “ _The other half remain here and scout the surrounding areas. Make sure there are no eyes watching them tonight.”_

She heard many “Sha Heda”’s from her people as they began rushing to prepare. Lexa closed the gap to Ryder, his breath now slowing and returning to normal. She could see his breath hitting her own now in the cool air of the night. “ _Stay close,”_ she commanded and he nodded in respect and understanding, his hand moving to rest on the handle of his sword.

It is then that Lexa notices the pain in her heart. Her hand moves on it’s own to clutch at it. She takes a moment and tilts her head thinking about what was happening within her. This pain she felt - it was hers and not hers at the same time- Lexa raised her head, realization dawning on her she spun on her heel and scanned the crowd. _Clarke._

She didn’t know how exactly she knew but she did. Her mind began to whir as she thought about just how in tune to Clarke’s emotions she really had been the last few weeks. She thought about the pull in her heart to wake up from a dead sleep and find the wounded girl with Deadalus not long ago.

It was the same sort of pull that kept making her go to Clarke before Clarke even realized she was looking for her. It was the same feeling that pushed Lexa to respond to the girl before she even spoke. The one that told her what Clarke was feeling without having to process it. Lexa never focused on the _why_ until now. She felt a shiver run through her spine as she continued to search for Clarke in the crowd. Lexa swallowed, _soulmates,_ she thought and her heart skipped a beat as if to tell her _yes, yes you fool!_ Oddly, if she wasn’t mistaken, it was her Heda voice that was speaking right along with her heart. A sharp shiver ran through her and she was off.

Lexa’s feet began to move on their own.

She was surprised to find she was not heading to the tent where her brain deduced Clarke would most likely be – instead she was going inside the Ark. She was following her heart. Following it straight to Clarke. She sped up.

She found her in the medical bay with Bellamy. The boy was healing but it was slow, he was still stuck in a bed for most of the day. Lexa slowed and gave them space as she entered the room. Clarke was filling him in and trying to get him to tell her more information about his escape. Lexa could tell she was desperate. Clarke was soon disappointed when Bellamy could tell her nothing new.

Lexa stepped forward. She didn’t know when Clarke had become aware of her presence but she wasn’t surprised when Clarke turned to face her with a pleading look.

“You’ve been asking the wrong questions,” Lexa told her calmly. “What did he _see_ Clarke?”

She waited while Clarke processed her question.

Lexa gave her a small proud smile when she saw Clarke’s face light up a bit as if a candle in her head was lit. She turned back to Bellamy, “Bell, did you see and clan marks? Symbols? Paint colours, _anything_?!”

Lexa took another step forward, she could feel Clarke’s panic and she laid a hand on her shoulder to help calm her. She felt the warmth at the contact through her gloves once again. Clarke’s hand raised and laid itself on Lexa’s hand on her shoulder and squeezed. She did not let go.

They watched Bellamy shut his eyes and screw up his face trying to wrack his tiny brain.

Lexa almost scoffed at his attempt.

Almost.

She bit her cheeks and decided instead to concentrate on Clarke. The look on her face alone was enough to tell Lexa she was worried but there was something else. Something that looked- _no_ _felt_ \- to Lexa a lot like guilt. She swallowed the urge to inquire thinking it would be better left for private.

“Ice Nation for sure,” Bellamy was saying.

Lexa rolled her eyes. She couldn’t help it.

She did not fail to notice that her little Lionheart did also. This made Lexa smile her secret smile before focusing again on Bellamy as he spoke.

“There’s red war paint on a black horse…” he sighed keeping his eyes shut tight. “And a blue circle with three arrows going up…fuck! I’m sorry Clarke, I didn’t see anything else.” He had sincerity in his voice, he was feeling like he let her down. Lexa ended up giving him a tiny, (very tiny) smile – the boy did care for her.

Lexa swallowed as Clarke looked up at her, she met her eyes with strength. “Broadleaf,” the blonde said.

Lexa nodded, “Yes, and Shallow Valley if I am not mistaken.” She wasn’t.

She watched Clarke look to the floor and sigh, “This doesn’t make any sense.”

“It _does_ make sense Clarke. Those are the three that left the coalition. Shooting arrows at you was no act of war because of the borderlands - it is free territory - But, kidnapping Bellamy of the Skaikru _is_ an act of war essentially. I do not believe they were planning on letting him escape. They would not risk an all out war this soon. He should be dead.” Lexa said looking at Bellamy and then back to Clarke. “He is lucky Echo seems to be loyal - at least to him.”

“I saved her in the Mountain,” was all Bellamy said. There was something in his voice and the distant look in his eyes that told Lexa there was more to it than that.

“Lex, I need to speak with you alone,” Clarke said standing up and leaving Bellamy behind her. This was the second time Lexa ever heard Clarke call her ‘Lex’ – the first was by accident, this time was not. Lexa chewed her cheeks again silently relishing in this new nickname. Her heart leapt a bit. She cleared her throat and sped up following quickly behind her, she could sense that Clarke was under a lot of duress. She could see her visibly taking shaky breaths trying to process things and calm herself down.

When they were back in Lexa’s tent Clarke was pacing. The mood that had been so light and airy earlier was nowhere to be found. The air was thick with stress.

Lexa let her pace.

She sat down at the war table and watched intently. She remained quiet waiting for Clarke to be ready. Clarke’s pace was quick but she would often slow as a new train of thought would begin. Only to speed up seconds later as her brain took off.

Lexa loved it. Even though she hated that Clarke was so tormented she could not help but admire her and how much she absolutely loved to see her fly into action trying to solve problems. It was like watching herself storm around the tent processing information and planning wars - just a smaller, blonde, perfect version.

“The Broadleaf in the borderlands - the hunting party,” Clarke said stopping and facing Lexa. “They’re hunting Skaikru.”

Lexa nodded. “It seems that way.”

“Why? Why are they hunting us?” Clarke couldn’t hide the panic in her voice then. She took off pacing again.

“There could be many reasons Clarke. They went for you first, although, that _may_ have been just dumb luck.” Lexa’s voice was calm as she tried to push away the panic she could feel radiating from Clarke.

“You don’t really believe that,” Clarke said flatly. “I know you don’t.”

Lexa smiled slightly, “How do you _know_?”

“I can _feel_ it okay, can you please help me out here?” Clarke said slightly annoyed.

Lexa smiled a little wider before chewing her cheeks again to stop herself. _Soulmates._  She shook her head slightly. Now was not the time. “You and I pose a big threat; Heda and Wanheda on the same side is daunting. Look at what you have accomplished on your _own_. Look at what we have done _together_. They could be looking for secrets, ways to bring us down from outside and within... They could be trying to draw us out…”

“But you said you didn’t think they were planning on having Bellamy return to us?” Clarke said still pacing.

“Correct.” Lexa said simply, eyes still trained on the blonde. _Think Clarke._

Clarke moved so she was standing in front of Lexa with the table between them. She looked into her eyes and Lexa looked back knowing Clarke made the connection, “Runai? You think the village burning is connected to the exiled Clans?” Clarke’s voice was low.

“Yes, it is most likely the case. Runai is of the Plains Clan - one of our allies. A three days ride; they would know I would have to go. My presence would be needed to assess the situation and pass judgement.”

“When do you leave?” Clarke asked quietly.

Lexa felt sadness sweep the room and she stood and quickly rounded the table and held Clarke close. She felt the girl’s arms snake around her lower back and pull firmly into her. Clarke continued, “We both know I can’t ride properly yet and I sure as hell can’t run if it came to that…”

Lexa nuzzled into her neck and placed a soft kiss on her neck. When she spoke she spoke with her mouth on Clarke’s skin, “They think I will ride off this night straight for Runai. They underestimate me. I will ride for TonDC – it is a one day ride to Runai from there.”

She felt Clarke lean back a little bit to look up at her, Lexa caught her eye. “I could come to TonDC?”

“You _could_ come to TonDC, although, I feel it would be safer for you to remain within the walls of Arkadia. This decision is not mine to make, but I want you to know where I stand.”

“You expect an ambush in Runai,” Clarke said in response. Lexa nodded unable to lie and watched Clarke begin to chew her lip as she was thinking.

“I’m coming to TonDC.”


	27. Pay Attention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinting on some things pretty hard the last like 7 chapters just sayin'  
> 

Clarke quickly hurried to gather her things for a few days. She didn’t know how long she would be in TonDC. She tried not to think of the agonizing torture she would be under as soon as Lexa would leave for Runai. She tried to ignore the pains in her heart at the thought of it. She could feel Lexa’s eyes on her as she would clutch at her chest and rub the spot above her heart when this happened. Lexa was ready before her and told her she would wait for her with Icarus.

Clarke sped off to the Ark.

“Mom,” Clarke said when she found her slightly out of breath. “I’m leaving for TonDC with Lexa, we have to find out what happened.”

She watched Abby begin to shake her head, “Honey it’s not safe. Let Lexa deal with it. Stay here.”

“Mom, I can’t stay here. Not right now.” Clarke said trying to hide the fear in her voice as she thought about Lexa.

“Clarke, Bellamy barely got out alive. It was shear luck that Echo released him! I’m not an idiot I know our people are being hunted!” Abby threw up her hands in anger.

“Yes, which is why you need to get Kane back here now. You send a large party to collect him from Polis. Jasper, Harper, Monroe and Lincoln go with them they know the safest routes. You send them now. Tonight.” This was all said as commands, as Clarke felt power rage within her. _I’m in charge._

Clarke set her jaw as Abby adjusted her stance clearly shaken by the power in Clarke’s voice. Clarke felt stronger all of a sudden. She felt like Lexa in this moment. A shiver ran through her and settled in her heart warming it once again.

Abby swallowed and crossed to stand in front of Clarke. She put her hands on her shoulders and squeezed, “Clarke, please stay here.” There was fear in her voice Clarke knew she was desperate now.

Clarke took a deep breath; “Mom, I can’t stay here…” her voice was soft but it cracked in pain.

“Lexa?” Abby inquired knowingly.

Clarke sniffled back the tears that were forming, happy that her mom understood the two girls; “I can’t stay here. Not with her going into what most likely will be an ambush.”

Abby hugged her.

Clarke hugged back tightly and choked back a sob. “I’ll be staying in TonDC, I won’t go to Runai. I just…I need to be closer than this.” Clarke felt Abby’s head nod during their hug. _She gets it._ Clarke knew Abby understood what she meant. She squeezed her tight one last time before letting her go.

“You take a radio,” Abby said with an air that Clarke couldn’t argue with.

Like she would? Clarke fought the urge to roll her eyes.

She had already planned on taking a radio. She decided to say nothing and simply nod. She figured giving her mom the sense that she was helping would be good for her. Maybe it would let her be strong for their people until Kane returned.

“May we meet again,” Abby said softly looking at Clarke one last time before she nodded, unable to speak, and left the room.

Swallowing her tears, Clarke made her way quickly to Raven’s section and found her tinkering away happily.

When she caught her eye Raven dropped what she was doing, “You look like hell.”

Clarke laughed once before she stopped herself. _Good ol’ Raven Reyes spirit._

“Rae,” she started as emotions started to swarm. She felt afraid all of a sudden. Like she may not see Raven again. Clarke tried to push the sinking feeling into her stomach and ignore it. _You will see her again._

Raven got up and hobbled on her brace to Clarke and pulled her into a hug. “Dude, seriously what the fuck is up?” Her voice was laced with concern as Clarke clutched to her back.

“I have to leave for TonDC, things are in motion and we need to figure out what,” Clarke stammered out through her emotions.

Raven released her, “Okay, I’ll grab you a radio.” Raven shrugged and she began bustling around and tuning one in to their private frequency. “Clarke stop staring at me like you’re never going to see me again,” Raven said in an annoyed huff and eyed Clarke from the side.

Clarke looked to the ceiling to stop the new tears from falling. _You will see her again._

“Raven, you should make sure Wick is here with you,” Clarke heard herself say unsure why she said it.

Raven looked at her confused and furrowed her brow; “Okay?” she put her hands out a bit in a gesture that said ‘ _what the fuck?’_ to Clarke. She could practically hear Raven’s voice while she did it.

Clarke smiled.

“Just- I need you to be safe okay,” Clarke said laying it out there.

Raven smiled at her and winked, “Don’t worry I _have_ escape routes,” she said jokingly.

When Raven finished with her task she handed the radio off to Clarke with a small smile, “I need you to be safe too okay.”

Clarke hugged her close, a hand on the back of her head lovingly. She kissed her hair before releasing her, “May we meet again.”

“We _will_ ,” Raven pulled her closer a final time before letting Clarke leave.

Clarke admired Raven so much. Her ability to look beyond the problems this world threw at her every day was astounding. Every time she witnessed it - it would smack her in the face once again. Clarke tried to draw strength from her friend. She needed to believe everything would be all right. She pushed the nagging feeling that it wouldn’t be aside. She had shit to do. She set her mind and her pace quickened.

“Octavia, kom ai nau!” _to me now!_ Clarke barked when she left the Ark.

Octavia was at her side in seconds, “Clarke?” Her voice was strong and curious. It also held admiration that Clarke chalked up to hearing her give her orders in Trig like a true guard. Clarke turned and looked to her thoughts whirring in her mind. Suddenly, she knew what she had to do.

“Octavia Kom Trikru, yu rekonize ai kom Wanheda?” _you recognize me as Wanheda: Commander of Death?_

Octavia looked at her wide-eyed, obviously thrown by the power behind Clarke’s words. Clarke wondered if she knew where this was going. “Sha.” She bowed her head, “Wanheda.” _Yes. Wanheda,_ she confirmed.

Clarke nodded, “Mind bilaik. Der wella com tyme ai mind yu gon disha” _Remember that._ _There will come a time I remind you of this._ She didn’t know why exactly but she knew she would have to call up on Octavia to serve her in due time. She just _felt_ it within.

She smiled at the tiny warrior when Octavia spoke and knelt before Clarke bowing her head again, “Ai al-redi badan yu op en Heda. Nou mouns.” _I already serve you and Heda. No others._

Clarke felt pride swarm within her. Her lionheart roared when she saw Lexa in a distance watching the scene play out. She wore a face a fierce pride and passion. Her eyes were burning into Clarke. Clarke felt like she could feel _her_ pride within her mingling with her own in a sultry dance. She felt tingly all over. She shook her head and held a hand to Octavia helping her rise.

Clarke looked her in the eyes and pulled her into a hug, which Octavia returned.

“Mochof,” Clarke breathed. _Thank you._ “Hurry up and say goodbye, O.” Clarke tried to let go of her indicating she should go see Lincoln. She was unable to ignore the sinking feeling laying low in her gut. _Instinct._ Or maybe it was just the knowledge that life on the ground held no guarantees of a tomorrow.

Octavia said nothing but squeezed tighter before she let go and ran to Lincoln to say goodbye. Clarke watched her wrap her arms around his neck as he pulled her up by the thighs and held her tight. Clarke looked away when they began kissing extremely passionately.

Clarke made her way through the crowd before stopping beside Lexa who was already on Icarus waiting patiently. She held the same look of fierce pride on her face as Clarke got lost for a few moments in her eyes. She watched the reflection of the camps fires dance with the green orbs and felt herself become calmer by the second. Lexa had her bigger long coat on, laced with thicker furs than her previous coat. Her gloves had holes in the fingertips and she was armed tot he teeth. Her red Commander's sash was flowing gently at her side before Lexa raised the fur hood that was on her coat. Clarke thought she looked stunning. In fact, it took her breath away before she sucked it back in quickly. The light brown fur softly caressed her cheeks and forehead wherever it touched. Some of her braids were around her shoulders peeking out and letting the fire light dance on the golden whips laced within.

Lexa waited and then held out a hand. Clarke went to grab it before stopping and pulling her hand back. "One sec, I need to grab something." She sped off to the tent and then returned when she had found what she was looking for. Lexa kept watching her as she approached with a curious look on her face. Clarke held her little package under her arm keeping it concealed. She reached up and took the reigns from Lexa and led Icarus a short distance to a quieter spot near Lexa's tent. Clarke turned to look up at her, she looked absolutely regal with her back straight and proud. She smiled lovingly at Clarke and Clarke returned it gladly. Her heart thumped in her chest as she suddenly felt nervous.

"I have a surprise for you," Clarke said softly.

She grinned when Lexa raised her eyebrows and looked around before settling her eyes onto Clarke's again clearly intrigued and making sure this moment was theirs alone. Clarke smiled wide, she loved that side of Lexa. She loved the softer gentler side that few ever got to see. The side she reserved mostly for Clarke. "You made it," Lexa said.  _How does she know?_  

Clarke nodded, "I did. I hope you like it..." she raised her hands and handed Lexa her gift. Lexa took the small piece of fabric that Clarke had wrapped it in off and flashed Clarke a huge grateful goofy grin. 

"It's perfect," Lexa said looking at the item. She moved it around and eyed it at all angles. Then she tried it on. She slipped her hands in the open ends of the rolled deer fur that had been stitched together to create a cylinder shape. She ran her fingers softly against the warm soft rabbit fur that Clarke had lined it with. She felt the small opening that Clarke had placed for the reigns to slip through allowing Lexa to hold them. Clarke had made her a deer skin, rabbit fur lined hand muff for winter riding. 

Clarke saw Lexa's eyes glistening in the firelight. Clarke felt a rush of heat shoot out of her Clarke and fill her body warming her throughout in the cool night.

"Clarke, it's so thoughtful. So perfect. So you. I- I don't know what to say," Lexa was stammering softly still eyeing the item before she looked at Clarke and smiled wide. Clarke was beaming, she felt it, she knew they had a shit storm ahead of them and right now she didn't care. No one on the ground was guaranteed a tomorrow and she was going to soak in this moment for what its worth.

"That smile right there is just what I wanted," Clarke took Lexa's now reached out hand and hopped up in front of her on she saddle. She felt Lexa pull her in close before she removed her gloves and took Clarke's off her as well. She pocketed them in her saddle bag and laced her hands gently down Clarke's forearm and into the rabbit lined muff igniting Clarke's skin through her clothes with every touch. Clarke felt her and Lexa's hands melt into each other as they held on to the reigns. Lexa's hands on top of Clarke's and her soft warm puffs of breath on her neck. Clarke could feel the fur of Lexa's hood encase her own head as well like they were sharing it because Lexa's head was firmly beside Clarke's just above her shoulder. She was making sure Clarke would be warm enough. Clarke smiled a secret smile of her own and heat coursed through her. Lexa kicked Icarus into a light walk and they made there way to her warriors.

Clarke felt a quick kiss on her neck before Lexa raised her head and pulled Icarus to a stop once they were closer to the group.

"Fifty Trikru stay behind, they join the parties in the woods to look for any eyes on Arkadia. Fifty join us to Runai," Lexa barked out to the crowd. Everyone was silent listening intently and eyes fixed on Clarke and Lexa. Clarke sat a little straighter. Her eyes found Raven who had made her way out into the night, Clarke's mom at her side. Clarke watched as Octavia sped over to Raven quickly and hugged her tight. She saw her kiss her a few times on the cheek and brush Raven's cheek with her hand. Then she watched Raven wipe a tear from Octavia's face. Octavia nodded to something Raven had said and then made her way onto her horse. She soon was beside Clarke and Lexa.

Clarke kept her eyes on Raven, she saw the brunette nod in her direction and raise her right hand in a silent ' _may we meet again_ '.

Clarke felt Lexa release her right hand before Clarke even realized she wanted to gesture back. _How does she do that?_ Clarke sighed and raised her hand, _'may we meet again._   _I love you'._  Clarke kept her eyes on Raven until she physically couldn't turn her head any further back. Lexa had tried to shift her body slightly as she began to move the horse to the gates to allow Clarke a better view. _She just knows,_ Clarke thought sighing thankfully and letter her back lean into Lexa's chest a little more.

And then, Lexa and her were off at a quick trot as soon as the gate was open. Scouts were sent a head of them and their men flanked in behind them keeping them protected should anything arise. Clarke took deep breaths trying to calm herself and keep from crying. She couldn't help but dread what lay before them all. She also couldn't shake the feeling that eyes were on her. O _n them._

She stared straight ahead allowing herself find comfort and strength in the woman behind her keeping her warm, safe and loved.

"You feel that too?" Lexa asked quietly in Clarke's ear. Holding her a little closer.

Clarke nodded against her, "Yes. Someone is watching."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please trust me. :)  
> People are gonna die but not my faves. No way no how! These bitches are gonna be eternal.  
> Spoiler alert below so just ignore this close the computer and WALK AWAY quietly.
> 
> *****************************************************************************
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> *Lincoln... he gonna die  
> *Fare warning
> 
> Also I'm going to create a character named JAYSON  
> And I think you know why *evil smile*


	28. Hope Remains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> right outta left field

 

The trip to TonDC was uneventful.

When they had arrived Lexa shouted out orders to her people. It was midnight and the moon was giving off a sharp blue light in the cool nights air. Clarke didn’t feel the cold until Lexa had removed herself from behind Clarke on the saddle. She helped her down as Clarke and Octavia then made their way to take Clarke and Lexa’s things to their tent. It was one that always remained in the TonDC village for Lexa. This was her home many years ago and in a way it always would be.

Lexa remained behind. She had to meet with her people and speak with Indra about Runai.

Octavia left Clarke alone while she went to tend to her own tent that would be placed not far from their own. Clarke lit the candles and fire. As the heat filled the tent she began to change into her nightwear. Octavia popped back in with drinks and food as well as some rags and water for washing up. When Clarke had ate a bit and washed up she could no longer sit idle. She started pacing from one side of the large tent to the other and back again.

She did this until Lexa arrived a couple hours later. Clarke stopped pacing to look at her. Lexa kept her eyes low and off of Clarke. She was avoiding something, Clarke could tell. Her face was furrowed and worried even though she was trying to hide it. The expressions were subtle but Clarke _knew._ She looked so tired that Clarke wanted to cry for her. She said nothing she just watched Lexa putter around and begin to change. When Lexa started washing up from the ride Clarke broke the silence.

“Lex, talk to me,” her voice was soft. She enjoyed this new nickname more each time she used it. She also did not fail to notice that it always made Lexa’s eyes smile even when her face could not. She banked that in her memory as it would surely come in handy down the road. She moved so she was standing before her making Lexa unable to avoid her.

“This is all very disconcerting, Clarke. I hate not having the answers I need,” her voice was low.

Clarke swallowed. “You think I should have let you torture that man,” she said in a small squeak. She knew it was true she had been thinking it too.

She saw Lexa sigh and look up to the ceiling of the tent.

“I think you might be right,” Clarke heard herself say in a quiet sob. She too looked up to the ceiling trying to hide the tears threatening to spill and the guilt in her heart.

“There is no need to feel guilty Clarke,” Lexa told her now looking at her earnestly.

Clarke matched her eyes.  _She just knows. Every time._

Clarke scrunched her face up, “How can you say that? You know this is my fault Lexa! You also know damn well its my fault he’s dead meaning it’s my fault we didn’t get answers that could have told us what the _fuck_ is going on!” She felt her emotions bubble within her, there were too many too sort out. Her frustration and guilt was coming to the forefront.

Lexa moved quickly and wrapped her arms around her and pulled her close. Clarke slammed the palm of her hand onto Lexa’s chest before following it with her head and letting her tears fall. Lexa held her silently for a while until Clarke calmed down enough to be able to listen clearly. Her shirt now wet with Clarke’s tears.

“It is  _not_ your fault Clarke. The choices we make _are_ fates design. I believe that and so should you. We _will_ figure this out,” her voice was full of conviction and love.

“Lexa, you leave for Runai at first light…we are blind to what’s out there,” Clarke said quietly against her chest. Her arms were clutching to Lexa’s back. “You’re in danger. Echo’s warning... I can’t let you die because of me. Everything comes back to me. Lexa, I _need_ _you_!”

She felt Lexa release her slightly so she could lean back and cup Clarke’s cheek and raise her head. Lexa kissed her tenderly before leaning back once more, “You’re needs are my own, Clarke.” Her voice was soft and sweet but powerful, soaked with meaning.

 

Clarke felt her knees buckle as her head swam with images:

_"I'd die a thousand deaths for you."_

_It was nothing more than a whisper but Clarke had not imagined it. It burned deep inside her, the passion she felt for Lexa stirring in her belly, but the words only fuelled her fears for Lexa. Clarke swallowed the urge to assuage her and Lexa's pain by pulling her close in a hug. Instead she looked up into Lexa's green eyes, "You can't die for me Lexa," She said quietly matching Lexa's whisper, "I won't let you….I..I think I'm falling in love with you," Clarke swallowed as the words spilled out and she admitted the real truth, "I am in love with you."_

_When the words came out Clarke bowed her head tearing her eyes from Lexa's that had widened at the sudden bomb Clarke had just left in the room. What had she just done? She knew it to be true, she couldn't deny it to herself. She had been battling with the fact for a few days now. All Clarke could think of now was that her love had just signed Lexa's death certificate. Clarke shook her head sad at the realization. Love is weakness._

_Clarke felt Lexa adjust herself off the bed, she remained quiet as she moved to stand in front of Clarke before kneeling before her. Lexa looked up into Clarke's eyes, Clarke looked deep within the green she saw love reflecting back at her. "I swear fealty to you, Clarke kom SkaiKru, I **vow to treat your needs as my own, and your people as my people."**_

_They remained like that a few moments as Clarke reached out to the girl grabbing her hand and helping her to her feat. Lexa owed no fealty to anyone but here she was professing hers to Clarke. Clarke knew deep down that Lexa had said that to release herself from her burden to always put her people first, now her people were their people meaning Lexa would never have to choose between the two again._

_Lexa never removed her eyes from Clarke's blue ones as she stood. She swallowed and stepped closer to Clarke now pulling Clarke to her feet. Clarke swallowed and took a deep breath unsure of what was coming, "I love you too."_

Clarke’s head swam again as the memory faded.

 

 

“Fealty,” Clarke whispered as her brain kicked back in gear staring at Lexa in shock. Her tears began to flow from the beauty of the memory and the love in her heart. She just remembered the first time they said I love you. It rocked her senses. Her heart was beating and banging against her chest, the fire in her heart spreading once again.

She watched Lexa tilt her head and smile warmly as Clarke revealed her memory in that one word ‘ _fealty’_.

“Yes Clarke. I pledged my life and my sword to you my little Lionheart.” There were tears of happiness in Lexa’s eyes that burned into Clarke’s soul. She remembered Lexa telling her about the Commander who had done the same for a tall blonde. She remembered the reverence in Lexa’s voice when she retold the story. Clarke swooned in Lexa’s arms.

Clarke reached her hand up and tucked it in behind Lexa’s neck pulling her head down until her their lips were an inch a part. Clarke leaned her forehead into Lexa’s and breathed in deep. She let Lexa’s scent swarm her insides and soak into her heart. Clarke kissed her so softly she was amazed when she felt burning at the contact on her lips. Then she dropped to a knee, her hands slipping into Lexa’s and holding them firm. She looked up into the eyes of her Queen, she let the moment sink in on Lexa and felt her heart soar.

“Clarke,” Lexa started to speak.

Clarke silenced her with a look. And took a deep shaky breath that had nothing to do with nerves and everything to do with the love she put into her next words, “Lexa Kom Trikru, _your_ needs are _my_ own. My heart - my soul - my being - is yours. Ai sware em.” _I swear it._

Clarke heard Lexa intake sharply before she dropped to a knee as well and reach with both hand to cup Clarke’s cheeks. She rubbed her thumbs on her cheekbones and smiled through her happy tears looking deep into Clarke’s eyes. She pressed her forehead to Clarke’s before pressing their lips together. The kiss scorched their lips leaving their mark forever.

Clarke grabbed her.

She kissed her back like it gave her Oxygen. She wove her hands into Lexa’s hair and pulled herself towards her just as Lexa shifted so Clarke was now firmly straddling her. She wrapped her legs tight around Lexa’s mid section as Lexa’s hands moved to grasp Clarke under the ass and lift her when she stood. She carried her effortlessly without breaking their kiss to the furs turned and seated them on the bed, Clarke still straddling her. Clarke’s hands moved on their own pulling and tugging Lexa into her sucking the air from her lungs before she released her lips, invisible sparks flying as they disengaged. Clarke brought her face down and snuggled it into the crook of Lexa’s neck before lacing it with soft searing kisses that elicited a tiny moan from the brunette. She took a deep breath inhaling everything that was Lexa. Her heart thundered and roared triumphantly.

They clung to each other for a long time.

“Are we like engaged now?” Clarke joked trying to lighten the intensity of the room once she had calmed down a bit.

Lexa ran her fingers in a trail soothingly down Clarke’s back before stopping and pulling on Clarke so she was leaning back and looking at her. There was no hint of humour on Lexa’s face, her tone was soft but her face serious, “No Commander has ever wed Clarke.” Her eyes betrayed her face; in them there was hope.

Clarke felt her face fall. She felt disappointed. In that moment she realized she did in fact want to marry Lexa. Her heart beat harder enforcing her wants. Her eyes widened as it dawned on her, “You should be the first.”

She spoke before she thought.

It was _instinct_.

Her heart _and_ her head wanted this. And wanted it bad. She felt it in every fibre of her being. She felt something swirling within her just below the surface of her skin.

“Clarke,” Lexa whispered. Clarke could tell her mind was spinning and her emotions were overwhelming her. She _felt_ it. There were tears beginning to form in her eyes.

“I _want_ to be bound to _you_ Lexa. Officially and not with _this,”_ she gestured to the coalition brand on her arm and then grabbed Lexa’s hand bringing it to her chest right at her heart, “but with _this_.” Her heart thundered loudly as if to prove her point to Lexa’s hand on her chest. Clarke could feel the light burn of her flesh beneath her hand.

She watched Lexa swallow and look at Clarke’s hand on top of her own holding her heart. Clarke wondered if she had felt how it was thundering for her.

Her eyes darted back to Clarke’s. She was conflicted. Clarke knew it was the dangers this could pose to both of them. She knew deep down her concern was for Clarke rather than herself.

“Please Lex,” she placed her hand on her cheek and smiled feeling passion bubble within. It drove her next sentence straight from her heart without the filter of her head, “Just look at our lives. Look at what the world has thrown at us! Look at how we’ve come together against all odds. _Look_ at all the evidence!" Clarke kissed her cheek and locked her in a gaze. Green eyes meeting blue in a perfect dance.

"Heda Kom Jus ( _Commander of the blood)_ , Lexa Kom Trikru, owner and protector of my heart - _you are_ my _soulmate_. I know what you’re afraid of but please just consider it.”

That sparked her. Clarke felt heat rise in her heart as she watched Lexa, some how she knew it was coming but it still took her breath away:

“I’m not considering it,” she kissed Clarke chastly, “I’m doing it.”

She touched her forehead to Clarke’s, “Wanheda, Clarke Kom Skaikru, my Lionheart, _your_ needs are _my_ own, my heart - my soul - my being - is yours, Ai sware em.” _I swear it._ Her words came at a whisper but Clarke felt them crash into her like the sea crashed into the shore earlier that day. Clarke quickly moved in for the killer kiss. The one that would seal their secret promise for eternity. It was scorching, it was passionate it was breathtaking.

It ended with Clarke saying, “ai hod yu in” _I love you._  
  


“I love you too,” Lexa replied.

Clarke froze.

Images swarmed her mind. Everything flooded back, one memory after the other was unlocked and crashing into Clarke causing fresh tears and happiness sweep within her.

"You remember," Lexa said happily. It wasn't a question. Clarke felt her love reach inside her and touch her heart.  _Soulmates just know._

She felt Lexa adjust and wrap her arms around her as she settled them into the furs. She held her close and Clarke sunk into her side. Clarke listened to her heart beating against her chest and replied, " _Everything_."

No one was guaranteed a tomorrow on the ground.

They both knew this.

Facts be damned though.

Hope remains.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of that Trig I made up.  
> *Shrugs and kicks the dirt*


	29. Bang and Bail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hereby declare this chapter: "the bang and bail"

_Clarke was looking out of the balcony at the Polis tower. She was watching the people far below move about their day. She felt warm arms encircle her as she sinks into the body behind her holding her close. She is home._

_Then she was standing in a beautiful field. To her left was a petit brunette with strong features. She was beautiful, almost glowing in the suns rays. Clarke felt warmth within her. She felt comfortable and safe. She watched as she reached her hand for the woman who gladly accepted it. They walked through the field until they came to a cliffs edge. They stood hand in hand taking in the view. They let the warm summer wind wip and tear at their hair. They kissed and it was magic, time stood still and silence encompassed them._

_Then it was dark. Clarke found herself searching wildly high and low. She felt longing in her heart and panic in her veins._

_Then the image changed. She was standing tall as the young brunette knelt and crashed the tip of her sword into the earth at her feet. Sword and life pledged to the other until their last days and Clarke’s heart swelled and burst with love. “Ai hondess,” she spoke in a voice that was not her own. (My love)_

She woke with hot tears on her cheek and overwhelming happiness in her heart. But she was calm. Unnaturally calm for the day they had before them.

“Clarke?” Lexa was already sitting up and looking at her. Her eyes boring into Clarke’s blue ones. She was calm as well.

Clarke reached up and cupped her cheek smiling, “I don’t even know where to begin…”

She watched Lexa nod and felt her gently wipe the tears from Clarke’s cheeks, “A dream?” she asked quietly.

Clarke shook her head softly and paused processing what she had seen. “No Lex. I-I think it was past life. It _felt_ real. It _felt_ like it was _not_ new.” She rubbed her head confused, “I don’t even know how to explain it.”

She felt Lexa move so she could hold her close, “Tell me about it? I can feel the happiness radiating from you, I am so curious Clarke.”

As Clarke explained the images she watched as Lexa’s eyes widened each time the image had changed.

Lexa stayed quiet until Clarke was done. And even for a short while after.

Finally Clarke couldn’t take it anymore. She stroked Lexa’s cheek, “What is it?”

“What you described. It is exactly like my dream of that Commander pledging to the blonde just in reverse. My view was always of a blonde,” she paused. “Clarke this is incredible,” she said in awe.

Clarke smiled and tried to believe as much as Lexa seemed to. She took a deep breath and shut her eyes for a moment.

And all of a sudden, she did believe. And her heart roared.

She listened to her heart. She accepted what it was telling her. Something cosmic was certainly at play here. Something that felt a lot like _fate_.

“I guess it’s not just chemistry,” Clarke joked moving so she could capture Lexa’s lips in her own. She kissed her passionately unable to control herself. Unable to let the reality behind today ruin this moment. She slipped her tongue into Lexa’s mouth and let it dance along with her own.

There were five things screaming in Clarke’s kiss, head and heart.

They were engaged.

They were in love.

They were soulmates.

They existed.

They were alive.

“Ai hodness,” _my love,_ Clarke breathed out between their lips she felt Lexa’s hips ram against her own as a guttural moan left her with Clarke’s words.

“Clarke,” she clicked the ‘k’ the way Clarke loved so much. Her toes curled and she threw caution out the window.

Clarke ripped the shirt off her own back exposing her breasts and felt her breath hitch when she saw Lexa’s green eyes darken three shades when she took in her form. Clarke moved quickly to straddle her, sitting down right on Lexa’s core. Her hips began to grind in a sultry fashion; she just needed the friction as she felt desire drip wet hot in between her folds. She could feel the warmth of Lexa beneath her between their thin boy short briefs. Her hands scorched a trail of invisible sparks on Lexa’s hard stomach. Clarke kissed her forcefully and savoured the whimpers now coming from Lexa. She felt her hands star to pull on Clarke’s thighs increasing the movements of her hips fluidly.

It was Clarke’s turn to moan as she released Lexa’s lips.

She leaned backwards arching her back and giving Lexa a better view.

Clarke inched Lexa’s tight top up in an agonizingly slow fashion. _Too slow_. She moved her hands to the neck of the thin top and pulled shredding it neck to bottom in half exposing what she desired to see so badly. Lexa growled in response and grabbed Clarke pulling her face down so she could suck the plumpness out of her lips. Their tongues collided sending waves of desire through them both.

“Holy _fuck_ , Lexa!” Clarke exclaimed as she was pushed back to a sitting up position and Lexa took her right breast full in the mouth. She groaned in bliss as she felt her hot tongue lace around her nipple. She was firmly grinding down harder now than before. Lexa switched to her other breast while one hand teased the freshly released nipple. Clarke moaned each time she alternated cherishing each touch, kiss and caress. She felt Lexa’s free hand move and lace up her thigh burning Clarke’s legs as it went. The heat between their bodies was raging, but it didn’t bother her at all. She heard a soft moan come from Lexa as she cupped her center and pushed with her palm increasing the pressure Clarke needed.

Then Clarke made her move, she pulled backwards letting her body fall into the furs as Lexa was pulled on top of her. She kissed her and melted into it. She ran her hands up her strong thighs and over her ass. Clarke slipped her fingers in the waistband at the back and let them slide gently around to Lexa’s hips and forward on her pelvis. She felt herself become drenched as she did so and she moaned as her fingers slid firmly along Lexa's bones. The breifs needed to come off, _now._ She deftly moved her hands like a seasoned pro and Lexa was already swiftly obliging as if she read her mind. Lexa kicked the offending item away and quickly removed Clarke’s briefs kissing every inch she exposed as she went.

Her kisses were fire. Clarke was was burning and enjoying every second of it.

“Ai hodness,” _my love,_ she heard a husk in Lexa’s voice unlike any other before it.

“Leksa,” Clarke said letting it linger on her tongue before she felt Lexa’s hands all over her. She felt her body glide over her, breasts teasing her nipples as she made her way to kiss Clarke’s neck. She nibbled lightly and when Clarke growled in pleasure Lexa bit down leaving a small pink mark. Clarke bucked her hips in response as Lexa started licking, kissing, and nibbling up her neck, down her neck, over her shoulder and collar bone. Her hands roamed purposefully sending ripples of pleasure through Clarke who now had her hands scorching their own trails. Letting them find their own sweet spots, the ones that made Lexa flinch slightly in sensitivity.

Clarke felt the scars of every battle Lexa had been in. They were small and hardly noticeable due to Lexa’s unique blood but Clarke still knew they were there. Fifteen, plus three new ones from their battle at Arkadia. Clarke, bit her own lip for a second before the lion inside her made her move, she bit down on the Lexa’s shoulder hard, she tasted blood and Clarke knew it would leave a mark, a primal mark of love. She smiled into the bite and began licking and kissing and soothing the mark.

Lexa’s growl turned into a moan in response and slipped a hand between Clarke’s legs teasing at her entrance. Clarke waited and when she didn’t feel Lexa give her what she desperately needed she gave a sexy whine in frustration. She heard Lexa chuckle softly at her torment, “That wasn’t very nice Clarke,” Lexa husked back to her teasingly between kisses again clicking the ‘k’ making Clarke’s legs tingle and her hips buck.

“I’ll make it up to you,” Clarke husked back, “I promise. Right now.”

And with that she pulled at Lexa so she was straddling her, then she pulled at her thighs hinting that she wanted Lexa to keep moving up. She saw Lexa’s eyes darken another shade as she figured out Clarke’s intentions. When she did not move Clarke persisted grabbing more firmly, “Beja, Lex.” _Please, Lex_. Clarke gave her a sexy pout, “I _want_ this.” She did not mean it to sound so guttural but it did and she felt no shame.

Lexa moved into position, legs open with Clarke’s head between her thighs. Her chest was heaving and her bottom lip was quivering. Clarke smiled coyly and cocked her eyebrow loving what she was doing to her Queen above her. Clarke tilted her head forward relishing in the wide-eyed passion she saw in Lexa’s eyes, she felt her desire drip onto her chin, then her lips before Clarke greeted her folds with her tongue.

They moaned together.

Clarke set to work. She held steadfast to Lexa’s hips, her thumbs in the hollows helping guide her hips to the rhythm of Clarke’s tongue. Clarke felt her own desire begin to seep and pool between her folds escaping drip by drip. She moaned into Lexa’s centre when she saw her head tilt back in ecstasy. Her breasts pushed out as she arched her back and cried out for Clarke. Again circling the ‘k’ causing Clarke to moan again and double her efforts. She needed to see Lexa in all her blissful glory now or she felt she would die. She needed this. They both did.

Lexa was whimpering, one hand guiding one of Clarke’s hands from her hips to land on her breast and holding it there firmly. She was quaking in pleasure with each swipe, swirl, and suck Clarke administered. Once, twice, three times, she felt the brunette shudder above her, “Clarke!” she screamed. She ground her hips more firmly, “I’m going to-,” she whimpered and Clarke knew she fell off the cliff that Clarke had so easily built for her. Clarke felt it within her as her own body quaked along with the woman above her. Clarke licked and played with her soothing her ache at her centre until she stopped trembling.

Lexa moved and slid down beside Clarke, bodies meshing once again. Clarke swore the heat in the tent had nothing to do with the firedrum at the centre.

Lexa kissed her passionately tasting herself on her lips. Clarke felt her heart explode and implode all at the same time. She felt Lexa’s strong arms encircle her and move her so she was now placed on top. Clarke smiled into the kiss; she knew what was coming. _Soulmates._

“My turn,” Lexa purred kissing Clarke once more before Clarke obliged her gladly. So gladly that it did not take long for her to shudder and quake and scream for Lexa. Twice.

~~

Lexa sighed as she laid her head on Clarke’s bare chest listening to her heartbeat. She felt Clarke’s arms and hands stroking her hair and bare back. The warmth of her touch was bliss against Lexa’s skin. Clarke kissed into her hair and Lexa felt her smile. She was in good spirits in spite of what they both knew was coming – goodbye. _For now,_ she corrected herself.

She and Clarke sighed together when at last they heard the tell tale signs that said TonDC was coming to life again. It was almost daybreak. She moved so she could balance herself on her elbow and run her hand through Clarke’s hair a few times, just like she did when she was injured on the Ark. She smiled at her, and Lexa kissed her lips sweetly.

“I am going to miss this,” Lexa said softly into Clarke’s cheek.

“It’s just a few days, right?” Clarke asked turning so she could look Lexa in the eye.

Lexa swallowed, “Yes, I will be one day from here. As soon as this business is concluded I’ll be back.”

“Will you take Octavia with you?”

Lexa smiled at the blonde. “You know I won’t. I trust her to protect you in my absence Clarke.”

Clarke nodded, “I know.”

“Do not even think about trying to ask her, my command overrules yours outside of this tent,” Lexa said sternly and knowingly. She did not take lightly the importance of Clarke’s life and she just knew what Clarke was planning. She _felt_ it.

Clarke huffed but cocked her eyebrow, “ _outside_ of this tent huh? That leaves it pretty tilted in my favour _inside._ ”

Lexa’s jaw dropped. She did not realize she said that. She blushed.

Clarke giggled and pulled her into a kiss, “Too late you said it, _Heda.”_ She was teasing and Lexa loved it.

Lexa moved and helped Clarke from the bed. They stood close. Their bodies were flush chest-to-chest, hands entwined at their sides foreheads touching, butt naked. They were both just trying to soak in this moment, she _felt_ it.

“Wha-whoa! Oh hey that’s fucking cool!” Octavia’s shocked voice filled the tent. Clarke and Lexa whirled around about to yell before Octavia averted her gaze and raised her hands in surrender. “I should have knocked or something. Noted. I just didn’t know this was happening again- I mean for the first time- I mean at all.” She stammered.

Clarke rolled her eyes grabbing on to Lexa again returning to their position before Octavia had so rudely interrupted. “We remember everything O. Relax,” Clarke said calmly. Lexa saw no shame in the naked girl before her. She was proud of their love in all its forms it seemed. Plus it was _their_ friend Octavia.

Lexa smiled and kissed Clarke.

“Octavia, what was so cool?” Lexa heard Clarke ask curiously as their lips parted again.

“Can you grab a fur or clothes first you’re making me uncomfortable for reasons I’d rather not discuss right now. The sexual tension in this tent is suffocating.”

Lexa moved to grab a fur for Clarke and wrap her in it before she quickly slipped on a bra and some briefs.

She heard Octavia sigh in relief, “Thank you. And I was talking about your arms.” She was pointing at Clarke and Lexa.

Clarke looked down to her left arm, Lexa looked to her right arm.

Octavia was now closer and pushing them together again, “Look, it’s right there. I _can not_ fucking believe this! Just wait ‘til Raven hears this she’s going to puke.”

Clarke gasped. Lexa’s eyes widened. There across Lexa’s right bicep and Clarke’s left bicep was their arrow scars from the Arkadia battle. Octavia pushed them firmly together, “You were fucking shot by the same arrow.”

Lexa’s scar was much smaller than Clarke’s due to her bloods healing properties but it was plain as day. The night they took an arrow for the other was the night they took the _same_ arrow for each other.

Clarke ran her hand over Lexa’s scar and looked up into her eyes. Lexa smiled and kissed her again. This one was bitter sweet. This one led to a goodbye shortly. They both knew, they both ignored Octavia and sunk into it.

Finally, Octavia could not be ignored any longer.

She kept coming back inside the tent to let them know that Indra was growing impatient and the scouting men were already on their route. Lexa had taken her sweet time trying to delay the inevitable. She was dressed and Clarke was helping her with her armour, sword and commander’s sash. She took care with each item, letting her fingers linger on them as if bidding them to do their job and protect Lexa.

When she was ready Clarke looked up into her eyes, her hands on her hips. Lexa could feel Clarke's emotions spike, she felt it in her heart and she pulled her close. She whispered in Clarke’s ear, “This is just goodbye _for_ _now_. I leave my heart with you Clarke, keep it safe.”

“You’re taking mine with you so keep _yourself_ safe,” Clarke said stubbornly before she was placing soft kisses on Lexa’s neck.

Lexa smiled and leaned back, she tilted Clarke’s head up with one finger on her chin. She put her thumb in her little chin dimple and kissed her tenderly, a single tear escaped from both of them.

But this is just goodbye, _for now._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smiles evilly.  
> They banged.


	30. Clarke's Muff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Cracks knuckles*  
> "Now... Where the fuck did I leave off at?"

The early morning air was very crisp and hostile. It crashed into Lexa’s exposed face that was poking out from under her large fur hood. She had her hands nice and warm in Clarke’s muff that she had made her as she steered Icarus forward. She felt warm inside despite the cold and she just knew it was the love she and Clarke shared that was the cause. She felt it originating in her heart and filling her extremities. Her mind often trailed back to Clarke and that’s when the heat would rage higher. She let her mind linger to her eyes, her sunshine hair, her little grins and her sassy attitude. She had to keep biting her lip from grinning just thinking about her. It did not work.

This is what love is like in storybooks. Though it may not end the way you wish, it exists. It _always_ exists. In every story through time there is an element of love. Deny it if you wish but that fact remains.

Allowing yourself to invite love in is a big risk. Lexa knows this. Its one of many reasons she had locked her heart away after Costia’s demise. But Clarke, her sun and stars that fell from the sky, had taught Lexa something new.

Clarke taught Lexa that love is a force of nature.

It cannot be contained. It cannot be commanded. It cannot be controlled. It cannot be held at bay.

Love is relentless. It is constant.

It is bigger than all of us.

You cannot dictate how or where or when love is returned or expressed. You surrender yourself to its whims or you fight and wage war against it but in the end it always remains.

Like lighting striking the earth it is unpredictable and powerful. It comes with no conditions and no terms; it cannot be bought or sold or bartered with. You cannot force it anymore than you can prevent it.

Love is an independent force and it will continue to weave its tales throughout history.

Even if we try to ignore it.

Lexa began to hum Clarke’s song as she imagined herself relaxing with Clarke’s head in her lap while Lexa braids her hair. This image satisfied her for a huge portion of their journey. They rode straight on until noon. Here they stopped by a brook and watered the horses. Lexa dismounted and sat down beside the brook to rinse her hands off before she munched on some meat.

“Heda, _you have the grin of a child today.”_ Indra addressed Lexa in Trig with a small (very small) smile.

Lexa fixed her face back to her stoic expression. Her eyes bright behind black war paint. She looked around before speaking quietly, “It’s Clarke. I cannot help it.” What she meant: ‘It’s love.’

She watched Indra smile knowingly before her face too dropped to her stoic mask. “I am glad to see you smile again Heda. It has been too long. I am thankful for Clarke for your sake.” She dipped her head slightly in respect before tearing a hunk of meat from her stick and swallowing it.

“Thank you Indra. I am sure there will be many more smiles to come.” Lexa said softly thinking about Clarke and their pledges to each other.

“Heda?” she heard Indra ask. She could tell there was more behind Lexa’s last sentiment, she had known her too long not to.

Lexa snapped out of her daydream and fixed her eyes on Indra once again. Her eyes were fierce and piercing, she internally smiled when she saw a satisfying shiver in Indra as she looked at her. She knew this would be one of many people she would have to push against for her and Clarke’s union. And you know what, what better way to head into an ambush than to get her blood boiling in an argument about the love of her life, her soulmate?

“Clarke and I have made our pledges,” Lexa said her voice strong and loaded with Heda.

She saw Indra’s eyes widen and Lexa prepared herself for what was coming. “Heda, no Commander has ever had a union. Your union is to your people. Your feelings-”

Lexa seethed, “My _feelings_ do not get in the way of my duty!” She was standing her hands clasped threateningly behind her back. “Skaikru is part of my coalition, they are my people. Clarke is my people, her interests, my interests are our peoples interests!”

“Titus will not support-“

“Titus, is my subject – they’re all my subjects!” Lexa was furious. She wasn’t yelling but she was terrifying. Her voice was strong and angry. How dare they deny her happiness? How dare she doubt her intentions, her resolve or her morals and loyalty?

“ _She_ is not your subject,” Indra said quietly now kneeling and referring to Clarke. Lexa did not fail to hear the small bit of resentment in her voice. But Indra kept her eyes low in respect. Lexa stared at her and took a few moments to calm down. She was still angry but she kept her voice calm and collected.

“No. She is not,” Lexa said softly now. “Indra the spirit resides within her. I have proof.”

That got Indra’s attention, she now looked up with a face of fear and reverence. “You believe the Clarke to be a reincarnate? Heda that is impossible she is not one of us.”

Lexa sighed, “She _is_ a reincarnate just as I am. I have witnessed it. As to how far back her spirit goes – only time will tell.”

Indra still stared at her wide-eyed trying to understand what Lexa was telling her. “You plan to take her to the wall?” Indra asked seriously.

Lexa pictured the wall of paintings she had once mentioned to Clarke. She nodded slightly, “Yes.”

“You hope she can make sense of it?”

Lexa took a deep breath, “Yes. I take her as soon as we are able.”

And Lexa turned to grab Icarus and lead him away from the brook. She hopped up onto his back and slipped her hands into Clarke’s gift again. She smiled her secret smile as she felt the rabbit fur inside. She looked around and barked her orders to her men, “Kom Runai!” _To Runai!_ And she kicked Icarus into a gallop leaving Indra behind her.

The further away Lexa got from TonDC and Clarke, the darker her thoughts got and the more she worried. She hated being apart from Clarke but their duty’s still remain as resolute as their love and bond. They both understood this and accepted it. Even it they did not want to, even if it was hard.

It only made Lexa love her more. As Clarke said, she deserved to be selfish.

She deserved to be loved. She deserved to love.

Her heart thundered wildly in her chest.

The fact that she and Clarke had pledged their lives to each other only bolstered her belief and feelings on the matter. Clarke was the balance Lexa always needed. She wished she could give Clarke everything that Clarke gave Lexa and so, so much more. An impossible feat, but one she would spend the rest of her days striving for. She swore it.

The horse’s hooves boomed against the half frozen ground and left the flakes of frost flying behind them as they went. She had fifty men riding with her and five scouts ahead of them on their route. Lexa had decided to take the Southern route into Runai after discussing it with Indra. If there was an ambush waiting they would not expect them to come from that direction. It was a hard ride but they were making good time.

~~~

Clarke watched Lexa ride out of TonDC.

She continued to watch long after Lexa left her field of vision. If – _no when_ \- Lexa returned this is the direction she will come. Clarke felt like time was standing still. Like it was inching along trying to squeeze the life and hope from her veins. She felt the cold air whipping against the bare skin that was exposed. She had no jacket on, just a long sleeve shirt. She was shivering but she felt warmth radiating within her. _Lexa._ That was what was radiating within her.

Finally, an hour or so later she was unable to ignore Clarke’s shivering. Octavia had slipped her hand in Clarke and gave it a squeeze. Clarke looked down to the warrior beside her and received a small sympathetic smile. “Have some faith Clarke,” she said quietly.

Clarke swallowed and gave her a small smile, “I have a bad feeling O.” She couldn’t lie, she had to get it off her chest. It was something she refused to tell Lexa about, she knew if she did it would make Lexa feel guilty. She knew and understood that Lexa had her duty to perform and Clarke refused to stand in the way or make it harder for her.

Even though it was tearing her up inside.

That was love.

She let Octavia guide her inside the tent and helped her dress a little more warmly. “Can I talk to you about something?” she heard her ask quietly. Her voice was unlike Octavia’s normal one and Clarke nodded curiously.

Octavia sat down on the side of the bed next to Clarke. She took a deep breath and Clarke realized this was difficult for her. She reached out and put her hand in Octavia’s making the girl look at her. “Tell me, beja” _please._

It was not a selfish request. Clarke did not ask to take her mind of Lexa and her worries. She asked because Octavia was her friend and Clarke cared for her feircly. She squeezed her hand encouragingly.

Octavia pulled her eyes away from Clarke and looked to her boots. She rubbed them against each other gently unsure of where to begin. Clarke had never seen this side of her friend before. Octavia was rarely at a loss for words.

“It’s about Raven,” she heard her say softly. Her voice cracked slightly. Clarke became more curious.

“What about our favourite mechanic?”

“Yesterday, when we were leaving the Ark. She told me something and I’m having trouble processing it.” Octavia said sadly.

Clarke remained quiet waiting for Octavia to find the strength to tell her. She waited for a few minutes as she watched Octavia’s eyes gloss over as she got lost in her thoughts.

“I still can’t believe it, I had no idea,” she said quietly, so quietly that Clarke strained to hear it.

She squeezed her hand again, “Can’t believe what?”

“She told me she loved me,” Octavia blurted out.

Clarke furrowed her brow, “Yeah? And?” she knew Raven loved Octavia. They all loved Octavia. This was not new information to Clarke.

“No Clarke.” Octavia shifted to look at her, “She told me she had _feelings_ for me and not just as a friend.”

Clarke’s eyes widened and her mouth dropped before she could catch it. She knew Raven always joked about being into Clarke and Octavia but she had no idea the girl harboured real feelings. “But Wick?”

“A way to get her mind off me apparently,” Octavia confessed her eyes drifting off Clarke again.

Clarke swallowed. Apparently there was a lot more happening on the ground that just survival. She had missed this completely. “Well…how do you feel about it?”

“I don’t know Clarke,” Octavia whispered. “I _love_ Lincoln.”

Clarke nodded. Duh. She couldn’t stop from asking her next question, “Do you love Raven?”

“Yes,” she nodded and paused. “I didn’t think it was like that but Clarke. I thought about all night…it _could_ fucking be like that.” She rubbed her forehead, “Our little touches, cuddling together after a shit fuck of a day, laughing about nothing in particular… I never thought about how comfortable it was. How much joy it brought both of us.”

Clarke smiled at her, “Love is love is love O. You can’t choose who your heart cries out for.”

Octavia rolled her eyes, “You’re sounding more like Lexa everyday.”

Clarke shrugged. That wasn’t such a bad thing.

“What if I think I love them both? You know like _that_.” Octavia said sadly.

“Well,” Clarke said softly thinking about how she felt about Lexa. “Then you thank your lucky stars that your hearts big enough to let love in and let it out in return.”

She slid her arm over Octavia’s shoulder and pulled her into her side. The young warrior put her head on Clarke’s shoulder and remained quiet lost in thought. Clarke let her mind drift back to the goodbye she witnessed Raven and Octavia share. Now, the tears and the kisses on the cheek along with the sadness she saw on their faces. It all made sense. Clarke felt herself shiver as she realized that Raven confessed her feelings in that moment because she didn’t know if she would see Octavia again. Her bad feeling was back in a flash. She tried to swallow it and tame the beast in her gut.

“I didn’t handle it like I should have,” Octavia whispered against Clarke.

“You were caught off guard with very little time… I highly doubt Raven will overlook that.”

“I don’t want to lose her,” Octavia confessed again with a voice so soft Clarke barely heard it.

She pulled her closer and put her head on Octavia’s and gave her a kiss into her hair. “You won’t,” and she believed it. She felt Octavia begin to cry softly in her torment. Clarke moved her other arm so she could properly hold onto her friend and let her tears fall where they may.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I enjoy that this chapter allowed me to write "she had her hands nice and warm in Clarke’s muff" without referring to Clarke's vagina.
> 
>  
> 
> I still couldn't do it with a straight face.
> 
> ...I'm 27.


	31. 0 to 100

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This went kind of dark kind of quick...

As Lexa got closer to Runai she felt her heart rate speed up in anticipation of what may come. She felt the familiar sense of ferocity and calm she had always felt before entering a battle. She halted their progress about a mile from Runai so she and her warriors could devise their approach.

She decided to split them into five parties of ten. Lexa, Indra and their group would approach from the South, first to draw attention. The other four parties will come from all sides. They are instructed to signal with their horns if they run into trouble. They did not know exactly what to expect. Lexa wanted to be prepared for anything. She had a feeling in her gut that told her anything could happen.

When they had their plans set her warriors moved out. Her party was waiting an extra hour where they had halted their march to allow the other groups to get into position. Lexa was relieved when she heard no horn blasts in that hour. She kicked Icarus into movement as soon as the hour was up.

As they rode on Lexa began to smell the familiar scent of death. She kicked Icarus into a faster run when she smelt fires that were definitely still burning one day later.

Then she saw the first casualty. She saw arrows pinning a young woman to a tree. Her head had been cut off where she stood. She couldn't have been more than fourteen and Lexa swallowed the bile in her throat. She felt angry and hatred bubbling in her veins. She moved on.

She saw an old man holding onto his wife, both with large stabs to their guts. They had bled out together in their lover's arms. Lexa felt a shiver run through her as she respectfully moved Icarus around the corpses. Runai not only burned. It was attacked.

Lexa searched as she moved onwards looking for any sign, any evidence that this had been done by the exiled clans. She needed proof, that is what she searched for as more and more bodies entered her view. They were very close to the opening of the plains now. They would be able to see fully the destruction of the village soon. Lexa swallowed her emotions and tried to steel herself for what was coming.

Burning flesh smells filled her nose. It forced her to open her mouth to breathe. She eyed Indra who nodded to her silent command and she sped up ahead of Lexa. Lexa briefly slowed Icarus and took a few deep breaths to calm herself and centre her emotions so they would be most useful. Like the true warrior she was, Lexa set her eyes in determination and then sped up once again.

She was not prepared for what she saw in the plains.

Runai was still ablaze.

She cursed under her breath. Why did they have to be so far from their water source? This damage could have been minimal if they were. Lexa's mind still went to the 'what if' even though she knew it was far past the point of mattering.

Their crops were gone. Obviously quickly destroyed by the flames. This would cause a shortage of grain in Polis. She set her jaw as her brain processed all the implications. She saw their food storage and drying shacks in smoking rubble. The embers were still hot and sizzling. Her breath hitched with each new corpse she passed. She did not realize she was counting until she heard her Heda within say " _seventy-eight"_  causing a shiver through her spine. She wasn't even close to the tents of the village. The body count was only going to rise.

She choked on the smell in spite of breathing through her mouth. She heard a few of her men retch in response as it flooded their senses. She tried to ignore how it made her want to empty her stomach as well. She saw disgust written across Indra's face and Lexa was sure it was reflecting her own.

She made herself look away when she saw the smoldering body of a young child. It was so deformed from the fire that she had know idea if it was male or female. She felt hot tears well in her eyes and sharp icy pains in her heart that she knew were from her own heart breaking for her people. She halted her horse.

She took a deep breath. The urge to vomit she held at bay.

And Lexa looked to the sky.

She let the sun burn her eyes. She felt its warmth shine down on her and she accepted it graciously as her mind went back to Clarke. She felt her heart begin to beat a little stronger just as it began to spurt out heat once again giving Lexa the strength to swallow her tears and look on this scene like her people deserved.

She needed to  _see it all._ She needed to _feel it all._

Lexa needed to absorb it and let it fuel her fiery love for Clarke and their people. This did not need to break her down. This could build her up. If Clarke had taught Lexa one thing, it is that  _feeling_  is not weakness.  _Love is strength._

And Lexa would feel all of this.

She vowed to make those responsible feel all of this.

When Lexa finally looked back on the scene there were flames in her own eyes. Her green orbs were raging and alight with the need for vengeance.

Lexa was back.

She growled and kicked Icarus into motion. She opened her eyes and saw every face, every life, every soul that she lost. She let her heart creak and shatter for each one. She felt her heart pump fiercely as she crossed over one more life lost and on to the next.

As she came closer to the family dwellings a single tear fell streaking through her war paint. Her heart clenched and tightened before beating back to life and screaming in anguish. She kept her head up and eyes on what lay before her.

Lexa saw timbers cut from the woods. One placed outside each tent. Each with a body hung by the ankles. Beneath them were hot coals, their fingers and hands burned from laying in them. Her stomach rolled. She had described this very scene to Clarke not long ago. This is what Lexa was going to do to the hunter from the borderlands.

She swallowed bile at each mutilated body she passed as her brain tried to process just how these people created her exact torture. Word for word... She shivered.

Then she saw it.

One tent.

A single tent untouched by flame.

"Roma!" Lexa hopped off of Icarus and sped towards the tent. It was the leaders tent. She was one of her mother's friends. She quickened her pace but avoided running.

She had to admit. She was afraid of what she would find. Indra entered the tent before her sword drawn and snarling. Lexa followed suit, her own sword ready to mutilate any that come at them. She was ferocious. She was furious.

But she was scared.

When Lexa entered the tent she lowered her sword. Her heart paused and clenched. Her insides turned and revolted on her body. She staggered for a moment before grabbing the table and shaking her head trying to gather herself once again.

Then her feet were moving.

She quickly shoved Indra out of the way and fell to the older woman. She had a large log placed on her shoulders behind her neck, her arms strung up and out over it with nails through her hands keeping it in place. The wood had been strung from a branch on the tents roof; the older warrior had obviously struggled enough to rip it from the ceiling having her crash to her broken legs. There was blood everywhere. She saw cuts, many cuts, too many to count. She was soaked in her own blood. Her body was trembling. Her blood was cold. Lexa had it all over hands and it pooled around her knees soaking her through to the skin.

"Roma," Lexa said softly placing a hand on her cheek and lifting her head. The woman was cold to the touch but still alive. "Indra, fisa's nau!"  _Indra, healer's now!_  Lexa barked at her general who promptly complied.

"Lexa Kom Trikru," Roma's shallow voice rang in Lexa's ears it sounded like a death rattle as she struggled with the blood in her lungs, "you should not have come."

Lexa shivered, "hush Roma, speak when you are strong."

"You should," she rasped back, "not have come to Runai sweet child. She sees's all. She knows."

Lexa shivered again, this time it settling in her heart. "Who Roma, who sees all?" There was a pitch in her voice that she did not recognize.

"Da Natblida,"  _the nightblood,_ the woman choked as blood laced her lips, teeth and tongue.

She was dying.

"Natblida?" Indra's shocked voice filled the tent. It was full of questions none of them had the answers to.

Lexa was panicking. She felt it. She felt the woman's strength leaving her by the second. She could do nothing to stop it. Her second mother, her mother's second love, was dying in her arms. Lexa felt hot tears leaking out of her right eye. She shoved the heelers from them when they began to try to help Roma. It was no use. Lexa could only grant Roma a dying wish now. It was all she could offer her.

"Roma, what can I do. Please how can I help you? Teik helpe yu op nomon."  _Let me help you mother._

She heard the woman struggle for breath, "I wish to see my village," another rattle and cough escaped her, "one last time, dauhtir." _Daughter._

Lexa sighed. She accepted that this scene would end Roma's life. It would suck what little air remained in her lungs, it would drain her life's last blood from her body and it would send her spirit off in a wail of despair.

She granted her wish anyways.

She helped her outside shrugging off any assistance from her men. She needed to do this on her own. They exited the tent in an agonizing pace. Roma was barely conscious now.

It did not matter.

The destruction she saw brought her broken legs out from under her again. No painful scream escaped. There were silent tears and blood soaked sobs. Lexa felt it land on her face as she fell with the woman. She held her tight as her last breaths began to take her.

The woman used her last bit of strength to stroke a bloody streak against Lexa's cheek, " _Protect her_. Protect Clarke, Lexa," her blood caught in her throat, "yu holde wamplei gon bai. Em holde fleime, faya en sonraun."  _You hold death at bay. She holds flame, fire and life._ Roma's brown eyes went still, they glossed over still glued to Lexa's. Her words left icicles in Lexa's veins.

She lifted her hand and moved her fingers to gently close the woman's eyelids. "Yu gonplei ste odon Nomon." _Your fight is over mother._  Lexa kissed her bloody cheek.

She looked to the sky.

"Heda!  _We have word of Tuneco Village, it burns."_  she heard a warrior bark in Trig from the distance.

Lexa took a deep breath. She would not be able to ride back to Clarke. Her duty demanded her elsewhere. She tried not to think about what she would find there. She expected much of the same. She was prepared now.

And still, Lexa looked to the sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Runs away*
> 
>  
> 
> *comes back...*  
> CONFESSION.  
> I killed a lesbian today. I don't feel good about it at all. But I wanted to prove that it could be done and be fucking meaningful without fucking up ma fam. Oh it can't be done? Wrong, bitch. Watch me all enhancing the plot, and enriching Lexa's character and shit. Her warning is going to be fucking huge, her last effort was to warn our favourite lesbians.  
> And for that Roma who I made up yesterday, I will always remember you.  
> May we meet again.
> 
> This was a serious note and I hate it.


	32. Bossbitch Clarke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love hashtag bossbitch Clarke.

Clarke was taking a walk through TonDC with Octavia. She was happy to have something to do to get her mind off of worrying. She and Octavia talked more about Raven and Lincoln. She was happy to find that she was helping Octavia process things, even if she could only be a sounding board. The girl seemed lighter by the minute. Back to her normal self almost.

Movement caught Clarke's eye. She left Octavia's side and went to confront the man she saw.

"Ryder," she grabbed the man by the arm as he was trying to disappear. "You're supposed to be with Lexa," she accused the man she knew Lexa trusted with her life.

"I have my orders," he growled low, almost threateningly. He kept his eyes to the ground in respect.

Clarke furrowed her brow and she felt warmth in her heart, "She told you to stay close didn't she." Clarke couldn't hide the small smile that insisted on pulling at her lips.

"Sha, Wanheda."  _Yes, Wanheda._

Clarke clucked her tongue, "And if I commanded you to return to her side."

She saw Ryder smile slightly, " _That_  command I cannot obey." His tone was softer but still serious.

Clarke nodded in understanding. She put her hand on Ryder's shoulder making him raise his head to look at her. "Thank you Ryder, she will not forget this."

She turned and went back to Octavia knowing Ryder's gaze would remain on her. Watchful and ever loyal to his Heda. Clarke smiled and linked her arm into Octavia's.

"Come on O, I want to fight you," Clarke teased and Octavia beamed.

"The great and powerful Wanheda versus Octavia Kom Trikru, the poets will write tales about this fight." She was joking and laughing again. Clarke beamed.

"You hurt me and you'll have to answer to Lexa," she warned playfully.

They went to the training grounds of TonDC and began to spar with their swords. Octavia was fast and Clarke's leg was still heeling but it felt good to be moving again. It felt great to be wielding Lexa's sword in her hand. It felt empowering to see Octavia wasn't holding back.

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger Clarke," Octavia said punching Clarke in the cheek. It was hard and it would bruise.

It sparked new life into Clarke. It felt good. She felt alive for the first time since Lexa left. She clashed her sword into her friends and shoved her backwards. Her force so good it made Octavia stumble, Clarke bent and grabbed dirt flinging it in her direction. It was a dirty trick but she needed the extra time to cross the distance with her bad leg. Their swords connected again and Clarke crossed with her free hand gashing Octavia's cheek open as her fist connected.

It hurt, her knuckles screamed but it felt good.

Octavia's foot rounded and kicked Clarke in the stomach causing her to fall down. But Clarke swung her legs around while on her back and brought Octavia to the ground by her knees. She heard a painful laugh escape the girl as Clarke moved to climb on top of her pinning her shoulder to the ground. She was just about to gloat when Octavia's tiny legs came out of nowhere and wrapped around her torso and pulled with such force that Clarke's head slammed into the ground. She felt Octavia release and hop up. Clarke spat out the dirt in her mouth and stood just as Octavia swung her blade again, Clarke shifted twirled her sword and met it with force. A huge grun was playing across her face. That felt so badass.

Her adrenaline was pumping so hard she barely felt Octavia's forceful punch to her jaw that split her lip open. Clarke spat out the blood in her mouth with force and smiled with blood covering her teeth. Octavia smiled back before her eyes widened in shock. Clarke had moved so efficiently that Octavia landed hard on her back in the dirt, with Clarke's sword to her throat.

Clarke was smiling triumphantly and laughing, "yu gonplei ste odon?"  _Your fight is over?_

Octavia laughed spitting out the blood in her own mouth as she reached for Clarke's now outstretched arm pulling her to her feet, "Gon nau."  _For now,_ Octavia replied.

They laughed as they made their way arm in arm to the crowd in TonDC. Clarke felt Octavia nudge her in the ribs, "I told you that you are a warrior Clarke."

Clarke smiled. Yes she was.

She let her mind drift back to Lexa throughout the day. She felt the familiar warmth within her as she did so. She often looked to the sky wondering if Lexa was thinking about her too. She wondered if she too felt this longing in her heart.

There were a few times when Clarke had felt her heart physically clench or fill with ice. The heat always came back melting the cold away every time. She would clutch and rub at her chest when this happened. Her mind always landing on Lexa when this happened. It was like she could feel her pain, even from this distance. Deep down Clarke knew it was not physical pain. Her heart ached for Lexa and the pain that she was feeling. Clarke would feel her lionheart roar in response and swell and burn with passion.  _Let her feel this_  she pleaded to no one silently.

It had been two days.

Two sleepless nights and two endless days since Lexa left for Runai.

Octavia would often spend hours with Clarke. She would read some of Lexa's old books, while Clarke studied maps. They would alternate and discuss what they had discovered. They both knew they needed to feel like they were contributing.

They were in the dark.

They had not heard from the Ark.

They had not heard from Lexa.

Clarke tried to ignore her gut that was telling her that Lexa would have sent someone to tell her what was happening. She tried and failed. She knew she would have. Lexa would know Clarke would worry endlessly. It's what she did. She did it countless times in Lexa's war tent and in private with her even before Mount Weather. It was one of their things: Clarke being briefly irrational and Lexa making her calm down and think.

Every time Clarke had left her tent she would find Ryder's eyes on her. She gave him a smile each time and he would nod. She was protected. The love of her life sacrificed her own safety once again for Clarke. She would have to talk to her about that. If Clarke had to keep Octavia beside her then Lexa should have Ryder next to her. Clarke trusted the man. She knew he loved Lexa. She knew he was loyal to them both. She had the proof.

That evening Clarke and Octavia ate in silence. Clarke was doodling in the book Lexa gave her. She was drawing the scenes from the vision she had of what she believed to be her past life. It was unsettling and heart-warming at the same time. She drew the petit brunette with such devotion to detail that Octavia cursed at the beauty of it.

It was bigger than her. It was cosmic. It was real.

It was love.

That woman she was drawing, the one she couldn't take her eyes off, her spirit was within Lexa. She knew it. She felt it. Even in their past lives they had been in love.  _Fucking soulmates_ , her little voice in her head laughed and banged the walls.

"Who is that?" Octavia asked curiously as a piece of meat she was gnawing on fell out of her mouth. She quickly picked it up and put it back where it had come.

"Lexa," Clarke sighed.

"Um." Octavia shrugged, "I guess? It is and it isn't."

Clarke smiled and put the finishing touches on the drawing, "You wouldn't understand."

"Try me." Octavia challenged grinning.

Clarke looked into her eyes. She took a deep breath. Octavia had trusted Clarke with her Raven bomb, she could at least try to share back. She could expose herself to one of her best friends, "Do you believe in soulmates?"

Octavia fell silent and Clarke felt a tiny bit guilty. She saw torment on her friends face. She knew where her head was. She knew she was thinking of Raven and Lincoln. Her head was fighting with her heart just as Lexa's and Clarke's had so many times before.

Clarke put her hand on Octavia's and smiled warmly.

She saw the brunette swallow, "My mom always told Bell and I that they existed. She was floated before she ever found hers." Her voice was soft, nothing but a whisper, "I guess, because of that I have to believe. If not for myself then for her."

Clarke nodded. She understood what she meant. For a long time before the truth had smacked her in the face about her and Lexa, she too had secretly held the belief in her father's memory alone.

"Are you going to make me ask again about this chick?" Octavia interrupted Clarke's thought process and gestured at the drawing.

"Lexa and I pledged ourselves to each other," Clarke blurted out staring at Octavia dead in the eye.

She choked on her swig of water, "Clarke?" She gathered herself quickly, "No Heda has ever had a union."

Clarke nodded and swallowed. She knew that already.

She did not care.

Octavia's eyes widened, "Holy fuck. You  _pledged,_ pled _ged_ , as in past tense? It's done, its official?" She swore two more times, "It's been like five months?"

"It does not matter," Clarke sounded so much like Lexa she grinned and her toes curled. "Soulmates always know."

"Man, I guess it's true what they say -lesbians do move faster than hetero's," Octavia tried to joke.

Clarke laughed lightly, "I'm serious O. We literally had the same vision -or dream or whatever you want to call it -just in reverse and at different times. It even  _felt_  too real to be a dream. It was like I had lived it before and replayed it in my mind a thousand times."

Octavia was staring from Clarke to the picture and back to Clarke.

She raised her hands in surrender, "Listen, if any of us are soulmates, if any of us have past lives, if any of that  _is_  true then it's you and Lexa. For fucking sure. You two are unreal together. The way she is there before you even realize you need her, the way you look at each other…the things you have been through. You're right, Clarke it's all the tell tale signs of soulmates. Fuck, I mean you can practically feel the heat you two generate when together. It's fucking gross to be honest." Her voice was light with a hint of playfulness now but full of belief.

Octavia sighed, returning her hand back to Clarke's. She rubbed the back of Clarke's hand with her thumb, "Raven's going to puke for sure now. You're going to have to spill the beans on this one, I like my jacket too much."

They laughed softly together before they began to clean up from their meal. Clarke tucked her book back in its box safely and slid it under the bed. She sighed sadly and ran her hand over the furs.

She missed Lexa.

Her heart was still burning for the girl, attempting to warm her insides and soothe her worries. It wasn't working.

Clarke felt Octavia's hand grip her on the shoulder. Clarke hadn't realized she was still in the tent. She reached her hand up and squeezed her hand back.

"Something is wrong," Clarke said quietly. As soon as the words left her she knew it to be true. She felt it in her bones. Something was  _coming_.

"With Lexa?" Octavia asked just as quietly.

Clarke gave one shake of her head, "No, she's okay," she whispered. "It's something else. I- I can't explain it, O. I feel  _dread_."

She felt Octavia's hand grip a little firmer, but she said nothing. She did not question how Clarke knew Lexa was okay and she did not question why Clarke felt the way she did. She knew better now. Something larger was at play. Something that was bigger than all of them.

Clarke knew the weight of her words and the conviction behind her voice was hard to ignore. The air in the room was heavy now. Very heavy. "Can I stay here tonight," she heard Octavia ask quietly.

"Took the thought right out of my head," Clarke smiled and hugged her. They changed and snuggled up onto the bed. Clarke wished for Lexa. Octavia wished for clarity. They found comfort together.

Clarke woke to the crackle of a radio.

The dread she had felt earlier was back in spades.

She hopped out of bed with Octavia at her heels. They turned the volume up and listened hard. They heard lots of static and then a whisper.

"Raven," Octavia exclaimed.

"Shut up O, listen," Clarke said slapping her chest offensively.

"Clarke, Clarke come in. Ark station to TonDC," Raven's voices crackled in and out.

Clarke swallowed and grabbed the transmitter clicking the button to speak, "Raven, I hear you. What's wrong."

"Clarke," relief filled Raven's voice but only briefly. Clarke heard banging, lots of banging. She heard steel bending and cries of pain. There were shouts and gunfire in the background coming in loud and clear now. She heard rustling on Raven's end like she was moving.

"I don't have a lot of time," her voice was weak.

Octavia was clutching to Clarke's arm, tears welling in her eyes. "What's happening Raven, talk to us."

"O's with you?" Raven's voice was faint but a bit lighter now, "tell her I say 'hey'."

Clarke shook her head, "Raven what the fuck is going on over there? Are you okay?"

"Clarke, don't come back here-" Her voice cut out before Clarke heard shouting shots and lots of metal banging and one pop of an explosion of some sort. The radio went dead.

Silence filled the tent. Clarke felt the radio ripped from her hands and heard Octavia's panicked screams into the now useless device. Clarke was frozen in place. Hands gripping the war table so hard she felt wooden splinters in her fingers. She barely noticed. Her mind began to frenzy in thoughts, scenarios, solutions, possible problems,  _everything_.

She took a deep breath.

She looked over to her sword sheathed beside the bed.

She thought of Lexa.

Her mind began to slow. It began to process and sort. She began to catch her breath. She felt her heart begin to beat a little harder and warm her once again.

"Daun ste pleni!"  _That is enough!_ Clarke's voice was more Lexa's than Clarke's. Octavia froze her useless attempts with the radio and threw it angrily across the room. She hung her head and sighed.

Clarke waited until she knew Octavia had regained her warrior within.

"Grab your shit." Clarke's voice was steel. She dressed quickly. She had one of Lexa's coats on with her fur hood up and her blonde braids sitting down her shoulders. She had quickly applied some of Lexa's war paint sweeping up into her temples as she did so. She looked fierce and much more ready than she felt. She had her armour on and her weapons strapped to her. Octavia was at her side ready in minutes.

"Follow me," Clarke said exiting the tent.

She had the fifty warriors Lexa left behind waiting for a command outside the tent. They were silent but armed to the teeth. Clarke swallowed and thought of Lexa. She walked into the crowd as it parted, Octavia following as always. Clarke stopped and spun on her heels.

"Osir bants nau!"  _We leave now!_  Clarke commanded and the warriors moved. Some mounted their steeds, others assumed their place for a march. None knowing where they were headed.

Clarke moved to find Ryder, as always, not far to her left. She turned to face him. She looked him in the eye and thought for a moment. "You're orders are to watch over me as you do Lexa? To follow my word as Heda's but  _not_  to let me send you to her side?"

Clarke waited. He nodded.

She furrowed her brow. "Fine. You are to go as far as her rule binds you and no further. You are to wait for her. You know the way she will come," Clarke commanded.

Ryder only nodded.

"Mochof, Ryder."  _Thank you._  Clarke put her hand on his shoulder. "Tell her she  _will_  find me at Arkadia."

She spun on her heel and hopped onto the horse behind Octavia as she led them out into the cool night.

Her jaw was set tight.

Her dread was now confirmed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *straps on my bullet proof vest and prepares for the world*


	33. Roma you sweet Lesbian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What a tangled web I'm weaving...

The sound of hooves on the ground and the horses crashing through the trees echoed around Lexa. She could see her breath in front of her face in the cold night air, but her body still felt warm with the heat radiating from her heart. They were setting a blistering pace. She felt her heart beating more and more erratically as she got closer and closer to Tuneco Village. They had not stopped since they left Runai. She hoped their pace would enable them to reach the village in time. In time for what exactly, she did not know.

But Lexa knew what to expect. It was going to be much of the same as Runai.

She still did not feel prepared to witness more destruction and death. Not that it mattered. As Heda she owed it to her people to see the scene, she owed it to them to investigate and find the guilty party. She owed it to them to see every face of the lives lost. Runai had taken its toll on Lexa and it was only worsened with Roma’s death.

She still had no clue who attacked Runai. There were no obvious signs left at the scene, and because Roma had passed on, there were no witnesses remaining to question. Her men could find no one in the outlying area of Runai. Lexa figured the entire village had succumbed to the assault. That meant roughly 328 lives lost including her second mother’s.

No, _definitely_ _328_ , her Heda inside verified. She had indeed counted them all without realizing it.

The only information or clues Lexa had at this point was Roma’s warning. She had replayed it in her head over and over again as she and Icarus rode straight from Runai for Tuneco.

_“She sees all. She knows,” Roma said._

Her message was infuriatingly cryptic and kept leaving ice in Lexa’s veins before her heart would flood her with heat once more.

 Lexa tried to make sense of it. She had no idea who the ‘she’ was that Roma was referring to but it sounded like the Dreamwalker or Seer to her. ‘The Woman Who See’s All’ was an old myth Lexa’s mother had told her as a child. It was of a woman, with opalescent eyes and great beauty. When her lover scorned her, she vowed revenge. Upon completing her revenge in a dark and brutal Jus Drein Jus Daun ritual, it is said that she was cursed with the ability of foresight. The woman was never again to fall victim to another betrayal but she could also find no joy in life and its spontaneity. The gift was a burden that tormented her every day. Her powers corrupted her mind and spoiled her spirit, she terrorized her clan until the day they finally burned her at the stake. The fable ends with her laughing and dancing in the flame while vowing to return to make the world kneel at her feet and her screaming echo of “Jus Drein Jus Daun”. The moral of the story was to take life in stride, to accept the bad _with_ the good.

The other part of the riddle is that the woman that Roma spoke of is a Natblida. This worried Lexa immensely on top of the Dreamwalker myth. The legend said nothing of nightblood and as far as she knew none of her Natblida’s in Polis had any gifts that she was aware of. This woman is a threat and Lexa sensed it. Her muscles kept tensing as she thought about the woman acting in the shadows, this invisible puppeteer pulling the strings in the darkness.

Lexa shivered.

 _“Protect her. Protect Clarke, Lexa,”_ Roma’s warning continued. _"Yu holde wamplei gon bai. Em holde fleime, faya en sonraun." You hold death at bay. She holds flame, fire and life._ Lexa thought of the night she and Clarke had left Arkadia for TonDC. The both of them said they had felt eyes on them. And then this part of Roma’s warning specifically referred to her and Clarke… _Roma has never met Clarke,_ Lexa’s Heda voice reminded her. This meant that the Dreamwalker woman had been in Runai and spoke to Roma. This woman had seen Clarke and Lexa. _You hold death at bay. She holds flame, fire and life._ This sounded vaguely familiar but Lexa had no clue why. She tried to sift through her brain to find the reason why it was recognizable to her but she could not connect the dots. 

All the warning did was make her worry more.

 She shivered again.

Still, they continued on to Tuneco.

 

~~

 

During the second evening of riding Lexa felt sharp icy pains in her heart. She automatically reached to her chest and began to rub the spot. Her mind went straight to Clarke. This pain was Clarke’s right now, not her own. She knew it deep down, something was wrong. She shut her eyes tight trusting Icarus to lead while she tried to focus, while she tried to _feel_ Clarke _._

When she opened her eyes again Lexa had a feeling that Clarke was physically okay. The pain in her heart was due to some emotional pain Clarke was feeling. Lexa swallowed and tried to push the feeling away so she could focus on her task. She couldn’t go to Clarke. As much as she wanted to, she couldn’t. _Not yet_. She had to fulfill her duty first, they were too close to Tuneco not to. She clenched her jaw and set her mind, _this_ would be done and _then_ she could return to Clarke.

The rest of the journey was a blur.

The back of her mind remained on Clarke trying to focus and will her strength and love to reach the girl.

Eventually, she could smell the death and smoke wafting from the distance. Here, her men had split up once again into their five parties to prevent any ambush. They waited a short while before continuing. The wait had tore Lexa up inside along with her worries. She was immensely appreciative when they could move again. She needed to be moving, to be active, if not she would need to get down off her mount and pace. 

Soon after they had started moving again she saw the first body. Then she saw the second.

Both burned to death.

No cuts, no stabs and no arrows. They looked like they had ignited while they slept. She wondered if they were poisoned or incapacitated first. Their weapons lay beside the smoldering remains and told her they were village guards.

Then, she saw the fires in the distance. Some tents and dwellings were still burning. Young sapling trees that had been planted two years prior twisted and writhed in flames as though they had just caught fire. The flames did nothing to heat the frozen chill that lay upon the village. 

As Lexa got closer she saw more bodies, all burned. She swallowed her emotions and bile once again. She held her head high and her jaw was still set tight. She absorbed it all, just like in Runai. The scene was revolting but the Heda within her was taking charge. The spirit within her was very strong, possibly even stronger since she met Clarke. For that, Lexa was thankful. She was physically feeling weak. She was feeling increasingly tired with each step Icarus took. She could not tell if it was the emotions from the destruction around her or if it was what she was feeling from Clarke. She could not differentiate one from the other right now.

A shiver ran through her spine as she continued forward. The ground beneath them was dark and charred. Dead. Icarus was antsy and tense beneath her, his breath huffing white in the night air and his muscles twitching.

They were almost to the centre of the village when she heard the sharp horn blast from the East. It was a warning from her men that they had found someone. “Kom Ai,” _To me_ , Lexa commanded and kicked Icarus in the direction of the sound. She and Indra drew their swords and maneuvered their steeds through the damage around them. Lexa gave her a nod and Indra took four men with her to the right to slow and come to assist should they need it. 

Lexa felt the adrenaline begin to pump, she felt stronger already as she and Icarus crashed through the brush to find her men.

“Osir found won!” _We found one_ , one of Lexa’s warriors shouted when she came into view. A single man was standing in his warrior stance and eyeing the spears and swords pointed at him. He had a small dagger in his right hand that he kept gripping and re-gripping. _Good, he should be nervous,_ Lexa thought threateningly. Her insides were raging but she looked calm and in control. Indra and her party came onto the scene and secured the area.

She remained on Icarus and led him hauntingly slow around to face the man a few feet back. Her back was straight and she was intimidating as she looked down on the man. She saw the satisfying shiver in the man as he looked upon her. She watched his eyes rove over her commander’s sash. Lexa lowered her hood so he could see her fully. Her eyes were piercing even in the shadows of the night and full of hatred.

“Kom whitch Kru yu hale?” _From which clan do you hail_? Lexa asked with ice in her voice. She was looking for her proof. She saw no scars on his face meaning he wasn’t Ice Nation. She needed to know if he was broadleaf, Shallow Valley or an entirely new threat.

The man sad nothing as Lexa watched his throat bob in a swallow. She honed in on his the vein in his neck and imagined her opening it slowly to make him speak his last words before he died. She snarled threateningly and twirled her sword. She kicked Icarus closer and stared at the man, her eyes like daggers.

“Ron ridiyo op!” _Tell the truth_ , she commanded with venom in her voice. “You will speak or you will die where you stand – slowly,” she hissed. “Tortured until you speak your truths!” She threatened with ease. She hated disobedience from her subjects. Lexa was ruthless when she needed to be. And she was beyond needing to be at this point. She clenched her sword tighter.

She was furious. She was livid.

She wanted blood.

She saw fear in the man’s eye as he swallowed again. He kept his eyes fixed on her, “It does not matter. I will die if I speak. She see’s all.” He moved like lightning and stabbed with the dagger.

“NO!”

Lexa was too late. The man fell to his knees his dagger stuck in his own throat. Lexa saw blood fill his mouth as he choked on it. He gagged and toppled forwards as the last of his life’s blood slowly soaked the frosted Earth.

Lexa felt herself buckle slightly on her horse. Her hand went straight to her heart and a grimace came to her face.

“Heda?” Indra said quietly making her way to her. Her eyes were searching Lexa for any physical injuries.

“I’m fine,” she lied replacing her Heda mask. “Send riders from our party, I want warnings sent to the clans. The ambassadors are to meet in Polis in two weeks time. Leave five men behind to look for the signs of guilty parties and build the pyres. Send five back to Runai to do the same.” 

“Sha, Heda.” _yes,_ Indra replied to the command.

“We ride for TonDC. Right now,” Lexa turned Icarus and shot out into the night once again. She led the few men who would remain with them, her hand still on her heart. “I’m coming Clarke.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprised myself by getting this done today  
> *slightly drunk*


	34. Massacre

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And I'm just over here still making Trig words up.

 

Clarke felt the sting of the night air give her nostrils an icy burn. This was the coldest night she had experienced on Earth, _so far._ She was sitting behind Octavia on her horse and hanging on tight. She had sharp pains in her chest since Raven’s radio silence. The dread she felt in her bones was overwhelming. She wondered what they would find at the Ark. She also wondered if this was a good idea, running in there half cocked. Literally, anything could be waiting for them in Arkadia. She thought she maybe should have waited for Lexa. She had way more experience with wars and battles; she would have been the ideal person to lead them this night.

But they were Clarke’s people.

They were their friends.

They were family.

Raven told them not to come. But they had to go.

She and Octavia were riding hard and fast. They had warriors surrounding them. Those that were on horses kept their blistering pace while those on foot ran as hard as they could bringing up the rear. She hoped fifty would be enough. She had no clue what she was going to do when she arrived. She was searching her brain for answers.

“Clarke,” Octavia said snapping her out of her thoughts, “can you ease your grip a bit?” She patted Clarke’s hand that was around her midsection. Clarke realized then just how tightly she was hanging on and loosened her grip.

“Sorry, didn’t realize,” Clarke mumbled as she tried to dodge some of the Octavia’s hair that was now whipping her in the cheek with the wind. Clarke ended up having to lift her hand to hold it down against her back as Octavia was looking at her.

“It’s okay Clarke,” Octavia admitted quietly before turning her head back forwards. “I’m fucking worried too,” she added in a whisper. 

Clarke swallowed and nodded against the girl’s shoulder. She needed to be strong for her friend. She needed to be strong for everyone.

Once again.

“We’ll stop in the tree line outside Arkadia. We keep to the shadows. Hopefully, we will get there before dawn,” Clarke said quietly in Octavia’s ear.

“I don’t need hope. I need this horse to put in work,” Octavia said giving the horse another kick to speed him up. Clarke saw her eyes sharpen in the night and the girl’s jaw set.

Clarke watched as the other warriors followed suit and sped their mounts up as well. 

“What do you think happened?” Octavia asked after awhile.

“An attack. It sounded like it anyways,” Clarke said. She knew Octavia knew this already; she didn’t let it bother her though. Octavia was just trying to get out of her own head and worries.

“Raven-“

“We’ll find her.” Clarke cut her off with an air of finality in her voice. _You will see her again._

She felt Octavia nod against her. “We will,” Clarke noticed a small sniffle after the girl spoke. Then it was gone again; the warrior mask firmly in place on her tiny friend once more. As they rode hard into the night and early morning hours Clarke found the temperature was dropping. It was gradual at first, but now you couldn’t fail to notice it. Their puffs of breath were white and lingering in the air, the biting cold beginning to eat through her gloves and nip at her fingers. She began to feel it in her toes and legs as well.

Her chest, though tight and getting bombarded with icy intakes of breath was still nice and warm. It was like her heart was attempting to raise her spirits. Her head kept pushing doubt though.

Finally, they had reached the edge of the tree line outside Arkadia. “Hod op” _Wait,_ Clarke halted the warriors with the raise of her right hand. It was still a couple hours until dawn if she had to guess. Octavia slowly prodded her horse forward to give them a better view before stopping completely. They both fell silent in the cool almost winter night, their puffs of breath shaky with nerves and worry.

“It’s quiet,” Octavia said in a whisper.

Clarke nodded against her and held on a little tighter to her friend. “Too quiet.”

 “Do you smell that?” O asked softly, her voice wavering.

Clarke nodded again. She had smelled that scent many times now. _Death._ She felt Octavia shiver in front of her as though she had heard Clarke’s silent thought.

“I can’t see anything from here,” Octavia complained straining her eyes.

The grounds in Arkadia looked darker than normal even from this far outside the walls. Clarke furrowed her brow, “The gate is still closed.” This worried Clarke immensely. Anything could be waiting on the other side of it. The silence of the camp and the low light was eerie and she couldn’t ignore the tremors that sprung through her body as she looked out into the early morning.

“Do you think its safe to go look around? If the gates closed that means some of them must be alive… right?” Octavia said quietly but hopeful. She was gripping and re-gripping the reigns in her nervousness. “Lexa left some of the Trikru here.”

“So where are they now?” Clarke said quietly confirming Octavia’s fear. Something told her the warriors weren’t there. And if they were they were most likely dead. She sighed.

Clarke tore her eyes off of Arkadia.

Now, she began to search the outlying tree line across from them. Here eyes felt like they were piercing the darkness but she saw nothing. She took a deep breath, then a second. She shut her eyes and thought about Lexa. What would she do with so little information and so few warriors?

Then it hit her.

 _Stealth_.

Lexa used the stealth approach to infiltrate Ice Nation’s camp; they needed the same stealth approach they used to infiltrate the Ark when Pike took charge. Right now.

She opened her eyes. “Octavia, remember the vents leading to the medical bay from the back of the Ark?”

“Clarke you’re a fucking genius!” Octavia’s voice was stronger now. She was feeling more empowered that Clarke had a plan.

Clarke hopped down from the horse and went to their men. _“We go from here alone. You are to wait until the horn blast or for signs of Heda. No one steps foot outside this tree cover otherwise,”_ Clarke commanded in the warrior’s native tongue. She stared at the faces before her. “ _Send the scouts!”_

With that she twirled and head into the darkness. Octavia tied her horse and followed in silence.

They both drew their swords. Neither felt the cold any longer.

When Clarke got to the back of Arkadia and the tree line she froze and shot out her arm to grab Octavia, “Hod op.”

_Wait._

They listened and watched.

“Do you hear that?” Octavia said.

That wasn’t why Clarke halted them but now she did hear it. It was coming from the right deeper in the trees. Clarke sighed she knew what was going to have to happen. “I hear it.” Clarke kept her head forward however, she had halted their march because she felt eyes on her. She saw no one.

She stood up straighter and turned to Octavia. The girl looked from the forest to her blue eyes, “Clarke, No.”

 _Clarke yes._ “Octavia we have to split up. Stay to the shadows and be quiet I need you find out who’s over there. You then go to the first scout you see – there should be one this way shortly.”

“Clarke. NO,” Octavia repeated firmly putting her hand on Clarke’s forearm.

 _Clarke yes._ Now Clarke knew why she had spoke to Octavia before they had left the Ark a few days ago. She took a deep breath and turned to face her warrior. “Octavia kom Trikru, yu rekonize ai kom Waheda.” _You recognize me as Wanheda: Commander of death._ It was not a question. Clarke was simply reminding Octavia of the conversation.

Octavia stared at her dead in the eye before resigning herself and nodding. She lowered her eyes.

“Ai release yu kom ai sekond Indra,” _I release you from your duty as Indra’s second._

Octavia lifted her head to look at Clarke again.

“Ai Wanheda,” _I Wanheda,_ Clarke said before the girl could speak, “Mountain Slayer, Queenslayer and Heda’s betrothed take you as my own second.” She finished in English, she wanted Octavia to know this had meaning to both Clarke and Clarke’s alter ego Wanheda.

 Clarke saw conflict in Octavia’s eyes as well a fierce pride. Clarke took no pride in what she was doing but she knew it was the only way to get Octavia to follow this command.

 Octavia swallowed, “Sha, Wanheda.” Her voice was strong. “Clarke I am flattered that you see me carrying such responsibility but…I made a promise.”

Clarke tilted her head and furrowed her brow.  _Of course._ “Lexa?”

 Octavia nodded, “before she left TonDC. Lexa asked me to protect you.”

“ _Lexa_ asked you? Then Heda didn’t, it would have been a command.” 

Octavia cocked her eyebrow, “When it comes to your safety there is no differentiating the two Clarke.”

Clarke shook her head and put her hand on her shoulder, “You’re breaking no promise to Lexa. As my second now your duty is to Wanheda first. She and Indra can deal with me after we do this.”

 “Clarke I don’t want to leave you,” Octavia said imploringly.

Clarke swallowed the emotions in her. She didn’t want Octavia to leave her side. She didn’t want to go to the Ark alone. But she had to. There were only two of them here right now and they already wasted too much time. She squeezed her shoulder and looked at her reassuringly, “You do this and then you find me in the Ark. Take the vent. Go Nau!” _Go now!_

She left no more room for discussion, she turned and made her way to the hole Raven had created them so many months ago. She was quiet as a mouse and she kept her eyes and ears peeled. She felt like someone was watching but she saw no one. She sheathed her sword and pulled her dagger out. Then, she quietly slipped in the vent.

She heard nothing but the soft echoes of her crawling through the metal air duct. She felt her swords handle scraping lightly against the metal as she went along. She paused as she came to the tunnels exit and she peered through the grate. She saw no one and heard nothing from her position. She took a couple deep breaths before quietly popping it loose and hopping through.

The lights in the medical bay were still on, as bright and terrible as ever. It made her blink a few times to let her eyes adjust to the sudden light. Clarke looked around and head into the room Bellamy had been in when she left. She froze. Her breath caught in her throat. 

There was blood on the side of the bed and on the floor. Not a lot but more than what should have been. She saw a scalpel lying useless beside it, covered in blood.

Looking deeper she saw a few drops on the floor like he had been moving. She wondered if this was even Bellamy’s blood.

She followed the blood trail out of the medical bay. The drops went to the left and she followed them. Her pace remained slow, she was terrified. She made another left finding a smear of blood on the wall. She kept her slow pace and her breath was ragged. She was gripping the dagger for all that it was worth.

She furrowed her brow as she realized where the blood was leading.

 Lock up.

She quickened and stopped dead when she arrived the zone. Her stomach flipped and she threw up. She saw a man lying in a pool of blood. His own unless she was mistaken - She wasn’t. She tried to calm herself and really observe what she was seeing. He had a large gash on his left arm, which undoubtedly came from the scalpel. It was a precise tool that easily cut away at flesh; she’d recognize the signs anywhere.

But that did not explain the amount of blood she saw.

It did not explain why his eyes were wide and blood shot. It did not explain the thick congealed blood that spilled from his mouth and nose. She moved closer cautiously and moved the wet blood soaked hair from his forehead. _Ice Nation._ She’d recognize the scarring even in the dark if she had to wager money on it.

Clarke stood up and looked around again. There were footprints in the blood. She followed them now.

The footprints began to fade a bit as she went on and the blood around the shoes had dried a bit. She was still able to follow them easily. Clarke had icy pains in her chest that no matter how hard her heart fought against them they would not relent right now. She was laboring for breath as she smelled it.

_Death and lots of it._

Clarke had to stop when she saw splatters of blood on the floor with too handprints in it. She saw more pools of blood and then the first corpse. Her eyes were open and blood shot, blood leaking from her eye sockets and mouth. She had drowned in her own blood right in the middle of the hallway.

 “Hannah,” Clarke whispered. She was one of her mother’s childhood friends. Clarke shivered.

 She stepped around her and swallowed the bile in her throat.

She felt like a ghost as she found two more bodies beyond her. Clarke’s heart sunk to the bottom of her chest.

Gun shot wounds. Self inflicted. Their guns lay in their hands beside them. One of the men had his finger still on the trigger and fear on his face. Clarke shuddered and her breath left her. She tried to suck it back in.

 She has seen this before.

She continued on. Left and right she made her way through the silent halls of the Ark. Each area she reached had more bodies lying in pools of blood. Clarke’s brain was fried; her emotions were over loading her, her heart hurt and broke with each new corpse. She fell to her knees when she reached the chapel.

Inside were the children.

 They had three adults with them.

All dead.

 She didn’t know these people, she had never met them before. She saw them around here and there but that was the extent of her relationship with them. She still felt the loss of a close friend or family member. These were her people. The children were their innocents. They had closed the doors and tried to prevent any harm coming to the kids.

They failed.

Clarke felt the burning of her tears on her cheek. She made no move to remove them. She got back to he feet slowly and painfully. Each step she took felt like moving a building. She felt the weight on her shoulders and in her chest that was suffocating her. Her breath barely came. She made more discoveries as she walked the tomb. She was afraid and avoiding a certain area. She was looking for two very important people right now but not looking at the same time.

 Part of her didn’t want to find Raven and her mother. 

Clarke sobbed silently on achy breaths. The silence from herself and the Ark was crushing her.

Abby wasn’t in the medical bay. She tried to repeat that to herself. She tried to believe she was safe, that she was okay. She ignored the little voice telling her that none of this was okay. It wasn’t working. Clarke checked the dwellings and saw more of the same. People succumbed to the blood or seemed to take the other route. She saw multiple gunshots in her mournful walk. She saw no living.

 _133 dead_ , Clarke counted every soul she passed. She shivered and cried for each one, as silently as the Ark was. She felt hollow. She felt weak. She felt tired. She felt like she could not take another step. But she did.

_134_

_135_ Two _more children._

_…._

_143 Anna and Kevin. Part of the original hundred._

_…Friends._

_…_ “MONTY!” Clarke’s blood curdling scream echoed around her as she fell to her knees beside her friend. He was clutching to his chest. His eyes were wide in fear and his face frozen in terror. There was blood everywhere. He had died alone. Scared. It broke Clarke all over again. Monty had always been a joy; he rarely could be seen without a smile. He was at her side and trustworthy since day one. He was her friend…

_149_

 She had no idea when she had closed Monty’s eyes and began walking again.

_150, Jackson._

_…_ with each corpse she passed Clarke felt more like death.

_152 Wick._

 Clarke froze. She was outside Raven’s mechanic bay and the doors were closed. She looked up from the dirty blond head that was caked in blood. He was shot and not by himself. He held no gun. His wound was in the back of his head. His eyes open and blood shot. There was blood streaked out of his nose and mouth.

Finally, Clarke could no longer avoid the area she desperately wanted to avoid and see at the same time. She put a bloody hand on the door and pushed. She blinked and choked on the smoke her hand waved in the air and she readied herself.

She slowly made her way in. She tried to stay low and able to see a bit better through her tears and the smoke. She tried to breathe but she couldn’t do it properly. She felt lightheaded.

She tripped and fell hard to the ground smashing her knee into the metal floor. She cursed in pain and saw one of the guards dead and staring at her. He held a handgun. She kicked herself away and stood up again. Panic was coursing through her, “Raven?” she hissed in a voice she didn’t recognize.

There was no answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> May we meet again.
> 
>  
> 
> *runs away*
> 
>  
> 
> *Whispers from the distance*  
> "Raven is fine. Nothing could kill her. Relax"


	35. Walking with Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanheda walks with ghosts  
> *spooky*

Clarke was panicking.

She was rifling around the mechanics bay in search through the smoke and tears for her friend. She knew she was sobbing but did nothing to stop it. She  _had_  to find her. She had told Raven to keep Wick close. Wick was dead. The doors had been closed.  _She had to have been in here_! Her panic was giving way to anger and fear. Her anger was waging war with despair and threatening to turn to rage.

She gripped the metal table in front of her. She growled in her panic, fear, frustration and rage and flipped it over sending it flying across the room and instruments crashing to the metal floor. The smoke that hung in the air wafted around her in the momentum.

Clarke looked up watching the smoke swirl and dance in the dead air.

_Smoke bomb._

"Clarke!? Raven!?" Octavia's panic scream filled the room. Clarke couldn't see her.

"Here," Clarke said, her voice barely audible.

"Fuck!" Octavia crashed to the floor over the dead guard, "Oh Christ!" She heard Octavia scramble. Clarke felt Octavia reach her side in seconds. Her hand reached for Clarke's and found her dagger. She pried Clarke's grip loose and slipped the dagger back into its spot on her thigh. "You don't need that," she said sadly.

She had walked the same route as Clarke. There was no doubt. She saw the bodies. She saw the signs of the biological weapon. They had it used against them before at the drop ship.

_Hemorrhagic fever. A form of it anyways._

The only threat within Arkadia was invisible to the naked eye right now.

They could both be infected and not know it. They probably were. Only time would tell.

They still stayed where they were choking on the smoke and taking tiny, painful breaths in the mechanic bay. Clarke heard Octavia coughing. She shook her head, "She had to have been in here." Clarke's voice was hollow and aching.

"Well where  _the_   _fuck_  is she now?" Octavia's voice tried to hide worry and failed.

Clarke paused as she remembered, "I have  _Escape routes."_

"You what?" Octavia asked confused shaking Clarke's arm.

"Raven. She said she had escape routes," Clarke said thoughtfully. There was no hope in her voice. There was no light. It was just a memory.

"Raven you fucking genius!"

Clarke felt Octavia shove her out of the way and disappear again into the white smoke. She heard the sound of metal and thudding. Clarke went to investigate. She banged her shin on a metal table and swore. She barely felt it but she knew it was bleeding. She was numb. Her body was moving slowly.

"NO! NO!" Clarke heard muffled, echoed screaming coming from her left, she moved quickly and found the wall. She fell to her knees again.

"Raven! Raven stop!" Octavia's voice echoed out of the vent.

"No! NO! Don't take her!" Raven's voice was terrifying. There was a shrill to it that Clarke had never heard before. It made her shiver. She was panicked and raving, "No! I don't want to be alone! Leave her alone! DON'T TOUCH HER!" Clarke could here kicking and banging in the vent now.

Clarke's breath stopped in her chest as she rammed her head and torso into the vent to see what was happening.

"Ow fuck!" Octavia exclaimed as Raven clipped her in the face with her fist. "Raven! It's me O. Just let go. It's okay. You can let go now. You're not alone." Octavia was gently was shaking the girl who was clutching to a still body in her arms. Raven was delirious. Clarke saw blood leaking from her eyes.  _Bloody tears,_  Clarke's body shuddered again.

Octavia cupped Raven by the cheeks and forced her to look at her, "Rae. Raven, I'm right here. You are  _not_  alone." Octavia's voice was thick with emotions as she was crying now.

Clarke watched as Raven released one hand from the body and stroked the brunette's cheek before she lost consciousness.

Clarke sprung into action. She needed Octavia to focus and she was worried she was going to lose it with raven in her arms.

"Clarke, help me," the sharpness in Octavia's voice surprised her. The tiny brunette was already in action. She was moving to roll the body off of Raven. She heard Octavia intake a sharp breath, "Monroe." Her voice was a whisper now and full of sadness. Clarke saw her shake her head.

_No pulse._

Clarke helped her move Monroe out of the vent and they went back in for Raven.

"We need to get her out of here!" Clarke told her. They lifted Raven by the shoulders and legs and made their way quickly out of the ark. "Blow it," Clarke commanded her as they exited.

 _161,_  Clarke was still keeping count.

Their men rode out of the tree lines as Octavia blew the signal on the horn. Clarke lowered Raven's feet to the ground as Octavia took her weight. Clarke ran to the gate and opened it. Their riders dismounted and ran in and Clarke called for the healers. She watched as Octavia clung to Raven who she now had in the muddy dirt leaning her back on her chest. Octavia was sobbing silent tears. It broke Clarke's heart. She reached up and rubbed her chest at the icy pulses she kept feeling - the heartbreak for her people.

Finally, Clarke tore her eyes from her friends and looked to the sky.

She took a few deep breaths trying to calm herself. It wasn't really working.

She had a duty. She was a leader. She knew what she had to do. Wanheda knew what she needed to do and was making her act now. She had to get to the bottom of this. She couldn't handle another surprise tonight. She went over to Octavia, "Who was in the woods?" Her voice was still devoid of feeling, still hollow.

Octavia rose her head and Clarke saw the gash Raven's fist had made in her forehead. Clarke also saw her tears streaking through her war paint. Clarke wondered if her face looked much the same. She brought a hand to her own cheek and then looked to her hand. She saw red blood mixed ominously with black paint and wet, salty tears. Her head swam.

"Skaikru," Octavia's voice broke her out of her trance.

"My mom?" Clarke asked, her voice cracked this time.

Octavia wiped her nose, "She's alive. There's about two hundred of them on their way back now. They escaped when all hell broke loose. They lost it Clarke they started turning on each other!"

"Some of them got out," Clarke let herself sigh a bit in relief.

"A few are showing symptoms, but the open air seems to be preventing the spread of whatever it is."

"More will die," Nyko's voice broke through as he tended to Raven.

"There's no antidote?" Octavia's voice cracked looking at Raven. She stroked her cheek again.

Clarke shook her head sadly even though the question wasn't directed at her. They already knew that. _They have seen this before._

"No antidote. Only the strong survive it. It causes the bleeding, visions and delirium. You two are most likely infected as well. The confined space allows the spores to spread more easily," Nyko was answering Octavia. "The Ark will need to be aired out. Three days at least, after the bodies are removed.

He was looking at Clarke. She saw worry in his eyes and she looked away. She didn't need it.

She felt weak. She didn't think her body could fight off this threat. She tried not to think of Lexa finding her in a pool of her own blood. She took a deep breath. She let the icy air crash into her chest. It was hard but she took three more. And then she moved her feet.

She had to finish her count.

She saw every face. She mourned every life. She said a silent farewell to each soul.  _May we meet again._

The death count rose with each step. Clarke saw Skaikru in the grounds. She saw Trikru warriors as well. All dead. Some had attacked each other. Some had simply died of the symptoms. Some had killed themselves.

Guilt racked her body all over again.

_176_

_182_ her feet slopped through the muddy, frosty bloody ground.

All of Lexa's warriors she had left behind to protect Arkadia had died. "Yu gonplei ste odon," _your fight is over,_  she whispered through a trembling voice and tears to each warrior. Each and every one.

_211_

Clarke was back at the gates. She had circled the Ark.

She was a ghost. She was empty except for the relentless thumping and warmth trying to pump out of her lionheart.

She walked through the gates and out into the early morning. The sun was kissing the ground, slowly rising in the distance. She could have witnessed true beauty of the ground in this moment. She could have seen beautiful greens and browns meeting golden red rays of the morning. Any artist would have swooned at the image and itched to commit it to paper.

Clarke saw none of it.

She was colourblind.

She felt like death. Just walking with her ghosts. She felt like she did those many months ago in the woods after the mountain. Eventually she started seeing them beside her. Every face as haunting as the next. She tried to ignore them but they just  _kept_ staring.

She walked straight out into the frosty grounds beyond Arkadia. Her muscles were protesting. Her body was aching and screaming at her. Her emotions were waging war inside her. Her chest was icy and sharp. Her breath was barely there.

She buckled and clutched at her heart. She fell to her knees. She felt empty and alone, like she couldn't handle this situation. She felt  _lost_.

She wept.

She didn't register time. She heard nothing but her own despair. She was screaming out into the morning in her mourning. She could do nothing to stop it. Her tears burned her icy cheeks. The cool air threatened to freeze them in place. She felt weaker by the second. Her body was feverish but chilled at the same time. Her head was in a fog. She thought she tasted blood. Her face felt warm and sticky, her tears now felt thick. The cool air iced it to her cheeks.

Then, she felt a warm gentle hand make its way through her fur hood and hair. It rested on the back of her neck and Clarke leaned into the body that appeared on her left. Her face hit a warm hip and she sunk into it. Her screaming and wailing was muffled only slightly by the body. She clutched to the body beside her and let her emotions break her.

"You found me," was all she could choke out through her sobs as she felt the person fold to the ground and encompass her in warm arms.

"Always," Lexa's soft voice crashed into Clarke's ears.

She felt her warm hand lift her chin so she would look at her. Green eyes met bloody blue. "I am right here Clarke. But you need to come with me. We are being watched. We aren't safe."

And just like that, the colour in Clarke's world was back and her heart roared ferociously. Let them try to threaten us. Let them dare to try break us. Let them try and fail.

  _Ai laik Wanheda._ _I am Wanheda._

_I command death._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is just fucking with my brain right now. You guys have NO IDEA. There are so many balls in the air I am dying.
> 
> Next chapter tomorrow!


	36. Blaming Jason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I killed a lot of people in the last couple days.  
> ...I blame Jason.  
> *shrugs*

267 lives lost at Runai

328 lives lost at Tuneco.

595 total.

 There was no hard evidence that existed to prove which clan committed the attacks on the villages. All they had was what little information they could go on about the Dreamwalker. She knew it would not be enough for her ambassadors to take up arms so soon. They required hard proof not word of mouth. She had two weeks before the meeting in Polis, two weeks to think, plan and possibly find their proof.

Lexa felt extremely discouraged. Whoever coordinated those attacks was a step ahead of her. Whoever this puppeteer in the shadows was she was pulling the strings with such skill that Lexa could not help but feel worried and threatened. If she really could _see_ all then what chance would they have? The warrior who sacrificed himself in front of Lexa in the woods only made matters worse. It only increased her nerves and fear of this woman. 

In their culture all life is a gift, it goes hand in hand with reincarnation. ‘If death has no cost then life has no meaning’. This man took his gift and squandered it by taking his own life. Their people found no honour in such an act; that man would not receive another life to come back with. He would get no other chances. For him to have such beliefs and still take his own life in fear of this Dreamwalker shook Lexa to the core.

 _Fear plays a big role in the hearts of men,_ her Heda within reminded her.

She shivered in the night air and adjusted her hood to better cover her ears once more. The air was biting at her cheeks the closer they got to TonDC. Icraus moved swiftly up and over logs, through the trees and brush. He kept Lexa safe in his back like the trusted mount he was. He had been running for hours but he was still ready and willing to get her to her destination. When she was almost to TonDC she kicked Icaraus into another gear leaving her warriors behind, she couldn’t wait for them any longer.

As she made her way through the worn down trail Lexa had to slow Icarus as she came across a body. She immediately recognized him through the darkness as one of her runners. She had sent the man from Runai to TonDC to inform Clarke of their movement to Tuneco. He obviously never made it. Lexa saw a large hole in his back. A spear had gored the man. That makes 596 murdered. These new enemies were too connected and far too coordinated for her liking.

 She snarled and kicked Icarus into a blistering run again. She rubbed at the icy pains in her chest and tried to ignore the worry in her veins. She had to find Clarke; she had to get to TonDC.

  

~~

 

“Ryder?” Lexa loudly greeted the man when she saw him emerge from the shadows. She set her jaw and swallowed the lump in her throat. She did not like the feeling coming over her right now. She still clutched at her chest. She halted Icarus and he puffed white breath into the night that mingled with her own. 

“Heda,” the man bowed slightly emerging from the dark. 

“Ou ste Klark?” _Where is Clarke?_ She demanded. Her voice was steel with her emotions; her throat was raw and dry. They were just outside of TonDC now and seeing the man only confirmed her belief that something was wrong. The look on his face confirmed the feeling inside her. She rubbed her chest again.

“Arkadia. _She said you will find her there._ ” Ryder answered gruffly in Trig.

Lexa swallowed. Clarke had gone back to Ark. _Not good_ , she wouldn’t have left unless something was wrong. Whatever was happening at the Ark and what happened in the villages could all be connected _,_ “Do we have any information?”

Ryder shook his head and lowered his gaze, “Not enough. Just a radio warning from the bird girl.”

 _Raven_.

Lexa growled, “Inform a runner from TonDC, post him here for our men. They are to find us at Arkadia.” Ryder looked at Lexa again and she set her jaw. She didn’t need to hear how foolish and dangerous this could potentially be, it was Clarke and she was going. Right now. She raised her right hand to silence him before he even spoke, “Pleni.” _Enough._ She was pissed, she was worried, she was frustrated, she was afraid and she was overwhelmed.

She took it out on Ryder, “You were to stay close to her! You should not even be here right now if she is not. You failed your duty to your Heda.”

She watched Ryder flinch at her words before he adjusted his head and licked his lip, “Wanheda found a way around that command Heda.”

 Of course she did. Clarke _always_ found a way. Lexa’s lip twitched just slightly, that girl was entirely too clever for her own good. She adjusted and softened her posture somewhat; this was not Ryder’s fault. Clarke did what she felt she needed to do.

 “We speak of this later. Catch up.” Lexa kicked Icarus into a fast gallop leaving frost and half frozen dirt behind her. Icarus was her fastest steed; she would be at least an hour ahead of her men if they kept going full tilt. She gripped the reigns tighter in Clarke’s hand made muff and bent her shoulders forward trying to brace herself against the cold wind. Icarus pulled left sharply and she felt a tiny branch slice open a small cut on her cheek. Lexa didn’t even wipe away at the blood now dripping from the cut. In fact, she barely felt it.

Her body felt oddly numb. And she knew it wasn’t from the cold night or the hard ride.

She could feel the adrenaline in her veins and the warmth in her heart pumping but it lacked its usual effect. She felt dull except for the sudden sharp icy pains in her heart. She worried for Clarke whenever she felt them. They were happening more and more as the hours went on. Lexa knew the feeling was originating with Clarke – Lexa was feeling Clarke’s emotional pain. A few times her head went foggy and her body would buckle slightly in pain but she remained upright on Icarus. She was determined to get to Clarke. If Lexa was feeling like this, she didn’t know what kind of state she was going to find her little lionheart in. She shivered at the thought.

She felt weak and tired. She felt emotional. She felt dread and despair.

 

~~

 

The sun was rising and Lexa was riding through the trees almost to Arkadia when she heard it. A haunting, bellowing, shrieking cry echoed around her. Lexa clutched at her heart, “Clarke.” She just knew it was coming from her. She felt it. She began to panic. It felt like her heart was shredding inside her for each new wail she heard Clarke make.

This was taking too long; Lexa grit her teeth and decided to risk it. She turned Icarus to bolt through the tree cover into the open space. And then she saw her.

Clarke was on her knees and continuing to shriek in despair. The sound was hollow and unlike any she had ever heard her make. It terrified her. As Lexa got closer she saw she was covered in blood. It was on her hands, her legs, her chest and face. It was in her hood and in her hair creating a twisted blonde and red disaster. Lexa couldn’t sense and real physical pain from Clarke right now, meaning very little of the blood on her was her own.

She launched herself off of Icarus while he was in full stride and he thundered on a few feet as Lexa landed softly at a full run. She swiftly crossed the distance to Clarke. She took a few shaky breaths when she reached her. Clarke looked so distraught. She didn’t hear her approach, she didn’t hear Icarus thunder by and she didn’t see Lexa beside her. Lexa moved her hand into Clarke’s hood and hair to rest it soothingly on the back of her neck. _I’m here._

She felt Clarke instantly sink into her side and clutch to her for dear life. Her screaming was muffled only slightly, it broke Lexa’s heart.

“You found me,” she heard Clarke choke out between her next shattering chorus of wails. Her voice came out so broken. Lexa folded to the ground around her and held her tight.

“Always,” Lexa said quietly in her ear as she hugged her close.

It is then when she feels the eyes on them. She can sense it.

She looked around quickly into the morning, she saw no one.

Her heart began to beat harder in her chest. They needed to move. Lexa lifted Clarke’s chin, she sucked in a sharp breath when she realized Clarke’s blue eyes were leaking bloody tears. Clarke was infected. Now she knew what had happened at Arkadia.

Lexa panicked all over again. Clarke had an even larger battle on her hands now, she realized. This was not good, "I am right here Clarke. But you need to come with me. We are being watched. We aren't safe."

 Lexa swung Clarke’s arm over her shoulder and quickly helped Clarke move towards Arkadia. Some of the men Clarke had brought with her came running out with a board to be used as a stretcher. Clarke continued to cry and clutch to Lexa’s hand even when they got her on the board. Lexa directed them into the woods to the right of Arkadia where she then ordered her men to set their camps in the tree cover. They would not be staying in Arkadia. She couldn’t risk her people getting sick with the fever. Her black blood made her immune so Clarke could stay with her. Lexa was informed of the casualties within the Ark’s grounds. She felt every loss, just as Clarke had. They were their people. She had her men begin to remove the bodies from the Ark. They would have the funeral pyres tomorrow in the field outside Arkadia. The remaining Arkadians would have to set up their own camps as well for the next three days while the Ark aired out and was cleaned.

Lexa left word for Abby of Clarke’s condition. She knew she would worry but Lexa requested they not be bothered for the rest of the day. Clarke was her priority right now.

 

~~

 

When the tents were up Lexa had Nyko help her check over Clarke. She saw bruises and a couple scuffs on her face as well as a somewhat healed split lip. Clarke was physically okay for the most part. She had not coughed up any blood nor did the bloody tears continue. It was shortly after Lexa arrived to Clarke’s side that her tears returned to their salty clear drops. This is when Lexa finally breathed a little easier. She now knew Clarke would be okay. She smiled warmly while looking at the blonde. She was so strong. She just needed rest now.

Nyko left the tent and Lexa helped Clarke get out of her clothes so she could wash her body. The clothes may as well be burned, the blood would never come out. Clarke said nothing but sobbed softly as Lexa cleaned her up. Her crying was much weaker now than what it had been a couple hours ago. Her breathing was slowing and she was even feeling warmer to the touch again. She was calming down. Lexa sighed as she gently scrubbed the dirt and blood from Clarke.

“Come on Clarke,” Lexa led a naked Clarke to the bed. When she got in Clarke curled into a ball, hugging her knees to her chest. Lexa put the furs over her and quickly changed out of her gear and clothes. She then slid into the bed beside Clarke and the blonde instantly grabbed for her and pulled herself closer. Lexa felt their naked bodies ignite against each other in the wonderful heat they always shared. It both came from and went to her heart. It soothed them both. Clarke folded herself around Lexa so her head was on her chest. Lexa put her arms around her and kissed her forehead. They said nothing. Lexa simply began to hum Clarke’s song as she stroked her hair and let the blonde finally drift off to sleep. She pulled Clarke closer and had her other arm protectively around her. She had Clarke’s head tucked in safely to the crook of her neck and she could feel her soft puffs of breath on her skin.

They can deal with the world tomorrow.

For now, they will sleep.

It was the middle of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck you Jason.


	37. Commander Heart Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey look no deaths in this chapter :)

“NO! No, no!” Clarke’s screaming filled the tent.

“Clarke!” Lexa was shaking her gently and cupping her cheek trying to wake her. She was having a nightmare.

 Clarke’s eyes fluttered open and her breath was rapid as she tried to catch it. She instantly pulled herself into Lexa’s lap beside her and clutched to her back. Lexa held her and began stroking her hair once again, “I’ve got you, it’s okay Clarke,” she cooed soothingly. She let her other hand rub small circles on Clarke’s lower back.

Clarke buried her face against Lexa’s skin. The warmth between their two bodies was helping calm her down. She soaked it in slowed her breathing and broke her mind from the nightmare.

 Except it wasn’t a nightmare.

All of that happened. And in a few hours she would have to face it all over again.

 But now, she wasn’t alone. She felt stronger today. She had Lexa. She had Lexa holding her tight and protectively. She was her safe harbour in the shit storms they kept finding themselves in. Clarke laid a kiss on Lexa’s neck, “I love you,” she said quietly against her skin. She didn’t know what she would do without the girl that was holding her tight. She’d probably still be screaming bloody murder in the field. Clarke felt Lexa lace kisses on her head before she shifted and lifted Clarke’s chin.

Her eyes peered into Clarke’s blue “I love you too.” Lexa’s voice was soft but very warm. She tilted her head and kissed Clarke with every ounce of love she had within her, Clarke could _feel_ it. It made her heart roar and shoot warmth out into her body making her feel alive. The kiss was tender but passionate. It was full of sadness from the recent few days but also overflowing with love. Clarke felt all of it.

Clarke leaned back out of the kiss and stroked Lexa’s cheek. They got lost in each other’s eyes for some time after that just finding the solace they shared whenever they did so. Clarke knew Lexa had her own massacre to deal with over the last few days, it broke her heart to see the pain lingering behind the perfect green of her eyes.

“It was bad,” Clarke said sympathetically, staring at her.

Lexa nodded and Clarke saw tears welling to her eyes. She adjusted to she could bring Lexa’s head into her neck and she felt the brunette begin to clutch at her while her tears fell. “It’s okay Lex. I’ve got you Love,” Clarke whispered into her hair. “We’ll figure this out. I promise.”

Clarke held on to Lexa for some time. She let her cry until she couldn’t any longer. She held on long after they heard the camp rising with the new morning. Their chests began to rise and fall as one once more. They finally separated and dressed. Clarke was feeling lightheaded from the fever. Lexa had food and drink brought to the tent and Clarke filled her belly. She couldn’t stomach much but she felt extremely better once she had her blood sugars rise again. She did not fail to notice that Lexa ate just as little as her.

They helped each other with their armor and weapons. Clarke was in another long black coat of Lexa’s and a pair of her black pants. Lexa wore her brown fur coat with the hood, her commander sash flowing freely off her shoulder. Her hair was braided; she wore no war paint.

“Are you going to explain how you got these bruises,” Lexa began saying now standing in front of Clarke. She raised her hand to her face and gently stroked Clarke’s split lip with her thumb, she kissed it sweetly, “and this?”

 Clarke gave her a very small smile; “Octavia did it while we were sparring. Don’t worry, I got a few of my own in. It was my idea.”

Lexa furrowed her brow, before she kissed Clarke once more. She understood. She knew how the motions would help ease stress and expel energy. It was something they both did.

 Clarke pulled Lexa by the hand to sit down at the war table. She pulled the brunette into her lap. Lexa put her arm around her shoulders and rested her forehead on Clarke’s. They took a deep breath together soaking each other’s presence in once more. “So, are you going to tell me what happened?” Clarke asked quietly. She didn’t want to upset her but they had to deal with this. She needed facts to go along with her thoughts and worries.

 She felt Lexa sigh against her, “595 souls lost in Runai and Tuneco.”

 Clarke shook her head confused, “Tuneco too?”

 Lexa nodded, “Yes. Both burned. I sent riders to warn our allies and we have the ambassadors meeting in Polis in two weeks.”

Clarke shivered, _massacres_ , three massacres to be exact.

“Eight hundred and six,” Clarke whispered. Lexa nodded in understanding of the total body count and they pulled each other close in a tight embrace again.

“You need to see your mother. You know she is driving herself mad with worry,” Lexa said gently rising and holding a hand out to Clarke. Clarke nodded and took it. They left the tent together in silence, hand in hand.

The morning air was very cold this morning. The frost was thick and their breaths were giant puffs of white smoke. They walked slowly through the make-shift village and were both surprised to find SkaiKru tents intermingled with TriKru tents. The groups were friendly since Mount Weather but seeing the comradery between their clans in the wake of the massacres made them squeeze each other’s hands tighter. Clarke had feared it would tear them apart but once again, this world could surprise her. Their people could surprise them. She saw pride in Lexa’s eyes and she was certain her eyes held the same pride. This didn’t need to break them; just like Lexa and Clarke this could push them to rise above it together.

“Clarke! Lexa!” Clarke heard Abby shout as she quickle made her way over to them. She put her head between the two rils and wrapped them both into a giant hug. “I was so worried about you two,” she whispered through tears.

 When she finally released them Clarke saw Lexa wipe a spare tear from her eye.

 Clarke squeezed her hand and gave her a funny look. It was like she didn’t expect Abby to care about them _both._ Clarke smiled warmly at her and kissed her on the cheek before squeezing her hand once more. When she turned to look at her mom again she saw a giant grin on her face after watching the interaction. She grabbed them in a hug once more.

 “Mom. Mom come on, Heda of the thirteen clans can’t be hugging so much in public.” Clarke was trying to shrug out of the hug. Funnily enough, she did not feel Lexa trying to shake it. She smiled again as little warm tingles spread throughout her body. She fucking loved this woman.

“I am glad you are well too Abby,” Lexa said softly with a small smile. She meant it. Clarke smiled again watching the two.

“Where’s Raven?” Clarke asked looking around.

“She’s with Octavia. This way,” Abby said as she turned and they followed her through the tents and trees.

Clarke pulled Lexa along a little quicker when she found Raven and O. She pulled them both to their knees beside the girls. Only then did Clarke release her grip on Lexa and reach for her friend. She put a hand in Octavia’s before stroking Raven’s cheek with the other. “Hey,” she said quietly when Raven looked at her.

She was lying down but looked ten times better than when Clarke had last seen her. “Hey Clarke, can you tell her to stop looking at me like that,” Raven gestured lazily to Octavia.

Clarke smiled at her friend before she looked at O who still had tears in her eyes. Clarke felt a small pang in her heart at the sight, as she did she also felt Lexa’s hand rub soothingly on her back. The pain went away with each stroke. Clarke squeezed Octavia’s hand, “O stop looking at her like that.”

 Octavia sniffled and laughed, “Are you feeling alright?” She was looking at Clarke now. Perhaps she was happy to get her mind off of yesterday’s events.

Clarke nodded, “Yeah much better now.” She glanced at Lexa and smiled. She knew why she felt better today. “You didn’t have any symptoms?”

“No, I’ve been fine. Just tired.”

“I told you to sleep dummy,” Raven mumbled grumpily.

Clarke saw Octavia grin slightly and shake her head, “Shut up. I couldn’t.” Clarke knew why. She could feel it. She felt it in the mechanic bay yesterday; Octavia was scared for Raven’s life. Clarke couldn’t help but think Octavia may just be _in love_ with Raven as well as Lincoln. She also couldn’t help but think Octavia might be accepting that fact herself as she watched her rub her hand on her thigh lovingly.

“Clarke,” Lexa said quietly her hand still on her back.

“I know,” Clarke said just as quietly. The other two girls looked at them confused. Clarke ignored their looks, “We need to know what happened here yesterday.”

 Raven nodded, “A guard found an Ice Nation member in the woods by the river. He brought him here and Abby was checking him over in the med-bay. I guess she sliced his arm open and they took him to lock up. That’s where he started spitting blood everywhere and I guess infected them. After that things escalated quickly.”

Clarke shivered. That’s exactly what she thought had happened.

Raven continued in their eerie silence, “People started screaming and losing it, they saw things that weren’t there. They started turning on each other and themselves. We tried to get those that were outside the Ark to safety. Thank god for your mom and Bellamy, Clarke. They saved those people.” Clarke saw Raven shiver. “Wick and I tried to get Monroe away from that guard, he kept screaming at her and threatening us. Wick tried to slow him down while we radioed you…that’s when- you know,” Raven said referring to Wick dying. “Anyways, then the guard came in and I popped the smoke and took Monroe with me into the vent.”

Clarke saw Octavia wipe another tear from her eye. Clarke knew she was thinking of them finding Raven clutching to a dead Monroe and screaming to not be left alone. She had been terrified and delirious. Clarke shivered and leaned back slightly into Lexa.

“I am glad you are okay Raven,” Lexa broke the silence.

Raven grinned at her. “Thanks. I’m thankful to be here,” she smiled at Octavia now who rolled her eyes and laughed.

Clarke felt Lexa move to stand up and Clarke immediately followed her motion. She placed her hand back in Lexa’s and felt the familiar heat and invisible sparks between them. Clarke looked at her curiously, there was something going on in her head and Clarke couldn’t figure out quite what it was. She saw concern on her face and fear in her eyes. She could _feel_ how conflicted Lexa was.

They walked through the tents towards the tree line. Lexa stopped them just before the open space so they were still in cover.

“Are you going to tell me what you’re so conflicted about?” Clarke said quietly turning to face her.

Lexa gave her a small smile and sighed. She laced their hands together and looked into Clarke’s eyes. “There is something major in play here Clarke,” her voice was low and warning. “The villages, we have no evidence of Ice Nation, Broadleaf or Shallow Valley. The Ice Nation who killed himself and spread the sickness in the Ark can be passed off as a rogue member.”

“You don’t believe they aren’t related,” Clarke said knowingly. Lexa was too smart for that.

“You know I don’t. They are most definitely related. But we require _proof_.”

“It get’s worse doesn’t it?” There was something Lexa was withholding and she was going to press her until she spilled the beans. When Lexa didn’t respond Clarke went in at it again, “Ron ai ridiyo op Lex.” _Tell me the truth Lex._

Lexa looked at her with devotion and nodded, “I have but a warning; A warning that goes along with a feeling. Nothing more.”

Clarke took a deep breath and nodded, “Bring it on.”

Lexa gave her a small smile, “Roma, the leader of Runai. She was like a second mother to me; she was my birth mother’s second love. I found her mutilated but still alive. She gave me one warning before she died, one warning that referred to us…”

Clarke shivered and began to cry for Lexa. She stroked her cheek softly as she saw sadness in her green eyes, “I’m so sorry for your loss Lexa.” She kissed her cheek and pulled her close before Lexa pulled back to continue.

Lexa repeated the warning word for word eyeing Clarke the entire time.  
_“She sees all. She knows. Protect her. Protect Clarke, Lexa. Yu holde wamplei gon bai. Em holde fleime, faya en sonraun." You hold death at bay. She holds flame, fire and life._

“So…” Clarke screwed up her eyes as Lexa finished. “What the fuck does that mean?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and keeping up with my Trash!!! Thanks for the comments and kudos too!!!


	38. Light the Pyres

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so much on the go

“So…” Clarke screwed up her eyes as Lexa finished. “What the fuck does that mean?”

Lexa smiled at her and brushed a loose strand of hair behind Clarke’s ear, “It’s complicated.” Clarke raised her eyebrows, cocked her head and set her jaw, _no shit._ Lexa smiled at her gesture and raised her one hand in an apologetic surrender, “Sorry.”

“Why does it sound so cryptic?” Clarke said ignoring her apology; she wasn’t really upset with the vague answer, she just did not think it was the time to be beating around the bush. “Who is ‘ _she’_?”

“Because _it is_ cryptic Clarke,” Lexa answered pulling Clarke by the hand to a nearby log and sitting down together. “It’s every bit as confusing to me I assure you. And ‘she’ is a Natblida like me apparently. I told you something very large is in play here. Something I fear that may be larger than even you and I.”

Clarke swallowed. The tone of Lexa’s voice threw her for a bit of a loop. She couldn’t quite put her finger on the emotions laced in her voice. She felt a slight tremor ring through her body. She gripped Lexa’s hands a little tighter. “Well I’m sure we can figure this out,” Clarke said reassuringly letting her mind begin to whir over the riddle before her. “See’s all…”

Lexa nodded “Yes, the only part of the riddle I truly may understand.”

Clarke looked at her curiously as Lexa told her of the grounder lore of ‘The Woman Who See’s All.’ She sat quietly and listened intently. She understood it but it sounded like something out of a storybook. She tried to piece it into the warning Roma had given Lexa.

When Lexa finished the story Clarke finally spoke, “So you think this woman _actually_ existed? You believe this to be true?”

 “All stories carry an element of the truth Clarke,” Lexa said softly. “And this particular lore was created _after_ the world ended, long after. While books and stories from before were lost to the general population. Our people were much more simpler beings then and even more savage – there would be no real imagination for embellishing certain events.”

Clarke shivered and leaned her head on Lexa’s shoulder. Finally, she spoke when she had more of her thoughts processed. “So you think Roma was speaking of a Nightblood that exists now with some sort of ability to see the future?” Her voice couldn’t hide her doubt in the validity of such a thing.

Lexa picked up on it instantly, _of course_. “You believe in soulmates do you not? Is it so easy to believe in two souls destined to find each other throughout time and space and then doubt on inherited or gifted abilities?”

Clarke rolled her eyes and smiled, “Well, not when you throw soulmates in my face I guess I can’t.” Her tone was slightly playful. She just wanted to lighten the mood a bit. They had had so much darkness the last few days. Lexa did end up giving her a very small smile. “I mean I guess radiation can cause things to happen. I’ve seen films about it…” Clarke paused as a memory hit her, “Oh my god, the other morning and the other night when we left for TonDC we said we felt eyes on us.”

 Lexa nodded, “Our scouts found no one in the tree line.” 

Clarke furrowed her brow, “That still doesn’t mean they weren’t there.”

“I know,” Lexa said softly. “We won’t know anything for sure until we meet this woman or find out more.”

 Clarke sighed. “Okay so what about the rest of the warning? The bit about death and flames and life?”

She felt Lexa go slightly rigid. Clarke moved her free hand to lay it on Lexa’s thigh and rub it soothingly. Finally the brunette spoke, “We need to go to the wall. I need you to see the paintings of the first commander.”

Clarke looked at her, “What’s that got to do with this?”

“It may just have _everything_ to do with this Clarke. Do you remember me telling you about the dream I had of the first commander? Ever since Roma spoke her warning my heart keeps telling me we need to see the wall. I have not looked upon it since the day I found it- the day after my ascension day. The day after the dream, the day after the spirit showed itself to me; I feel like it may hold some clues to this riddle.”

 The conviction in her voice drove Clarke’s next words, “Then we go as soon as we are able to.” She stood up and pulled Lexa to her feet. They walked back towards the village of tents and their people in silence, still hand in hand. She felt hopeful that Lexa thought this would help them. She was glad that Lexa had at least some idea of how to approach this situation for answers, because Clarke had none.

 As they walked they heard a ferocious roar and blood-curdling scream in the trees far to their left. It sounded far. They froze and lexa gripped her hand tighter pulling Clarke back as she tried to head towards the sounds. “We wait for back up,” Lexa said sternly.

Clarke looked to her green eyes and nodded when she saw fear in them. She was pleading for Clarke to think about this. This was no time to run head first into trouble just the two of them. Lexa began to bark commands to her men that had coming running to their way at the sound. Clarke watched as they sped off through the trees with speed. She saw both TriKru and SkaiKru members moving together as one. Her and Lexa drew their swords and fell into pace behind them.

 As they made their way through the trees as a group of about fifteen they could hear the screams become weker before they stopped all together. The growling continued and they heard crashing through the trees and brush. They sped up as the sound began to fade. Whatever it was – it was leaving the area at a great speed.

Clarke watched as Lexa’s men halted and went to look at a space between two trees. They waved Clarke and Lexa over to them.

Clarke’s stomach rolled and she tasted bile in her mouth. She couldn’t look away though.

She saw lots of blood, bits of flesh, what appeared to be white fur slowly soaking in the blood, and a mangled deformed corpse. He was one of the scouts she realized. She swallowed the bile as she saw Lexa set her jaw and her eyes flare. Lexa moved closer to the body as her men looked it over with her. Clarke remained back a few paces trying to keep herself from vomiting. She tore her eyes away from the body and took some deep breaths. Whens he was ready she joined them and reluctantly looked the corpse over.

“What could have done this?” Clarke asked quietly in disgust.

“Bear.” Lexa said simply, her voice was ice.

 “I’ve never seen a bear around Arkadia before. Let alone a white one,” Clarke said pointing at the blood soaked bits of white fur.

Lexa turned to look at her, “There are bears here. But this is too far for a snow bear.”

Clarke shivered at the tone of her voice. “Let me guess, snow bears are from Azgeda territory.” Lexa gave her no smile; she simply nodded. “Is it natural for a bear to kill simply for killing? I though bears ate their kills,” Clarke asked thoughtfully. The body had not been eaten – simply torn to shreds.

“Humans only kill for the sake of killing,” Lexa’s voice was still icy as she looked back at the corpse.

“From what I’ve read about bears they kill to eat or to protect or defend. Why would a snow bear be defending territory that is not hers,” Clarke looked around again. “There’s no other blood from another kill so she wasn’t protecting her food!”

“That is what concerns me,” Lexa’s voice was quieter now but still icy.

 Clarke shivered and stepped closer to her side. “Well that’s just super, we have invisible enemies watching us and now their predators are here.” Her tone was bitter, the odds just kept building against them.

She felt Lexa sigh beside her before sheathing her sword. She grabbed Clarke’s hand and pulled her back towards the village of tents. Lexa gave an order to her men to gather the remains to be added to the pyre this afternoon.

 _Oh yeah._ They still had to send their people’s souls off into the afterlife. They still needed to let the fire cleanse the pain of the past. She silently hoped it would work. Clarke squeezed Lexa’s hand tighter relishing in the heat it always created. 

~~

They ate their lunch quietly with Raven and Octavia. The atmosphere in the camp was thick and heavy with sadness. The pyres were almost ready. It was a cool day again and Clarke knew winter wouldn’t be long behind. She wondered if they would get to Polis for the ambassador’s meeting before the snow fell. She silently was wishing she would live long enough to see it, long enough to share her first snow with Lexa.

Not long after they had finished and were sipping at some warm tea Kane approached followed by Lincoln. Clarke watched as Octavia stiffened and removed her hand from Raven’s ankle as he approached. She smiled warmly at him as he leaned in for a kiss to great her. Clarke noticed it was a _much_ different kiss then the one she witnessed them share when Octavia left a few days ago. Her heart panged slightly for Octavia as well as Raven and Lincoln. This was not going to be easy for any of them. Clarke felt Lexa’s hand on her shoulder before she removed it and stood to grip Kane’s arm in a friendly greeting.

“I am sorry to hear of the villages Lexa,” Kane said warmly.

“And I am sorry to hear of our loss in Arkadia,” LExa replied emphasizing _our._ She broke their arm grip, “The dead will be avenged.”

 Clarke shivered as she felt Lexa’s anger spike even from this distance. She stood up and greeted Kane as well making sure to stand as close to Lexa as possible. She felt the girl’s tension ease as she did so. Clarke flashed her a glance before asking Kane about the trip from Polis.

“Everything went fine. We saw no one until we found the group in the woods after the outbreak,” Kane was telling them.

 _Great._ So Kane was no help, he had no new information. Clarke sighed deeply feeling disappointed.

“Do we know anything of the attacks? Are they connected?” Kane was asking looking back and forth between Lexa and Clarke.

 Clarke stiffened; they hadn’t discussed sharing the warning with everyone. She felt Lexa shift beside her, obviously thinking the same thing.

“We have no proof of guilty parties,” Lexa said calmly.

Kane nodded, “And the Ice Nation infector can be easily buried under false pretense?” Lexa nodded clearly impressed with Kane grasping the situation.

“You need to be careful Kane, we all know they could very well be connected.” Clarke spoke sternly, Wanheda taking control of her voice. She needed him to understand the gravity of the situation. He nodded eyeing her with pride.

 Clarke thought about telling him about the Natblida but she swallowed the notion. Her and Lexa needed to discuss things more before they started spreading this wildfire of fear. If this woman really did have a gift that meant she could be seeing their every move before they make it. If she didn’t have a gift then she had many eyes on them informing her of their movement no doubt.

She didn’t know which was worse.

 Lexa saw Indra ride into camp and come over to them. Lexa greeted her and waited for Indra to fill them all in.

“Heda, Wanheda,” Indra bowed her head slightly. “The riders have been sent with warnings to the clans. The ambassadors meet in two weeks as you commanded.”

Lexa nodded, “Mochof Indra.” _Thank you._ “I need you to send two runners to the three rebel clans. Send our stealthiest ones. They are to watch and report on any on-goings with one always remaining on watch. I want no more suprises.”

Indra nodded at the command and turned to follow her orders.

 Kane left the two girls and went to find Abby. The funeral pyres would have to be lit shortly and Clarke felt it weighing on all of them. She pulled Lexa by the hand towards their tent.

When she got inside she didn’t even take two steps before she turned on Lexa and pulled her close. They sunk into each other’s arms and let their breathing match again. Clarke felt the warmth inside her as it began to soothe the weight on her shoulders and back. She buried her face into Lexa’s neck and kissed her skin. Lexa rubbed her back and Clarke matched her motions.

Clarke pulled back slightly to look up at her, “That was a good idea sending runners to watch the three rebel clans.”

Lexa smiled at her and cocked an eyebrow, “You sound surprised.”

Clarke smiled back before she furrowed her brow, “I’m not. I just never thought of it.”

Lexa kissed her cheek, she could feel her lips smiling into the kiss. “We share the same soul and the same heart and the same mind, I cannot help that mine grabbed that idea first.”

 Clarke chuckled softly in her ear and she felt Lexa shiver in delight and radiate a new wave of heat, her hands on her lower back moving to Clarke’s hips before her soft lips captured Clarke’s. She sucked on her bottom lip briefly before letting go and stepping back and smiling at the goofy look on Clarke’s face.

 “Clarke, Lexa” Octavia’s voice entered the tent from outside. “It’s time. They are ready.”

 And just like that the air in the tent was heavy again. Clarke sighed and hugged Lexa again, “I need to stay by you for this okay?” Her voice was a whisper.

She felt Lexa kiss her head, “I never want you to leave my side Clarke.” Her answer was layered and extended far beyond today’s events. Clarke stroked her cheek; she ran her thumb lovingly over the almost healed scratch on Lexa’s cheek before separating and pulling her by the hand out of the tent.

There were five very large pyres built just outside the walls of Arkadia. The warriors, both Skaikru and Trikru were standing in a silent vigil around them waiting for Lexa and Clarke. They walked together side by side to the head of the crowd now standing in front of the five pyres.

“Kru gon Arkadia,” _People of Arkadia,_ Lexa said in her Heda voice to the crowd, “Raun faya, oso wada kiln laudnes-de kom foutaim.” _In fire we cleanse the pain of the past._

Kane moved holding a torch and handed it to Lexa. Clarke saw her take a deep breath and they moved as one to the first pyre. Lexa looked to Clarke and gestured with her hand. Clarke understood and put her hand on Lexa’s around the torch handle.

“Together,” Lexa whispered. Clarke nodded slightly in agreement and they lit the first pyre. They moved together to each one, hands still on the torch. When they finished Kane took the torch again and held it high as the pyres raged higher and consumed the tainted blood and flesh.

 _“Yu gonplei ste odon” Your fight is over._ Clarke whispered as they watched the fires take over the afternoon sky.

“May we meet again,” She heard Lexa softly whisper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might get two more off today!


	39. Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bang Bang chitty chitty bang bang

The fires burned until dusk set in on them. The two remained to watch the flames die and smoke consume the smoldering embers and ash. They stood side by side long after the crowd dissipated.

Finally, Clarke felt a hand on her shoulder, "You two need to get warm." It was Abby and she was looking at them both. Her eyes were sad and heavy with the loss they were all feeling. She gave them each a small smile and rubbed each of their cheeks before rubbing their outside shoulders as if trying to warm them, "You're both shivering."

Clarke hadn't even noticed.

Now she did. She could feel her and Lexa both trembling beside each other in the now almost frozen night air. She grabbed Lexa's hand and followed her mom back into the tree line and tents. They said nothing to anyone as they made their way into Lexa's tent and began changing, dropping their weapons and gear and washing up. The tent was very warm due to the dire drum radiating heat in the middle of the tent.

Clarke wore a tight pair of briefs and a loose t-shirt with a slight tear in the neck. Her hair was wet from washing and soaking the back of her shirt as she combed out her hair. She watched Lexa dry off and change into some nightwear and Clarke felt tingly all over. She knew she shouldn't after the day they just had but she couldn't help it. Lexa was fucking perfection and whenever they were alone together Clarke felt even more drawn to her like a magnet. She watched as the girls wet hair hung over her right shoulder glistening the bare skin on her arm and making Clarke lick her lips.

Instantly she was moving, she dropped the comb and made her way over to Lexa. She put her hands on her hips and let her fingers spark and ignite Lexa's skin above her waistband. She felt her tense slightly, "Clarke-" Lexa said and Clarke cut her off knowing where she was going.

"We have seen so much death. I want to celebrate  _life_  Lexa. You make feel  _alive_ ," Clarke kissed her passionately before leaning back slightly but making sure their fronts were still flush, "Take me. Make me  _live."_

Her words sparked Lexa into action, her arms swung around Clarke holding her tight. Her right hand cupped Clarke's cheek and her lips brushed against Clarke's. Clarke felt the remaining sadness leave Lexa as she deepened the kiss. It was urgent and just as needy as Clarke's words. Clarke sunk into the kiss clutching at the brunette. She felt Lexa move and grab her lifting her up so Clarke could wrap her legs around her hips. Clarke slipped her tongue in her mouth and let it flick and dance along Lexa's. She bit her lip as Lexa dropped them both onto the bed landing gently on top of Clarke.

Clarke felt searing kisses along her jaw line, she felt the heat in the room increase tenfold as Lexa's hands starting roaming. Clarke could feel her everywhere and it still wasn't enough. She whimpered as Lexa ran her hand over Clarke's centre before letting her hand grip and spread her legs letting Lexa put her thigh between them. They instantly started grinding against each other matching the others motions and need. Clarke felt herself begin to drip as Lexa moaned in her ear before she felt her tongue flick against her ear lobe. Clarke let her hands roam up Lexa's side and she lifted her shirt off of her swiftly.

As soon as she did she moved leaning up and lacing licks and kisses on Lexa's neck and collarbone. She wove her hand into her hair and turned her Lexa's head so she could capture her mouth with her own. She felt Lexa whimper in her mouth causing Clarke's toes to curl. She thrust her hips up into Lexa in response and let out a whimper of her own as Lexa matched her force with her thigh.

Clarke felt Lexa begin to lift her shirt and Clarke moved to help her. As soon as it was tossed to the side Lexa's hand were on Clarke's breasts. She was arching her back into the touch; she needed more. Lexa's hands were burning her in the most delightful way and Clarke moved her hand to cup Lexa's core through her briefs. She moaned at the dampness she felt and pushed her palm up harder. Lexa's pelvis began to rotate slightly against Clarke's hands as Lexa's mouth began to lace her tongue around Clarke's nipple. She moved swiftly from one to the other. Each time her mouth was removed, Lexa's fingers would play and flick at the wet freshly released nipple while her mouth paid attention to the other. Clarke watched her open mouthed and panting, it was one of the most beautiful erotic scenes, she felt her desire drip between her folds again.

Clarke pushed Lexa back slightly and leaned up capturing Lexa's breast in her mouth. Clarke was so turned on she wanted Lexa to witness this for herself. Clarke kept her eyes up locked into the dark green of Lexa's as she made her ministrations. She felt Lexa tremble above her with each lick and flick of her tongue. Clarke was immensely satisfied to feel even more wetness against her hand rubbing against Lexa's centre. She moaned when she saw Lexa's eyes darken again and Clarke made her move she, she slipped her fingers in Lexa's waistband and pushed the briefs off. Lexa adjusted abover her to quickly remove them. She knelt on the be and began lacing kisses from Clarke's ankle to her thigh, across to the other thigh and up to her hip. She felt Lexa place a kiss on the soaked briefs before she laced her fingers in the band and pulled them off with ease.

Clarke moved and pushed her backwards so she was now on her back. Clarke gently put her body on top of her before straddling her hips and sitting up straight. She felt renewed confidence within her as she looked down at the love of her life. She watched as Lexa licked her lip in desire as Clarke saw her eyes dart from Clarke's down her form and land on her core where she was sure she could feel her dripping on her pelvis.

Clarke reached for Lexa's hands on her hips and very slowly guided them up her sides and onto the breasts squeezing with her hands. Lexa moaned at the intimacy and Clarke gave her an evil grin. She moved Lexa's right hand back down as she adjusted above her and she slipped Lexa long fingers between her folds. "You cause that," Clarke rasped at her in her sexiest most sinful voice.

She watched Lexa swallow as she let her hand gently move against the slickness she felt. Clarke whimpered as her hand grazed her clit ever so gently. She still had her hand around Lexa's and began moving it for her, gudining her where she needed her. "You have the same effect on me," Lexa whispered before she followed Clarke's guiding hand and slipped to fingers in the blond above her.

Clarke gasped as she lowered herself firmly onto Lexa's hand. She squeezed the other on the breast and began riding her right there. She need her. Right there. Right now. Clarke sped up and Lexa matched her speed with ease. Clarke kept her eyes glued onto her and bit her lip as she felt herself clench every so often on Lexa's fingers. Clarke moved her hands to Lexa's chest to give her more momentum. She was rocking fiercely now, the heat between them driving her crazy. She couldn't handle it anymore. She reached back with her left hand and began sliding her own fingers against Lexa's wet core. Clarke whimpered when she felt just how wet the girl beneath her was. Clarke reveled in the fact that she caused that. She smirked and cocked and eyebrow as Lexa bit her lip and whimpered, "Beja, Clarke."  _Please, Clarke._

Clarke began to speed up her grinding even more as she pushed her fingers in to Lexa's folds. She began to slow her grinding above her so she could have Lexa catch up. She began curling her fingers every third thrust as she slowly rolled her own hips and moaned. Lexa kept her eyes on her and Clarke leaned her head back in ecstasy when she felt Lexa begin to clench around her fingers.

Clarke sped up. She sped up her grinding. They both needed this. She felt so alive, so loved, so passionate. So thirsty.

"Lexa," Clarke whimpered as the girl began curling her fingers again hitting the spot Clarke desperately needed. Clarke matched her movements and felt Lexa buck her hips in response.

"Clarke," Lexa moaned and shoved her head into the pillow. Clarke moved her free hand and grabbed her chin forcing her too look at her. She shook her head coyly.

"Uh-uh, you let it out," Clarke demanded.

This only spurred their motions on. Lexa obeyed to Clarke's request easily under the blonde's movements. Clarke heard herself saying Lexa's name over and over again. "Yes! More Lex! More!"

She complied easily and they both were panting, there was no way to tell who was making what noise. There was no way to tell who was saying what. All they knew was it felt so fucking good. They were glistening with sweat and Clarke had no clue how they were lasting this long. She didn't care she just kept riding Lexa below her and administering her own pleasure to the brunette.

"Lexa," Clarke bit her lip she felt herself clenching even more, "I'm so close. I don't want it to end!"

"I'm going to-" Lexa screamed as she clenched tighter as well. Clarke's eyes rolled into the back of her head and rotated her hips again and again.

Clarke nodded, "Fuck! Yes," she hissed in pleasure. "Me too-"

"Together," Lexa whimpered and Clarke and her pushed against each other again and they both screamed the others name as their bodies trembled together and the friction continued until their moans and trembling stop. They rode that wave together all right.

Just like they would do everything from now on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> get it girl.


	40. Fluffy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My little fucking cuties

Lexa woke surprisingly refreshed after the night they shared. They had literally explored each other’s body into the very early morning hours. They had not eaten since lunch yesterday. She didn’t think she would ever need to eat again as long as she could absorb Clarke’s presence, she was her sustenance and she craved her. Last night had partially healed them both from the sadness of the last few days. It almost soothed the ache and burn they felt for each other.

Almost.

Lexa knew in her heart she would always ache for Clarke Griffin. How could she not? Clarke was her _everything_ and more.

The blonde was holding her tight and protectively. Lexa swooned slightly in the warmth of their two bodies. It never failed to disappoint. Her head was on her bare chest listening to Clarke’s lionheart beat strong for her. She did not fail to notice her own heart matching its beat. Lexa laid a soft kiss on the skin and rubbed Clarke’s side lovingly with her fingers. She began letting her fingertips gently trace Clarke’s ribs, the invisible sparks flying as she did so.

She felt Clarke stir and pull her body slightly so she could curl around her more. “Mmm, good morning,” Clarke said as she kissed Lexa’s head and nuzzled her face into her hair. “I love you,” Lexa could feel her breathe in deep against her after her words.

“And I love you,” Lexa replied flipping her head around so she could properly look up into the beautiful blue eyes she always ached to see in the morning. She stroked Clarke’s cheek, “I do Clarke. I love you so much it is truly inexplicable. You really do make me feel _alive_.” The emotions swelled within her as she spoke and she felt Clarke’s hands rub her bare skin lightly and sending glorious invisible flames across Lexa’s back.

Clarke cocked her eyebrow and grinned as she let her eyes rove over the naked body against her. They lingered on Lexa’s bare ass and long leg peeking out from the furs, “Isn’t that my line?”

“Careful Clarke,” Lexa sighed and kissed her chest again, her finger teasing the back of Clarke’s thigh now. A sensitive zone for the blonde, “I may just make us both feel alive all over again this morning.”

Lexa twitched a little as Clarke tickled a sensitive part of her own, “Well let’s go commander I got nothing but time right now,” Clarke challenged coyly cocking her head. The sexy rasp in her voice made Lexa wet instantly and her heart thumped loudly at the sexy smirk on Clark’s face.

“Good. Challenge accepted. Now prepare to _live,”_ Lexa graciously accepted and shortly after she had Clarke moaning out for her all over again. It was bliss and they both felt it. The temperature in the room was rising with every second.

 They both fucking loved it. She _felt_ it.

  _All of it._

At times, she could not differentiate who was feeling what as Lexa was so overcome with pleasure both when she gave and when she accepted. She did not think sex with Clarke could get any better.

But it just insisted on exceeding her expectations.

And she thanked her otherworldly luck for that.

 

~~

“We should spend every morning _living,”_ Clarke teased Lexa as they washed up from the extracurricular activities. “I feel fucking fantastic.”

Lexa chuckled softly and gave her a wink, “I do not believe either of us would complain.” She dried off and began to comb her hair once she was dressed. Her eyes never left Clarke as Clarke took her sweet ass time getting dressed. Lexa saw her flashing her sexy grins and cocked eyebrows causing Lexa to squeeze her legs together each time. She watched Clarke’s freshly washed hair cling to her skin in a sultry fashion. She’d watch Clarke slowly pull it off her shoulders tilt her head back and shake it out so it lay down her back. It is then that Lexa hears her little voice in her head, _and she says torture doesn’t work._ Lexa shivered with tingles and smiled at Clarke as she was now perfectly bent at the waist, ass jutted out for Lexa to fully see, slowly pulling a pant leg on.

 “You better hurry up and put those clothes on,” Lexa warned her playfully.

 Clarke cocked her eyebrow, “Why is that?”

 “Because what you are doing is causing me a great deal of conflict,” Lexa confessed through a tight voice and clenched legs.

 Clarke didn’t apologize. She only smiled knowingly and continued her torturous pace of covering up her perfect pearly skin. Lexa began to braid her hair, her eyes remained on Clarke and her legs remained squeezed tight as she squirmed a little in her chair. She couldn’t look away and she knew she never wanted to.

 Lexa was long done her hair and had her commander’s headpiece in place when Clarke finally put on her coat. Lexa let out a very audible sigh of a breath she hadn’t quite let out since Clarke had started dressing. She stood up and went to Clarke and wrapped her arms around her and cupped her ass gently pulling at the cheeks and squeezing. “I will get you back for that one day,” she whispered in her ear before sucking on her earlobe briefly. Lexa was extremely satisfied when her words and actions caused Clarke to whimper and push their bodies together more firmly. Lexa kissed her lips; she quickly deepened it and let her hands pull at Clarke’s ass before tangling in her hair. She could feel Clarke begin to get more needy with each second. Her pulse was raging and heat was swelling between the two once again. When she felt the blonde weaken slightly in the knees trying to increase the friction on her pelvis Lexa pulled out of the kiss smiling

 She turned and left Clarke in the tent behind her biting her bottom lip, her eyes still closed, her breathing rapid.

Lexa smiled wider and kept her pace. Clarke would catch up when she caught her breath and senses again. Maybe Lexa could call that vengeance?

 As Lexa made her way into the morning she was forced to raise her hood. There was a very bitter chill to the morning air and it was biting at her ears as soon as she left the warmth of their tent. Large fires were burning as their people began cooking their breakfast and burning off the cool chill. Lexa could feel her heart pumping out so much heat and filling her up shortly after that causing her to lower her hood. She felt the heat begin to pang to her core and she cocked her head to look at the tent.

 _No…_ she thought furrowing her brow, _she couldn’t be…could she?_ Lexa sat still feeling her desire grow as she stared curiously at the tent. It was a curious mix of desire _and_ pleasure… She swallowed against a very dry throat as she thought about what Clarke may be doing. It was forty-five minutes before Lexa saw Clarke make her way out of the tent. Lexa saw her look around as she did, her hair was slightly disheveled but dry. She grinned when she caught Lexa watching her and tucked her hair behind her ear before making her way over. She sat down beside Lexa making sure to brush against her as she did so. She raised her hood and it kissed her rosy cheeks.

 Lexa looked at her curiously, she was burning up inside as she looked at the blonde. She had a small bead of sweat on her forehead to match her rosy cheeks. When she caught Lexa’s stare Clarke merely smiled with the right side of her mouth and shrugged her shoulders, “What?”

 Lexa swallowed again, “What took you so long?” She didn’t know how to ask what she wanted to. Her voice had a deep husk that was typically reserved for the tent. She swallowed again and cleared her throat.

 Clarke blushed and Lexa swooned. The blonde shrugged again and winked, “Had to take care of something you started but refused to finish.” She let her hand on lexa’s knee slide slowly up towards Lexa’s hips and now aching core before pulling her hand away again. Lexa rolled her neck and licked her lips, _that’s what I thought was happening._ She had felt it. She _had_ felt her own desire blend with Clarke’s desire and pleasure coursing through her; in fact, she still felt it. It was Clarke’s turn to look at her questioningly in Lexa’s silence. Lexa wondered if Clarke felt her ache now.

 “I did not start that,” Lexa told her softly ignoring the ache and slickness between her legs. “Had you dressed like a normal person and not tortured me I wouldn’t have teased you back.”

 “Yeah well, I am not normal,” Clarke winked again and flashed a huge grin at Lexa.

 “I know,” Lexa said warmly ignoring Clarke’s joke and looking into the deep blue eyes she loved so much, “You are special.” She was serious. Her tone inflected such.

 Clarke blushed and looked away, “Well, now I feel bad.”

 Lexa laced their fingers together, “Don’t. Your brand of torture is perfectly acceptable to use on me. Only me though.” She eyed Clarke sternly but still with a hint of playfulness in her eyes.

“And effective?” Clarke said looking at her again.

Lexa gave her the secret smile that was just for Clarke and leaned in to whisper in her ear, “Too effective. Especially now, knowing what happened after I left.” She felt Clarke shiver beside her as her breath teased her ear. She thought about telling Clarke that she had felt her desire and pleasure even from a fair distance from their tent but she didn’t. She thought she would keep that little gem to herself for now. It might come in handy later.

Clarke shrugged beside her, “You could have stayed. You could have watched.” She eyed Lexa coyly and licked her lips. She squeezed Lexa’s hand and lowered her voice once more, “Even without you there I felt you. I can’t explain it. I could feel the ghosts of your hands, lips and tongue on me.” Clarke’s voice was raspy and full of desire. Lexa swallowed again and shifted her legs, as she felt uncomfortably damp in her briefs right now. It only worsened as Clarke turned her head to look deep into Lexa’s eyes. She spoke again, “Even without you there, I still called out for you.”

Lexa’s groan was between a whimper and a moan, which only caused Clarke’s eyes to turn a little darker with lust and grow a huge smile on her face. She was enjoying this entirely too much Lexa decided. Regardless, she never wanted it to stop. She thought about taking Clarke to their tent again and releasing this pressure she felt between her legs but that thought was quickly stifled when she saw Octavia and Raven coming towards them.

“Hey,” Raven greeted them with Octavia following a step behind her.

Clarke and Lexa said hello to their friends. They shared breakfast together around a small fire and talked about nothing important. The four of them were just reveling in the normalcy of the situation. It wasn’t awkward; it felt comfortable. This is what it is like to have friends. This was new to Lexa but she was enjoying every minute of it.

“So what is the plan?” Octavia said gnawing on a piece of meat.

“We need to restore Arkadia, clean it and move Skaikru back within the walls,” Lexa replied. “In a few days Clarke and I will be leaving on a short trip.”

Octavia and Raven looked at each other before turning on them, “To where?” they asked in unison. Lexa saw Clarke smile.

“We will head to TonDC, there is something I need to show Clarke a short ways from there.”

“I’m coming,” Octavia said looking at Clarke sternly.

Lexa looked to Clarke who looked back, and swallowed. “Oh yeah…I forgot to tell you. I released O from Indra’s duty and took her as Wanheda’s second.”

Lexa’s eyes widened. She was extremely surprised by this. She never thought Clarke would _fully_ embrace her title and power. It only made her heart beat harder and scream for her lionheart. Lexa felt heat swell and surge within her in pride. Clarke blushed under her stare, clearly understanding what Lexa was feeling. She smiled at her lovingly and put her hand on her thigh giving it a squeeze.

“Indra will be angry,” Lexa warned the girls.

Octavia rolled her eyes, “I am sure she will be fine. She’s naturally salty.”

Lexa ignored the salty comment. She didn’t understand it. She would have to inquire with Clarke or Raven about it later. “You would be surprised Octavia. She cares for you a great deal. I have not seen her look on someone so fondly since she held her dying child,” Lexa explained. It wasn’t her story to tell but she knew Indra would never reveal this part of her past. Her child had passed on in an Azgeda attack many years ago and she felt a duty to her to make sure Octavia understood how Indra cared for the adopted grounder. Lexa was certain Indra had taken the girl as her second because her spirit reminded them both of Indra’s daughter Ianna.

She watched realization dawn on Octavia’s face, she saw tears well as she nodded and looked away. She understood and she would deal with it. “Well it’s not like she’s losing me. She’s never far from you two and I won’t be leaving your side unless I am told to.” She smiled sadly at Clarke now, “Indra will _always_ be my mentor. No offense Clarke.”

“None taken, I don’t mind sharing you. But, you should tell her that.” Clarke was full of compassion.

With that Octavia squeezed Raven’s leg and stood up taking her meat with her. She walked off into the village of tents in search for the warrior mother.

“Ugh, fuck. Finally,” Raven sighed.

Clarke and Lexa looked at her confused.

Raven shrugged, “You guys don’t want to know. Trust me.” Her voice was sad and heavy.

“Try us,” Lexa surprised herself in saying. She did not miss the looks of surprise on both Raven and Clarke’s faces either. Lexa knew what spurred her words; she cared for Raven. The girl should have died many times over but here she was as resilient and brave as ever. _Constant_. Lexa understood why Clarke cared so much for both Octavia and Raven.

_Their friends._

Raven took a deep breath to steady herself for the word vomit about to spill out, “She told me she thinks she might be in love with me.”

“That’s good, isn’t it?” Clarke asked quietly tilting her head.

Raven shook her head, “I guess?” She raised her palms to the sky a bit. “I mean no. No it’s not. I want her to _know,_ I want her to _feel_ it.”

“I can understand that,” Lexa said sympathetically putting her hand on Clarke’s back and rubbing it lovingly. She felt Clarke lean in a little closer to her side.

Raven looked at her and gave her a small smile, “This is the fucking worst.”

“Rae, she loves you. I know she does,” Clarke said reassuringly. Lexa nodded. There was no doubt Octavia cared for her greatly.

Raven shook her head again at Clarke, “Not the way I want to be loved.”

“Give her time,” Clarke said soothingly. “She’s got a lot on her mind _and_ in her heart right now. I am sure she is feeling guilty for feeling that way about you and Lincoln. Give her a break; this is _just_ _as_ difficult for her Raven if not more difficult. There are more than just _your_ feelings and heart at stake here.”

“It takes as long as it takes,” Lexa agreed not missing the small smile Clarke flashed her at her words. Lexa smiled internally but she definitely felt it in her eyes.

Raven nodded and went silent for a moment as Lexa saw her eyes drift to find Octavia in the sea of tents. “Could I come to TonDC?” She asked quietly now looking at Lexa for an answer.

Lexa glanced at Clarke, “I think that is a good idea.” Clarke beamed and nodded.

“Definitely.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay! Salty week folks, salty week.


	41. Fluff Bunny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Look at all my fluffy bunnies

The next couple of days passed without any incidents. Skaikru was back within Arkadia, now clean and aired out. Lexa left a large number of Trikru with them. She had some post within the walls and some post in their alcove of tree cover as well. They were tasked with helping Skaikru get better prepared for the winter. Clarke had her people plan and create more escape routes out of the Ark to assist if ever the need should arrive again. They both agreed it was a great idea.

They would be leaving for TonDC tomorrow before daybreak and everyone was hurrying to get things done before they left.

"Raven make sure we have multiple radios all on the same frequency," Clarke said to her friend in her mechanics bay.

Raven rolled her eyes, "No shit Wanheda."

Clarke glared at her mocking tone, "Just humour me alright. Don't be a bitch about it."

"Take your own advice champ," Raven said matching Clarke's glare.

Clarke looked away embarrassed, "Sorry."

"Dude. It's alright, you just gotta chill a bit." Raven tone was much softer now. Sympathetic.

"I can't just chill Raven. Last time I left all hell broke loose," Clarke all but shrieked. She was upset, she was nervous she was taking her frustration out on Raven. She felt guilty.

Raven came to stand beside her. She put her hand on her shoulder, "Clarke." Clarke turned a little to look at her. "You couldn't have stopped what happened."

"I could have tried. I could have done  _something_ ," Clarke said sadly just as Lexa entered the room with a very concerned look on her face. She was eyeing Clarke up and down. Clarke knew she could feel her anxiousness and whatever else was going on within her right now. Clarke felt better when Lexa came to her other side, she even leaned in slightly to her. Lexa remained silent; she was only there to comfort Carke should she need it.

"Clarke if you were here for the outbreak you might have died," Raven told her sternly. "You probably would have because you know there's no way in hell you would have left with Bell and your mom. You would have stayed behind to try to help because that's who you are and you would have  _died_. Dead Clarke. What good would that do anyone?"

Clarke shook her head. She was right. Raven was rarely wrong. She conceded with a sigh. Raven squeezed her shoulder, "You're alive because you have big things to do Clarke. Fate is a funny thing, you don't know how it works or what purpose you are going to serve but fate does. Believe in that if you can't believe in yourself."

With that Raven left her side and let Clarke process her words. Clarke heard Lexa whisper in her ear, "I believe in you." Clarke smiled at her and cupped her cheek and peppering her lips with kisses.

"Hey, I did all the work there and she gets the reward?" Raven quipped playfully from the other side of the room.

Clarke quickly crossed the space and grabbed her in a hug from behind as Raven playfully struggled against her hold Clarke began peppering her cheek and head with kisses. "I take it back. I take it back!" Raven was crying out under the barrage of affection.

Clarke released her, "Hurry up and get this done. We leave early tomorrow."

Raven flashed her a glare, "Yes mother."

Clarke grinned and turned grabbing Lexa by the hand and leaving the room. "Don't forget to clean your room!" she called to Raven playfully. Clarke heard the satisfying snort from Raven's laughter as they round the corner.

They ate lunch alone just enjoying each other's company. They finished it with a hot tea that quickly cooled in the cool day air. "When do you think it will snow?" Clarke asked Lexa as she longingly looked up at the sky. She puffed out a few breaths and watched the white smoke dance in the breeze.

"It should not be long now. I hope it does not fall for a few more weeks though. The snow makes for difficult and arduous travels."

"I bet it's beautiful though," Clarke sighed dreamily.

"It is," Lexa said softly. "It is my favourite time of year."

"Why is that?" Clarke asked curiously leaning against Lexa's shoulder. She loved when it was just the two of them and Lexa would open up. She was a sponge in these moments.

She felt Lexa adjust beside her and put her left arm around Clarke's back. "When the snow falls it is like a blanket. A perfectly white linen sheet placed on the ground and in the trees like a fine powder. Each time I see a winter I feel blessed to witness the beauty of it. It significantly alters our landscape for a few months each year. The snowflakes are individual and unique, it is said that no two are alike so there are no two winters alike. Each one is unique to our lifetime."

"That is downright poetic," Clarke quipped lovingly.

Lexa shrugged with one shoulder, "Each winter that passes is a fresh start; for all of us. The Earth  _and_  its inhabitants, when the snow melts all life becomes anew."

Clarke sighed and sunk into her arm and shoulder a little more. "I can't wait to see it."

"And I can't wait to see my first one with you," Lexa said softly in Clarke's ear. "I am sure it will be the best yet."

Clarke swooned and quickly turned her head to capture the pouty pink lips. The fire between their bodies roared to life again. Clarke leaned out of the kiss, "You are too smooth sometimes."

Lexa shrugged again and bumped her side into Clarke a bit, "You love it."

Clarke nodded in agreement. Damn right she loved it. "I do but you sounded way too much like Raven just then. I think you two are spending too much time together," she teased.

Lexa laughed softly, "She grew on me. I find her spirit infectious."

"She has that effect on people."

"Clarke?" Lexa said softly.

"Hmmm?"

"What does 'salty' mean?"

Clarke moved her head to look at Lexa again, "What?"

"Octavia used it the other day speaking about Indra. I do not understand it. Meat can be salted…how is a  _person_  salty?" Lexa explained her confusion.

Clarke snorted in her laughter and brought a hand to her mouth, "In that sense, she meant she's naturally bitter. She was referring to her demeanor. Indra is salty."

Lexa went silent in thought for a few moments before she finally spoke. "It is a fitting description."

This caused Clarke to laugh all over again before she kissed Lexa. "I love you so damn much," she whispered against her lips. Lexa returned the kiss, no words needed to return the sentiment.

Clarke  _felt_  it.

That evening they were all packed and ready for their trip in the morning to TonDC. They did not know how long they would be going for but they packed what they thought should be enough for at least a week. Their people were as prepared as they would be.

As the fires roared a little higher into the almost winter night sky and the cooking spits came to life Clarke was happy to see life returning to Arkadia. She was glad to see some smiles and hear laughter again instead of the haunting sad silence that had been hanging around. Their people were working as one and it made her heart soar with pride.

Clarke tried to ignore the fact that she would have to say goodbye shortly to her friends once again. Wanheda and Heda  _as well as_ Lexa and Clarke needed to make this trip. They needed to see the wall and find out if it held any clues to Roma's warning. It was both duty  _and_  heart driving them to go. So go they would.

They sat beside each other on a log around a giant fire with their friends. Jasper was speaking in hushed tones with Harper, he kept eyeing Lexa and Clarke every so often before Clarke would catch his glances and he'd look away. Bellamy was looking much better and stronger than Clarke had seen him in days, she was happy about that. That meant he could help Kane and her mom should any trouble stir up in their absence.

Raven and Octavia were sitting side-by-side giving each other the heart eyes they always made fun of Lexa and Clarke for. Clarke noticed Lincoln had not been around since yesterday. She watched Raven and Octavia a little more closely when she realized why that might just be. The girls were much more open than Clarke remembered. Their stolen glances and small lingering touches would not fool Clarke. She and Lexa practically invented them. When Raven caught her staring she rolled her eyes and Octavia threw a hunk of meat at Clarke. Clarke dodged it and laughed lightly into Lexa's side. The atmosphere was so much lighter than it had been in days. They were all soaking it in.

This was the way to live life.

You take the bad with the good.

You take the very bad with the extremely good.

You find your solace and you overcome.

You find your joy.

Abby and Kane joined the little party shortly after the meals were finished. Jasper and Harper brought out a bucket and started pouring drinks out. They all took one. Jasper entered the centre of their circle by the fire. He poured a little of the shine on it and watched it roar and eat the liquor. "Monty's last batch," he told them in a sad bitter voice. He stared into the flames and poured another little bit of shine on it, "To him and all the others: May we meet again."

"May we meet again," the group raised their cups in solute and downed their shots.

After that, the drinks and conversations were flowing. Lexa's people even brought out some drums. Clarke was surprised to find that some had string instruments made from various parts that made great sounds. She bumped against Lexa to the beat feeling slightly drunk on both shine and the brunette beside her. Abby and Kane has started dancing. Lexa was watching them fondly and weaving her head to the music. There were no words just wonderful notes strung together in a joyous hum of sound. Jasper and Harper were both drunk, extremely so and sloppily swinging each other around. They were both mourning their friends and helping each other cope it seemed. Bellamy was playing one of the drums, quite well actually. He was bopping his head and the floppy curls of his hair were flying to the beat. Octavia and Raven were even grdining against each other in a way she had to remove her eyes from lest the image be burned there forever.

Feeling the liquid courage within her Clarke stood up; she held a hand for Lexa and raised her eyebrows in a silent question.

She felt heat course through her hand and into her heart when Lexa looked around to see if any eyes would be lingering on them and took her hand. Clarke, understood why she was looking around. This would be a very public display of affection. They both knew it and they both knew once their bodies began to move there would be little done to control it. Clarke smiled and pulled her a little farther into an open space.

She pulled Lexa in close with two hands now on her hip, Lexa's hands made their way around the outside of Clarke's arm and holding her around the small of her back. Clarke started swaying and moving their hips together trying to get Lexa to loosen up. "Pretend it's just us," Clarke whispered leaning into her chest, "Just let go and feel the beat. It's only dancing."

"I have never danced Clarke," Lexa said softly looking down at her.

Clarke sighed. Of course she had never danced. Lexa had never had a chance to have any sort of joy or semblance of a normal life. Clarke moved her right hand to the small of Lexa's back and pushed herself against her a little more firmly, "That ends today." She felt Lexa begin to loosen up and sway along with her. She did not fail to notice Lexa down her drink before tossing the cup to the ground so she could properly hang on to Clarke. The heat between them was palpable; their temperatures were rising instantly with their movements. Clarke and Lexa held each other close, their foreheads glued and their hips saying things their lips couldn't.

Clarke saw a huge smile grow on Lexa's face the more they danced.

"Holy shit, you're having fun aren't you?" Clarke teased. She felt the world around them slipping away with each movement. She pushed Lexa back and grabbed her hand twirling her brunette warrior around before she quickly moved and pressed her pelvis into Lexa's ass. She heard a small gasp as she did so and that only spurred her on. She ground her hips against the girl feeling her ass push against her core and Clarke moved her hands to Lexa's hip so she could guide them better. Her chest was flush against Lexa's back and she could feel Lexa's desire. She swore she could almost taste it. She spun her around again so she could see her face. She needed that smile.

She was not disappointed.

Lexa immediately pulled Clarke close again, her hand now firmly on her hips and helping Clarke move with her now. Their foreheads connected again and their eyes locked. Clarke could feel Lexa's soft puffs of breath on her lips and she began sneaking in chaste kisses whenever she felt like it. Why? Because she could that's why; Lexa was hers and she was Lexa's. And soon, they all would know just how serious and deep that went.

"Um, guys?"

Clarke heard Octavia whisper in her ear, "Songs a little more upbeat. Just sayin'"

Clarke finally heard the music clearly again. Octavia was indeed right, the music was way more up-tempo than to their slow sultry grind. She and Lexa both blushed slightly. But honestly, they both couldn't care less. They stayed that close and simply moved a little faster. Neither of them minded the increased tempo as they moved as one.

Eventually and reluctantly they did stop dancing, their little party was dying down. There was only Kane, Abby, O, Raven and Bellamy with them now. They were all sitting around the fire laughing and telling stories now. Clarke had her arm around Lexa's shoulders and was holding her close. Clarke barely listened to the tales being spun. She was just so enraptured in Lexa.

Finally, Abby and Kane stood up. They were holding hands and coming to Clarke and Lexa.

"We won't see you before you leave in the morning," Abby said letting go of Kane's hand and holding her arms out. Lexa rose before Clarke even had a chance to. She was in Abby's arms and hugging her before Clarke could even move. The sight warmed her all over again. She saw her mother shit her eyes and squeeze Lexa closer and whisper in her ear. Lexa nodded against her and said something back. When they parted Clarke eyed them curiously.

She then was pulled into a tight hug and felt kisses on her cheek. "Be safe sweetheart."

"May we meet again," Clarke said back in her ear. She felt her mother nod against her head, "May we meet again baby."

Clarke and Lexa said goodbye to Kane as well before noticing him and Abby head off to the Ark hand in hand once more. Clarke smiled. She was happy for her mother. She had found herself a little slice of joy as well. Kane was a very different man than what he was on the Ark. They were all different actually. Clarke eyed her group of friends again. She smiled as she saw happiness in them. All except Bellamy, he seemed distracted and lost in thought every so often. She decided the least she could do was ask if he was okay. She did feel guilty having to leave him behind again tomorrow.

She left Lexa's side and went to sit beside him. Lexa sat back down on the log and watched over them out of the corner of her eye protectively. Clarke felt it.

"Are you alright?" Clarke asked him putting a hand on his shoulder.

He rubbed his hand on the skin of the drum, "Yeah, yeah I'm fine."

"Well that's a lie," Clarke scoffed.

He nodded. "Yep."

She nudged him in the shoulder, "Come on Blake, spill."

Bellamy took a deep breath and sighed it out long and slow, "It's Echo. I can't stop thinking about her."

"Oh," was all Clarke could say. Echo is Ice Nation. Echo was the enemy. She heard the conflict in his voice and understood it. "You care for her."

He nodded and raked his tongue on hi cheek, "Yep."

Clarke rolled her eyes, "Well-"

"No Clarke." Bellamy stopped her. "There is no fixing this. She is the enemy. Nothing can be done."

"She helped you escape," Clarke heard herself defending the woman she had never met.

"Yep, doesn't change anything though does it."

Clarke paused and shook her head. "It  _does_  though. It means you have an ally within the enemy lines. It means you have someone who cares for you to risk her own life. It means  _hope_  Bell." She squeezed his shoulder.

"Does that count for anything with the odds against you?" His voice was gruff now.

Clarke looked at Lexa and her heart roared at the sight of her beauty. "Yes," Clarke said softly, eyes still on Lexa. "Hope is everything. Look at Lincoln, we thought he was the enemy and he's one of your best friends now. Look at our people sharing space and working together with Trikru who we were at war with not long ago. Look at Lexa and I."

She watched the brooding man clench his jaw a few times eyeing the love of Clarke's life. He shrugged. "You sort of pulled the best straw in  _that_  particular situation though don't you think? The fucking  _commander_  and leader of the free world right now."

He had a point.

She was undeterred, "Exactly. When I was feeling hopelessness my love for her is what brought me back. She gives me hope. She gives me  _life_."

"Love?" He asked looking at her now.

Her eyes widened. Could they not be more obvious? She looked at him sternly, "Love." She confirmed. "So, so, so much love. You couldn't begin to understand it." And he couldn't.

He just looked at her before he smiled, "I'm happy for you princess."

She hugged him and stood up, "I'll be back in a week probably. Keep them safe." She went to turn away, when she saw Lexa stand as well, she looked back to Bellamy. "Love exists on the ground Bell. It's the same love from the stories your mother used to read you, even better actually. Just find your hope again."

She grabbed Lexa's outstretched hand and they said goodnight to Raven and O who were cuddled up on the same chair now under a fur.

"I do not like that nickname," Lexa said softly in Clarke's ear when they got into the tent. She had already removed Clarke's coat and was started on her boots. Then she went to her pants and unbuttoned them. Letting her fingers scorch trails against the skin under the waistband.

"Princess?"

Lexa nodded swiftly pulling Clarke's pants off. "It is  _not_  fitting."

Clarke stepped out of the pants and began removing Lexa's coat. "You don't think I'm a princess?" Clarke teased moving to her love's boots.

"No. 'Princess' sounds like a naïve girl who requires a man to save her."

Clarke was now unbuttoning Lexa's pants and inching them down. "That's why I don't like it either," she confessed. She stood as Lexa shook her leg out of the last pant leg. Her arms slowly running up Lexa's thighs as she did so. Like striking a match she felt heat flare between them, "I didn't need a man to save me. I needed you."

She grabbed Lexa and pulled their lips together.

And together, they made that tent radiate with hope, heat and life that night.

Twice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well that snowballed into a giant fluff fest.  
> *sorrynotsorry*


	42. Past Lives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a doozy, a lot of things come into play from previous chapters and this will most definitely come into play later on in this story. ENJOY!!!

They had been in TonDC for two days. The night before they were to leave for the trek to the wall for Lexa to show Clarke the paintings of the first commander she had very vivid dreams.

They weren't dreams.

It was her past life. They were memories. It was the spirit of the first commander speaking to her from within. She tried to pay attention, only somewhat aware that this was both her and yet not her at the same time. It was very confusing when you're unconscious with Clarke on top of you naked wrapped in furs.

_Lexa was walking down the middle of a modern street. She could hear the pavement beneath her shoes. She looked down to see she was in clothes that were not her own. She had stockings and a short skirt on, her hands looked very young and she was holding a book with no title. She looked to the left and saw rows of oddly coloured homes. They were stacked on each other with little space left for a yard of green grass. Some had white picket fences; a few had dogs and children playing outside. To her right she saw tall yellow flowers greeting the sun, rows of them. Beyond them she saw a tranquil river and the thick cover of a forest. It was stunning. This is how the world looked before it ended._

_She heard a melody of laughter behind her; she turned to find a young brown haired girl with an adorably round face walking towards her with a baseball bat. She had a backwards cap on and a flannel button down. She was so pretty Lexa thought, no more than fourteen. Same as me. Lexa felt her heart flutter as she introduced herself. Claire. What a beautiful name. She decides it suits her._

_'_ _Alex and Claire', she was writing on her notebook. Over and over again in different fonts and designs. The young lady beside her takes up her every thought during this study hall session. They laughed and giggled and did absolutely no studying. They did nothing but enjoy each other's company. It felt like it could last a lifetime. And she thinks maybe it could._

_The memories flare. She's slightly overwhelmed by them. They shared so many moments together. Good and bad times. Great and worse times. They came out the other side each time stronger and better for it._

_They're older now. Lexa can feel her heart swelling as she's beaming with pride. She sees her Claire receive her diploma. She's the loudest in the auditorium letting out deep "whoop whoops" into the crowd as she watched her cross the stage. She pats the ring in her left pocket. Tonight she proposes. She is going to marry her newly graduated doctor of medicine. The scientist and the doctor a love story for the ages._

_Claire is sick. She's very sick. Lexa feels like her heart is going to give out. She's lying in the hospital bed with her arms around her protectively. "You can't give up. Be strong. I will fix this. I will find a way." Claire can't hear her, she's in a medical induced coma, but she speaks anyways. Over and over again, until she believes she can hear her._

_Lexa is in turmoil, she's frustrated and losing her mind. She's losing her Claire. She throws the test tubes across the room shattering them. She cries. She cries and can't stop. When she does her resilience is back, her mind back on Claire. "I will fix this. I will find a way."_

_Lexa is puking. Every ounce of nutrition she had that day is on the bathroom floor. She wipes her nose. She sees black blood. "It worked." Her heart soars and she's moving instantly grabbing her keys and heading out the door. Puke be damned. She could fix this._

_Claire is awake. She's alive. She's healthier than she had been in months. They're connected on another level now. An entirely new level, she can feel it within her. There's something stronger than ever before between the two. Lexa is happy. Beyond belief actually, as she plays with the wedding ring on Claire's left hand. Her heart may just explode today. Her wife is going to live. They feel hope once more._

_They're screaming at each other. They've been at each other's throats for days. They can't agree and they pass blame. "Alex! Listen to me! The world is going to end! We both played our part in that so what the fuck are we going to do to fix it?" Claire, lovely Claire always snapping Lexa out of her tangents, making her see again. "We can fix this," she replies in a voice that is not her own._

_Flames. Flames and fire surrounding Claire, she's dying. Flames were eating the world she once knew. Her heart breaks into a billion shards. She feels each piece break off and disintegrate. She's floating above it all watching it happen._

_She blinks and she's back on the ground. She's searching. Ever searching, her eyes are burning and she's looking for Claire. "I can't fix this."_

"Lexa! For fuck sake, wake up! Lex!"

Lexa's eyes flicker open, she feels Clarke's warm hands cupping her cheeks. They are wiping at tears she didn't know she was shedding. Clarke is crying too. "What's wrong?" she asked immediately worried for the blonde. Her eyes rake over her looking for any injuries.

Clarke rolls her eyes and shakes her head, "What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you? I felt love, then panic, dread and fear just radiating off of you. You were clutching to me like you thought I'd float away. You then started kicking me and thrashing in the furs - Ow by the way - also who's Claire?"

Lexa furrows her brow and puts her hand over her eyes. She takes a deep breath trying to organize her thoughts. Things were becoming clearer by the second. "We have to go to the wall. Right now."

Clarke moved and pulled Lexa's hand back so she would look at her, "Commander dream?"

"You could say that."

"You'll explain it to me after I see the wall?"

Lexa nodded and got out of the bed. It was still dark out. The fire was dying down but the temperature in the tent was legendary. Lexa needed a drink of water really bad. She guzzled two of them before Clarke was even out of bed. They dressed quickly and made their way out into the bitter morning. Lexa barked for Octavia, Indra and Ryder along with two scouts to accompany them. If they left now they could be back by the following morning.

Lexa was becoming more and more anxious the longer they took to ready themselves.

It really didn't take that long. The longest part was waiting for Octavia to leave Raven's tent. Lexa fought the urge to roll her eyes. She and Clarke have been there. They know what it's like. No one was guaranteed a tomorrow. She shivered.

They all took their own horses except for Clarke who rode with Lexa due to her weakened muscles in her recently injured leg. Lexa held her close and laced kisses on her neck the entire trip. She was happy she felt no sense of eyes on them since the other morning in Arkadia.

When they arrived Lexa led Clarke down the old subway tunnels, Clarke had her box of art supplies under her arm, her other hand in Lexa's. Octavia and the others remained outside watching. Clarke had to promise Octavia she could come look when they were finished.

"So you found this after you had your first commander dream?"

Lexa nodded, "Yes, the very next day. I got lost and ended up here by myself. But for some reason it felt familiar – now I know why obviously, but at the time it did not make sense. I learned a while after that this was not a secret spot. It was simply lost over time. In fact, there is a legend to accompany the story. It is very much like the myth of 'The Woman Who See's All.'" Lexa lit a few torches along the tunnel before guiding Clarke back to the opposite wall.

"The legend is of Heda Kom Jus, the first commander of the blood and her life-long love Heda Kom Faete, _(commander of fate_ ). It is said that the commander shared her life-force with her lover to bring her back from the brink of death. It caused an unbreakable bond, unknown even to them. Later, when they were separated their souls split to entwine with the other so they would carry each other always. The legend continues to say that Heda Kom Faete refused to accept their reality and in her dying days she transcended time and space disappearing into the void to find her star-crossed lover. Their unwavering love drives the spirit into the afterlife and worlds beyond their time, the two will always find each other. It is the only grounder soulmate story I know of. Besides us, of course."

Lexa moved back to the other wall now and bent over laying the torch to the ground beneath the paintings. The oil moat beneath the paintings ignited lighting the length of the wall. Clarke gasped.

"Holy shit."

Lexa backed up to stand beside her, "I said something along those lines myself when I first laid eyes on it."

Clarke squeezed her hand and just stared. Lexa fell silent and let go of her hand. She sat down on an old crate, it creaked beneath her but it held. Clarke handed her the art box and moved to the wall. She saw her run her hands over it lovingly.

"This is incredible," Clarke whispered.

Clarke fell silent as she walked the length of the wall and then back. Lexa watched as she did this ten times. Now her walk was slower. She even paused at each section of the mural and tilted her head as she contemplated the images.

Finally, Clarke moved back again to stand at Lexa's side. She crouched and softly placed herself on the floor and eagerly took the art box Lexa now had held out for her. Lexa stared at the wall while Clarke was inspired.

"So are you going to tell me about your dream?" Clarke asked after a while.

"Not until you tell me what you think."

She heard an audible sigh from Clarke who set down her supplies. She stood up and moved to the wall. "It's a timeline. But it's backwards, like it's moving in reverse."

Clarke moved, "Look," she pointed, "It's like a story through pictures!" She moved again drawing Lexa's attention to a section, "This must be them meeting. Awe, look how cute they are."

Clarke moved again, "And this, this is them  _living_. This is the two of them in love. It's beautiful don't you think?" Lexa nodded smiling. She was right to bring Clarke here. Her artistic mind effortlessly translated what Lexa had long thought was just hopes and dreams and swirly lines mixed with a legend.

Clarke moved to where the painting got darker in tones. Lexa saw her shudder, "This. Now  _this_  is heart wrenching. Look at the pains of the artist; you can see it in the strokes here. This one," Clarke said pointing at a woman, "she's sick or something."

 _Dying_   _actually,_ Lexa corrected her silently.

"Dying maybe? She must be Heda Kom Faete," Clarke said and Lexa smiled to herself.  _Of course she gets it._  It took Lexa years and two very specific dream memories for her to connect the dots there.

"But look she's back, she made it!" Clarke shouted and her voice echoed down the tunnel. "It really is like this Heda woman healed her somehow. Look at the lines, she gave her something, two some things actually. Like this black web encompassing her physical body and then this-this bright patch encompassing her and swirling in her heart. God what fucking symbolism." Lexa smiled at Clarke's awe and aptitude.

Clarke turned to look at her, "They were happy."

Lexa nodded, "Very much so. For a time." She thought about the wedding ring in her dream.

Clarke frowned and turned back to the wall. Lexa saw her swallow, "That explains it getting scary again. Look at the lines of the fire. Look at the destruction. Look at the heart break." Lexa watched as Clarke wiped a tear from her eyes and rubbed her hand on the woman encompassed in flames.

Clarke moved again once she was ready, "Look this is the Earth from space! I've seen that exact same view. I've drawn it!" Clarke quickly moves again to the last image, she furrows her brow. "She's alone." Lexa rose from her position and stood beside Clarke.

"She came back to find Claire," Lexa said quietly.

Clarke spun around to look at her. Green eyes met blue and Lexa saw realization dawning on her. "This is what you saw in your dream?"

"Vividly," Lexa confirmed with a shudder. She felt Clarke's arms wrap around her and hold her tight.

"That must have been horrible," she whispered.

Lexa backed out of her arms and pulled a loose strand of hair behind Clarke's ear. "Now, what do you think of Roma's warning."

Clarke raked her tongue against her teeth and caught it there as Lexa watched her set her mind to work on the riddle. Clarke sat down on the ground staring at the wall. Her head turned left and right and back again.

"You cannot be serious," Clarke said slowly eyes widening in disbelief.

Lexa swallowed. Roma's warning was making sense to her now too. Mixed in with the images of her dream memories she just knew the truth. Clarke was Claire. Lexa was Alex.

"Fucking soulmates," Clarke whispered looking at Lexa. "You really think they are us?"

"It's the only thing that makes sense right now."

"Barely even that though. This is all guesswork and legends. You hold death at bay. I hold flame, fire and life?" Clarke gestured to the painting, "Does that look like life to you."

"It was a life."

"Not a very good one, look how it ended – with them apart." Clarke stood up and went to Lexa. She wrapped her arms around her.

"But they did end up together, right now, through us. And we  _will_  be together throughout time."

"Are you saying we are canon?" Clarke joked.

"It would be impossible to deny."

Clarke kissed her cheek softly searing the skin beneath her wet lips, "So you saved my life, that must be holding death at bay right? I hold flame, fire and life apparently…the only flames I have caused have been at the drop ship before we even met."

Lexa nodded, "If that's what her warning was referring to, yes."

"And if it's not?" Clarke said warily.

"Then fate will tell us differently," Lexa said softly kissing her neck. She pulled back and led Clarke back to her crate and let her sit down. She handed Clarke her tools and set off down the tunnel to fetch Octavia. They  _had_  promised after all.

Octavia's voice was loud and echoing throughout the tunnel. Lexa heard multiple whistle sounds and curse words as she viewed the image. She heard Clarke tell her what they knew and what they suspected about the images and themselves. She told her about the warning from Roma as well. Octavia remained quiet throughout the entire thing. When Clarke was finished Octavia swore again.

She looked from Lexa to Clarke and back to the mural. "You two are unreal. I cannot believe this shit. I cannot  _believe_  that I believe this shit."

That night Clarke has her own dream memory.

_Clarke was walking through a modern looking street. To her left were townhouses, row on row stretching on for miles. To her right was a field of sunflowers that gave way to a valley and a river with a forest of deep green beyond it. It was beautiful, worth cherishing every minute. This was before the world had ended. The birds were singing and the sun was shining bright, ahead of her was young brunette with tanned skin staring to the sky a with book hanging lazily in her hand at her side. Clarke called out to her and the girl took her breath away. Her name is Alex. What a lovely name, Clarke thinks._

_She's sitting beside her eating. They're laughing and singing._

_She's holding her hand at a funeral. She's hugging her tight and drying her tears._

_She's watching the brunette doodle in her notebook, 'Alex and Claire'. Clarke feels so happy._

_Clarke is standing across from Alex holding her hands and slipping a wedding ring on her finger. She is stunning in the winter snow. Clarke's heart is thunderous in her chest and it feels wonderful. This is love. This is life-long love._

_Clarke is sick. Clarke is scared, but not for herself. She's speaking to Alex. She's trying to reassure her. To tell her to be strong, to tell her to survive this. She smiles when Alex tells her she can fix this. There it is again, hope. She tries to believe._

_Then there's pain. Lots and lots of pain. Searing burning pain in her veins, she can feel her body trying to reject whatever it is. She fall still._

_She wakes and feels great. She hasn't felt this great in months. She holds Alex close and cries into her hair. She made it. She's alive. They're together._

_They're arguing. They're angry, they're at each others throats. "Fuck you Alex! I didn't ask for this responsibility!" "You can't run away from who you are Claire! Nor can I." "Alex, the world is going to fucking end! We caused that!"_

_Clarke is saying goodbye. They're both a mess and in tears. They're clutching to each other for dear life. They know they may not see a tomorrow and most definitely will not see it together if they do. The world is ending. They say goodbye. Clarke is broken. She stares up into the sky watching a rocket and crying her eyes out. She feels her heart going, going, gone._

_Clarke is standing in back in the street. The very street she first met Alex on. Now the houses were burning and dated, the sunflowers gone and the river dried up. The trees were gone. The world was grey and dead. Clarke felt a burning in her chest and overwhelming longing in her heart. Her body felt weak but her head was seething with determination, "It can not be over."_

_She awakes when Claire is screaming for Alex amidst flames._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Finds the whiskey*


	43. Acceptance

Lexa is riding with Clarke in front of her on the saddle. She can feel Clarke begin to sag against her a little more and she knows that Clarke is falling into a deep sleep. They had left the wall a few hours ago and expected to arrive in TonDC by sunrise. She could practically hear Clarke's mind buzzing with thoughts up until she fell asleep; she needed to rest, the travel and the information overload was a lot. Lexa felt it too. So Lexa let her sleep and simply tucked into her a little more closely making sure her hood was over both of heads. The cool air was biting at her cheeks and threatening to ice her eye lashes to her eyelids.

She was following Octavia when she notice the girl slow her mount a bit and drop back to ride alongside Lexa. Octavia looked on them lovingly before she caught Lexa's eye and spoke, "Can I talk to you?"

Lexa eyed her curiously before nodding. She had no clue what this was about.

Octavia took a deep breath, "When we get back I need to talk to you. To Lexa,  _not_  Heda. Lexa."

Lexa furrowed her brow, even more curious. She nodded again.

"Okay great. Now can I talk to you about Raven and Lincoln?"

Again Lexa nodded. This was a tad out of her comfort range with Clarke unconscious. She had a feeling where this was headed and she really wished Clarke would wake up and help her. She wasn't sure Octavia needed advice from someone who for the longest time was convinced love was a weakness. She thought she had a duty to Octavia to let her know this, "I am not sure I will be of any help."

"Actually, you're just the person I need to help me. You're still somewhat impartial."

"Well, lets hear it."

"So, I broke things off with Lincoln. And…I sort of started things with Raven. Somewhat by accident…mostly on purpose though if I'm being honest." Octavia began through a tight voice, obviously in pain.

"We thought you may have," Lexa stated. Unsure if that was the right thing to say. When she didn't see any offense taken from Octavia she let the breath she was holding out. This was stressful. She thought she might much rather being on the battlefield. No, she would  _definitely_  much rather be on the battlefield. Lexa doesn't really share a lot of things with anyone but Clarke. She doesn't typically let other people see her open up or see herself letting other people open up to her. But Octavia knew almost everything about Lexa and Clarke's relationship even the whole end of the world soulmate stuff and was incredibly supportive. Lexa had to try to return the favour.

"Yeah, well I did end it with him and he did not take it well. Then I sort of hastily slept with Raven and it was fucking incredible and honestly it is eating me the fuck up on the inside."

Lexa nodded, she understood that. She had had many feelings eat her up from the inside in her young life. Maybe she could relate to the inner turmoil Octavia was going through exactly, but she could still relate on some level, "Lincoln is strong and he cares for you. I am sure all he wants is your happiness."

She heard Octavia sigh, "Yeah, that's what he said too. I feel like a selfish bitch."

"You ended your relationship because it would make you happy. You ended it because obviously your heart wanted something else.  _It is selfish_. But it does not make you a bitch." Lexa said calmly eyeing Octavia. She was speaking from her heart and her head right now. It was odd but effective. She saw Octavia give her a small grin.

Octavia shrugged, "I guess you have a point."

"For the record, I do not think I have seen you be a bitch. I  _have_  seen you speak out of turn, be stubborn, be crass, be rude, be snarky,"

"Are we getting to the good stuff yet?" Octavia cut her off.

Lexa rolled her eyes, "If you had let me finish yes, but now no."

Octavia whined, "Oh come on! I'm sorry!"

Lexa sighed, "What I am trying to say is that all of those things make you who you are. The good and - the  _endearing_   _qualities_  – lets call them. All of those things flow out of the warrior's spirit within you, which is a good thing. It means this world will not chew you up and spit you out. But, there is much more to you than your spirit. You have  _heart_  Octavia Kom Trikru. A large, generous and kind heart; You care deeply and that is what also drives you. You are loving, kind and courageous. You have the best of both worlds."

Octavia was looking straight-ahead and wide-eyed. Lexa assumed it was because of what she said.

"Wow."

"What?"

"The way you said that…"

Lexa was confused. So it wasn't her words? "What do you mean?"

"You care," Octavia clarified. "Your tone of voice. It was almost how you speak to or about Clarke…like you care."

Lexa looked at her and smiled. "I do. I care for you a lot. I consider you my friend, which is relatively new territory for me. I trust you to protect my heart and soul after all," Lexa said as she kissed Clarke's neck. Octavia protected Clarke. Lexa asked her to protect Clarke. Not because she needed to – no, Octavia would have already done that. But Lexa asked because it was important to her and she felt it was what friends did.

She heard Octavia giggle in understanding before, "Well this is going to make our conversation at TonDC a tad awkward."

She had muttered it but Lexa heard it as Octavia sped back up on her horse. Lexa was even more curious now as to what they needed to discuss back in TonDC.

Her thoughts were broken off as she felt Clarke stiffen in her arms. She felt her head twitch in the hood they were sharing. Lexa kissed her neck hoping to soothe her. Lexa felt love pouring out of her. She wondered what she was dreaming about. Lexa merely soaked in what she could feel radiating off of Clarke. It was wonderful. It was so wonderful before it wasn't. She felt Clarke twitch a little more violently, a small whimper and groan escaped her lips as he head thrashed slightly. Lexa had to lower the hood and lean back or be forced to sport a lump on the side of her forehead. She tried to calm Clarke, she began rubbing her thigh while steering the horse with her free hand.

Clarke flinched, her body twitched a few more times. Now Lexa felt anger, worry and fear. Lots of fear from Clarke. She tried to whisper in her ear and let her know she was there and safe in her arms. But Clarke was violent now in the saddle. Lexa was forced to slow Icarus down to a stop so she could properly grab onto Clarke and keep her from falling off the saddle. She began to panic and she felt Clarke's panic, "Clarke. Clarke! Wake up!"

Octavia turned and joined Lexa after hearing her slightly strangled yell to Clarke. "Nightmare?" Octavia asked through the cold.

Lexa shook her head. "I don't think so. I should have been able to wake her."

Octavia furrowed her brow and opened her mouth to speak just as Clarke's eyes flew open with a strangled cry "ALEX!"

"Clarke. Clarke, calm down. You're safe," Lexa tried to coo at her and pull back her now damp with sweat hair. Clarke sat in front of her clutching to the saddle and trying to catch her breath.

To her surprise, she felt Clarke nimbly move and spin herself on the saddle so she was now effectively riding backward and facing Lexa. She instantly felt the blonde open her coat and put her arms tight around Lexa's waist and put her face on her chest. Lexa didn't speak; she just pulled the coat around them both a little more as Octavia threw her a fur from her pack. Lexa quickly wrapped it around Clarke's back and held her close. She slowed Icarus down and sent Octavia to stop their men ahead of them.

Lexa remained quiet while Clarke used Lexa's body heat to calm herself down.

"I- I…" Clarke stammered still trying to catch her breath.

Lexa kissed her side of her head, "Take your time Clarke. Speak when you are ready."

Finally, about fifteen minutes later Clarke finally peaked out from beneath the fur and Lexa's coat. Green eyes met blue and Lexa saw Clarke calming down even more. She felt the heat rage between them easing the tension Clarke had woken up with. "That was brutal."

Lexa gave her a sympathetic smile, "Heda Kom Faete, spoke to you." She said it knowingly. She has seen the signs on herself of such a dream memory before. They were intense to say the least. They are both an inner and outer body experience that could warp your mind if you let it. When Clarke nodded and said she thought so Lexa kissed her cheek. Clarke was indeed a reincarnate just as she was.  _Soulmates._

"I saw everything. Everything you described. Everything the painting tried to depict, even a few things I didn't know about…" Clarke voice was hoarse still thick with the tension from her dream memory.

"That is a good thing Clarke. It's proof. Proof of us; who we were, who we are and who we will be. This confirms our suspicions. I am Alex and you are Claire, that is the beginning of our story."

"Do you think this is the end of it?" Clarke asked very quietly.

Lexa looked at her sternly, "I will not accept that."

"Me either," Clarke said a little more stubbornly, a little more strength in her voice, her resilience kicking in again.

Lexa began to move Icarus again and they quickly sped up tot heir original pace. They arrived in TonDC just after sun up.

Lexa took Clarke to the tent and got her into bed and asleep before she too changed and fell into the bed beside her. Clarke was sound asleep but that didn't stop the blonde from reaching out and pulling Lexa closer as soon as she was beside her. Their bodies meshed together as one and they slept so soundly. They had no dreams. They found their peace for that morning.

In each other's arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments and kudos you guys make this worth itttttttttt  
> ...Okay, I'd write it even if you didn't comment or like it. Lezbehonest.


	44. Warrior Mechanic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Protective O and Rae Rae

Later that afternoon Lexa got out of bed and began meeting with her people in TonDC. She was looking for new information but no one had any. She did Clarke a favour and checked in on Arkadia with one of the radios. She spoke with Abby then Kane. When they finally finished filling Lexa in on the goings on at the Ark she was pacing in her war room. She was frustrated and stressed. So she took her sword and went to the training grounds to get some energy and tension out. She used the muscle memory to ease her stress, it was a deathly dance should anyone come into her range but she continued at a blistering pace. When she was out of breath and sweating Lexa stopped and sheathed her sword. She got some water and went to sit down.

Soon after, Clarke found her. "Come on," she said teasing Lexa with her sword and warrior stance.

Lexa smiled and stood up, "It is unwise to challenge someone with more experience than you Clarke."

"Stop saying my name like that, it's going to make this more difficult."

Lexa furrowed her brow, "Saying your name like what? And make what more difficult?"

Clarke rolled her eyes, "Saying my name like its  _everything_. It's going to make it hard for me to beat you." She poised her sword again awaiting Lexa to accept her challenge.

Lexa smiled, "You are  _everything_  to me Clarke." She purposefully landed heavy on the blonde's name, letting the 'r' linger and the 'k' really click. Just the way Clarke loved. Exactly the way Lexa always said it. Exactly the way Clarke had just asked her not to. Lexa pulled her sword and prepared to dance with their blades.

Clarke made her first move, Lexa blocked it easily pushing the blade aside like she was bored. This spurred Clarke on, she tried again and again. Her smile was huge and Lexa had to stop holding back. Clarke was learning and learning fast. She was loads better than she had been during the battle at Arkadia and it thrilled Lexa to no end. She was  _trying;_  and trying hard to defend and attack. Both of them had huge grins on their faces.

"You're actually trying!" Clarke said excitedly as she felt Lexa give her a shove backwards to disentangle their swords.

"You're forcing me to, you really are getting quite good," Lexa said enthusiastically before she grinned eavily and laid heavy on Clarke's name again.

The blonde rolled her eyes as their swords connected, "You are doing that on purpose now."

Lexa spun and tangled their swords again forcing her and Clarke to meet face to face, "So what if I am."

"Then you're cheating," Clarke said elbowing her in the ribs but not hard enough to cause her real physical pain. Clarke spun and swung her sword again, Lexa blocked it and countered.

"Clarke."

Their swords hit again.

"Clarrrrke," Lexa said another time smiling wide at Clarke's reaction. She saw her roll her eyes and almost whine at the over use and way Lexa kept saying it.

Lexa moved to her right when Clarke's movement caught her eye, the blonde dropped her sword to the ground and rounded to face Lexa. Her eyes were very dark now and she was walking slowly to Lexa swinging her hips purposefully. Lexa swallowed, she had seen that face and look in Clarke's eyes many time now. She knew what lingered there. She too lowered her sword and began walking towards Clarke. She even licked her lips ready to capture Clarke's flirty pout between them.

She felt Clarke hands land at her waist and send fireworks up her body as she slowly grazed Lexa's side and cupped her cheek with he left hand. Lexa shut her eyes and leaned in searching for Clarke's lips. Then they didn't come and Lexa felt her swing behind her pinning her arms and a small blade at the nape of her neck. Lexa's eyes flew open.

"And  _I am_  the cheater?"

"All is fair in love and war Lexxx" Clarke purred in her ear and Lexa felt her knees weaken and she let out a soft whimper.

Clarke laughed and spun her around again, she dropped her dagger, cupped Lexa's perfect cheeks and kissed her like they had no tomorrow.

Before they could get carried any further away with their kiss they heard giggles coming from their left. Clarke leaned out of the kiss and promptly raised her middle finger to Octavia and Raven who were giggling away like children.

"Don't you sometimes feel like you're watching your parents make out when you see them do that?" Lexa heard Raven quip to O.

Clarke and Lexa picked up their swords and made their way over to them. "You two are lucky you got here when you did, you would have seen more than that," Clarke joked and Lexa's cheeks flared red in embarrassment. She was probably right. No, she was definitely right.

Octavia barked out a laugh, "I fucking told you!" She shoved Raven playfully.

Raven engulfed her in her arms, "I believe I was the one who told you we better hurry."

"You said hurry. I said they were probably close to doing it," Octavia said sinking slightly into the embrace.

Raven rolled her eyes and kissed her cheek, "Tie?"

Octavia nodded, "Tie." She looked away from Raven and back to Clarke and Lexa. If she had of looked sooner she would have seen giant grins on their faces at the sight they were witnessing before them. "I still need to talk to you," Octavia said to Lexa.

Lexa nodded,  _here we go._

Raven and Octavia came a little closer, O gestured to the sword in Lexa's hand. "I need to talk to Lexa and I'd prefer if she didn't have that hanging around."

Clarke rolled her eyes and Lexa's widened. She did not like the sound of that.

Clarke took Lexa sword and walked to stand in front of O and Raven. "Are you going to tell me what this is about."

"Nope."

Clarke glanced back at Lexa.  _You will?_

Lexa gave a slight nod, a nod only Clarke would really see.  _I will._

Clarke nodded back with a smile and left the training grounds, understanding once again their silent conversation.

Raven and O went and sat down on a log and gestured for Lexa to sit down across from them. Lexa looked at them shrewdly and sat down. She was very unsure where this was going.

"So what are your intentions with our daughter?" Raven asked bluntly.

Lexa looked to Octavia who raised her hands, "I have said nothing."

Lexa sighed and smiled at Raven, "My intentions are to protect her, love her and make her happy."

"You wanna marry her?"

Lexa tilted her head, "You could have told her." She was staring pointedly at Octavia.

"I didn't want to ruin my coat. I thought Clarke would have done it by now," Octavia replied.

"Told me what?" Raven asked loudly.

"Clarke and I have pledged ourselves to each other."

Raven cocked her head and looked at O, "What the fuck does that mean?"

"Marriage Rae. A Union… I dunno fucking for eternity knowing them," O said back just as crass.

Lexa rolled her eyes; these two really could suck the beauty out of what she and Clarke had planned to do in front of their people and their friends.

"You already knew this Octavia so why did we need to discuss it?"

Before Octavia could say anything Raven slapped her arm, "YOU KNEW?"

"Yeah it wasn't that long ago though and I honestly thought Clarke would have said something by now."

"I will deal with her later. And for now, you're on my shit list Blake." Raven's playful voice couldn't hide the love she had for Octavia. Lexa smiled at the two of them. She really enjoyed this new crazy relationship.

The warrior and the mechanic, a love story full of swearing, laughter and heart.

Octavia rolled her eyes and looked back to Lexa, "I wanted to talk to  _you_  because I need to impart my wisdom but also threaten you a tiny, tiny bit."

Lexa tilted her head, "You plan to threaten me."

Octavia raised her hands, "This is why I wanted to talk to Lexa and  _not Heda_. So please lock her in that little room inside your head and just humour me okay?"

Lexa looked at her sternly. She was quickly becoming uncomfortable.

"Beja?"  _Please._

Lexa sighed and nodded, "Say what you must."

Octavia took a deep breath, "Okay. Okay, so as one of Clarke's best friends it is my duty, in our customs, to lay down the law so to speak." Raven was silently giggling and trying to keep it in. She obviously knew where this was going.

Lexa remained quiet waiting to see where she was headed.

"Anyways," Octavia said nudging Raven in the ribs to get her to quiet down, "I love Clarke a lot. And it is my duty to warn you, if you do anything. Anything at all to hurt her I will kill you."

Lexa's eyes flew wider gawking at what was just said. The Heda inside instinctively forced her to put her stoic mask back on while she raged and threatened Octavia right back silently. Lexa, on the other hand stood and quickly pulled Octavia into a giant hug. Which, she returned happily. They pulled apart, "I hurt Clarke once before. I could never do it again. I would be dead before you could do anything Octavia."

"This is not exactly how I planned this going," Octavia said grinning.

"I expected more rage. Not gonna lie, slightly disappointed." Raven quipped standing up now. "But yeah, that goes double for me."

Lexa hugged her too, "I have no doubt."

They chuckled softly before sitting down again. "So, how does the ceremony work?" Octavia asked curiously now sharpening her blade.

"Well they are done in a public setting, anyone is typically allowed to attend. It is not a by invite kind of thing. More important or higher ranking people have larger ceremonies so as the word of the union travels quicker."

"But not Commander has ever had one?"

Lexa shook her head, "No. There were a couple that came close but their deaths occurred before any such union could be completed."

"Well that's a good omen," Raven said sarcastically.

"Shut up Rae, they are different and you know it."

Raven looked at her, "What? How so? You say that like you know something no one else does. Spill it."

Octavia's eyes bugged out slightly as she then turned to Lexa unsure of what to say. "It's complicated," she said awkwardly.

"Well fuck. If neither one of you are gonna un-complicate it for me you leave me no choice but to ask Clarke."

Octavia shrugged, "I told her she'd have to tell you anyways."

"You are the worst. I wanna know!"

Lexa cleared her throat, "Should I know anything about Skaikru customs on marriage?"

The two girls whirled around and stared at her. "Oh my god! Yes, fuck yes. We can sort of do both. Tie in customs from each Kru's traditions!" Octavia was very excited now.

"I dunno, I think Clarke may actually prefer Lexa's…" Raven said thoughtfully thinking about her friend. "She's really accepted life on the ground, she's embraced who she is and her life here. I really think she'd prefer a grounder ceremony and maybe just like a few of our stupid customs."

"Like what?" Lexa asked curiously.

"Top of my head penis shaped cookies during a bachelorette party…but that sort of is not an option. I highly doubt Clarke would want that particular tradition brought around."

"Nor I."

Octavia burst out laughing. "So what about something borrowed and blue that old crap?"

Raven nodded, "Yes we do that, we will have to talk to Abby."

"Would she have something of Clarke's fathers?" Lexa asked thinking about how this man she never met had actually taught the love of her life about soulmates. Something she and Clarke now knew they were without a doubt. She couldn't help but think it would be meaningful to both her and Clarke now. This man she never met, she felt she owed him  _everything._

"I bet she does, Abby is sentimental as fuck. She'll help you out," Raven said nodding. "That's a great idea, Clarke was so clingy with her dad's watch, but I warn you there will most likely be ugly tears if you break out one of his items."

"Wait, you guys can't ask Abby. At least, not yet."

They looked at Octavia curiously. "And why the hell not?" Raven took the question right out of Lexa's mouth…except for the minor curse.

Octavia rolled her eyes and put her arm over Raven's shoulder, "Because. If she hasn't told you yet I guarantee she has not had the balls to tell Abby."

Lexa flinched. She never even thought to ask Clarke if she had told Abby yet. There had just been so much going on.

Raven stood up and began to pace around a bit as her thoughts bombarded her. Lexa watched glad to have a distraction. "So grounder tradition, do we need to tell Clarke about anything specific?"

Lexa thought on that. She had only ever been to two union ceremonies and they were both before her ascension day. "There are gifts exchanged between the two uniting. Promises and pledges are made in front of our people. There is then a feast and celebration that go all night. There is also a fight should the need arise."

"Come again?" Raven whirled around at the word 'fight'.

Lexa shrugged, this was perfectly normal to her. "If anyone rejects or objects the union they are welcome to challenge the couple to a fight."

Octavia smacked her forhead, "Oh Christ."

Lexa smiled, "No harm will come to Clarke. I promise."

"That Oh Christ was for both of you but thanks." Octavia clarified her little outburst. "All I am saying is I can't imagine you two getting through this without someone challenging it."

Lexa nodded, "I know the risks."

"Does Clarke?"

Lexa froze. Now that she thought of it. No Clarke did not know. How could she? Lexa never told her about their customs for such a thing. At least not in that detail. It was her turn to smack her forehead. She was worried she royally screwed up now.

"That's what I thought," O said bluntly.

That didn't help how Lexa felt.

"I have to go talk to the bride to be," Raven said thoughtfully.

That _really_ didn't help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck you JASON.
> 
> Happy weekend errrrrryboddddy


	45. Tangled Web

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Too many plot points and story linessssssss. I am losing my mind.

Clarke was enjoying the calm silence in her and Lexa’s tent. She had her art supplies out and was currently finishing one of her drawings that were inspired by the wall and her dream memory. She was lost in the motions of her strokes and shading. She would have been thoroughly impressed with her skills had a part of her not already lived what she was drawing. It was just that detailed. She had blended the two images effortlessly. On the left was Alex and Claire, their image and embrace blossomed and gave way to a drawing of Lexa and Clarke locked in their very first kiss. Clarke saw a tear fall from her face as she put more detail into Lexa’s perfect jawline and piercingly perfect eyes. She stopped and looked at the drawing biting her lip. She shook her head; she could draw Lexa a thousand times and still never completely capture all of the emotions she always saw in Lexa’s green orbs. Clarke smiled and shrugged all by herself, that doesn’t mean she wasn’t going to try. Once she could prefect this image she would show Lexa, she wanted to prove how much she too believed in their history and future together.

“So Clarke-Clarkie -Clarke-Clarke?” Raven’s playful voice filled the tent and Clarke stopped her drawing. She put the charcoal down and looked questioningly at Raven. The brunette had a huge sly grin on her face.

When the girl said nothing else Clarke rolled her eyes. “What can I do for you Raven?”

“Um, you could tell me what Octavia refuses to.” Raven came in and plopped down in another chair across from Clarke.

Clarke furrowed her brow, “Well, how about we start with what you do know?”

Raven smirked, “Enough. But I’d like you to spell some things out for me.”

Clarke began to add some touches to her drawing again. “We’re going to have a union. Is that what this is about?”

“I heard about that and I will circle back to why I heard it from O and not you. But I am referring to this like secret you three seem to know about. Gotta say Clarke, I’m feeling left out,” Raven shrugged and eyed Clarke hopefully. She was trying to make Clarke feel guilty and it was working.

Clarke sighed and stopped her drawing again. She caught Raven’s eye and gave her a sympathetic smile, “I was going to tell you. There was just a lot of shit happening Rae; you know that. You and Octavia are my best friends besides Lexa, she only knew before you because she was around when it was all coming out into the open.”

“When what was coming into the open?” Raven pressed her.

Clarke shifted a little in her seat. She knew Raven was extremely smart and that she had an analytical mind. Raven lived in the real world of facts. She required proof. For Raven seeing is believing; Clarke couldn’t help but feel that the whole ‘soulmate’ thing would be scoffed at. Hard.

“Octavia said she wouldn’t tell me because she likes her jacket too much. So I can only assume this is gonna trigger my gag reflex.” Raven tried to press her and lighten the mood now clearly picking up on Clarke’s hesitation.

Clarke nodded and smiled, “Yeah. It just might do that.”

Raven only raised her eyebrows. Clarke sighed and pushed her leather bound sketch book to Raven. “Flip to the front and then keep going.”

She watched Raven flip through the sketches Clarke had in the book. She watched her eyes widen at the second one. “Who’s this chick? She looks like Lexa sort of. Relative?”

Clarke shook her head, “Not really…”

Raven flipped again, “Woah,” she was looking at the sketch of a few sections of the mural on the wall. As she flipped and found more it was like Clarke was revealing the truth about her and Lexa. It was as though Raven was reading a story with no words. Her eyes kept widening at every page.

“Clarke, these are incredible.”

“You have no idea.”

That caught Raven off guard. “Why do I get the feeling this isn’t just imagination from your fucked up mind?”

“Because you’re a genius.”

Raven was now on Clarke’s latest sketch. The one that morphed from Alex and Claire to Lexa and Clarke. When she finally looked up to catch Clarke’s eyes she spoke, “Clarke. My mind is running away, you need to explain this to me in your own words.”

As Clarke explained the images, the dream memories, the legend of the Dreamwalker, the theory of reincarnation and the warning from Roma the room fell silent. She didn’t think she had ever heard raven Reyes be quiet for so long at once before. It was baffling but Clarke continued on with the stories until she finally had nothing else to say.

Raven looked from Clarke to the picture in front of her. “Well, fuck.”

“That’s it? That’s all you’ve got to say?”

“If I say anymore I will puke on your pretty pictures blondie,” Raven replied with an air of a joke.

Clarke rolled her eyes in response. “Look, I know this is very hard to believe but it’s true. It is impossible at this point for it not to be.”

“How are you holding up?”

Clarke paused as she thought about the question. How is she holding up with all of this? Raven fell silent letting Clarke think, her eyes still glued to her. She was overwhelmed that was for damn sure. She was nervous and slightly scared. “Knowing that they existed, seeing it and feeling it in my dream memory is fucking terrifying. It’s like more weight added to both of us. Raven, a part of who we are literally ended the world…”

Raven shrugged, “So you two were always meant for big things. I already told you that you were. Honestly, it goes without saying that Lexa obviously is. I mean look what she’s accomplished already on her own. Look what you’ve done. Those of us that are still alive are only here because of you.”

“Alex and Claire killed billions.”

“Wanheda and Heda have killed thousands, together and apart.” Raven replied calmly like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “The universe obviously has you two together now for a reason. Maybe Alex and Claire are working through you too to actually _fix_ their mistake?”

“I didn’t think you’d be so cool with all of this. I really thought you’d require more proof.”

Raven raised her eyebrows, “Do you not remember me telling you about fate? Now you tell me that this Claire person was actually the Commander of Fate -Clarke look at the fucking detail in these drawings; you know I don’t believe in coincidences. Fuck, even the drawings from your dream memories or whatever the hell you called them - It’s like I’m right there. There’s _too_ much detail, yah feel me?”

Clarke nodded, “They were extremely vivid. Too vivid.”

“Fate Clarke, it’s mysterious and it’s clearly found you two. My advice is to embrace it.”

Clarke rose and went to give Raven a giant awkward half standing half bent over hug, which Raven returned. “Thank you for believing in us. In me.”

“Yeah, yeah now lets get down to business. Why haven’t you told your mom about this marriage stuff?”

“Time hasn’t exactly been on our side right now. I haven’t found the right moment,” Clarke was moving back to her seat now.

A giant huff left Raven, “You’re an idiot. Tell your fucking mother. She wants nothing more than to see you happy and _living_. And by the sounds coming from your tent all the time I’d say you’re doing it right.” She winked.

Clarke rolled her eyes but smiled all the same.

“Have you seen her with Lexa?” Raven continued, “She practically worships her for how she cares for you. If you’re worried about her accepting Lexa I think that’s already done dude.”

“I know it’s stupid to be nervous about telling her,” Clarke admitted quietly. “I don’t know a part of me doesn’t want to get my hopes up I guess if I’m being honest. I am terrified of _wanting_ this.”

“You’re afraid to be happy?”

Clarke shook her head, “No. I am afraid that I want to be happy.”

“If anyone deserves it it’s you two.”

“Raven, look at the world in which we live. Look at what’s happened since I stepped on the ground. Look at all the death. How can I deserve to be happy when I caused so much destruction? I feel like I have happiness dangling in front of me only to be snatched away the second I reach to it.”

Raven smiled warmly at her, “Clarke. You’re too damn stubborn to let your happiness be ripped away from you. If it’s fates design to keep pulling it from you, you’ll only fight harder for it. You know that.”

 _“I can’t fix this.”_ Claire’s words filled her head and she pushed them away. Raven is right. Clarke is nothing if not stubborn. Lexa is nothing if not eternal. They will find a way. Clarke feels her heart roar within her and her determination come to the forefront once more. She feels better; _much_ better now.

“I really need to keep you around you know that?” Clarke quipped. “You, Lexa and O all keep reminding me of who I am. I need it. I need all of you.”

“Well that’s good news because I am fairly certain you’re stuck with all of us.”

Clarke smiled warmly at Raven. Her eyes saying thank you a million times. She reached for her sketches back and began drawing once more. Raven sat silent for awhile watching her. It was a comforting silence.

After awhile Raven broke the silence, “So this union. What is your gift going to be?”

Clarke froze. “I honestly couldn’t tell you.” Her mind began to whir with options.

“Well, I can help. I’ll also do some digging with Lexa and see if I can get an idea of what she’s planning for you.”

“I don’t want to know what she’s getting for me. We also have no date for this to happen Rae so calm down a bit.”

“That doesn’t mean I can’t know and help you with yours. You don’t want to look like a joke do you?”

“I won’t look like a joke. I’ll come up with something great. Something I know she’ll love…”

“Like?”

Clarke shrugged, “She likes my art. I could do something with that... HOLY FUCK! No! I’ve got a great couple of ideas!”

Raven laughed at her outburst, “Anything I can help with?”

“Yes actually. I will be getting her more than one thing. I want them to be personal though. And you better not tell anyone about my ideas!”

Raven leaned in closer as Clarke explained her ideas. “I fucking love it. All of it. It’s so disgustingly you two that now I really am going to vomit.”

“As long as it’s not in here…and if it can be in Octavia’s presence I’ll owe you one.” Clarke said thinking that young warrior needed some payback for spilling the beans to Raven.

Raven hurried out of the tent laughing, “I gotta get some supplies. I’ll catch you later hot stuff.”

When Raven left Clarke began to write down her ideas on a fresh page. After that she set to work on her first gift.

It was evening when Lexa came back to the tent. “Clarke,” she greeted her warmly and embraced her after Clarke had hurried to put her things away.

“So, Raven was here. I told her everything. Are you going to tell me what happened after I left now?”

Lexa nodded and smiled keeping her arms around Clarke. “They threatened my life.”

Clarke went rigid, “They WHAT?”

Lexa laughed softly, “They told me if I did anything to hurt you they would kill me.”

“Oh fuck. I’m so sorry. What did you do?” Clarke was so curious to know how that played out.

“I hugged them.”

Clarke leaned back in Lexa’s arms staring at her, “Well that was unexpected.”

Lexa hummed in her ear pulling her close again, “They want to protect you as much as I do. I cannot blame them for that.”

Clarke interlocked her hands behind Lexa’s back and leaned up with her head to capture her lips. “I love you.”

“Ai hod yu in,” Lexa whispered before kissing her deeply. She pulled back, “I need to tell you something.”

Clarke felt nerves course between the two, “Okay…” Clarke said tentatively.

Lexa filled her in on the grounder tradition of a union and ended with the bluntness of the possibility of a fight should anyone object. Clarke absorbed it all. She understood and she too knew they would most definitely have to fight on their wedding night. “Our ways are harsh,” she whispered full of acceptance. Not fear. She couldn’t be afraid of what may come. She’d face it with Lexa and they would overcome it. She believed in her past life more every second, she had faith in Heda Kom Faete and Heda Kom Jus. More importantly, she had faith in her and Lexa.

Lexa smiled into the kiss she gave her, “It’s how we survive.”

Clarke pulled at her a little more aggressively, “I told you life is about more than just surviving Lexa.”

“You did my little lionheart, and I truly believe it more each time I lay eyes on you.”

“Shut up and take me.”

And Lexa didn't need to be told twice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I fucking love this story.  
> Fight me on that, I dare you.


	46. Loving Lexa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa my sweet bebe

They remained in TonDC for a few more days. The atmosphere had been light but the weather terrible. They had huge rainstorms preventing their departure for the last two days. The bitter chill of the threat of winter was on them every time they left the tent. Finally, they were set to leave for Arkadia on the third day. From there, they would make their trip to Polis. They still had enough time to get to Polis well before the ambassadors were due to arrive.

They decided Octavia would join them. That they learned quickly, now obviously meant Raven was tagging along and she was thrilled. Like a kid in a candy store she would not stop talking and asking questions. She had not seen Polis yet. She only had second hand accounts to go by so far. She was aching to see it for herself; she was dying to see it with Octavia. She was screaming for a big luxurious bed she had been assured she would get promptly on arrival.

"A real, fucking sleep; a  _real_  sleep in a  _real_  bed on the  _ground_. In a fucking tower no less! Can you imagine?" She was rambling excitedly. She had her arms draped around Octavia in front of her on the saddle. Her leg was obviously causing her some pain during the ride but she insisted in riding versus riding in the cart that was in their little caravan. So insistent in fact that she made Octavia a little nervous, not that she would admit it.

Lexa had to kick Icarus into a faster gear as Raven was starting to get quite annoying in her enthusiasm. It still didn't fail to plaster a smile on Lexa's face at the girl's excitement. She had no doubt that Raven would be intrigued and drawn in with Polis, which meant it would be difficult to get her to leave when the time came. Then again, if anyone could get her to leave the city it would be Octavia.

Clarke was on Daedalus once again. Her leg was finally healed enough for her to ride properly and he was strong enough to carry her once more. Lexa missed the contact; she missed the intimacy of Clarke sitting in front of her. She missed the warmth on her chest against Clarke's back. She missed the excuse to hold her close and kiss her whenever she felt like doting on her Queenslayer.

But, she had to admit, seeing the joy Clarke had on her face and the feel of it radiating out of her was more than enough for Lexa to not mind too much. She had her beside her on her own horse that the woman loved as much as Lexa. The longer she would watch the more she realized how strong their bond was. Clarke seemed to speak to Daedalus through her mind versus her guiding the reigns. It was much like how Lexa connected and rode Icarus. Her heart beat raucously in her chest watching Clarke's features light up over and over again through her fur hood. When Clarke would flash her glance she only beamed more. She was breathtaking in the best possible ways.

If Lexa was being honest, she did not really wish to return to Polis.

Not because of her duties, no Lexa was  _always_  dutiful; It was because of the dangers facing them, especially now with all that had come to light. The fact that they had strong reason to believe that Clarke was not only Wanheda but also the legendary Heda Kom Faete would be wildly unpopular among her people. As Indra said, she was not one of them. Except Lexa knew she was. The moment she set foot on this Earth Clarke had been a grounder, even if she wanted to deny it before. She accepted it now - she owned it and wore it with pride. She had multiple titles thrown on her that she tried to run from and then ultimately accepted. She took control of them instead of letting them control her. She had changed and grown so much even in the short amount of time that Lexa knew her.  _Everything_  about Clarke Griffin floored Lexa. The fact that she also open-heartedly believed in Alex and Claire's story and the legend of the two Heda's was even more astounding and even more proof of the person Clarke was.

_Born for this._

For now, until they announced their plan to have a union to the public they would have to be more discrete than they normally were with TriKru and SkaiKru. A union of this magnitude would blur the lines between the two clans and cause worry between the others. They would effectively be tying the bonds between SkaiKru and TriKru something, which has never been done. It would create an extremely tight alliance and that would definitely cause some tension and anxiety between the remaining clans, it's just how people were, it is human nature.

Lexa was more than aware that there would be spies in Polis reporting and informing on their every move. It would be happening even without this idea that the mystery woman in the shadows  _could_  see all. It mattered not. Spies were just good war tact. Information was everything in war. Those better informed were better prepared. She also did not doubt that some of the other clans in her coalition would be watching closely as well. They would be on high alert for any weaknesses in their leader, especially after the battle at Arkadia where her and Wanheda almost perished. They may be part of the coalition, but their duty is to their people and nations, if they felt motivated enough they could leave the coalition to join forces with this Dreamwalker. Lexa still had no idea of how far spread rumours of her had gone. That news awaited her in Polis.

For about two seconds Lexa considered trying to convince Clarke to stay at Arkadia for her safety. It only made her chuckle softly. It would not even be worth the breath of any persuasion because Clarke would never accept it. They would not be separated unless the real need arrived, she knew that deep down.

"You okay?" Clarke asked quietly over the clopping of hooves.

"Yes, I'm fine Clarke. Thank you."

"Yu lae."  _You lie._ Clarke said sternly. "You think I don't know?"

Lexa sighed and gave her a small smile, "I know you know. I was just thinking about Polis."

"What about it?"

"We will have to be careful," Lexa eyed her. "More discrete," she clarified.

Clarke nodded, "I know. We need more information about a lot of things. I know we need time before we can figure out when we can announce everything. You don't need to shield me from things Lexa."

"I know you can handle anything Clarke. It is still my instinct to protect you."

"I know and it's wonderful but I'll just have to stay on your ass and make you talk to me. It's not like I haven't done that since we met, it's really comfortable territory for me actually," Clarke cocked her eyebrow.

Lexa raised her eyebrows and grinned at the smirk on Clarke's face. "I am well aware Clarke."

They got to the Arkadia as dusk was settling in. They were still outside the grounds but could see the fires were raging. Their smoke billowed high into the still bitter cold air.

"Do you smell that?" Octavia shouted to Lexa and Clarke.

"Smell what?" Clarke called back.

"Food. I don't even care what it is, I am fucking starved." O replied as Raven burst out laughing.

"You ate two hours ago, I heard you chomping in my ear for ages!"

Octavia shrugged, "So?"

"So, I don't know where you put it all," Raven rolled her eyes.

The gates were opened and Octavia promptly took Raven to tie her mount and find the closest cooking spit. Lexa and Clarke went in as well but were planning on spending the evening where they belonged: in the woods, in their tent and not in the disgusting tin can. They both hated it immensely. For Clarke, it was too many bad memories, too many years cooped up; she needed the freedom and the air of the ground. For Lexa, she just detested everything about the place except for Clarke's room and that was simply because  _it was_ Clarke's room. It had Clarke's drawings on the wall and her scent in the air and her life in it before they had met. It was a part of her.

They went inside and found Bellamy on one of the radios.

He raised a hand to say hello while he listened to the radio closely. It was crackling and cutting in and out, "I can't find him Bell!"

"Who is that?" Clarke hissed closing the distance as soon as she heard that.

"It's harper, she can't find Jasper they got separated."

Lexa was standing beside Clarke now, "Was it just the two of them?"

Bellamy nodded and spoke into the radio, "Where are you Harper, I'm coming to get you."

The radio crackled some more before coming clear, "What a fucking moron. All I did was try to talk to him about Monty! I swear to god if I get lost and die I am going to haunt his fucked up ass! Hold on, I need to fill my canteen."

"Why were they out there alone?" Lexa asked.

"I sent them," Bellamy sighed.

"What were they doing," Clarke questioned him crossing her arms.

"I put them on watch on the Eastern pass for tonight. I didn't realize Jasper was drunk until Harper started screaming at me through the radio about it."

"Oh for fuck sakes, did you even talk to him before you sent him out there? We've seen Jasper go this route in grieving before and you know it was only Monty that sprung him free from it. Monty's gone now Bell. His best-fucking-friend died. Alone. Brutally and Jasper lived, once again! You didn't think this is going to be worse than him grieving for a girl her knew for what a week? Are you really that blind or are you stupid?" Clarke was very angry and anxious. Her hands were now white knuckled gripping the table. Lexa tried to calm her down with a gentle hand on her shoulder. It seemed to work but only slightly. The blonde was still fuming. "He's going to get Harper killed. She can't be out there alone."

Bellamy was cowering and keeping his head low, "I- I spoke to Harper, I never saw Jasper. I didn't think about it."

"Why am I not surprised," Clarke said before she took a deep breath and sighed. Then she softened her tone as she regained her composure, "Look Bell, we all make mistakes but it's important to try and make up for them – you know that. We've both had to do it. So smarten the fuck up, pull your head out of your ass and do what you can to fix this."

Lexa watched as Clarke motivated Bellamy to sit up straight and look her in the eye. She saw determination gripping him and taking over his features and demeanour. Once again, Clarke's words have inspired the man-child. He went back on to speak into the radio, "I'm coming out there with Lincoln. The three of us will find him."

"Well get out here because I really fucking hate this," Harper's voice crackled back annoyed. Lexa was certain Bellamy was going to get another earful from her, which made her smile internally.

She couldn't understand why they kept thrusting leadership into this boy's hands. It was ridiculous to Lexa. She decided she needed to speak to Clarke and Kane about Bellamy in private and advise more caution with his role in Arkadia. He was a valuable member there was no doubt, but his record with leadership was poor. It is as if he makes one step forward and two steps back time and time again. One of these days he will cost them dearly.

Bellamy sped off to locate Lincoln. Lexa and Clarke took the radio and went to see Abby. During the walk Lexa took the opportunity to make her remarks on Bellamy, which Clarke whole-heartedly agreed on everything. Once again they were on the same page. "You did quite well in there Clarke."

"I thought I might have been too rough on him," Clarke sighed linking arms with Lexa.

"I disagree. The man-child needed to hear it. I would have been far worse, trust me."

"Man-child?" Clarke snorted. "That is excellent. Please say that to Raven she'll love it."

"It is a fitting description is it not?"

"God yes. Perfect actually."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy is a fuck wad.  
> I LOVE dragging him.  
> *shrug*


	47. Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprise motha fucka

Clarke and Lexa continued their route through the Ark after watching Bellamy take off. When they found Abby she was with Kane. The girls took this opportunity to let them know about their views on the situation with Bellamy. They needed little convincing to restrict the amount of authority the boy currently held. He would take it hard, but he would bounce back they were sure. Kane assured them he would keep a closer watch on him. When Clarke dove into telling them about the Jasper situation Kane left to send a few more search parties out.

Lexa was sitting down across from Abby with Clarke standing behind her lazily playing with Lexa's braids. As if reading her mind Lexa shifted to give Clarke better access to a particular one. Abby was watching them fondly, "I still cannot believe what I am seeing when I watch you two."

"What do you mean?" Clarke asked.

Abby smiled at them both, "The connection you seem to share. You're like magnets, drawn to each other. It's like there's some sort of gravitational pull with you two at the centre of it. I have never been in a room with two people more connected, more in tune with the each other. Clarke, I thought your dad and I had chemistry, but honestly it's almost laughable compared to what I feel when I am in a room with you two. It's beautiful and  _powerful_." Abby's tone was soft but there was also a tiny sense of awe behind it, maybe even a tiny bit of jealousy.

Lexa could feel Clarke swell with pride behind her; she tilted her head and looked up. She caught blue eyes just before their lips met sweetly. The kiss burned in the greatest way. Clarke pulled back, "I know what you mean," she said now looking to Abby.

"Are you happy Clarke?"

Clarke paused at the sudden question. She was now looking into Lexa's eyes and smiling, "Unbelievably happy. I'm grateful for the good in my life and I accept it with the bad.  _This_  love is worth it all. It may be selfish to let myself be happy but I don't care. We deserve it." She kissed Lexa again softly. Lexa's guard was down; it was just she, Clarke and Abby now. She felt her walls disappear as she held on to Clarke's hand.

Abby was smiling wide and had tears welling in her eyes at Clarke's answer.

And then, Lexa found the spark she needed. It was  _instinct._

She was going to do this right here, right now.

"Abby, I wish to ask you something," her voice was soft; there was no trace of Heda in it right now. Lexa pulled Clarke by the hand and had her sit in her lap. Clarke's arm slung naturally around her shoulders and she began softly playing with the hair on the back of Lexa's neck sending tingles through her spine. Lexa gripped Clarke around the hips, she was slightly nervous and she drew strength from her little lionheart.

"Go ahead hon," Abby said gently still smiling at the two in front of her.

Lexa swallowed. She had originally planned on doing this without Clarke as a sign of respect to Abby, but she couldn't resist her want to see Clarke's face when she did it. So, she looked into Clarke's eyes, "I know how this used to be done and I just want to get it right. I want it to be  _perfect_. I wish to ask your permission for Clarke's hand...officially." Clarke's jaw dropped in shock before she smiled proudly with so much love and affection in her eyes; it was flawless. Satisfied that she made the right choice, Lexa turned to look at Abby, "It is my desire to spend the rest of my days cherishing and protecting Clarke as my equal, as my beloved, as my wife."

It was Abby's turn for her jaw to drop and she looked at Clarke who was still staring at Lexa but smiling - Oh, was she smiling - and it was breathtaking. Lexa could feel the love pouring out of her. It was raging within them both and their eyes met once more and locked. No words required, and speaking through their eyes:  _I love you. I love you too._

"Well," Abby said regaining herself a tiny bit. "This is a surprise."

Clarke sighed, "Mom."

"What Clarke?  _It is_  a surprise. Don't get me wrong – it's a very good surprise. I am just concerned for your safety – for both of your safety," Abby explained.

Lexa felt her nerves come back. She knew this would catch Abby somewhat off guard but Lexa wished she would give her blessing, for Clarke's sake. Lexa did not wish Clarke to follow her heart and break her mother's in the process. She knew regardless of Abby's consent or not – this was happening. She took a steadying deep breath. If Abby did not support this then it would cause even more strain on her and her daughters relationship. Lexa did not want to be the cause for that.

Abby took a few moments before she continued and broke the heavy silence, "I have never seen my daughter this happy Lexa. You cause that, and I am eternally indebted to you for it. However, I have no doubt that this will be another risk for the both of you; none of us are naïve here, are you two sure you've considered the risks?"

"All of them," they replied in unison before looking back to Abby. "She's my soulmate mom." Clarke said confidently making Lexa's heart run rampant and heat infect her bones in a deeply satisfying way.

Abby smiled at their joint response before sobering her face at Clarke, "Soulmates?"

Clarke nodded, "Just like dad said. You remember his stories don't you? They exists mom, and I found mine." She kissed Lexa's temple sweetly.

Lexa watched Abby wipe a tear threatening to fall from her eye, "You're so much like your father, Clarke."

"She is a balance between the two of you Abby," Lexa said gently. Clarke was indeed her own person but Lexa knew she had parts of her mother and father ingrained within her. The blonde's heart was so big and so strong Lexa knew she carried bits of everyone she loved within her.

Abby shook her head, "I appreciate that but no, she has more of Jake in her." Her voice was soft and full of sadness, but her eyes were full of pride as she watched over Clarke. "You're sure about this?"

"More than anything," the girls replied in unison.

Abby had to laugh at the way they replied together again, "Wow. Okay then."

"Okay then?" Clarke eyed her mom suspiciously. "That's all you're going to say about your only child getting hitched?"

Abby laughed, "Well, who am I to stand in the way of soulmates or your happiness? Listen, you two have my support and my love." Abby stood up and went to stand beside them, "Clarke, your father would be so proud. And Lexa, he would have adored you and the way you love Clarke." She opened her arms and the girls stood up only to be wrapped in a giant bear hug. Lexa and Clarke melted into it. It felt safe and comfortable. It felt like family. It felt like love. She could feel Abby's concerns fade but only slightly. The older woman was right, none of them were naïve, and they had to remain on their guard.

As if she read Lexa's mind Clarke spoke, "Mom, you have to keep this quiet for now. You can let Kane know but we have to get to Polis and get a feel for the situation between the clans and our enemies before we can make any solid plans regarding this."

Abby nodded, "Then why tell me?"

"You are Clarke's mother. You deserve to know of our promise to one another," Lexa said simply.

Abby smiled and hugged the brunette, "Thank you sweetie. Welcome to the family." Lexa smiled into the hug, she loved this feeling. She was accepted into the fold with Clarke's family. It was rather thrilling. Lexa never dreamed she would have that again– a family – and here she was part of one. She was part of one not because of Heda, she was part of one for the woman she was: she was accepted as Lexa. Every time Abby had hugged Lexa she felt love and understanding from the woman. Like maybe they aren't so different. Like maybe Abby understands that Lexa has been essentially alone most of her life and that sometimes, you really do just need a mother's love. She thought of Roma, she thought about how much Roma would have loved Clarke. She looks up to the Ark's insidious lights to stop the tears,  _Roma will meet Clarke someday_  she tells herself… _death is not the end._

~~CG~~

Clarke is on cloud nine. Clarke has lived in the sky; she had lived above the clouds and among the stars but she has never felt as high as she did right now. She needed to keep her hand entwined with Lexa's to ground herself at the moment. She felt warmth radiating between the two of them like an invisible swirling orb of love.

Lexa just went old-school and asked her mother for permission to be with Clarke.

She did not need permission.

She was Heda, leader of the coalition, Commander of the blood. But she came to Clarke's mother as Lexa, as a woman in love, a woman without title or persuasion nothing more and nothing less. She wore her heart on her sleeve for Clarke in this moment, something Lexa fought all her life against. She exposed herself. She came with beauty and grace, she embodied perfection. She took Clarke's breath away on the regular but this moment right here, this was  _everything_  right now. Her heart was beating a drum within her and screaming for Lexa making Clarke's smile widen in each second. It touched her eyes, her face hurt but she smiled through the pain. It was glorious.

When they left Abby they felt lighter than air. The two of them were bubbling with excitement; Abby was one more person ticked off their list of people to tell. Lexa and Clarke made their way to find Raven and Octavia by one of the cooking spits to fill them in on Bellamy and the search parties for Jasper. Octavia was not impressed with her older brother and it required Raven's forceful grip to keep her from bolting off into the night to go kick his ass.

"But seriously, we can't leave him alone for week?" Octavia said exasperated forcing Lexa to chuckle softly.

"Kane's going to babysit," Clarke explained calmly.

"What about Jasper?" Raven asked rubbing Octavia's shoulder trying to calm the little brunette.

Clarke sighed, "There's nothing we can do for him right now. They have parties out combing the woods. Hopefully we get lucky and he just passed out somewhere and they find him."

"When have we ever gotten lucky?" Octavia scoffed.

"Well we have to try to stay positive. Jasper's a fucking moron, he's grieving and we need to respect that. Maybe he just needs some time alone?" Raven said calmly avoiding Clarke's eyes. Clarke winced at her comment. Clarke knew too well about needed to be alone. About running away from your problems and your feelings. She felt Lexa's hand tighten a little more in hers and she felt her gaze on her. She felt her pain from Raven's words begin to melt away. She ignored the comment deciding it was better to leave it there.

"Do any of you have an idea of where he may have headed?" Lexa spoke up thoughtfully hoping to help Clarke dodge the scrutiny.

The other girls shrugged, "He could have head to the dropship? Or the mountain?"

Clarke shook her head, "I doubt he went to the mountain. This is about Monty."

Raven pursed her lips and nodded, "Dropship makes the most sense." Octavia nodded as well in agreement.

Lexa nodded and turned giving Clarke another squeeze of her hand before heading out into the night. Clarke remained behind; she knew where Lexa was heading as she watched her love head towards a fire surrounded by TriKru. She was going to send a few parties of her own out in search of the missing SkaiKru member. Clarke beamed; Lexa didn't have to do that. But she would, because it was important to Clarke.

"So are you going to tell us what you two were practically skipping about out of the Ark?" Octavia said eyeing Clarke with raised eyebrows.

Clarke blushed as she started eating some meat Octavia handed her, "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Try us."

Clarke rolled her eyes, "It's Lexa. It was… She and my mom… Lexa asked her permission." Clarke couldn't find the words to properly express it all.

Raven dropped her canteen and Octavia's mouth fell open, "Holy balls."

Clarke laughed, "Holy balls indeed."

Raven composed herself first and let out a whistle, "Well, I knew she was going to talk to your mom but man alive! She is smoother than we give her credit for."

Octavia laughed, "Oh please, even when she had you tied to a tree you were into her." She cocked her eyebrow at Raven challenging her to refute that.

Raven shrugged and playfully nudged Octavia eyeing her lovingly, "What can I say I'm a sucker for brunette's and razor edged jaw lines." That earned her a kiss from Octavia making Clarke smile wide. She loved seeing her friends be happy.

Maybe, just maybe, they could all find some happiness to lighten even the darkest of times.

"So Abby's on board?" Octavia asked smiling out of their kiss and now looking at Clarke again.

Clarke nodded, "She's worried for obvious reasons but she accepts and supports it."

"Did you tell her about your soulmates theory?" Octavia asked curiously.

"Not in the detail that you guys know with Alex and Claire, but I did in reference to my father. That seemed to help her remember," Clarke said calmly.

"Helped her remember what?" Raven said chewing on some food she took out of Octavia's hand smirking at the brunette.

Clarke swallowed her piece of meat. "That life is about more than surviving," Clarke sighed as Lexa returned and kissed her on the cheek.

The tall brunette hummed, "A life lesson I thank you and your father for everyday." Clarke smiled and kissed her again before lexa sat down. Octavia handed her some food and a canteen of water.

"Seriously, you two are so cute it is disgusting," Raven said faking revulsion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoping for another one or two out today. These bitches gotta get to Polis!  
> :) For my people.


	48. Man-Child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Foolish man-child, your tricks are for kids.

The next morning rolled around and the first of the search parties returned through the thick layer of frost on the ground. Clarke and Lexa were already dressed warmly in their fur coats and in the grounds of Arkadia once more. Lexa was pacing while Clarke, Raven and Octavia ate quietly. The atmosphere was thick and heavy in the camp this morning as word spread of the missing SkaiKru member. Everyone had their minds on the 'what ifs' and 'maybe's' of Jasper's disappearance.

Clarke watched as Bellamy, Lincoln and Harper arrive shortly after the first and make their way over to them. Lincoln bowed and kept his eyes off of Octavia, who out of respect for his feelings distanced herself from Raven slightly. Bellamy's face was drawn with worry and guilt; there were deep dark circles under his eyes and pain on his face. Harper was visibly still angry about the whole situation and Clarke stood up to give her a reassuring hug. It was painfully obvious that they had not found Jasper.

Harper returned Clarke's hug, "He's such a fucking wad."

Clarke chuckled in her ear before leaning back out of the hug, "Which one?"

Harper rolled her eyes, "Fuck! At this point - both of them."

She went to grab some food and water and went inside without another word. She was clearly, and understandably miffed and tired. Clarke let her go and rounded on the boys. "So?"

"We couldn't find him. Lincoln followed tracks deeper into the woods but we lost them," Bellamy explained.

"Which way was he headed," Lexa asked while still pacing.

"His tracks went East, then South before they disappeared," Lincoln said with a slight bow in respect to Lexa.

Lexa went quiet and paced some more deep in thought.

"If Jasper was drunk, he wouldn't have thought to hide his tracks though?" Octavia piped up, "That boy can hardly function when he's loaded."

Clarke and Raven nodded, they had seen it many times before. Bellamy now looked guiltier than ever.

"He might have been taken," Lexa said quietly stopping her pacing and eyes locking on Clarke's.

Clarke's breath caught in her throat, "You think one of the other clans captured him?"

Lexa nodded, "It is not unlikely. We won't know for sure until we have news from the other parties returning. We do have our eyes posted at the three rebels clans, they will inform us if they spot a member of SkaiKru."

Clarke nodded keeping her eyes on the brunette. It was as though, the conversation only involved the two of them. The others faded to the background, "We don't have much time."

"Yes. We have to leave for Polis as soon as we can," Lexa replied calmly. "But we will wait as long as we can for news."

Clarke took a deep breath and nodded. She knew Lexa understood Clarke's desire to remain as long as possible, to get whatever answers they could. She was worried for the boy's safety.

"What about the drop ship?" Bellamy piped up.

Clarke and Lexa both rolled their eyes and Clarke answered him, "We already sent people to check."

He nodded and chewed his cheeks falling silent once more. He took a drink and grabbed a piece of meat before standing again. "I'm going back out there."

"Bell you have been out all night, you need to rest. Go out again after you sleep a bit," Octavia pressed sternly.

"I can't just sit here while one of our own are out there with God knows what happening to him!"

"Well going out there half-cocked on adrenaline isn't going to help matters! You can't go Bell."

"I'm your older brother Octavia I don't take orders from you!"

Clarke stood up, "She's right. You won't do any of us any good out there like this. You won't help Jasper unless you take care of yourself."

Bellamy was balling his empty hand into a fist. He glared at Clarke before he took a deep breath. "I respect you Clarke but I have to do this."

"Bellamy you need to talk to Kane," Clarke said calmly. She didn't want this done here in front of everyone.

Bellamy cocked his head, "Why?"

"Because he's the chancellor," Lexa cut in.

Bellamy turned to fix his glare at Lexa, "I was asking Clarke." His tone was low almost threatening.

Lexa's eyes roared at his lack of respect, Clarke could sense her anger bubble as she looked at the foolish boy. Clarke wanted to spare him his dignity but he wanted to press her, which only infuriated Lexa. She hated when Clarke wasn't given the respect Lexa felt she deserved. The respect Lexa  _always_  gave her. The decision to revoke Bellamy's authority was one made by Clarke and Lexa not Kane; Clarke was the real SkaiKru leader, Kane was just a figurehead. Clarke quickly moved to Lexa's side as the brunette adjusted her jaw in her seething. She closed the gap to Bellamy with Clarke on her heels, "If you must know I requested that your authority in SkaiKru be removed. I asked that you be demoted."

Clarke tensed up. She had not expected Lexa to try and take the responsibility off of Clarke's shoulder for hurting Bellamy's pride.

"You have no right!" He bellowed in her face, it was clear that he had tried to make her flinch.

Clarke rolled her eyes. That was his second mistake in less than twelve hours. Lexa did not flinch; she could end the boy's life in an instant. Clarke could see her left hand twitching above her dagger ever so gently. She was attempting to give him a second chance.

"I have every right. I lead the coalition and I am allowed to voice my concerns. Kane and Clarke agreed, it is that simple." Lexa's tone was low and even more threatening than her eyes.

Bellamy turned to glare at Clarke, "You agreed?" She saw him balling his fist once more.

"I did. We discussed it and it is for the best." Clarke tried to be calm and bring his anger down. He had to see reason.

"Everything I have done has been in order for us to survive! I helped you when no one else could Clarke! We did this, we kept them alive together!"

"She did that on her own," Lexa said in a growl of her own. Clarke could tell it was taking every bit of restraint not to backhand the raven haired boy. Before Bellamy could respond Lexa cut him off elaborating, "Since you have landed Clarke has saved you all time and time again. You may have assisted but it was under her guidance. The fever, the fire at the drop ship, Finn, the mountain and the battle at Arkadia; you all live because she commands death."

Clarke raised her head with pride. She could feel it swelling within her and radiating off of Lexa.

"I pulled that lever with her," Bellamy said defiantly. "I helped destroy the mountain."

"Which you blamed her for," Lexa countered not giving him an inch. "She was strong enough to do it on her own. You offered and yet you blamed her. You have no honour man-child."

"She's right. I didn't need you." Clarke said defiantly. She was no princess. She did not need Bellamy's help. She had manipulated him from day one trying to get him to follow her lead and the only reason for that was because she needed the others to switch their loyalties to her. Which they did. Bellamy became just as much as a figurehead as Kane was now. It was always Clarke leading SkaiKru. Always.

That did it. Bellamy growled and took a swing, not at Lexa but at Clarke. Lexa roared as he swung and caught his wrist two inches from the blonde's face. His eyes widened in shock at the strength of Lexa before he landed to the ground with a hard thud. Her dagger was now to his throat and pressing firmly enough to his skin that the sharp blade allowed blood to seep slightly.

"You will never threaten Clarke," Lexa growled an inch from his face baring her teeth.

Clarke moved to put her hand on Lexa's shoulder trying to calm her, "It's okay. I will deal with him."

"Clarke this is treason, you are SkaiKru's ambassador," Lexa said still growling at Bellamy. The boys eyes were wide in fear as he struggled against her. She quietly leaned in to whisper in his ear just loud enough for Clarke to hear as well, "You attack her and you attack me." Bellamy froze realization dawning on him. Clarke saw a tear escape his eye as his eyes met her own. Foolish boy.

Clarke took a deep breath. She knew what Lexa meant. Bellamy would have to answer for this. She tried to think fast, "You're not in charge here Bellamy. Kane isn't in charge here. I am. You're now at my mercy."

Lexa did not move, she did not relent her grip on the boy beneath her. "Clarke," she began softer now.

"I know he has to be punished for this but it doesn't have to be death," Clarke said now looking at the back of Lexa's head. She waited for Lexa to turn and look at her.

"It should be death."

"He can still be useful," Clarke said calmly as an idea struck her.

Lexa immediately took her dagger and flipped it around and cracked Bellamy in the head rendering him unconscious. She removed herself from on top of the boy; "Get him out of my sight." Lincoln nodded to the command and he and Octavia took Bellamy away into the Ark with raven following.

Clarke met Lexa's gaze and she knew what was coming - one of Lexa's speeches. She held up her hand, "Not here. Let's go back to the tent." She linked her arm with Lexa and they made their way out of Arkadia's grounds and to the tree cover where their tent was.

Clarke entered the tent as Lexa held the flap for her and quickly began pacing. Lexa crossed the room and sat at the war table. Clarke heard the unmistakeable sound of her dagger biting into the wooden table in anger. She stopped her pacing and made her way over to her. Clarke wrapped her arms around her from behind and kissed her neck. "Thank you for protecting me," she whispered against the skin before kissing again.

She felt Lexa begin to relax under Clarke's touch. Clarke smiled, _that's better_.

"He should die for what he attempted to do," Lexa's voice was dry and dripping with hatred.

"He didn't try to kill me Lexa," Clarke chastised.

"It does not matter."

"I know he attacks me, he attacks you. I love you for that, I love the way you protect me and I will never stop needing and appreciating the way you look out for me. But he is angry with himself and his pride is hurt. You understand that don't you?"

"I do. It changes nothing. He is an adult despite the aptitude of his brain. He is ruled by his emotions and his head is never involved in the discussion. He is a danger; his actions this morning threaten your authority as well as mine. It was a very public scene," Lexa said explaining calmly.

"You think he should die." It wasn't a question. She knew exactly what Lexa was thinking. She could still feel her intentions were back with the dagger in her hand at his throat. She could have ended it right there without batting an eye. She held her hand steady for Clarke's sake and she was well aware of this. Lexa respected her enough to explain and listen to Clarke; she wouldn't make a rash decision in her anger that would hurt Clarke.

Clarke was grateful for that an more; she sat down in Lexa's lap and cupped her cheek. She kissed her lips for a moment and let any residual anger part from Lexa as she did so. When she felt the girl calming beneath her she leaned out of the kiss. She kept her hand on Lexa's cheek, "I have an idea." Lexa closed her mouth indicating that she was listening. Clarke took a deep breath, "We banish him."

Lexa tilted her head and furrowed her brow waiting for Clarke to continue.

"We banish him for treason, we make it known,  _well known_. We use him as our inside man again."

Lexa's eyebrows rose as she considered this option. She was not expecting that. Clarke waited patiently and quietly for Lexa to consider this option. She watched as the brunette's mind started to flow over the consequences both good and bad.

"You will tell him your plan?"

Clarke nodded, "Bellamy is loyal. He is just hurt and upset with himself more than anyone else. Honestly, giving him this task may just bring him back to who he almost was." Clarke sighed, "This isn't like the last time with Pike. This is different. He's proven he is loyal to his sister, his people and me. He really does mean well, I have to believe if anyone can do this it's him."

"I hope your faith is well placed," Lexa warned her cautiously.

"Me too."

"You really do command death you know."

"I know," Clarke sighed and buried her head in Lexa's neck allowing her to hold her tighter as realization sunk in to Clarke: Wanheda just spared Bellamy from his fate of certain death.

She couldn't help but let a small part of her wonder if all she did was delay the inevitable. His task would now be as dangerous - if not more dangerous - than going into the mountain alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanheda bitch


	49. Secret Squirrel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens once more

That afternoon Clarke had made her way to lock up in the Ark. She was on her way to see Bellamy. Lexa wanted to join her but Clarke refused, she knew it would only spark more rage and hurt in Bellamy. If Clarke was going to ask him to do this she needed to do it alone. They had already told Kane and Abby, who advised against it but when Clarke explained they had few options with his fate they had no choice but to concede.

Clarke was indeed in charge.

When she found Bellamy in lock up he looked a little better than he had earlier. Worry and guilt were still evident on his face but he did indeed get some rest.

"Clarke," he said when he saw her, "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."

Clarke held up her hand, "I know."

"I never really meant to hurt you."

"You didn't and you couldn't Lexa stopped you. She would stop you every time," she said sternly.

He nodded, "She's stronger than she looks."

"She's Heda for a reason you moron. You're lucky she didn't end you right there and then."

He lowered his eyes, "I know. And I know the only reason she didn't is because of you."

"You're damn right it's because of me," she said crossing her arms. "What the fuck Bell, you realize what you've done?"

"Treason. I know."

"You realize what choice you have given me?" Clarke asked ignoring his lame attempt at understanding.

"Let Lexa kill me?"

Clarke laughed bitterly, "No. You're transgression was against me, do you not remember the broadleaf man that I killed on the tree?"

Bellamy's eyes widened as he looked up to her.

"Yeah that's right. And he didn't even shoot me with that arrow – he was just in the woods searching for me. You'd be subjected to the same thing but this time, I cannot promise you mercy like I showed him." Clarke's voice remained calm now; she had to make him understand how dire this is. "Your outburst was public, your intent was clear, Heda had to step in. You leave us with little choice."

"I'll be killed on a tree." Bellamy's voice was dry and hoarse with fear.

"You'll be tortured if we string you to the tree. SkaiKru and TriKru present would be involved as duty to their Heda's."

"So there are no real choices then? Why not just come out and say it. I'll die tomorrow morning." His voice was stronger but the fear was still evident.

"There are choices Bell," Clarke said softly before swallowing and taking command once more, "I as Wanheda have spared you if you are willing to accept my offer." Her voice was strong and powerful it demanded to be respected.

Bellamy looked at her like a deer in headlights at her tone and then her words. He looked like he was about to threaten the respect she demanded and hug her; she raised her hand. "Don't get too excited, there's still a good chance you'll die," she let Wanheda keep speaking afraid at the moment to let Clarke speak as she revealed the honest truth. "I have convinced Heda to let me banish you from Arkadia's territory, she in turn will banish you from the rest of her lands on behalf of the coalition." Her voice was emotionless; she sucked in a thankful silent breath.

Bellamy furrowed his brow, "Where will I go Clarke? My family, Octavia, you, our friends they're all I have."

Clarke's rigidity wavered slightly at the sound of his heartbreak. He was loyal, he did love them all and try to do the right thing - he just didn't always do it in the right way.

Clarke took a deep breath and thought about Lexa. She had to remain as calm as Heda and keep this conversation in check. Clarke adjusted her posture a little straighter; she clasped her hands behind her back expressing her authority into the room. "You'll be banished regardless," Clarke let the Wanheda within speak again. She sounded like Lexa, which is exactly what she needed right now. She wasn't speaking with her friend, she wasn't talking to the boy she knew on the Ark, she was speaking to one of her people. She was giving a command that he would accept or he would die. "We have decided the terms of your banishment. You'll be taken outside and beaten, you'll be forced to bow and recognize your transgressions. You will beg for your life and offer your fealty to Wanheda and Heda." She paused to allow that to sink in.

"Servitude." Said Bellamy in understanding. His voice reflecting the hurt to his pride for Clarke requesting he bow to her. Not only bow – but beg for his life.

Clarke sighed, "Yes, which in public we will reject."

He looked up, "In public?"

She nodded, "Yes, in private we would accept it."

She watched as the boy chewed on his bottom lip in thought. "Inside man? Echo?" he tilted his head at Clarke.

She nodded grateful that she wouldn't have to help him along with that one. "Yes we ask you in your fealty to find refuge with the rebel clans," Clarke said. "Preferably with Echo," she added in a softer tone. She wanted him to not be alone, to have a friendly face he could possibly trust. It may just keep him alive. Deep down she knew it meant it might just keep him useful. She tried not to feel too guilty about that. But honestly, Bellamy's well-being was lost the moment he took the swing at Clarke. He should die tomorrow morning but he won't. She knows he will accept.

Bellamy is like Clarke in few ways but there are similarities: They are loyal and kind-hearted. They both love fiercely, they care deeply and they rely heavily on their emotions to guide them.

But Bellamy is not Clarke's equal.

He never has been and he never will be. There's a disconnection in Bellamy. His heart does not work alongside his head. His heart alone drives his actions making him a danger to himself and those around him. He is selfish in ways Clarke has never allowed herself to be. Clarke is selfish with her heart and her happiness but she is  _always,_ painfully dutiful to her responsibilities: she is highly self-aware. More so than she has ever been.

She knows who she is now. Deep down she has always known it. She's accepted it and all that comes with it:  _She is Wanheda. She is Claire. She is Heda Kom Faete. She is Clarke._

Clarke has always been a lionhearted lover, in this life, past lives and those to come.

Clarke Griffin is and always has been a leader.

Bellamy Blake is a follower that has leadership lent to him.

Wanheda and Heda would teach him to earn that leadership, to earn to be looked to or relied upon. He would prove he is worthy of it once and for all or he would die.

She watched him as he considered his risks. He bit his lip and furrowed his brow, she watched him swallow his pride and stand up. He looked deep into her eyes, "I accept." He then dropped to a knee before her, "I swear this fealty you ask, I apologize for my actions Clarke. I was angry with myself and I tried to take it out on you."

"You recognize me as Wanheda and leader of SkaiKru?" She demanded. He had to understand the severity of the situation. She is granting him a second chance at life.

"Sha, Wanheda." His voice was gruff over the seldom-used language coming from his mouth.

Bellamy Blake now took orders from Clarke.

She waited for him to stand up. He didn't move far from her, "I really am sorry Clarke."

She nodded and lowered her Wanheda mask, "I know Bell. I know."

"I can do this."

"I hope so. We need you to get on the inside. Preferably with Azgeda," she cautioned without revealing the real reason why.

"I'll head to their territory first," he said confidently.

"You'll have to heal a bit in the borderlands first. Octavia is going to beat the shit out of you tomorrow before you leave," Clarke said flatly cocking an eyebrow.

"Clarke?"

"Hey, she's been itching to take a crack at you since this morning. I'm surprised she didn't already come in here actually. Who am I to deny my second the gratification of beating her brother in attempts to maybe knock some more sense into him?"

Bellamy actually grinned at this, "She's really that mad eh? Not just about the Jasper thing. It's about you too."

Clarke shrugged, "Between her and Lexa I couldn't tell you which one you'd rather deal with." She gave him a small grin and turned leaving the lock up area.

She found Lexa waiting outside with Octavia. They said nothing Clarke simply linked arms with Lexa and they made their way out of the grounds and back into the tree cover. They made their way into the tent. Octavia sat on the war table's edge as Lexa sat down beside Clarke.

"Well?" Octavia asked raising her eyebrows.

"He said he'd do it. He'll leave for Azgeda tomorrow."

"Did he bow?" Lexa was quiet and rigid. Clarke rolled her eyes and put a hand on hers.

"I told you he'd do it."

"That's not an answer, Clarke." Lexa said sternly with a small twitch in her cheek.

"He bowed to Wanheda and swore his fealty," Clarke admitted slightly embarrassed at how in control she had been in the situation. She felt pride radiate once more from Lexa to which Clarke grinned. It felt good.

"Finally!" Octavia said excitedly. "Now he's got no choice but to start using his head!"

Clarke laughed and Lexa smiled. "Just wait O, it gets better."

The young brunette whipped her head to look at Clarke, "How much better can it be than you putting my brother in his place?"

Clarke shrugged and smirked, "How about his younger sister and my second defending my honour and putting him in his place once more? I bequeath the task of publicly rejecting his fealty to you."

Octavia's eyes bulged and she crawled across the table to land in Clarke's lap. She hugged her so tight she forced the air out of Clarke's lungs, "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She squealed again and hopped up, "I have been wanting to lay his ass out since we stepped outside the drop ship!"

"Hey where are you going?" Clarke called watching Octavia begin to leave the tent.

"I'm going to take my excitement out on Raven!" Octavia called as she disappeared.

Clarke heard Lexa chuckle softly and stand up. She pulled Clarke up to stand with her, "I am proud of you, Clarke." She kissed her sweetly on the lips, as waves of pride and love hit Clarke. She pulled her closer.

"I know."

They kissed again, "I hope this works." Clarke's voice wavered slightly, her resolve weakening slightly in Lexa's presence. She needed to hear her thoughts. She needed to be reassured, talked to, challenged and forced to think. She needed Lexa.

"It is a decision I had not thought of. I must admit it is an interesting one; it could play a large role in the outcome of events. It was very brave and very wise of you to see it," Lexa said gently stroking the back of Clarke's head keeping their bodies flush.

"You know I didn't want to see my friend killed that way," Clarke admitted her slightly selfish reasoning.

"He may die anyways which you also know. You again, show mercy Clarke."

Clarke nodded against Lexa's chest, "I tried."

"You did the best you could given the situation. Our laws are harsh, but they bend with circumstance. For those that know our laws well, they know there are more routes than death when it comes to upholding them. Just because 'Jus Drein Jus Daun' is the way of our people it does not mean that all misdeeds need to be met with automatic death."

"I need to look more into them then," Clarke tried to joke.

Lexa ignored the joke, "You really should. You're merciful you would find the options within the boundaries of the laws." Lexa lifted her chin so she would look at her, "The annexes in Polis have scriptures from the last 97 years since the first commander took her reign. I request that you look through them for me."

"Have you been through them?"

"All of them," Lexa confirmed keeping their eyes locked.

"You still want me to go through them?"

"Yes not just for your own knowledge and understanding though," Lexa replied softly. "But because like I have said before, we share one mind and sometimes your brain catches things mine does not."

Clarke rolled her eyes, "Well how can I say no to that?" She pulled Lexa's head lower by the back of her neck and kissed her tenderly.

When they separated again Lexa sat down on the bed to read and Clarke began to get out her art supplies. It wasn't long before she was swept away in her work and losing track of time. The darkness rolled in quickly and brought with it a new wave of chill to the air. She put her supplies away and went to join Lexa who was now fast asleep.

Her body moulded around the sleeping beauty and she brushed a few strands of hair off her delicate face. Clarke kissed her temple. She kissed her cheek when Lexa did not stir. She then kissed her forehead, her brow line, her jaw, the corner of her lips. It was like trying to wake the…no she wouldn't even joke about that.

She tried some more kisses.

Nothing, she moved to Lexa's neck. She lingered her lips on her pulse point. She could feel the elevated pulse. She leaned back and stared at the brunette shrewdly. "You  _are_  awake," she said playfully.

Lexa broke and smiled opening her eyes, "From the minute you came to the bed." She shrugged, "I was interested to see where that was going."

Clarke laughed and kissed her full on the mouth. "I love you so damn much." Lexa tried to deepen the kiss, she felt her hands wrap around her gentle but firm. Clarke leaned back, "I love you, but I'm starving. And if we are going to do  _that,_  I need to eat."

Lexa laughed and got out of the bed taking Clarke's hand, "For energy."

"For energy," Clarke agreed. "Trust me you're going to need it too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO many balls in the air...  
> *pretending I can juggle*


	50. Pre-Beating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning...

Clarke woke to soft kisses on her bare shoulder. She let her eyes flutter open as she sighed at the contact. She rolled over to find Lexa's green eyes staring at her. Her neck and tanned shoulders were beautifully exposed from the fur; she adjusted and put her head on Clarke's chest listening to her heart. Clarke swore her heart thumped a little louder just for her ears. She felt Lexa's smile against her bare skin before her lips placed a searing, lasting kiss right above her heart.

"Good morning," Clarke murmured placing a kiss into the wild brown locks. Lexa looked like an angel even in the dim light of the morning and candles.

Her good morning came by way of a kiss. Delicate and sweet before it came more powerful and urgent. It was a good way to wake up Clarke decided.

They lay together longer as the camp around them came to life. They tried to hold on to the serenity in their tent before they faced the day. Today was going to be difficult for everyone. For Clarke it was going to be difficult to once again send Bellamy off on a suicide mission, as well as banishing from his people and his current life. For Lexa, it would be difficult to help Clarke through this. Though necessary, she knew deep down that this would hurt Clarke, despite her showing him mercy.

They took a collective breath together before getting out of the bed. They washed and dressed in silence, Clarke kept her eyes low, as she was deep in thought. She felt guilty. She knew she had few options for Bellamy but still the guilt on her shoulders was there. This had the potential to destroy him and she would play a large role in that destruction due to today. It may have been Bellamy's fault but Clarke would also pay a price for this. Not just for the personal relationship with Bellamy but with her people. Their relationship could forever change after today.

Her people would fear her and her power as they witness her and Lexa banish him. She had already seen it before - but now, after this morning, it would be very, very clear. She assumed a part of them always knew she was calling the shots and making people see reason, but she knew that they liked the idea of an 'adult' like Kane in charge. After today, Kane's authority would only be recognized when she was absent from Arkadia.

After today, Clarke is no longer just an ambassador.

Today, Wanheda becomes the unequivocal leader of SkaiKru.

She pulled Lexa into a hug before she could strap her sword to Clarke's back. She needed the comfort; she needed her strength. She sunk into the strong arms that held her close. It helped keep the guilt and fear away the longer she held her.

"Talk to me Clarke," Lexa breathed, "I can feel so much from you and it's all muddled. What is going on?"

Clarke shuddered slightly trying to speak. The words didn't come out. Lexa began to hum their song and Clarke relaxed a bit more as she listened. Finally when she was about half way through Clarke found the words, "Everything changes today." Lexa remained silent waiting for Clarke to continue, she released her hold when Clarke allowed it. She turned Clarke around so she could place the sword. She then sat Clarke down and began braiding her hair for the day. "After today I really won't be just Clarke," the blonde confessed.

"You were never 'just Clarke'," Lexa told her gently. "Not even when I first heard of the blonde Sky Girl."

"What do you mean?" Clarke asked curiously.

Lexa continued her braiding and Clarke heard a soft sigh. "I mean that when I first heard of your ship landing we sent people to watch you."

"Spies."

"It's good war tact," Lexa defended. "Information is invaluable. I had them watch, and once I joined them." There was no trace of guilt in her voice. Clarke knew Lexa did not regret spying on them one bit.

"So you saw me before I ever entered your tent with Gustus?"

"Not really. Though, I did see the blonde hair and hear your voice," Lexa said softly as if in a dream. The way she said it sent tingles down Clarke's spine.

"When?"

"When that Jasper boy crossed the river," Lexa said flatly.

"The spear," Clarke said remembering.

"Was mine."

Clarke shifted and stared at her in disbelief. Lexa only smiled slightly at her. "I watched him cross the river, the boundary, I knew then that you were heading to the mountain."

"We thought it was the boundary to TriKru territory," Clarke said softly loving the way Lexa's hands felt in her hair and on her scalp.

"It is part of the borderlands," Lexa explained.

"So you tried to kill Jasper to warn us?" Clarke said without condescension. She already understood Lexa's thinking 'killing the one to save the many.'

"He is lucky to be alive, I am still unsure how that happened," Lexa said thoughtfully eyeing Clarke. The way she said it made Clarke think she did actually know. "At the time, I thought I was preventing our new enemy from joining the mountain and causing more deaths to my people. That's how I defended my actions to my warriors anyways," Lexa continued.

"And now?"

"And now I realize that I was lying to myself. It was not only to prevent an alliance between Sky and Mountain. No Clarke, I threw that spear because I feared for _your_ life. I saw you grab that vine and I threw the spear. There was no thought process really; it was  _instinct_. I had to stop you from crossing. I had a feeling the mountain equalled death."

"I guess you weren't totally wrong," Clarke said quietly.

"Yes, the mountain did equal death," the brunette admitted solemnly. The mountain equalled _so much_ death, that sentence was deeply layered and not lost on either young leader.

"So even then, just from my voice and the back of my head, you were trying to protect me."

"I told you Clarke, it is my instinct to protect you. Even then, even before we actually met in this life, even before I knew your name," Lexa said kissing the top of the blonde's head. "So you see, you have never been 'just Clarke'. After we stopped you from crossing the river, word of the blonde Sky girl travelled. We knew you were keeping those in your charge alive despite the odds. We even sent the fever to your camp, we had word of _you_ catching the sickness and still you lived. I knew without a doubt then that you were now a threat to everything I was, only I did not fully understand to which extent." Again she kissed her head before continuing, "I sent warriors to wipe you out after your flares destroyed one of our villages, and still, _you_ lived. You destroyed the small army that should have easily wiped you out. Then we heard the Sky Girl had disappeared; her people were searching and killing to find her, there was a call and need for war but war did not happen. Once again, you stepped up and saved your people while doing a great deal of harm to yourself by ending Finn's life; I have been there, in a manner of speaking, and I knew then that I was standing before an equal. I was fascinated by you Clarke."

There was so much power and awe in Lexa's voice that Clarke caught a chill as Lexa moved from finishing the last braid. She then went to grab the black war paint. She handed it to Clarke who expertly began applying it to her own face while Lexa did the same. Wanheda and Heda were entering the room while Lexa and Clarke kept talking.

"I never expected to find you as the commander," Clarke admitted.

"You expected a man?"

Clarke rolled her eyes, "I expected someone older."

Lexa smiled slightly under the war paint before her face sobered once more. "Not many Commander's see old age Clarke. Not many people do either, it is a luxury reserved for few."

"Tell me about it," Clarke said dryly a bit of bite to her tone. She didn't mean it to come out like that; hell, she didn't mean to say it at all. And she definitely couldn't help it as the ghosts of her past collided in her brain and her heart. She was starting to feel the blood of all the deaths she felt she caused on her skin.

As soon as it was there it was gone again as she felt Lexa's warm hand on her knee rubbing soft circles with her thumb.

Clarke choked down her bitterness, "I was so intimidated by you that day I entered the tent." Clarke shrugged, "It didn't help that Gustus told me in no uncertain terms that if I eyed you wrong he'd slit my throat." Her tone was lighter then as she thought about meeting Lexa for the first time.

Lexa smiled at her and raised her brow coyly, "Is that the only reason?"

Clarke rolled her eyes and blushed lightly pushing Lexa playfully, "No. Honestly, I  _was_  intimidated by the rank and power… but when I saw you…you were stunning, breathtaking actually, I had to pause while I waited for it to come back. And then," Clarke said bringing her hand to Lexa's cheek careful not to smudge the war paint and locking their eyes once more, "I saw your eyes. I saw the girl beneath the layers of paint and death and power. I could see your heart in your eyes. I saw the pain of Anya's death. I saw Lexa not Heda. I saw you. I saw me in you, and _that_  terrified me."

Lexa nodded in understanding and gave her the smile that was just for Clarke who revelled in its warmth. Clarke kissed her passionately until Lexa pulled back slightly, "I could hide nothing from you even then it seems."

"You didn't stand a chance," Clarke said kissing her again and smiling into it.

They enjoyed a few more quiet moments before the mood in the room shifted; it was time to leave their solace. It was time to face the day.

It was time for the beating and banishing of Bellamy Blake.

Clarke felt Lexa grab her one last time before they were to exit. She melted into her embrace; she soaked in the love and strength she offered gladly. "I'll be right there with you Clarke. You are not alone." Clarke nodded taking a deep breath of Lexa and kissed her neck leaning back out of the embrace.

"Let's get this over with," she said calmly.

Lexa nodded once before they both raised their chins and turned to leave.

It was Wanheda and Heda who exited the tent.

As they made their way to Octavia and Raven by their own tent Clarke noticed the grin on Octavia's face was not as large as it had been yesterday. Clarke knew that this was going to be harder for the young warrior then she had previously thought. Clarke felt a pang in her heart, "O, can I speak to you a moment?"

Octavia eyed her cautiously and nodded standing up and heading to where Clarke was leading her. Clarke hadn't even waited for an answer she knew the girl would follow. Lexa went to sit beside Raven and share a breakfast. Clarke stopped and faced Octavia, "How are you holding up?"

"I'm fine Clarke," Octavia rolled her eyes but Clarke knew better.

"O, come on."

"Ugh," Octavia raised her hands, "look, this has to be done okay. It's this or he dies. I know that."

Clarke eyed her, her glance flicked to Lexa briefly before going back to Octavia. She had a duty to her friend to be honest, Lexa would be honest, "He may die anyways." Her voice was not devoid of feeling but it was sharp. She did not want to hide the real truth of the matter. Octavia deserved that much.

"I know what you have asked him to do is dangerous and has a huge chance at causing his death – Raven did the math on the odds, so I know better than I should - But Clarke, I don't blame you for asking him to do this. He does this or he would have died this morning, it's not a difficult decision to make," Octavia said carefully.

" _It is_ a difficult decision, Octavia." Clarke pressed. It was the truth. She believes today she grants him mercy by banishing him, but she knows that his banishment and his task before him could end with a much worse fate than being cut to death by his own people. Was she really being merciful?

She tried not to second-guess herself as she felt Lexa's eyes fall on her as soon as her mind went there. She could feel her presence surround her even from this distance and she began to calm slightly.

She watched Octavia adjust her jaw, "Look Clarke. We are fighting a secret war within a war right now. These clans, this bitch who see's shit, you and Lexa, Azgeda, Bellamy – does it not feel like this is meant to happen?"

Clarke furrowed her brow. She had a point.

It was almost like…

_Fate._

Clarke felt a shiver go through her at the thought. She felt her resolve come back in waves, she felt stronger and her heart began to support the decision once more. Clarke nodded, "O, I can do this for you if you want." Her voice was low and cautious, but she wanted the warrior to know that Clarke would step up and beat Bellamy if she could not. She would do it for her.

Octavia shook her head, there was a slight sheen to her eyes in the cool dark morning, "No. I appreciate that but it's my duty as your second and your guard." With that she stood a little straighter, her chin held high. A warrior once more.

Clarke nodded and gave her a squeeze on the shoulder. "Okay," she said softly and they walked back to the fire together.

Clarke ate very little that morning but she did finish the herbal tea Lexa kept forcing on her in the lack of food entering Clarke's stomach. When they were finished the TriKru drums had begun. It was time.

They made their way out of the tree cover and entered Arkadia. Clarke shivered and looked at Lexa, when she saw green eyes meeting blue she knew Lexa sensed it too: _eyes were on them._ Clarke took a deep breath receiving another slight nod from Lexa and their silent conversation and they continued on.

The mood at the camp was heavy, daunting and unrelenting. The clouds over head groaned and rumbled as if angered. As they walked inside the sky opened up and dropped the cold rain it had been threatening since last evening. It was fitting for the mood. The fires sputtered and spat as the water hit them before going out completely in the downpour. The area darkened once more despite it being morning.

You could see their warm breaths hitting the cool air and lingering. The crowd grew despite the icy flow of rain on them. Clarke and Lexa merely raised their hoods in defiance and went to their position. Octavia left Raven's side and joined Clarke behind her and slightly to the left. They were by the gates; beside the tree Lexa's people had placed there 'just in case' it would be required. It wouldn't but there were only six people beside Lexa and Clarke that knew the real task now falling on Bellamy: Kane, Octavia, Abby, Raven, Ryder and Indra. They would keep it that way. No one else could know. It was safer that way.

Clarke took several deep breaths as she saw the Ark's doors finally open. Bellamy walked with his shoulders straight and his head held high flanked by Miller and another Ark guard. She could feel Octavia stiffen slightly to her left and she eyed the girl carefully.

Octavia nodded in response.

She could do this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The beating of Bellamy Blake is next.  
> This is your warning.  
> (Although I don't think I did too gory or intense I tried to tone this one down)


	51. The Beating of Bellamy Blake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Um. I guess this is a warning.  
> (Although I don't think its super graphic or hard to read)

The rain continued and soaked Clarke's coat. The clouds above thundered as she watched as Bellamy was led to stand before them. He was standing tall and proud. He had been given a task, he would do it or die trying. Clarke could see it written on his face. She gave him the slightest smile before Wanheda wiped it from her face completely. Clarke stepped forward after getting a nod from Lexa. She straightened her posture and raised her chin with authority.

She took a deep breath and eyed the boy in front her, "People of Arkadia, we gather on this morning to bear witness to justice. Bellamy Blake of SkaiKru, you have committed an offense to the Ambassador of your clan, you spoke out of turn to our Heda, you dishonoured yourself." Clarke looked around and eyed the crowd around them as if daring them to speak. "Your crimes are punishable by death!" She let it linger in the air. She saw horror splash across their faces even in the rain.

Yes, even Bellamy Blake was bound by the rules of this world.

Bellamy understood this was his moment to bow and beg for his life. He knelt swiftly into the mud and rain, keeping his shoulders strong but bending his head forward. His hair clung to his head with the rain. His voice when he spoke was strong and determined, "I offer my apologies and admission of guilt. I offer no excuses. I offer my fealty willingly in hopes that you accept my life and my weapon as price for my crimes in servitude to Wanheda and Heda."

Clarke took a deep breath as she saw both SkaiKru and TriKru take in the moment. She saw lots of hard swallows and shifting eyes with nerves. Even through the wall of rain it was all evident to her. 

This was the selling point. This was their defining moment in their performance not only for her authority but also for their plan to work and word to spread of his banishment. It was obvious to their people that Kane was present but had no part in the proceedings. His face was stone as he stood among them. His lack of participation alone spoke immensely to SkaiKru:

Even the chancellor was under Wanheda's rule.

Their people needed to see her reject Bellamy's off of life and servitude; they needed to know the new realms of rule they were entering. They needed to see this to deal with what would definitely come later. They needed to see Clarke as Wanheda and the unequivocal leader to SkaiKru.

Clarke knew very well now that she would have them - as Lexa said they always could - pour their hopes and dreams into her and have them fight and die for her. She accepted it now. She had the strength and courage to bear that for them now. There was no running away later to the woods alone. She had her safe harbour standing right beside her on her right. She could feel her love and support within her.

Bellamy remained quiet waiting for her to continue. "I reject your fealty," Clarke words echoed into the morning before a crack of thunder and lightning made everyone but her and Lexa jump slightly. The blonde and the brunette remained as stoic as ever beside each other. Lexa spoke, "I reject your fealty."

Clarke took a beat to compose herself and let the murmurs amongst the crowd simmer. She raised her hand to silence them all just as she watched Lexa do so many times before.

"I as Wanheda offer you a fate I feel is worse than death," her voice was strong and she kept eyeing their people through the downpour. She then looked to Bellamy, "Instead of granting you death on the tree I offer you life. Alone. I offer you banishment." Again she let her words linger and sink in. "Bellamy Blake, I hereby banish you from our lands in Arkadia. I release you from SkaiKru. You are a man with no people." Silence filled the crowd as the rain pelted with more force.

She watched the boy wince at her words but remain strong on his knees.

"Bellamy Blake, I banish you from the nine lands of the coalition on pain of death," Lexa spoke to the crowd and deafening silence despite the rain.

Clarke took a breath and nodded to Octavia.

She saw the brunette take a deep breath underneath her war paint as she sat her jaw and stepped forward.

Octavia gave him no hesitation; she let her knee crack him in the jaw sending him off his knees and onto his back. He landed with a thick slap in the now growing mud. The crowd backed off giving them room. Bellamy got to his feet and Octavia struck him again in the face. As soon as she landed the swing she struck the other side of his face with her left gashing him above the eyebrow. He steadied himself and took another two shots to his side before her elbow collided with his nose breaking it in a loud crunch. Blood began to pour as he tried to defend himself now. Clarke could see his anger and natural drive to defend himself take over.

He swung and missed as his sister dodged to the right giving him a hard elbow to his ribs on his way by in the momentum. You could hear the gasp as it knocked the wind from his lung. He rounded and swung again, she blocked with her forearm before jabbing him in the throat with her left. Again, he gasped and choked for air as another right hook collided with his jaw. Clarke watched a tooth fly from his mouth as if in slow motion. When she looked back to the fighting pair she saw Bellamy swing his right leg along the ground and trip Octavia. She rolled in the mud and quickly popped back up as Bellamy spit the blood from his mouth. Clarke saw pain and tears in his eyes through the rain as he rushed the warrior.

She ran towards him, tucking her body in low and tackling him into the mud knocking the air from his lungs again. They slid in the mud in the momentum before slicking to a stop. Clarke saw Octavia's chest heaving as she straddled her brother and swung her first again to his face. Clarke could tell she was crying through the rain. Still, she hit him again, again and again. She swung again and he finally dodged the fist, grabbing her wrist, pulling her off balance and shoving her face in the mud. He shoved her off of him and tried to wipe his face as regained his footing. Octavia wiped the muck from her face as she stood up. The muddy smear and war paint somehow only made her look fiercer, more ruthless, and more deadly.

Bellamy swung a fist and caught her cheek before landed a hard uppercut to her gut. Octavia absorbed the hits in grunts of pain and spit the blood out as she rushed her brother. She pulled his shoulders forward and kneed him in the stomach before colliding another elbow to his jaw. He grunted as she growled and shoved him back to create distance before taking her right foot and crashing it into his head.

To Clarke's surprise he remained on his feet but he was clearly dazed, he took a sloppy swing missing completely. His sister took the opportunity to swing another kick into his gut before countering it with another left hook to his face. Blood went flying as another cut opened on his face, he fell to the mud in pain and defeat. She slowly made her way over to him breathing heavily leaving white smoke in her trail. It was like a beast stalking it's prey and Raven will later say it was sexy as fuck.

The crowd was still, the rain was cold and Clarke felt numb. Octavia looked down at her bloody and beaten brother, she looked to Clarke who nodded slightly signalling to end it.

Octavia spoke just quiet enough that Clarke, Lexa and Bellamy heard, "May we meet again." With that she swung her foot cracking him in the face and knocking him unconscious.

There was a roar from TriKru members into the rain. There was silence and shock from SkaiKru.

"Get him out of our lands," Clarke said as she turned to her people once more. "Let this serve as a warning to all of you," she turned and walked away. Octavia, Raven and Lexa followed when Lexa directed Lincoln to take Bellamy to the borderlands.

He nodded and took off with Ryder and Bellamy's limp body.

The four women ignored the concerned looks from Kane and Abby; they walked in silence through the rain straight out of Arkadia and to Lexa's tent. She called for towels, wine and food to be brought as the girls tried to dry off from the rain. No one spoke for a long time as the events sunk in. Clarke watched as Octavia downed a big cup of wine and grimaced as she did so. She watched Raven begin to tend to her face and small cuts from her fight.

Clarke sat quietly beside Lexa at the war table. They both sipped their wine in silence. Clarke could feel Lexa's concern as her eyes scanned her face. Clarke finally sighed and met her gaze, "I'm okay," she assured her. And she was on some level.

She watched Lexa's eyes adjust slightly searching for the lie.

Clarke rolled her eyes, and relented. "I am okay as I am going to be with this," she admitted. 

Lexa's lip twitched slightly, "Okay, Clarke." She left it at that.

Clarke was grateful, she didn't want to go over the 'what if's any more and question her choice with Bellamy. She turned to Octavia, "You okay O?"

The girl just downed her second cup of wine. "I am as okay as I am going to be with this," she repeated Clarke's own words to her with a light smirk.

Clarke understood. They were all on the same page.

The same shitty page: What happened this morning had to be done. It was the bad choice or a worse choice. It wasn't really a decision at all. Their option had always been, since Clarke suggested it, to stave of death this morning. Sure he lost his people and his home, but he was given a task to redeem himself, and like the warrior he is he accepted it. If he lived, they will welcome him back. She tried to ignore the fact that it was a very large 'if'.

~~L~~

They all deserved an award for their performances that morning.

All except Lexa, she was fine with everything that occurred except for how it clung to Clarke's emotions. Being who she is she is used to hiding her torment and pain, but not to Clarke. Never to Clarke. The blonde saw all of it and it was taking everything in Lexa to hide it from her right now because the pain in her eyes was the pain she was feeling for Clarke. It was unfair to add that burden on the blonde. Maybe that is her performance for the day, once again protecting Clarke.

That afternoon, long after Octavia and Raven had left their tent Lexa and Clarke received word from one of their search parties. The TriKru parties were still out in the wilderness because they could survive out there. The SkaiKru parties came back every twelve hours much to her displeasure. That was hardly enough time in her opinion to properly gain any traction in a search.

"Clarke, I wish to discuss something," she said bringing Clarke out of one of her drawings. The blonde put down her charcoal to give Lexa her full attention and beautiful smile. "I want to split our search parties, I want TriKru and SkaiKru going out together in two's and three's."

Clarke furrowed her brow, "Why?"

"Well aside from the fact that it will help grow their bonds to each other, I have to point out that you people's searches are…not accomplishing much."

"Your people haven't come back with any news either," the blonde countered.

Lexa smiled at her, "That is not exactly what I meant. I meant if they pair up together my people can teach them to track, keep them alive in the wilderness as well to prolong the searches. Twelve hours is not enough time to get distance from here without having to turn around and come right back." She was careful to make sure her tone was light and not scolding.

She watched the blonde consider this before sighing, "When you're right, you're right."

Lexa chuckled softly, "I'll see that it's done." She took off out of the tent to find Indra and pass their orders along. When she returned to the tent she found Clarke back at her drawing. Lexa grabbed her book and went to the bed. This was a habit and normalcy they found in their relationship. They enjoyed the other's presence and company even in silence and immersed in their own activities. Every once in a while they would catch each other watching and smile before returning to their tasks. She loved it, she loved how she felt whenever they had their quiet moments.

Not long after Clarke had put her art away and joined Lexa on the bed. She kept reading while Clarke gently wiped the war paint from her face before tending to her own. She finished with soft kisses to Lexa's cheek and neck before she settled in beside her on top of the furs. The warmth between their two bodies filling them up once more and easing the harsh reality of the day. She felt the blonde's head move on to her chest listening to her heart before her breathing slowed and Lexa knew she was asleep. Lexa put her book down and turned her body to better hold on to Clarke. She ran her hands softly along her back and side as she heard and felt a soft sigh in relaxation leave Clarke. Not long after Lexa too, fell asleep.

That evening they packed for their trip to Polis. They readied their gear for an early morning departure before bundling up and heading out of the tent.

They found Raven and Octavia, who they ate with once more around a roaring fire. The rain had long stopped and the ground was freezing beneath their feet as the night went on. Clarke and Lexa finished their meals and met Abby in Kane to say goodbye. Each group had a radio and set times on when to contact to keep informed on either end. Lexa knew Clarke did not wish to leave Arkadia with one of their members still missing, but they had no choice. They needed to be in Polis for the ambassador's arrival. They needed to arrive beforehand so they were better informed on the situation in Polis and in the coalition's clans.

When she did offer for Clarke to remain behind for news on Jasper Lexa was nearly knocked over as a pillow collided with her head. She took that as the end of the discussion when she saw the unimpressed look on Clarke's face that went along with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love me some Wanheda


	52. Bears of Pursuit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bear truth

The first day of their trip to Polis had been bleak due mostly to the weather. The atmosphere of their travelling party was heavy, filled with the unknown. Raven and Octavia rode together alongside Lexa and Clarke who had their own steeds. They brought along with them a large party of TriKru warriors, who were both on foot and mounted.

There was still no sign of Jasper when they left; the rain had all but destroyed their hopes of tracks. They had to wish for a slip up resulting in more tracks or a sighting now. They had their own spies out watching the rebels along with their search parties and scouts; they hoped that would be enough.

Raven and Octavia were both unnaturally quiet that first day. Lexa and Clarke did not comment, as they were quiet and lost in thought themselves. The first evening had been quiet with no laughter and little conversation. They simply ate and said their goodnights before disappearing to cuddle up in their respective tents; whether because they were too tired from travelling or too exhausted from thinking they didn’t know.

The second morning there was the smallest amount of snow covering the ground. It was literally a dusting that caused both Raven and Octavia to burst in Clarke’s tent to inform her of it. Before Clarke could even get excited about it, the snow had melted off with the morning as soon as she had gotten dressed and out of the travelling tent. Lexa had laughed at her disappointment before she swallowed it when Clarke scowled at her. She promised her a true snow would not be far off now. Clarke bubbled with anticipation at her words, she even sniffed the air like she could smell the change of seasons.

When they were once again in motion on their route to Polis Clarke heard Raven speak up, “So we will get to the city this evening?”

“If everything goes to plan and we keep a good pace, yes,” Lexa answered her keeping her eyes forward on Clarke who was riding slightly ahead of her.

“Am I allowed to be excited now? I really tried to hold it in as long as possible - but guys,” Raven said dramatically. “Guys, real talk: I am dying over here,” Raven said enthusiastically.

They all laughed lightly as Clarke answered, “Yes Raven. Go ahead, let your freak flag fly!”

“A _real_ _fucking_ bed!” The brunette roared excitedly as soon as Clarke gave the ‘OK’. She was practically vibrating on the saddle in front of Octavia who simply chuckled softly and whispered something in her ear that made Raven blush.

That’s right, _Raven Reyes_ was blushing – Octavia Blake had super powers Clarke was convinced.

Raven continued her rant about all she wants to see and do in Polis. Her questions flowed freely now as the group attempted to answer them all before she’d rifle off the next one. The smile and light in her eyes was captivating and infectious, it wasn’t long until the whole group’s spirits were lifted right along with Raven’s.

Clarke should have known better.

As they continued Clarke felt a heaviness fall on her again despite the light conversation between the foursome. She had felt this a few times before, it was becoming easier and easier to recognize; she heard Lexa’s voice die down too as Octavia and Raven continued talking. Clarke slowed Daedalus to ride alongside Lexa, “The eyes are back on us.”

Lexa gave the slightest nod in agreement and looked around keenly to their surroundings. Clarke saw rage in her eyes as she looked for any threat. She would find none Clarke suspected, as she too began to look around more. They had fifty men with them yet still they felt the eyes. Clarke swallowed, “We should speed up.”

Lexa nodded in agreement and signalled to Ryder to set the pace once more. Tensions were thick in Lexa and Clarke while Raven and Octavia’s mood remained light and excited, oblivious to the threat Clarke and Lexa sensed.

They quickly made their way towards Polis now and Clarke’s heart was in her throat the entire time. She kept her blue eyes peeled on their surroundings and letting them linger on Lexa every so often to confirm she was still there, still okay, still alive.

Clarke had the worst sinking feeling that, even with Daedalus’ speed, she could not get away from.

Suddenly, she felt Daedalus shudder, stagger in his stride and whinny before she was overcome with a very spine tingling chill. She felt him try to regain his composure beneath her and attempt to keep his pace. She heard the other horses in their party make familiar noises and bodily gestures as her eyes fell on Lexa. She saw worry and fear in her eyes, though her face remained stoic and undaunted. They all kicked their mounts into another gear as they heard the sound of a dozen or so beasts roar in unison from the woods behind them.

“What the fuck is that?” Clarke heard Raven shout over the thunder of hooves.

Clarke shook her head not knowing and looking behind her for the source of the roars. She looked at Lexa again, “Do you have any idea what that is?”

“Whatever it is it is many,” Lexa shouted back and glancing behind her. She shouted to her men and immediately fifteen runners stopped dead and began to climb the trees to wait for their hunters. The rest continued on to protect the four women.

Clarke swallowed as she heard more growls erupt behind them, she gritted her teeth and set her eyes straight. “Run Daedalus!” Clarke actually felt him find another gear as he tore off in front of Octavia’s horse. She heard Icaraus and Lexa fall into pace beside them.

“We won’t be able to outrun them!” Lexa cautioned as the roars still continued to grow.

“We have to try,” Clarke called back determined and stubborn as ever.

They kept their new pace and weaved through the trees and into an open field, their cover was now gone. They were exposed to whatever was following. Clarke could feel herself begin to panic as she realized how not good of a situation this currently was.

“What the serious fuck is that back there?” Octavia shouted no longer able to keep it inside.

She was sick of this; sick of being hunted, sick of being chased, sick of death following her and her friends. She fucking commanded death, how dare it try to stalk her? Clarke’s emotions only raged more as she could still feel the ominous presence and sense that they were being watched.

Clarke growled in her panic and frustration. The entire situation was quickly spurring her into a frenzy. It caused fury and rage to course within her.

It caused Wanheda to beg her to be released.

Clarke’s eyes flared, she pulled the reigns hard causing Daedalus to slam hit hooves into the frozen earth to stop. Clarke leaned backwards in his moments so she didn’t fall off. Just as she stopped in her hastened decision she felt the sense of prying eyes fade. She looked around and focused her eyes as she turned Daedalus to face the direction they had come.

“Clarke!” Lexa screamed in protest rounding Icarus to her now stopped position, “What are you doing?”

“I am tired of running Lexa,” Clarke said flatly eyeing the trees and ignoring the imploring looks she was receiving from the three brunettes. “You guys should keep going. Get to safety,” Clarke said calmly as she slung her bow from around her shoulders and pulled an arrow from her quiver. “I am Wanheda,” she said in a determined whisper to herself nothing the arrow but not drawing back. She held it firm and ready to raise it when the moment came.

She kept her eyes on the trees even when she felt Lexa’s fear wash over her briefly. “I am Wanheda,” she repeated. “I run no longer,” she said it to Lexa without looking. As quickly as the fear was there, it was gone and replaced with burning love. Clarke looked to the brunette now and she swore that was all she would need to protect her. She watched as Lexa kept her green eyes on Clarke as she too pulled her bow and readied it.

“Lexa, this is probably a stupid decision,” the blonde cautioned. Clarke had to tell her, she had to let her know that she really had not thought this through one bit.

Lexa, of course, understood immediately. “Don’t be afraid Clarke,” Lexa said calmly. “Heda Kom Faete helped you make this choice. Believe in it as I do you.”

Clarke set her jaw and raised her chin. Lexa was right. Lexa was rarely wrong. They tore their eyes from each other once more and they eyed the tree line. She saw Octavia beside her with her sword in hand, Raven had a small rifle and sneer on her face. Lexa directed her men to spread out, some even dove to the tall grass to hide and offer an element of surprise. The four girls remained on horseback.

They heard them before they saw them.

One very loud, very long, very intimidating roar that would cause nightmares tore into the open field. It echoed off the trees surrounding the open space. No, it didn’t echo, that echo she thought she heard was actually at least a dozen similar roars ripping through the cold air. Clarke raised her bow slightly as she saw a figure emerge from the thickets.

Her heart stopped in her chest, she saw a giant (even from this distance) white bear saunter out threateningly with a rider upon its back. There was no saddle. No reigns. Clarke had never seen anything like it. The bear roared again and Clarke felt the chill come back to her.

Then, she focused her eyes on the figure riding the bear. It was a woman with raven coloured hair. Even from this distance she looked intimidating, and formidable. The blonde knew deep down it had nothing to do with the bear she rode and obviously commanded. It was probably her bear that killed the scout near Arkadia. Clarke could see faint stains of red blood on the white fur, even from here. The woman made no movements, her bear fell silent and stood as if carved from stone. Another chill ran through her.

She kept her eyes on the woman as twelve other white bears emerged from the trees and stood menacingly behind their obvious leader. Clarke swallowed, thirteen bears. Thirteen bears were a lot more bears than a single pauna and her and Lexa barely survived that one. She didn’t dare remove her eyes from the woman just yet, “She’s out of range.”

“Raven?” Lexa asked referring to her shot with the rifle.

Raven raised her scope before lowering it once more and speaking, “From here, I might just piss of the bear more…”

“Don’t,” Clarke said to a shrugging Raven.

“Okay Clarke but she comes forward I’m bustin’ caps.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, “They haven’t moved any further.” She looked to Lexa, “Do you know why?”

“They were clear with intent during pursuit,” Lexa said meeting Clarke’s eyes briefly. “Now she waits.”

“Waits for what?” Octavia spoke up gruffly and slightly annoyed. Clearly, if they were going to die in this battle she was ready.

Clarke ignored her as she eyed the figure once more. Clarke swallowed and urged Daedalus to take a cautious step forward, and then another. She removed her left hand from the bow to lower it to her left side giving the slight signal to Lexa to not follow. She could feel the green eyes driving into the back of her head but she continued slowly forward, she was now an easy twenty feet beyond their group. She stopped her mount and kept her eyes on the woman.

Even from here, she could tell their eyes were locked.

Clarke glared and snarled as she felt that sense of being watched override her senses again; without thinking, she reached into her saddlebag and fiddled within it quickly. She heard the satisfying sound of parchment ripping and she dug for the old pieces of charcoal she knew lay at the bottom. She pulled one out and scribbled on the parchment. Then she folded it three times before wrapping it around the arrows shaft tightly and securing it with a dab of sap from the vial in her pocket.

The people around her remained silent as the woman moved her bear slowly forward. The other twelve remained in their positions. The woman slowly and hostilely moved more into the open. This was a blatant challenge, a very poignant show of unadulterated lady balls. This woman was a threat before they had even come to this moment. She was clearly fearless. As far as Clarke could tell she had no warriors with her.

Clarke quickly notched her arrow and drew the bow back and took aim. She tilted her aim up slightly to increase the distance before letting the arrow fly. She watched it soar through the air and land five feet in front of the woman and her mount. Without watching her reaction, without going forward Clarke simply slung her bow back on her shoulder and turned Daedalus away at a walk back to her group.

She led him slowly as if she did not have a care in the world. She walked him right by Raven and Octavia’s whose jaws were dropped and staring at her like she had two heads. She led him right to Lexa’s side, close enough and slow enough to lay her hand on the brunette’s forearm briefly letting the invisible sparks fly through the clothing. “Lex,” She whispered her silent request and continued on. She heard Lexa turn Daedalus and match her pace at her side as their warriors quickly fell back into flanking them and following as well. They did not rush, Clarke and Lexa led the pack at a slow pace.

Clarke felt no fear right now and she let her pace show it.

She let the woman see she can be just as hostile, just as intimidating just as foreboding even in retreat.

Something told her what she had just done, what she was doing now, were the right decisions. It was spur of the moment and pure stupidity but deep down she knew, for now, it saved them.

“Clarke,” she heard Lexa softly say beside her. Clarke heard the question in the way she said her name, Lexa wanted to know what she wrote in her message.

Clarke smirked, “Ai kno chon yu laik,” _I know who you are._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehe Wanheda bitch


	53. Smutland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This happened because of reasons.

Finally, they were riding into Polis just as the sun was setting. They had made good time.

Raven was looking around wide-eyed and in awe as the tall semi-rundown buildings stood high above them. “There are _so_ many swear words swirling around in my head right now threatening to come out,” she said loudly to the girls earning a snort and chuckle from Octavia.

As they entered the city the feeling of being watched and the incident in the field quickly faded with the hustle and bustle of the city. Their moods lifted once more but they did not forget. It was one more reminder of the dangers they were facing.

They followed Lexa through the people of Polis towards the stables. They heard the peoples calling out to Heda and Wanheda as they rode past. Lexa and Clarke each gently grazed their outstretched hands as they passed. Clarke saw large smiles on almost each and every face. These people did not fear their power it seemed. No, it looked like these people were grateful for it. They were grateful for the protection they believed the two Heda’s could provide.

Clarke prayed to every God she ever heard of that their faith was well placed.

When they ate that evening Lexa, Clarke and Octavia were forced to answer endless questions from Raven. She practically inhaled her food and drinks before the others had even gotten half way done.

She shrugged when they all eyed her speed, “What?”

Octavia rolled her eyes, her spoon still almost in her mouth but frozen in place as she watched her girlfriend.

“Did you even taste your food Raven?” Lexa asked with her eyes full of amusement.

Raven rolled her eyes, “Listen. I want to get to that bed I was promised and haven’t yet seen.”

“Wait until she see’s the bathtub,” Clarke quipped to Octavia who grinned wide.

“That’s right! I totally forgot about the tubs here! Rae you are gonna die!” Octavia all but squealed.

“Well fuck girl, hurry up and let’s go.”

Octavia did indeed hurry up. She began wolfing her food into her even faster than normal. Clarke had to laugh and look away as she returned her attention to her own food.

She noticed out of the corner of her eye that Lexa had sped up a tiny bit herself. Clarke bit her lip and eyed the older brunette; she cocked her head as she too thought of the tub. She felt heat swell within her and she downed her wine. She poured another as she took her foot and slowly inched it to Lexa’s leg. She slowly grazed it up along her calf and she felt hot heat fill her belly as her thoughts wandered to getting her into that tub. She smiled in success as she saw Lexa once again speed up her pace of eating with a cocked eyebrow as Clarke continued moving her foot.

Finally, they all departed quickly to their rooms. Clarke snuck out of her room and quickly made her way down the hall to Lexa’s. She slipped inside quietly and found no trace of the girl in the main room. She saw at least a hundred candles burning bright and giving the room a warm glow. The balcony doors were shut but the curtains back letting the moonlight mingle with the candlelight. There was a large fire in the centre of the room spitting out heat. The room smelled of Lexa’s floral oils and Clarke immediately moved to locate the older woman.

She found her in the bathroom speaking with a handmaiden who was tending to the large claw foot tub. There was steam in the bathroom as she added more hot water from the final large pot. Clarke watched as the girl then took flat stones off her cart and placed the scolding hot stones under the tub to help retain the heat. Clarke waited silently, leaning against the doorframe as the girl stood up and began cleaning up her items. She was taking her sweet time Clarke thought eyeing the back of the red head of hair. When the girl finished cleaning her things up and preparing to leave she hesitated and Clarke watched her twirl her hair in her right hand and tilt her head as she spoke again to Lexa. “Will you need _anything_ else this evening Heda?”

 _Bitch!_ Clarke’s inner Wanheda and lionheart roared at the girl’s flirtatious actions and tone. Her lip curled slightly into a sneer, she felt it but did nothing to remove it.

“No Vera that will be all. Thank you.” Lexa said simply devoid of emotion and seemingly not noticing the girls advance. Clarke rolled her eyes; the girl had been so obvious, as if Lexa didn’t notice. Clarke eyed the girl up and down, she was petit and fit bit very soft looking. Clarke huffed a little too loudly and Lexa turned around.

She eyed her slightly confused and Clarke softened her stance along with her face. She didn’t realize she had taken a fighting stance as she watched Vera.

Vera had whirled around when Clarke had made her presence known and blushed fiercely. The girl blushed a new shade of red as Lexa thanked her and she nodded to Clarke with a frown and a glare in her eyes as she passed her.

 _The fuck? Bitch!_ Wanheda and her heart roared again threateningly.

She was about to stalk this girl and end her right there in Lexa’s bedroom until she heard a light sigh. She turned to catch her green eyes watching her amused. Lexa simply smiled and came over, “Were you going to kill my handmaiden Clarke?” Her voice was a whisper but deep and husky, her hands wrapped around Clarke’s waste and clasped on her lower back. Clarke softened again.

“I didn’t like the way she made a pass at you,” Clarke growled glancing back at the now empty room behind her.

Lexa’s eyebrows raised, “A pass?”

Clarke groaned, “She was coming on to you! She wanted to join you in your bath!” She hated explaining this stuff to Lexa. She felt like a child. Her jealous feelings weren’t helping. She knew Lexa had eyes for her and only her but that didn’t stop the little rager Clarke’s emotions had thrown inside her body.

Lexa kissed her cheek, then her jaw, and then her earlobe before whispering softly; “But Clarke, I want _you_ to join me in the bath.”

Clarke’s knees felt week before she moved on instinct. She grabbed her by her shirt collar and pulled her into a rough kiss. She was staking her claim and she knew it - those perfect pink lips were hers. She bit Lexa’s lower lip earning a soft groan from the older girl. Clarke began removing her own clothes as quickly as she could without breaking their contact too much.

It was awkward, it was sloppy, it was a hot mess and they were both excited and hastening even more in their desire. Finally, Clarke felt the hot skin of Lexa touch her own. Chest touched chest, flush and holding each other close. It was always the way they were meant to be: exposed only to each other.

They pulled each other closer and slowed their kisses slightly. They kept them urgent and full of need but they cleaned them up making each one count.

Clarke felt Lexa guiding her by her hips to the tub and helping her get in before Lexa too stood in the tub. Clarke sat down in the hot water letting it burn her skin and aching muscles. She leaned back with a hearty sigh to the end of the tub and looked up at Lexa.

She saw a young woman, who if you asked Clarke, was the definition of perfection. Clarke swallowed thickly as she watched Lexa admiring her view of the blonde and Clarke returned the favour taking in every inch of the girl before her. She let her eyes comb the legs that never ended; she let them linger on her centre before raising more to circle her hard abs and soft mounds of her chest. She let her eyes roam from there over sharp collarbones and lengthy neck, she absorbed the razor edged jaw line and full cheeks.

She caught her green brightly lit eyes and kept her gaze, she felt love and desire radiating between the two of them. Clarke saw Lexa swallow as Clarke pulled the perfection in front of her to sit. She pulled her back to lean against her front and laced her arms around the brunette. She felt Lexa melt into the contact and they sighed together.

They sat like that for a long time just revelling in the relaxation and comfort they found with each other. They felt the heat melt away the travels and stress from the last few days. Clarke was gently running her fingers along Lexa’s forearms and down her thighs. She was lacing soft kisses and nips to the brunette’s neck and receiving the cutest most delightful shivers from the girl in front of her.

Clarke darted her tongue out to the girls pulse point before tracing to her ear and nipping softly at the lobe. She felt Lexa adjust slightly against her as she jutted her butt into Clarke’s centre eliciting a low moan from the blonde. She heard Lexa whimper as Clarke pushed her hips back and let them roll once. “You’re beautiful,” she whispered in Lexa’s ear. She let her hands travel up Lexa’s thighs, to her hips, up to her sides and then she grabbed her by the breasts pulling her further into her body.

Lexa’s back arched in front of her before she came crashing into her again while Clarke held firm. She gently but decisively pinched at her nipples before she let her left hand trail lower to the brunette’s thigh once more. Lexa’s hands were gripping everywhere, they were on Clarke’s thighs that outlined her own, they were clawing at the tubs edge and they were squeezing with Clarke’s hands. They were everywhere and nowhere all at once. Clarke was putting on a master class on how to drive Lexa crazy and she had no intention of stopping now.

She began teasing her inner thigh, never quite making it to where Lexa wanted her. She continued the rolling of her hips getting her own sense of friction from the brunette’s backside no longer able to ignore the ache in herself that she felt mixing with Lexa’s. She heard a soft whimper as she once again teased Lexa’s thigh going up, up, up and trailing once more down.

“Clarke,” Lexa breathed huskily. Clarke could tell she was enjoying the teasing but was also getting increasingly frustrated. This only made her want to tease her more. She continued her torment before switching hands at the most agonizing pace. She went slow making each movement matter and send the brunette’s desire running rampant. Her right hand was playing with her hip as she continued to roll her own into the girl in front of her. She even moaned in Lexa’s ear letting it linger and prolong the feeling of her bare breasts against the brunette’s back. She smirked triumphantly when Lexa whimpered once more, “Cla-rke.”

“What’s the matter Commander?” Clarke teased letting her warm breath tickle the wet neck of the brunette and ignoring the pang of lust Lexa could cause simply by saying her name.

“Clarke, you know damn well what is the matter,” Lexa said with the edge of tension in her voice. She was aching and Clarke could not only feel it but also hear it now.

She wasn’t going to give in so easily. Clarke hopped in to this bath with intent after all and she hadn’t quite heard enough yet.

“Tell me what you want,” Clarke said sternly, her own voice finding its natural husk. When Lexa didn’t answer she moved her left hand to her other thigh and gently pulled slightly exposing Lexa more and pulling herself closer in the process. Lexa whimpered against her and bucked her hips looking for contact.

But Clarke didn’t move. She simply squeezed hard before rubbing both thighs soothingly.

“Clarke,” Lexa gasped in protest, rolling her hips back towards the blonde her hands landing on top of Clarke’s on her thighs. Clarke held fast she didn’t let Lexa pull them where she wanted them.

“Tell me what you want Lexa,” Clarke commanded again refusing to give in.

She felt the brunette shudder and turn her head to capture Clarke’s lips passionately, she leaned back slightly and caught the blue eyes. Clarke saw a storm of lust within the green orbs; they were dark with desire and begging her silently. Clarke smirked at her defiance but she could feel the brunette trembling with need.

“Tell me,” Clarke found herself practically begging now. How did that happen? A second ago she had all the power. She groaned when Lexa answered, “I want you.”

Clarke was almost about to move when she decided she needed to regain her power. “No. That’s not good enough.”

She heard the brunette gasp and clutch harder to the hands locked on her thighs. “Clarke, I _want_ you. Take me. I’m yours,” Lexa was begging, pleading and writing in front of her. Clarke moaned as her ass bucked into her centre once more.

“Say it again,” Clarke moved her left hand and let a finger slip between the folds. Even in the water she could feel hot and wet Lexa was from her teasing.

“I’m yours Clarke,” she circled the ‘k’ knowing it would drive Clarke wild. She knew it. It only made her bite her lower lip. But Clarke almost gave in when she heard the soft whimper follow her name before she took this chance to take total control again. She needed more, she needed to hear Lexa’s voice again. She gently stroked her bundle of nerves before she requested again, “Tell me what you want. _Exactly_ what you want Commander.”

She felt another shudder and hitch in Lexa’s breathing before Clarke heard the most beautiful sentence, the one she wants engraved on her (never to exist) tombstone, “I want you inside me. I want you to fuck me. I want you to make me yours.”

And that is what made Clarke come before Lexa without the brunette laying a hand on her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fine Stud Clarke at Lexa's service


	54. Natlida's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was delayed because it's Easter and I become fake religious about chicken...

They had been in Polis for three days now. Lexa had been invested in everyday meetings since they arrived. Clarke and her had barely enough time in the evenings to share a meal but they always, _always_ , ended up snuggled beneath the furs together at night. Lexa had missed a great deal during her time out of the city and was playing catch up. Clarke couldn’t hold it against her. They were lucky to share the time they did steal together, and oh God, they definitely made it each second worth it.

“So what are we going to do today Clarke?” Octavia asked excitedly from across the table at breakfast. Clarke was watching them eat; she had eaten earlier with Lexa before she left for her meetings. Clarke was welcome to join in most of them, but as of now, she had yet to attend one. She knew she would eventually, she knew she would _need_ to eventually, but she just wanted one more day to revel in the city. One more day to pretend like this mundane rhythm they had been in the last thee days was their everyday life. But it wasn’t, not yet.

“I want to go see the market today. I have some things I need to trade for,” Raven informed them slurping down her porridge and pulling Clarke from her thoughts.

“I need to go too,” Clarke agreed glad they could go together.

Octavia rolled her eyes and began to protest. Clarke raised her hand, “We will only need an hour or two. You can go to the throne room and stand in on the meetings if you want?”

“I’m your guard Clarke,” Octavia said sternly.

“I know O, but in Polis only the sentries are armed within the city walls and a select few guards and dignitaries. I’ll be armed with my dagger.”

“That’s not good enough,” Octavia said crossing her arms on her chest.

“I’ll have my _daggers,_ ” Raven also added patting the two hidden daggers in her brace. This did nothing to ease the tension in the young warrior; she merely huffed and blew the hair off her face.

Clarke sighed, “Fine. I’ll take Ryder with us.”

Octavia beamed and kissed Raven on the head before skipping out of the room no doubt to get a feel for the throne room’s action. Clarke hoped she found it interesting, for both her and Lexa’s sake. She hated the idea of O being kicked out for not being able to keep her mouth shut, but the smile the thought caused couldn’t be denied. Honestly, she would be surprised if she _weren’t_ kicked out at some point.

Octavia was like Clarke in a lot of ways, and being stubborn and mouthy was definitely only some of them.

When Raven finished eating Clarke and her wasted no time in finding Ryder and requesting him tag along to the markets. Clarke knew deep down that Lexa had ordered him to stay close to her once again and that’s why he was so easily found. She asked him to come with them anyways as a sign of respect and trust.

He remained behind them about ten feet but Clarke could feel his eyes on them as they made their way through the crowd. The air of the morning was cool and bitter but the warmth from the sun made it easier to overlook. The people of Polis were friendly and inviting. Clarke had a young brunette with strong features approach her cautiously. She was no older than fifteen; she was just growing out of her baby weight and blossoming into a young lady. She was beautiful and fierce; her eyes were the colour of almonds, her face heart shaped but her features pronounced. She wore black clothes and carried a wooden training sword. She reminded her of Lexa, she wondered what the girl had looked like at her age. She wondered if her round cheeks would be a little fuller with baby weight, if her brow and face were softer and missing the years of loss Clarke could see on her now.

“Wanheda,” the girl said quietly, almost in reverence.

It caught Clarke off guard before she quickly smiled and composed herself. “Hi, what’s your name?” She asked in English hoping her instincts were right about this girl. She looked like a warrior in training so Clarke decided that she must have been taught English and felt that asking this way would show her respect.

The girl looked up and smiled, “I am Zora, Natblida of the Plains Clan.” She was proud and held her head high. Her shoulders adjusted once more making her stand even straighter than before. Clarke wondered if this girl had heard of the fires in the two plains villages. She tried to ignore the burnt pit that seemed to reside in her stomach at the thought.

Clarke smiled warmly at her, “Zora, you can call me Clarke.”

“Clarke,” the girl said her name again reminding her of a younger Lexa. She tilted her head and smiled more when the girl said it again and giggled.

“Will you be coming to the courtyard today Clarke?”

“That depends, what’s in the courtyard?” Clarke asked keeping the tilt in her head.

“Natblida training, we have our lessons at noon today.”

Clarke nodded, “And how is your training going?” She kept her eyes on the girl fondly as Raven distanced herself to another cart that was selling luxurious looking silks.

The girl smirked cockily and pushed at her braids, “I am the second best student Heda has.”

“Is that so?”

The girl nodded vigorously, “One day Clarke, I am going to be the best student.”

“You want to be Heda one day?”

The girl faulted now, just slightly, her face fell before the stoic mask came back. This girl certainly was a student of Lexa’s.

Seeing the torment on the girls face Clarke stepped forward and laid a hand on her shoulder, “What is it? You can tell me, it will be our little secret.”

Zora looked to the ground, “I do and do not wish to be Heda.” She sighed, “If I become Heda it means Lexa will be gone.”

Clarke took a sharp intake of breath. She felt a pain her heart for a moment. That was true. _Too true_. It hit close to home and Clarke had to steady herself. Seeing the childlike fear in the young woman that reflected Clarke’s own deep within struck her like a thousand spears.

Clarke swallowed and tried to smile, it was forced but it was there, “You know she won’t leave us willingly. She will fight valiantly until her fight is over.” The words cracked with her voice hearing the truth behind them. This was a very real possibility - Lexa _could_ die. She may have freaky unique fast healing blood but she was human. Lexa could die. Clarke could die. They could all be spending their last day on Earth right now. She felt a chill run through her but luckily Zora finally caught her eyes once more preventing Clarke from spiralling.

“Wanheda, you will wait as long as possible to command her death?” Her voice was quiet but calm. Clarke furrowed her brow at the very unexpected request. The girl was pleading with her like she had real control over it. It shook Clarke’s core.

Then she felt the girl tug on her hand, her calloused sword hand brushing against Clarke’s palm. Clarke quickly composed herself and knelt down so she could look up in Zora’s searching eyes, “Child, I will do everything in my power to make sure I do not command her death. I will do everything in my power to keep her _alive_.” Her voice was strong now and laced with the power of Wanheda and the tenderness of Clarke.

Zora smiled at her before tugging her hand to get her back on her feet. She gently kept Clarke’s hand and was pulling her slowly into the crowd once more.

“So Zora, what do you wish to do if I keep the conclave from happening,” Clarke asked trying to pretend she really could keep Lexa from death. _You have done it before_ , her little voice reminded her bravely.

“Natblida’s are trained in Polis until they reach their sixteenth year. Mine comes with the next moon. One month,” she clarified bravely. “Our training continues with trips to Polis for more guidance from Heda, but every Natblida returns to their clan to take up the position of a second to the leader at sixteen.”

Clarke nodded linking her arm in Zora’s and walking towards Raven who was now draped with packages and items and materials. Clarke smiled as she picked up one of the smaller wrapped items that had fallen out of the girl’s hands. Zora offered to carry it for her in a chivalrous act making Clarke smile - Lexa certainly was teaching this child.

“So Heda teaches you how to lead the coalition? Your leader of the clan teaches you how to lead a clan?”

“Heda teaches us _everything_.” The brunette smiled wide. “The clan leaders teach us the up close and personal issues of everyday life for our people,” Zora explained.

Clarke nodded, “Do you think you can lead well?”

The girl paused and then nodded slowly, “’You are all worthy of your nightblood’,” she said it practically to herself. Clarke cocked her head; the way Zora whispered that sentence was intense to say the least.

“Who said that?”

“Heda,” the girl smiled wide and proud making Clarke smile wider. Of course it was Lexa., the firm believer that they were all _born for this_.

“She’s right you know. Natblida’s are unique, they are meant for greatness,” Clarke told her without a single lie as she thought of Lexa. She heard her own reverence in her voice.

Zora hummed, “She speaks the same way about you.” She eyed Clarke knowingly; again her facial expression was stoic but revealing, just like Lexa.

Clarke fucking blushed.

God, they were so obvious, even a fifteen year old sensed their connection.

Their whole ‘being careful’ and ‘being discreet’ thing may be a lot harder than previously expected. Clarke smile almost vanished. Almost.

She heard Zora laugh lightly as Raven dropped another parcel and cursed the devil. She sped up and picked it up for her refusing to give it back and insisting on helping. Clarke smiled and caught up to them before leading them to a couple stalls she wanted to visit and trade at as well.

They parted with Zora before noon and had a quick lunch with Raven and Octavia. Clarke smiled so wide her face hurt when Lexa strode into the room quickly. She was tense and her face tight but she softened instantly as she caught Clarke’s eyes on her. She quickly made her way over and gently laid her hand on her shoulder before laying a sweet kiss to the crown of her head.

“Hi,” Clarke sighed dreamily melting under her kiss.

“Clarke,” Lexa greeted her softly just the way she loved it.

“Lexa,” Clarke breathed again closing her eyes and inhaling the sweetness of the brunette’s natural scent. Even over the hot soup in front of her wafting in her nose she could smell Lexa, she felt it overpower her and make her head warm and fuzzy.

“Guys, I am trying to eat,” Raven’s voice filled the room feigning disgust and making Octavia snort a little laughter into her soup.

Clarke rolled her eyes and brought herself out of her moment of the fuzzies. Lexa squeezed her shoulder and went to sit down at her own soup. She looked tired, a little wore out from the endless meetings but she looked incredibly happy as well. Green eyes kept locking with blue as they ate in silence for a bit.

“So Clarke, when do we get to go to the annexes,” Raven asked suddenly.

Clarke focused on her, “You want to come with me?”

Raven rolled her eyes, “No I don’t.” It was sarcastic and Clarke ignored it.

She shrugged, “Okay, don’t come.”

“Clarke. Don’t be a dick.”

“Wouldn’t be one if I even had one,” Clarke winked and took a sip of her wine.

Raven ignored her, “Can we go today? I want to know as much as possible about this place!”

Clarke smiled and looked at Lexa catching her green eyes, _Is it okay if she comes too?_

Lexa smiled warmly seeing the silent question, she gave her signature nod, the one Clarke only ever saw. “Sure Rae,” Clarke said, “We can go today but I want to go to the courtyard first.”

Lexa tilted her head, “Which one told you about the training?” She was almost smirking now knowing that Clarke wanted to come watch Lexa with the Nightbloods.

Clarke smiled thinking about the young girl, “Zora.”

Now Lexa definitely was smirking, she shook her head, “That girl. I tell you, between her and Aden I am not sure which one is more like me.”

“She wasn’t supposed to be in the market was she?” Clarke smiled laying her hand on Lexa’s forearm.

Lexa shook her head still smiling, “No, she had chores this morning. Discipline training.” There was love in her voice and Clarke beamed. There was no sense of jealousy within her hearing Lexa speak of her novitiates with almost the same love and tenderness she had for Clarke. If anything, it only made her heart roar with love and radiate within her. She felt it overflowing and seeping into the room.

“Woah,” she heard Octavia exclaim lightly.

“Woah what?” Raven slurped the last dreg of her soup smacking her lips in satisfaction.

“You didn’t feel that?” Octavia said looking from Raven to Clarke and Lexa shrewdly. Then she furrowed her brow before she straightened her posture, “That was so freaky. How did you do that?”

“Do what?” Clarke asked.

“ _That_ , this,” she gestured airily into the room. “I was just sitting here minding my soup and all of a sudden boom warmth and tingles hit me.”

“Oh that,” Raven said lightly. “Did you not hear me tell them I was trying to eat? That happens like every time these fluffy bunnies are in a room together O.” Her tone was exasperated like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Octavia nodded slowly shutting her mouth again but keeping her eyes on Lexa and Clarke who had each shrugged and went back to their soup. “Yeah…I guess,” she said quietly wrapped in thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zora's sister is named Ziva because that's my dogs name and I said so.


	55. Assassination Plot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy bunny plot pushing?  
> Accurate.

Lexa left shortly after to head to the courtyard for training. Clarke, Raven and Octavia followed a few minutes later after bundling up again in their coats. They made there way out and stood along the cement hip height fence that surrounded Lexa and her novitiates. They were all kneeling in front of her as she stood proudly holding her sword and demonstrating some techniques.

The children eyed Lexa with respect and awe as she spoke. They were intent on her and ignoring everything else around them. This was much different than school on the Ark, they had done anything they could to get out of learning and paying attention like normal kids would. These children, she had to remind herself, were not children. They had stopped being children the day they were ripped from everything they knew and brought to Polis, just as she had the moment she was sent to Earth.

She felt for them, she felt for Lexa, her heart panged icy briefly before Lexa’s green eyes found her and it instantly vanished. Lexa gave her her secret smile, the one remaining in her eyes and Clarke sighed in content letting its warmth sooth her insides. Lexa may have grown up quickly, just as Clarke had, but she remained human. She remained loving. She remained Lexa at heart. She couldn’t think of a better person to be teaching the ‘would be’ leaders of the free world. She, out of all the grounders Clarke knew, could make them wise, courageous, and strong. But most importantly, it was Lexa who could make them kind.

Clarke noticed how not only Zora but also the blonde boy she had seen Lexa with once before be directed to stand. She assumed this must be Aden and the best candidate in their novitiate class. The way Zora was eyeing him told her that her assumption was correct.

They each grabbed a real blade and discarded their wooden ones. They made there way through the other kids and stood in their battle stances. Clarke watched as Lexa corrected their posture or their hand placements before stepping back and letting them begin. She didn’t smile but Clarke knew she was on the inside while watching her best students slash and dodge and move around the yard.

They were quite good.

They were _really_ quite good.

They were deadly good.

They were bloodthirsty good.

They were scary fucking good.

These children, ranging from eight to fifteen Clarke guesses, were all terrifyingly precise and deadly. They had all taken up real swords now and were practicing in pairs.

Clarke’s eyes remained on Zora and the blonde boy. They were both bleeding but continuing on ferociously. Aden had a broken finger and seemed unaffected by it. Zora had a gash on her arm exposing the muscle but her face was stone and her eyes were bloodthirsty. These were not children.

Clarke watched as Zora rounded on the boy and met his sword with a deafening twang. Aden lurched back and fell to his backside as her sword pressed down towards him. He was gritting his teeth and trying to force the blade away from his chest. Clarke glanced at Lexa who was also watching intently. There was pride on her face and Clarke wondered if she was going to let Zora end the boy’s life. Just as she thought it the boy growled and kicked at her ankle causing her to lose her footing and giving him a chance to roll and counter her. She recovered quickly and both now had swords dangerously close to the other’s neck.

Lexa stepped forward and ended the session.

Clarke moved instantly to the courtyard while the nightbloods watered themselves.

“Zora,” Clarke greeted the young brunette.

“Wan-Clarke!” She says excitedly remembering that Clarke gave her permission to use her name. She bounced over to her, “Did you see me Clarke? I had him!”

Clarke laughed, “Yes I saw that. You are a very good warrior Zora. You will make your people proud one day.”

The girl beamed and Clarke beamed back. “You hear that Aden? Wanheda praises my skill.”

The blonde boy smirked, “Heda praises mine.”

“I praise you all,” Lexa said joining them.

Clarke knelt down to look at Zora’s arm. She wrapped it with a piece of her own shirt and told her to go find one of the healers as soon as Heda released them. She nodded and took pride in Clarke’s attention to her. Clarke smiled when she saw Aden a little red faced watching them. Clarke let go of Zora, and turned to the blonde boy.

“Hi Aden, I’m Clarke.”

“I know who you are,” he said proudly.

“Aden. Manners,” Lexa chided softly.

He ducked his head, “I only meant I have heard of your legend. You need no introduction.”

Clarke laughed, “He sounds like you Heda.”

Lexa blushed slightly but her eyes were full of pride. “We have some more work to do before I am finished here,” she said to Clarke sending the two young warriors away.

Clarke nodded and took a step forward, she almost reached out to stroke Lexa’s cheek before she stopped herself. That was super public PDA for Polis. She bit her lip; “Find me when you’re done.”

Lexa smiled, “Always.”

~~

“Holy shit.”

Clarke laughed. “Yeah it’s a lot,” she said looking around the dusty annexes. There were rows on rows of filing cabinets repurposed to hold the scriptures of the last 97 years of Heda rule. She swallowed and took a deep breath. This may take awhile.

Raven didn’t seem to be intimidated; she immediately went to the first stack she saw and began tearing into it and reading.

Clarke took a stack of her own and sat down at the windowsill. “Can you even read Trig?”

“Clarke. That’s a stupid question.”

“Is it?”

Raven barked out a laugh, “Clarke, I know three dead languages and learned Trig in a month.”

“Oh,” Clarke said stupidly.

Really, she should have known better.

Raven Reyes is a fucking genius after all.

They spent three hours in the dusty room pouring over old parchment. As much as it was, it wasn’t boring. They learned so much. They discussed things at length and even refused Octavia when she asked them if they were ready to get out of there.

“Woah,” Raven said. Her tone of voice brought Clarke from her own reading.

“Woah?”

“Big woah.”

Clarke moved to go sit beside the mechanic. She began reading what Raven was. Her eyes quickly scanned it. She pulled her eyes off the page and leaned back. She furrowed her brow and leaned back over the page reading again. She read it one more time before finally looking at Raven.

“Big woah,” Clarke confirmed.

Raven nodded triumphantly. “This is fucking too real right now for me,” she said scratching her temple.

Clarke nodded slowly, “I have to tell Lexa.”

They kept reading until it was almost time for dinner. Octavia refused to leave without them this time. She even reminded Clarke that Lexa was finished for the day so she would be there. That was all the motivation she needed and Clarke was hot on her heels.

When they got back to the rooms for the night Clarke snuck into Lexa’s chambers. She was combing her hair and smiled wide when Clarke found her. “Hi,” Clarke sighed greeting the smile she loved so much.

“Clarke,” Lexa sighed back just as warmly.

Clarke went and sat on her lap feeling Lexa’s strong arms wrap around her, one hand on her lower back, one hand on her thigh. They shared a sweet kiss full of love before Clarke hummed as she pulled away.

“How was your day Clarke?” Lexa asked softly eyes still closed from the kiss.

“Better now,” Clarke kissed her again.

“What did you learn in the annexes?”

Clarke smiled. She knew. Of course she knew. “Well, Raven actually found something pretty interesting to both us and Alex and Claire.”

She saw a spark of excitement in Lexa’s eyes that Clarke just couldn’t resist kissing her for.

“Clarke,” Lexa murmured against her lips.

“Right,” Clarke whispered pulling back. “So you know how you, as Alex, were floating?”

Lexa nodded and remained quiet watching Clarke intently.

“Well she wasn’t dead or anything. She was actually in space. She was part of the thirteenth station, they named it Polaris.”

“Polis,” Lexa whispered.

Clarke nodded, “That’s what it looks like. We don’t know much about the thirteenth station except that they didn’t join on Union Day. The station fell from the sky we are told.”

“Alex brought the station to the ground,” Lexa said calmly.

Clarke nodded, “I think so too.”

“She wanted to find Claire.”

“Claire was dead,” Clarke said just as calm.

Lexa nodded and rubbed Clarke’s thigh. “Hey, look at me.” Clarke sighed and blinked through the tears that were threatening to come out. “They _did_ find each other. We found each other. We will always find each other.”

Clarke sniffled and pulled her lips to the crook of Lexa’s neck. “Always,” she whispered between kisses.

~~

Clarke and Raven continued to spend their afternoons deep in the annexes. They spent hours on hours reading and taking notes on what they found. They often compared and discussed their thoughts. There was a nice give and take to their discussions.

Clarke had learned a lot in her time in the dusty rooms. The most prominent being that Raven was indeed a genius. As if there was any doubt at this point. She often had Raven explain some things and help her read between the lines. She learned a lot of grounder history and she even had a scripture that referenced a dreamwalker now.

Unfortunately, the evening they found that little piece of information they had devastating news over the radio.

“Can you repeat that Kane?” Clarke said into the transmitter while Raven tried to get him in clear.

There was a crackle on the other end before Kane’s voice filled the room, “Two search parties never returned.”

“How many days?”

“Four. Four days Clarke. It was Skai and TriKru.”

“How many in the parties?”

“Three and two. Five total.” Kane radioed back to the silent room. The four women eyed each other and Clarke sighed, this was not good.

“Is there anything to go on?” She called into the radio.

“Actually, yes. Lincoln found bear tracks heading your way.”

“Thirteen bears to be exact,” Clarke radioed back. They had already had that particular development happen.

“I-Well, yes I guess it would have to be at least that many,” Kane said awkwardly. “You knew about the bears?”

“We saw them. Is there anything else?”

“Um, Yes there’s one other thing.” He sounded hesitant.

Clarke swallowed and their breathing in the room in Polis stopped while they waited for him to continue.

“We found a piece of parchment with ‘I know who you are’ written in Trig on it. It was pinned to a tree with an arrow and covered in a smear of what I am told from your mother is black blood.”

Clarke sharply inhaled and Lexa paced behind her. “A warning for a warning,” she seethed in the background. Clarke got up and went over to her blocking her path.

“Lexa?”

Lexa avoided her gaze but stopped pacing. She visibly sighed, unable to hide anything from Clarke, “Actually, this pairs with Bellamy’s warning from Echo.”

“No…” Clarke whispered in defiant disbelief.

“Yes, Clarke.” Lexa raised her chin like she was unafraid but Clarke knew better. She was worried.

“I have been targeted. Marked for assassination,” Lexa’s voice was calm but deafening to Clarke. She felt the room spinning she barely registered Lexa’s soft hands holding her own and now keeping her steady. Only when Lexa put her right hand over Clarke’s heart did the blonde gain control again. She started taking deep breaths while staring into the green orbs she loved so much.

Lexa, the brave protector of Clarke that she is, held a small smile for her trying to ease her worries.

It wasn’t really working.

Clarke knows better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She gonna be fine fam.  
> Trust this bitch. No other. 
> 
> (I only like to scare you all with ominous threats in my writing)


	56. Leaving Lexa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I haven't edited this because I am on a roll but I wanted to get it up to give ya a taste.

The Ambassadors meeting was a dismal affair. There was lots of anger and tension. The voices were loud and every ambassador present tried to speak over the other. It was exhausting listening to them speak without having any real impact on the discussions. If you could even call them that.

It was hard for Clarke to watch Lexa see two less ambassadors that what should have been present. She ordered inquiries be made to their clans but Clarke and her both knew the real reason they were missing in action. They simply weren't coming. Whether it was because they are now standing against the coalition or because they too have gone missing, it didn't change the fact: they still weren't coming. She didn't know whether to hope for the former or the latter scenario. They were both dreadful.

Three clans were upset and questioning the loyalty of Lexa for seemingly doing nothing about the burning of Runai and Tuneco. The two young leaders expected this response and Lexa was more than prepared to make them see exactly why her hands were tied at the moment. She told them if they wished to see justice then they had better assist in whatever way they could to find those responsible. She ended by inspiring them to help instead of moaning about the lack of result.

They are only going to survive this if they all work together.

Clarke and Lexa knew this; they just needed everyone else to catch up.

The atmosphere was thick and heavy with tensions and thoughts. Clarke could see Octavia clenching and unclenching her fists beside her watching the proceedings. Lexa remained stoic as always through the whole situation. She even shut down Titus, her flamekeeper for interrupting Clarke. The longer Clarke sat in the meeting the more the truth began to sink in. The disappearances, the villages, the attack at Arkadia, the assassination threat on Lexa…

_Fuck._

Clarke knew what would need to happen. She only hoped she could make Lexa see it. She wondered if their shared brain would allow them to both see the obvious course of action they needed to take. Clarke sighed as her emotions pitted in her stomach, she did  _not_ want any of this to happen. She didn't want anyone to force her hand.

If Clarke was leaving Polis she wanted it on her terms.

But it won't be on her terms. Not really.

When the meeting lets out Clarke and Titus remain behind. Clarke stands quietly from her ambassadors seat and waits patiently to be invited in to the hushed discussion they were having. She tries not to listen but she's Clarke after all, and she doesn't do well with not knowing everything she can. She hears bits and pieces, words like 'distraction', 'alone', 'folly', and 'weakness' are said. She visibly sees Lexa's chin raise defiantly and she turns her back to the bald man. Her attention lands on Clarke, she watches as Lexa sets her jaw and her eyes light up. Clarke knows what's coming so she smiles.

Lexa's hand lazily flicks into the air, "I'll hear no more of this matter. Leave us."

Titus is about to speak and Clarke moves forward crowding the space they shared, "Your Heda gave you an order."

Clarke sees red hot boiling anger on his flushed cheeks and in his eyes. She stares defiantly at him matching his anger easily. She was not going to back down, she was going to make this man back off, she knows he was speaking about her to Lexa. She knows he was advising her against whatever he may think is going on between them. Clarke smirks, he really has  _no_ idea as to what extent they're connected. Not really. He can assumed Lexa has bedded Clarke all her wants but he won't know or understand their bond, not until he learns the real truth. Not until they show the world who they really are, who they were, and who they will be.

Clarke turns her attention to Lexa when Titus finally grumbles leaving the room in a blur. He is pissed and Clarke could care less. He serves the commander not the other way around. He is allowed to advise, Lexa indulges him and listens, but she is and always was her own woman. She makes decisions on her own. She listens to the advice she is given whether it be from Clarke or her advisors but she always makes her decisions on her own. Clarke loves it. The respect they share for each other is undeniable and relentless.

"Clarke," Lexa sighs as she approached.

"So, that sucked."

Lexa gives her a small smile, "It was not the worst meeting we have had."

That makes Clarke give her a small smirk, "I bet."

"So, why do you feel the way you do Clarke? What is going on in that head of yours? I can feel your trepidation from here," Lexa is saying as her hands entwine with Clarke's between them.

Clarke huffs and rolls her eyes, "You're not going to like it."

"Few things happened today that I like."

Clarke nodded in understanding, "I've just been thinking about our situation." Lexa's eyes widen at the words and Clarke feels she needs to clarify, and quickly. "No! No, Not us," she says gesturing between them, "I mean this clan issue, the disappearances and everything else." Clarke searches for the green eyes to meet hers again. "Lexa, hey look at me."

When she does Clarke sees worry deep within her. She knows. She feels fear from Lexa. Clarke sighs and lets go of Lexa's right hand to stroke her cheek, "I have to go."

"Clarke, it's not safe."

Clarke gave her a small reassuring smile, "Lexa you aren't alone anymore. You don't have to do any of this on your own. Let me help."

"Clarke," Lexa says quietly knowing where the blonde is heading with this.

"No, hear me out. You can't leave Polis right now. It's not safe for you with this assassination mark anyone could be hunting you – you know this!" Clarke takes a deep breath trying to bring her voice back down out of its fear octave, "The missing people, the villages, the massacre, someone has to go deal with this. Someone needs to be on the front lines, and making sure everything doesn't fall apart."

Lexa sighs and Clarke pulls her close and puts her arms around her. "You're not alone Lex, let me do this. Let me see if I can do something,  _anything,_  to help us. I just can't do it from here."

"I don't want to be away from you," Lexa's muffled voice drowns Clarke right where she stands. Her heart roars ferociously at the sound of just how broken and worried this is making Lexa. She isn't alone. She doesn't want to be alone. She needs Clarke. She can hear it in her voice; she feels it in her words.

"I don't want to be away from you either Lexa. You know that. But this has to be done. I've made up my mind, I just need you to agree."

"I do not own you Clarke, you are free to do what you wish."

Clarke strokes the soft small hairs on the back of Lexa's neck and breathes deep. "I know I am, I know I don't need your permission. And honestly, I'm not looking for it; I'm looking for your support. We are a team, a partnership, a couple, as well as leaders. I'm not looking for Heda's input. I want yours Lex." She kisses her temple and holds her just a bit tighter.

She feels Lexa clutch to her even more and begin nodding against her chest. She feels soft kisses on the bare skin of her neck sending tingles throughout and warming her insides. Finally, Lexa leans back. "You know you're right," she says calmly, more calmly than her eyes show.

"About what?"

"Everything."

Clarke smiles and kisses her lips and they embrace.

Before they can get too carried away Clarke pulls back, "We will figure this out."

"You'll take a my warriors with you," Lexa said crossing to grab a cup of water.

Clarke bites her lip before she speaks knowing Lexa won't like this…

"No."

Lexa whirled around and lowered the cup Clarke could have sworn she got whiplash. Her green eyes were probing Clarke's blue ones. "No?" She says it like a challenge.

Clarke raises her chin, "No Lexa. I don't want a large party, I don't want to draw attention to my movements."

Lexa closes her mouth and tilts her head as she processes this information. "The dreamwalker?"

Clarke nods in relief hearing her tone softer once more, "This isn't something I've thought about, it literally just struck me while the meeting was happening. I keep thinking now, she didn't seem to know I was going to stop us from retreating in the field. I can't help but wonder if she really can't 'see all' or at least as much as she thinks she can. I wonder if it's a couple guards and me if we can sneak back without anyone seeing us, maybe I can test this theory. Maybe we can find out if she simply has spies or can see the moves we are going to make before we do."

"Clarke," Lexa said imploringly, "that is momentously risky. If she sees this move coming it could all be over tomorrow."

Clarke stepped forward and pulled her hand close and entwined their fingers, "I have to try. You have to admit this could work out in our favour in the long run."

"I don't like this plan."

"I know. I'm not huge on it either, but you know it's our only move right now. Someone needs to be seeing whats happening with their own eyes. If you can't go out there right now, I can. I'll fly under the radar hopefully."

"Hopefully is a large word with not weight Clarke."

"I know that too, but you know how stubborn I can be."

Lexa smiles briefly and nods slightly. Clarke knows she is not only nodding to the fact that Clarke is stubborn and that she knows Clarke so well, but she is nodding to Clarke's plan.

When will you leave?" Lexa asked quietly stroking her cheek. Clarke sighs and leans into the contact.

"Now," Clarke doesn't even pause to think. She knows she has to make this move right now. Before she can get another word out Lexa's lips crash down on to hers. The kiss is tinged with sadness, it's not the first time, but the love behind it is new. It's a whole new territory of love, that's what this kiss feels like. This kiss feels like understanding. This kiss feels like acceptance. This kiss feels like Lexa knows Clarke's words to be true.

They are a team. They are a partnership. They are a couple. They are soulmates.

They are not alone.

They have each other; even when miles apart.

This kiss reminds them both of the truth of their love.

This kiss is a promise.

This kiss is "I'll see you soon" and not "may we meet again."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have like a thousand post-it notes of reminders of shit I have to add/do. 
> 
> And I'm just starting to realize I may be too invested...
> 
> *shrugs*  
> I could catch a stray bullet tomorrow so I don't care that much
> 
> FUCK YOU JASON


	57. Ambushed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Damn Ashley, this is for you.  
> You can all have this update too as a spoiler of somethings to look forward to.
> 
> *warning Lincoln fans*

Clarke, Octavia, Ryder and a large warrior named Lordes slipped out of Polis in the dead of night an hour later.

The only people seeing them off or having knowledge of the leaving party were Lexa and Raven. They said their sad goodbyes to them in the throne room. Each couple remained strong but felt the weight of the situation before them. It was hard, but when is life as a woman not hard? When is life as a queer woman not difficult? They were not about to roll over and die. They were not about to let this situation and circumstance run them. They would battle. They would attack. They would fight to protect their own.

That's what this departure was about.

The fact that Raven remained behind with Lexa in Polis, Clarke was amazed to find, was actually making her feel a little bit better about leaving. She knew Raven would look out for Lexa in her own way, she would help take care of the human at the helm of Heda in Clarke's place. No, Lexa was not alone. Lexa had a friend with her and Clarke's love inside her.

The blonde could feel her loving gaze all the way from the Polis tower until the tower was no longer visible. She wishes Lexa would get some sleep tonight. But she knows her too well, she knows she won't sleep until Clarke radios in to them later and tells her she's okay.

They remain silent in their movements with no torches or lights. They all dressed in black to blend in but were armed to the teeth. Really, you would only know there were people walking through the woods if you were close enough to see their white puffs of breath hitting the cool night air. Their pace was brisk hoping to make good time without their horses. They had decided on going by foot to limit their tracks and make it easier to hide their movements.

They moved like ninjas in the night. They were ghosts. They tried to act like they didn't exist as they moved.

They ran across no trouble when they met Lincoln in the woods come dawn. He joined their party and filled Clarke in on Bellamy in hushed tones after revealing that Raven had radioed him to meet them on Lexa's orders. Even miles away Lexa's protective reach was showing.

"I made sure to leave him where Heda directed," Lincoln was saying.

"Good. Thank you Lincoln."

"I know what you did," he murmured eyeing her from the side.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Clarke said quietly lying.

"You saved his life to put him in harms way," Lincoln was blunt. Blunt but right.

Clarke nodded, "I did indeed."

"Bellamy is strong. He is my brother, my friend. He will do what you have asked him. He knows you spared his life. He knows he owes his people and you."

"Thanks," Clarke said quietly hoping he was right. "You didn't see anyone in the borderlands?" She was trying to change the subject. She didn't need to think about Bellamy's predicament right now.

Lincoln shook his head, "No, I suspect if they had been there I wouldn't be standing here now."

They continued on in silence. The trek back to Arkadia was longer than it was on horse but they were still making good time. Lincoln believed they should be back by nightfall if they did not stop.

So they did not stop.

They still would not make it by nightfall.

They pushed through their aching muscles and screaming tired eyes. They ate and drank while they marched through the trees continuing to cover their tracks behind them. Each step they took Clarke could feel more longing in her heart but more confident about this plan of action. She needed to do this for Lexa. She needed to be here when Lexa couldn't. She meant what she said, Lexa was not alone. She didn't have to do anything alone ever again if Clarke could help it.

As dusk fell around them once more Clarke was barely awake. She was in a trance following their party when she heard the familiar sound of footsteps on twigs. She dropped on instinct to the Earth flat on her stomach. She heard Octavia swear and pull her blade along with Ryder, Lincoln and Lordes. Clarke awkwardly did the same with the one on her back and also removed the dagger on her thigh. She pulled herself to a crouch. They were all low using what they could for cover and listening intently.

Clarke peered to where she thought she heard the sounds coming from and her breath caught in her throat. She saw a skinny, lengthy figure step into view.

"Jasper?" Octavia said in hiss to the darkness.

Clarke relaxed and stood up for a moment but then immediately regretted it. Jaspers walk was slow, too deliberate. It made her uneasy as she re-gripped her weapons. Clarke kept her weapons at the ready. When Octavia noticed her guard was up once more she too readied herself and moved to stand in front of Clarke. They could hear no other voices, or footfalls. They saw no one else.

"I've been waiting for you," Jasper's voice croaked out into the ensuing darkness. It rolled in thick and fast. She could barely make out his features as he continued his ghostly walk.

Clarke swallowed when she saw him better. His face was shallow and sunken in, he looked like he had been hit by a metaphorical truck. It scared Clarke before she composed herself and held her Wanheda mask stoically once more. Something wasn't sitting right with her. She could sense something but she couldn't put her finger on it. Something was just  _off._

"What are you doing out here Jasper?" Octavia said sternly and holding firm in front of Clarke while he continued his slow pace towards them.

"I told you. I've been waiting for you."

"No one knew we were coming," Clarke said.

Jasper pulled his hollow face into a smirk, "I just want to talk Clarke."

"So talk," Clarke said over Octavia's shoulder.

Jasper stopped and looked into Clarke's eyes with a silent question.

In them she saw a flash of the boy she knew when they first landed on this planet. She blinked and she didn't recognize the man in front of her. Jasper was different but his eyes are what had her nodding and gently pushing Octavia aside. Clarke nodded as she passed her in reassurance but her eyes said 'keep watch'. She heard the obvious displeasure in Octavia's grumble as the girl lowered her sword to go stand beside Lincoln.

She gestured to Jasper and they walked side by side away from the group. "Start talking Jas, we have things we need to do."

The skinny boy remained quiet and she saw him glance over his shoulder towards the others. She kept an eye on him from the side and she saw the unmistakeable sign of him tensing before he cleared his throat. "I need to tell you something," he said quietly.

"Yeah, I got that," she said annoyed. "Spit it out."

They took another few steps further from the group before jasper pulled on her arm to bring her to a stop. Clarke heard the snap of a twig above her and she immediately launched herself forward and rolled as she felt the momentum of a figure land where she was just standing.

"AMBUSH!" Clarke screamed getting back to her feet and rounding, sword and dagger poised as the figure that dropped from the tree growled and ran forward. She blocked the charge with a snarl and her sword. She countered with a stab with her dagger hand straight into the neck of the attacker. She twisted it and pulled it out, shoving him aside as she heard crashes in the trees and more growls of attack.

She could hear the sounds of sword on sword as she swiftly pointed the sword blade at Jasper's throat. "What did you do?" she hissed in a voice that had no trace of Clarke and was all Wanheda. Anger, betrayal and ferocity coursed through her as Jasper smirked and looked behind her. She ducked and spun slicing the air behind her. Only she didn't catch air, she caught and ripped the gut out of another attacker. She swung again and removed his head. Blood, flesh, bone and entrails splayed across the frosted earth. The sounds barely phased her she wasn't sure she was human in this moment.

When she heard the unmistakeable click of a gun being cocked she roared fiercely and spun as she heard the sound go off.

As soon as she did her sword swung violently in the air and sliced Jasper's gun hand clean off sending spurts of blood across him and Clarke. She landed on him hard and had her dagger to his throat, the tiniest flick would open his neck and he would take his last breaths beneath her. She growled again, "What did you do boy?" Again, Wanheda in full beast mode. She felt powerful and not afraid. She let it fill her up and rage on within.

Jasper laughed through a strangled cry of pain from his now handless arm. He leaned his head forward into Clarke's dagger causing red beads of blood to seep around the blade, "Vengeance," he hissed through his pain threateningly seemingly un-phased by his predicament.

"Lincoln!" Clarke heard Octavia scream in terror causing Clarke to look up and behind her. As she did she saw the man stagger and fall to his knees in the distance. She pulled herself off Jasper grabbing his gun from his now useless and severed hand grimacing as the hand tried to remain firm in its grip. She tucked it in her belt and sped off towards her party. Octavia was swinging wildly at anyone who came close to her and Lincoln. Ryder was growling and punching the shit out of a man who still had his dagger in Ryder's shoulder.

Clarke was at a full run when the next attacker saw her, she leapt into the air slashing with the katana across his forearm and his axe went flying into the dirt. She landed easily and spun with her foot in a kick connecting with a satisfying 'thwap' as it landed with his head. He landed into the Earth and his blood soaked the ground from the wound she then placed through his back.

She took off again, now close enough to see Lincoln was grimacing in pain but trying to stand again. He swung his sword and blocked an attack Octavia did not see coming, saving her life, she pushed him out of harms way and killed the attacker for him. Lincoln staggered but remained on his feet as another warrior came at him. He defended her well and killed her as she took wild swings at both of them. Octavia ran and slid to her knees felling the next woman who had come shrieking out of the darkness, Lincoln removed her head with a strong swing.

At the end of the motion he staggered and fell to his knees. As soon as he tried to regain his footing a body crashed into his back sending him forward in a lurch. Clarke flung her dagger towards the assailant who twitched when it landed before he went limp.

"We need to get out of here!" Ryder yelled tossing away another warrior effortlessly. "Lordes is dead!"

"Clarke!" Octavia's panicked voice came crashing in around her as she finished off the last two warriors of the attack in one swing. "There could be another wave! What's the plan?"

"O, go to Jasper. Keep him alive he's bleeding out! I need him alive!" Clarke shouted as she began checking Lincoln for his wound. "I can't find it, there's too much blood! Lincoln where does it hurt!" She's got her dagger back and is slicing into his clothes and armour to find the source of the bleeding.

Then she finds it.

The tiny, unmistakeable mark leaking blood profusely.

Lincoln was hit by Jasper's stray bullet.

Clarke doesn't understand how it missed her and caught him. It defied the laws of physics and Clarke could tell from where it was she would be little help in the forest. She would need medical equipment, real medical equipment, to save him. And they were still too far from the ark.

She looked at the wound and tears fell over it and her hand on his chest trying to stop the bleeding.

Lincoln was dying.

"Lincoln, I'm so sorry," she is saying through tears and guilt. She feels his bloody hand lay on hers on his chest.

"Your people need you Clarke," he sucked in a ragged breath. "My fight is ending." He was trying to comfort her and rub smooth circles on the back of her hand with his thumb. She smiled at his efforts despite her raging guilt and anger. Lincoln was always a firm believer in Clarke, even when he barely knew her. He understood her. He understood Lexa. He understood Octavia. He understood Bellamy. Lincoln was a good man, a fierce warrior and kind heart. He didn't deserve this. 

None of them deserved this.

"I never meant for this to happen," Clarke croaked out. "Octavia! To me now!" Clarke kissed Lincoln on the cheek and said a tearful goodbye as the girl approached her. The blonde stood, sucking back her tears. She looked solemnly at Octavia and gave the slightest shake of her head. Octavia nodded in understanding through her own tears as she brushed quickly past Clarke and fell to her knees beside Lincoln. She heard her strangled wails into the night as she approached Jasper.

Clarke walked like a cat on the prowl.

She walked with the elegance of a leopard and the eyes of a wolf.

She walked with the stoic mask and power of Wanheda.

She looked down at the boy who was clutching his severed arm to his chest. Octavia had put her belt on him as a tourniquet to stop him from bleeding out.

"Just kill me Clarke," he said gritting his teeth and glaring at her.

She gave him an eerie, ghostly, threatening smile and her eyes flashed wide in rage before narrowing one more, "No." His eyes flashed with rage towards her. "Not yet," she tells him coldly. She turns and commands Ryder to bind Jasper and bring him with them.

"Clarke!" He cries as Ryder roughly bring him to his feet. "Just kill me Clarke!"

Clarke's eyes flare once more in her rage, "It's Wanheda to you boy and you _will know_ my wrath. Tomorrow you die for this. Tomorrow you pay for the lives you've cost us tonight. Tomorrow I _get answers._ Tomorrow I command your death." Her voice is a low growl, one she's never heard before. She's only afraid of how much she finds she likes it and the fear it sparked in Jasper. She moves passed them to find Octavia next to Lincoln, his head in her lap, tears falling on his face. Clarke kneels beside her friend, her hand strongly on her shoulder, "Yu gonplei ste odon." Octavia repeats the sentiment through choking tears. Clarke wipes them from her eyes and pulls her into a hug.

"I promise you Octavia, I will make them suffer." It's not a promise. It's a vow. It's Wanheda and Clarke breaking bread and about to feast on the souls of their enemies.

 _Tomorrow torture will work,_  Wanheda tells Clarke within.

Tomorrow murderer and murdered will be joined by fire.

 _But it won't cleanse the past. Not yet._ Clarke reminds Wanheda within.

Nothing will be cleansed until the enemy knows  _their_  vengeance.

And Wanheda will make them feel it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stray bullet catching a hetero? Defies logic and physics and everything we know. Sorry Lincoln I am super salty about Wondercon BS.  
> Anyways, this really moronic way of dying is Wanheda's lifeblood right now and like the final straw for her to go ape shit (so far). Love me some angst.
> 
> Coming soon:  
> Jasper getting what he deserves (hate that fucker) *this is your warning I plan to have this be rough and I'll be thinking of Jason and queerbating while I do it*  
> Will we learn who Jasper was working with? Will we find out where the rebel prince landed? Will we find our missing people?
> 
> More shit goes down and Clarke makes a decision that impacts the rest of their lives  
> how's that for a teaser?  
> BOOM OUT.
> 
> (I need to go get this modern Clexa out of my head)


	58. Build you up to break you down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Build up chapter before Jasper has his comeuppance  
> (Otherwise it was like a 4600 word chapter and I don't roll like that)

When Clarke, Octavia and Ryder finally make it to Arkadia Clarke is numb and it has nothing to do with the frozen night air. Lincoln is dead. Jasper is a traitor, currently bound and forcefully shoved forward with each step by Ryder. He's making no effort to make Jasper's trip easier and Clarke knows it's because Ryder almost failed Lexa. Clarke almost died. He's also doing it because Lincoln and Lordes were his friends, his people. Everyone was feeling the losses of the night. Octavia especially was quiet and trapped in her thoughts but Clarke left her alone. She maintained a watchful eye over her friend.

Meanwhile, Clarke used the silence to think. She had a few hours until the morning and she knew this was not going to be well received by her mother or Kane. Only, she didn't care. Jasper has to die for what he did and Clarke needs his information; She only hoped she wouldn't have to cause too much pain to get him to talk.

Clarke wishes deep down that he will speak to her and spill his truths in hopes of mercy. Manipulation has always been a weapon of choice for Clarke while Wanheda prefers the direct approach. The battle between the two entities that existed within her didn't frighten her though; it gave her hope that she had more options on how to handle this situation. She could and would apply both pain and manipulation. Jasper will bend and break beneath her will.

She just isn't sure she can grant him mercy. Not like this. Not after what he did.

She doesn't feel merciful tonight. She doesn't think she'll ever feel truly merciful ever again after tomorrow. Tomorrow she completes her cycle, tomorrow she not only embraces the harsh realities of their world and laws once more, but she will let Wanheda run wild in hopes for truth.

Clarke Griffin wants vengeance.

Wanheda wants answers.

As she enters the gates of Arkadia the grounds are very quiet with a few large fires burning. The mud is frozen and there's a thick layer of frost covering the ground. She sees few people and she thinks that may be a good thing right now. She is in full Wanheda mode and she doesn't want to be bothered; her face is stoically masking the torment and rage within. Clarke leads them at a brisk pace to the Ark doors where she turns to face Ryder.

"Take Jasper to see my mother and she can check his wound. I don't want him bleeding out before I have a chance to talk to him. When she's done take him to the back corner of the camp where we had the broadleaf man. I will deal with him later. Ryder,  _stay_   _with_   _him_. Make sure no one speaks to him and have a few men create a large perimeter around him – I do not want to be disturbed when I question him."

"Sha, Wanheda,"  _Yes, Wanheda._  Ryder replied adjusting his grip on Jaspers shoulder with a slight nod. He shoved him roughly into the Ark towards the medical bay.

Clarke turned to Octavia, "I need the radio."

Octavia nodded and followed Clarke inside to Raven's mechanics bay. It was weird going in there without Raven around but it still felt like she was with them. Her presence was all around that area and Clarke did not miss the smile it gave Octavia up on entering. She quickly took out Raven's radio from her pack and they sat down to contact Polis.

"Ark to Polis, Come in Raven." There is dead air and crackles on the other end. "Ark to Polis, come in Raven."

Another crackle followed before she heard the click and she listened. "Clarke?" Raven's voice filled the room. "Is everything okay? Lexa is low-key losing it man."

"No, everything is most definitely not okay. Where is Lexa?" Clarke demanded and waited. A minute or so later she heard the voice she was dying to hear.

"I'm here Clarke," Lexa's voice pierced the mechanics bay through the radio and Clarke felt her shoulders relax just slightly. Her voice was strong but concerned, very concerned. She felt her little lion heart roar and thump for her in her chest.

"Hi," she sighed into the radio.

"Clarke," Lexa said in response trying to bring her back to the situation at hand. "What happened?" Her voice told Clarke she knew how she was feeling. Somehow Lexa knew of the dread, torment and rage inside her even miles away. It made Clarke feel lighter than she had a few moments ago.

"We were ambushed," Clarke said quickly before adding, "Octavia and I are fine, as is Ryder, but we lost Lordes and…and Lincoln." Clarke choked out the last name in a dry sob. There was silence on the other end as they absorbed the information. Clarke took the opportunity to continue, "It was Jasper and about ten warriors."

"FUCKING JASPER? I AM GOING TO KILL THAT MOTHER-FU-" Raven's voice roared through the radio before it was cut off. There was silence on the other end before Clarke heard Lexa come through one more time.

"Do you know which Clans the warriors were from?" Lexa voice hurried into the radio and Clarke heard what she assumed was Raven breaking things in the background. The sounds brought a small twitch to the corner of Octavia's mouth.

"No," Clarke answered her. "Not yet. There were no markings or symbols on them."

"Do any of them live?"

Clarke swallowed, "Only Jasper." She knew why Lexa was asking. She knew her policy for getting information and she knew, in no uncertain terms how Lexa would get those answers. She told her exactly how she would do it before. She swallowed the memory like it was a midnight snack.

Silence followed.

"Clarke," Lexa voice was soft and concerned now.

"I know Lexa." And she did know. She knew why Lexa was concerned. She knew Lexa was wondering if Clarke could handle hurting her friend for information. She knew the brunette was worried about the pain this would cause Clarke, "I can do this."

And she can, she knows she can because she  _has_  to. Her options are to let Jasper simply be cut to his death or be tortured and cut to his death for answers they desperately needed. Jasper could be the missing link that connects everything. It's really not an option at all. Clarke can give him once chance to speak true and if he remains silent, well, she'll deal with that when it comes.

"Do you want me to come to you?" Lexa asked through the radio.

"You won't get here in time. I have to do this. He dies tomorrow…  _after_  I get our answers," Clarke's voice was on the tip of cold and callous. Vengeful. It did not scare her.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

 _Yes._  "No."

Silence followed before she heard the click and another crackle.

"Okay," Lexa's voice was still soft and concerned.

Clarke took a deep breath and sighed it out, "I just needed to hear your voice. That's all I need."

"Okay hodness,"  _Okay, love._

They remained on the radio for some time after that. Clarke filled them in on their trip and the ambush some more. She told them she was having a party head back for the bodies as they spoke. Come morning she will have a better chance to look for marks, symbols and clues. Come morning she will need to deal with Jasper.

When they were finishing it took a long while for Clarke and Lexa both to leave the radio's. It was like watching an old movie from the early 2000's when a couple won't hang up the phone first. For a long while Clarke just listened to Lexa's breathing through the radio. Why? Because she asked to hear it that's why; it helped calm her nerves. It filled her up with the warmth and love she desperately longed for - the one that was miles away in a tower of the capitol.

Clarke and Octavia remained in her old room for a while. They cuddled up on Clarke's bed and tried to get some sleep. What sleep they did find was sparse and they often woke up through the night. Come morning's light creeping in the window of her room she finally got out of bed from a very fitful sleep. She didn't feel rested but she felt…powerful. That was the only way to describe her right now. She felt like she was inhuman, a freak, a goddess coming to exact revenge.

Clarke had bloodlust as soon as her feet hit the ground.

She spent the entire night dreaming of the ambush. Thinking about the 'what ifs' and being tormented by the first image she ever had of Jasper. She was betrayed. Betrayal never sat well with Clarke, Lexa knew that best of all. It had taken Clarke months to finally get over it and see it for what it was: the right decision. The one she would make as well. But Jasper's betrayal runs deeper. He betrayed Clarke, Lincoln, Octavia and his people in one fell swoop. And for Clarke and Wanheda, well, there was simply no excuse for it. His vengeance was misplaced, his mind warped with grief and his actions unjustified.

He deserves whats coming to him.

She made her way outside followed by a silent Octavia, only to be cut off by her mother. "Clarke," she said in a warning tone.

Clarke had her warpaint, weapons and fur hood on. She lowered the hood to properly address her mother. "No. There's no way around this. He made his choice, he attacked his people, he betrayed us all, he attacked his clan leader, and he  _killed_  Lincoln. He is a traitor."

"Lexa-"

Clarke cut her off for even thinking it, "Lexa has nothing to do with this. I made this decision. She cannot be here to carry it out either. It falls on me," Clarke said curtly. No emotion in her voice.

"Clarke, this isn't right." Abby had her hands on her hips and was shaking her head.

"None of this is  _right._  This is reality. Our reality. This is the way of our people, this is how I will protect them and uphold the laws we live under. Reality sucks," Clarke hissed.

"He's your friend," Abby said choking on her emotions.

"I am not a child anymore. He  _was_  my friend. Last night he tried to kill me. That bullet Lincoln took was for me!" She stepped into her mom's space and Abby was forced to take a step back at the intensity of Clarke.

"He what? Clarke, you don't have to do this. Not like this-"

Clarke cut her off with a raised hand. "Jasper  _is_  a child. If you want to coddle one I'll give you ten minutes with him before I come to destroy him." Clarke turned and head towards the back corner of camp.

Abby did not follow. Abby did not go see Jasper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am thinking of ending part ii soon, just looking for the right breaking off point before starting part iii  
> Please be patient, things are getting complicated and I really need to work out the flow!
> 
> This was another serious note and I hated it.


	59. Torture sometimes works

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hah Bye Jasper you prick  
> *This may be hard to read for some of you so this is your warning*
> 
> For those of you who are dead inside like me I hope you... enjoy?

Clarke went to inspect the bodies from the Ambush. Just as she suspected, there were no marks, no clues, no symbols to identify them. She huffed, sometimes she hated being right.

As Clarke walked on from the bodies her thumb was gracing the handle of her dagger on her thigh. She eyed the SkaiKru guards that were in the grounds now holding their guns firmly and heads held high.  _They're so proud of the guns they hold._  It made her sick. She had the gun Jasper used last night in her belt on her back, it felt heavy but today it was not weighing her down. Today, it gave her strength to do what needs to be done. Later, she would burn it with his body. She'd bury or burn them all if she could.

And maybe she will one day.

But for now, they need them. They're an advantage against the rebel clans. She made a mental note to request Lexa to have TriKru train the Arkers in hand to hand weapons and combat.

Octavia caught up to her once more with some food. She quickly nibbled at some berries and nuts before washing it down with an herbal tea she had made. They sat in silence until they were both finished. She felt Octavia's eyes on her and she met them with ease. If anyone knew the deep issues surrounding today it was Octavia.

"Are you okay?" Clarke asked quietly.

Octavia swallowed, "No."

Clarke nodded. Lincoln was her lover. Jasper was her friend from day one. He was a puppy with a crush but he and Octavia had forged a bond. He severed that bond last night. She could see the effects of it in Octavia's eyes. Her friend was hurting today for many reasons. "I will get us our answers," she promised her. "I won't do this to him in vain."

"I know," she said solemnly eyeing the back corner where Jasper was. "I will be right behind you Clarke."

Clarke nodded, "I couldn't do this without you ya know."

Octavia gave her a tiny smirk, "I know that too."

Clarke swallowed, "O…"

"Yeah?"

"If you want to end it. If you want to take your cuts that are due. If you want his blood for Lincoln's I will grant you that."

She watched as Octavia jaw clenched and unclench as she thought about Clarke's offer. She didn't offer because she wanted the guilt to go away. She didn't offer because Clarke didn't think she could end Jasper's life herself. She didn't offer to remove some blood off her hands. She offered because she wanted to deliver Octavia some peace, some vengeance, some retribution for Jasper's mistake. She offered her closure on both relationships.

"Okay," Octavia finally said meeting her eyes again.

Clarke nodded. She wasn't prepared to allow any other member make a cut, only Octavia. She owed it to her. Closure is priceless and Octavia deserved every ounce of it.

Clarke looked to the sky and took some deep breaths. She heard more and more people coming out of their tents and the Ark. She heard whispers and felt their eyes on her form every direction. She ignored them and stood. She pulled her hood on and walked slow and deliberately towards the back corner. They could watch if they liked. She only expected to see TriKru in the perimeter she had them set around Jasper. She didn't think the SkaiKru would watch this particular event. Word was spreading fast and the faces around Clarke went pale each time she looked their way.

Wanheda was bloodthirsty. They saw it and sensed it but Clarke did not care.

You're fucking right she's bloodthirsty and she has every right to be.

So what if she may be a little unhinged and emotional – this decision was made with both her head and her heart. Wanheda and Clarke agreed most vehemently on this particular morning.

She rounded the final corner and there he was. Limply hanging from a post, his toes just hitting the ground, his handless arm grotesque and swollen above his head. Clarke swallowed  _and so it begins._

"Ryder embers from the fires," she commanded and he hurried off with a nod. Clarke kept moving forward towards Jasper. He was asleep as far as she could tell at the moment. She remained silent eyeing him as she ghosted over the ground.

As she got closer she saw the faintest smirk on his sleeping face.

Something inside her snapped like a branch and she stormed quickly into the zone and reached up to his one remaining hand. She pulled the pinky finger and gave a sharp twist and heard a satisfying crack.

"Aaaargh!" Jasper's scream filled the camp.

Clarke fucking smiled at his pain.  _Good._  "Good morning Natrona,"  _Good morning traitor._ Jasper said nothing in response. Clarke's eyes flashed with anger before she narrowed them once more. "I want answers," she hissed.

"I don't see why I need to tell you anything," his voice was dry from pain and lack of water.

Clarke swiftly reached up and broke the ring finger earning another yell of pain from the boy. "You will speak your truths," she said coldly. "If you tell me I can end this quickly."

He shook his head, "Just kill me already!"

"You don't deserve mercy," Clarke said coldly.

Jasper cackled like a maniac, "You call death mercy? Boy,  _they've_  really done a number on you haven't they?"

Clarke swung her fist and connected with his jaw, a tooth went flying from his mouth in the force of the blow. " _I am Wanheda,"_ she hissed, "Death can be merciful. If you do not speak yours will not be."

Anger flashed in his eyes, "You killed Maya. You killed a whole entire population in seconds. You destroyed over three hundred lives. Was that mercy? Was Monty's death mercy Clarke?"

Clarke growled as she broke his middle finger this time with a loud 'pop' before moving to the next digit. "I did what I," 'snap', "had to do," 'pop' his pointer finger and thumb now broken too. She ignored his screams of pain and continued. She struck him in the gut, "And Monty's death is not on me. He doesn't blame me." For some reason she knew it to be true. The crossed with a right elbow breaking Jasper's nose.

Ryder appeared and poured the burning embers at Jaspers feet grinning as the burning coals singed his flesh instantly. Jasper was now trying to pick his feet up from the burning ground beneath him. Clarke signaled to Ryder, "I think he's a little too high off the ground wouldn't you say?"

Ryder nodded, his eyes as vengeful as Clarke felt. Clarke removed her dagger from her thigh and toyed with it between her finger tips as Jaspers eyes landed on her. She stepped closer, her boots hitting the embers but she paid them no mind. Ryder lowered the boy's tethers and he danced in the burning coals with a twisted face of pain and blood on his face. Clarke took her dagger and stabbed him in the thigh forcing his right foot into the embers hard. She smelled the burning flesh but it only fueled the flame inside her. "Maybe, Monty blames  _you_  for his death. Maybe he blames  _you_  for not being there. Maybe he blames  _you_  for letting him die  _alone."_

She removed her dagger and slit his cheek open to watch the blood trickle down his cheek and onto his chest. She saw tears in his eyes and she continued her low hiss, "Maybe, if you hadn't have been drunk that night he would still be alive. You both could have gotten out of the Ark." She didn't know if Jasper had been drinking that night, but her gut told her to dig there so she did. She was not wrong. Jasper wailed in response.

Clarke smiled. He was breaking before her. Both her words and her force was bending his determination.

_Maybe torture does work._

She stepped closer and stabbed the dagger into his nub arm as another more blood curdling howl escaped Jasper. "Who was in the woods?"

He didn't answer he just screamed again. She twisted the dagger hearing the juices and muscle tissues tear beneath her blade, "Who was in the ambush Jasper?"

"Stop! Please stop!"

She removed the dagger and Jasper went limp but his body was trembling against the embers burning his feet. As soon as she removed the dagger she was using it again, this time she quickly shaved a strip of skin off his thigh causing him to bounce and jump against the embers and his tied arms above his head. "This ends when I have what I need to know," she seethed and cut again. She was filleting Jasper alive. She would do this all day if she needed. Wanheda was no phased by the blood or the gore. No, Wanheda wanted more.

"Clarke!" he screamed in agony. She paid him no attention. She took her fist and clocked him twice in the face, her knuckles screamed at the contact but it felt good. She laid another and another into the soft flesh and bone. On the last blow she felt his right cheek pop in a fracture. She paid no mind to her bleeding tore up knuckles.

"It is  _Wanheda_  to you boy. Clarke doesn't exist to you.  _Not anymore_." She stabbed his thigh forcing his foot into the embers again and causing him to writhe in pain, "Now. Tell me what I want to know!"

This time she elbowed him to the ribs. She felt and heard a satisfying crack as one of his ribs fractured. She smirked and took her dagger and stabbed shallow where she knew he break was. Then she twisted it causing the bone to adjust inside him to make room for the blade. He groaned and shook and cried out again. "Speak," she hissed removing the dagger.

"Kill me."

"I will," she said this time stabbing him in the shoulder right near the joint. This time she left her dagger there and slowly and agonizingly began to twist it. "Tell me who was in the woods."

He screamed in pain as she felt tendons ripping with the motion of her blade, for good measure she struck him two more times with her free hand. He opened his mouth and screamed as she twisted the dagger removing it before plunging it into the other one. She began her slow twist of the blade again, when he screamed this time she swiftly bent and picked up an ember. It burnt her fingers but she barely noticed, she shoved it in his gaping mouth and ripped the dagger out of his shoulder only to clip the bottom of Jasper's chin forcing him to close his mouth on the ember.

He howled and shrieked when she finally let him spit it out, "Okay, okay" he sputtered. Clarke waited but he said nothing more so she growled again and stabbed into the gut. Deep. She pulled him by the shoulder to plunge the blade even deeper and she whispered in his ear, "You could have saved Monty from death. You betrayed Harper by leaving her in the woods. You murdered Lincoln. You attacked me. You are a boy with no people, a boy with no life left. Your time is running out."

He gasped and blood was spilling from his mouth and the multiple cuts to his face, Clarke removed the dagger and kneed him in the gut feeling another break and pop of another rib. He gasped again and screamed in agony. It was music to Clarke's ears. "Tell me your truths. I will end this."

When he did not speak Clarke sneered and stepped back. Jasper seemed to relax until Clarke called Octavia over. It was time for manipulation.

The young brunette eyed Jasper who was now looking at her pleadingly. He wanted her to end this. She slowly moved closer to him. Her warrior mask in place but her eyes were filled with pain and fury. She was torn between getting revenge for Lincoln and the love she felt for her friend. Clarke watched as she took a deep breath to steady herself when jasper called out to her.

"You will tell her what she wants to know Jasper," she said quietly in his ear standing in the embers as well. "You tell her or I will make this worse for you." She took her own dagger and dragged it across the skin on his ribs opening his side with a loud splatter and rip. "Do it now and this will end, do this now and you can rest Jasper.  _Do this now and you'll meet them again_."

His eyes flew open as he stared into hers. Clarke watched as her words sunk in. She watched as a calm serene look filled his features, he looked peaceful despite the obvious pain. Clarke moved forward, gripping her dagger tightly. "Who was in the ambush?"

Jasper was gasping for air; his eye was almost completely swollen shut, "Broadleaf." He gasped, "They found me the night I left Harper."

"What did they want?"

"You or the Commander."

Clarke growled and struck him again. She couldn't help it. He almost got her killed, he killed Lincoln, they lost Lordes and the ambush was meant for Lexa and her. She was furious and seeing red.

"How did you know we would be there?"

"I didn't. I told you I had waited. I knew which route you would most likely take. It was just a waiting game."

Clarke sighed, "So you didn't  _know_  we were coming that night?"

Jasper shook his head no and Clarke nodded. "Does broadleaf have any bears?"

She ignored Octavia's look and she continued to watch Jasper, "No. No bears."

"Did they say anything about a dreamwalker?"

"No? But I wasn't exactly privy to their conversations," Jasper said through gurgled breaths.

He was in pain; this conversation was wearing him out. Jasper Jordan was dying in front of them as they spoke to him. This was not mercy. Not yet.

Clarke stepped closer, "Is there anything else we need to know?" Her tone was softer now but still had an edge. Wanheda was still very much in control.

"As far as I know, there's rife between the rebel clans. Something big, they all seemed scared and on edge."

Clarke nodded. That must be because of the dreamwalker. "Okay, did you see any shallow valley members or Azgeda?"

Again, he shook his head. "Okay Octavia, I think it's time," she said quietly to the brunette beside her.

Jasper looked at Clarke through his labored breaths and half dead eyes. He looked remorseful and scared. "Thank you."

His thanks was sincere. "Goodbye Jasper. I grant you your mercy," Clarke said.

Octavia moved quickly and took her blade and stabbed him directly in the heart. He fell limp instantly and the peaceful smile was once again on his lips. "May we meet again," Octavia murmured quietly against his ear.

Clarke took one final look at them both, she took a deep breath and left the area. She never noticed the crowd that had silently formed around them until they parted around her like the red sea. She walked straight through them without a word to anyone.

_Torture sometimes worked._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture Jasper as Jason or something and we good fam.
> 
> Also, today I learned that when you write what could be considered two novels in under a month and a half you have a fucking PROBLEM.


	60. Post-Torture effects

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath

Four days had passed since Jasper met his maker on the tree.

The atmosphere around Arkadia wasn't as thick as it could have been; it wasn't even as suffocating as two days ago. The world seems to spin a lot faster when you actually have your feet on the ground instead of watching it from space.

The bodies were cremated on the pyres the afternoon of Jasper's torture. Clarke held the proceedings and lit the fire on her own. This was the first time without having Lexa beside her.

But death was not new to Clarke. She had buried many of friends by the drop ship on her own. Saying goodbye to who Jasper  _used_  to be, saying goodbye to Lincoln was just as hard as then. But Clarke did what she always does: she picked up the pieces and forged ahead.

May we meet again is no longer just something they say.

It is something Clarke now knows to be true.

Alex and Claire found each other and destroyed the world.

Clarke and Lexa found each other and are simply trying to survive it.

Reincarnation is real. The dreamwalker is real. The fucking bear she rides is real. The assassination mark is  _real. Too real._

Clarke cannot afford to be stuck in the past and holding on to the things that tether her down. She needs to focus on the tasks at hand. She needs to fix everything for everyone. Or die trying. So during the day she holds her head high and continues with the preparations happening in Arkadia and completing her duties to her people. At night, in a bed that's missing her heart, is when the dreams bombard her. She used to dream of Lexa's green eyes haunting her after Mount Weather. Then her sleeps were nightmare free and content, filled with Lexa and making her heart sing.

But now, after what she did to Jasper, the dreams are back with a vengeance. She's haunted nightly; she doesn't sleep much, if at all. In her dreams Jasper is a giant tied to a tree, he is a metaphorical mountain and she's hacking, slashing and driving her sword into him. Her tiny form has little effect on the giant Jasper and even as she sees his ribs break and exit his skin on their own, raining blood on her from above, she cringes and he seems unaffected. He looks at her with giant dead black eyes and calls for mercy.

That's how the dream ends, every time she wakes for the past three nights. She wants nothing more than to be in Lexa arms holding her tight and keeping her nightmares at bay.

But Lexa is not here so Clarke does not rest. She will rest when they are together again. She will bear her nightmares as a badge of honour for stepping up and doing what needed to be done. And she would do it again. Everything she does she does for her people. The minute Jasper made his move against her, he made his move against them. She knew in her head it was necessary to get the information and make an example of him. She also knew that the giant who haunts her dreams is not the man she killed on the tree. The Jasper in her dreams is the same boy she met the first day on Earth. He even has those fucking goggles on. She mourns the death of her friend, but she knows deep down he died long ago.

He never  _really_  came back from the mountain.

There were many looks flashed Clarke's way from the people around her over the last few days. The TriKru had a profound new look of respect, even more so than what they had before. Their bows even seemed a little deeper when she would pass. They had seen Clarke be just as ruthless as Lexa and it was showing. Clarke got them some answers they needed. She earned more than their respect. She earned their faith, she earned the right to protect them, and she earned the right to lead in their eyes. They were no longer listening to her commands because Heda told them too so long ago. They were listening now because she earned their service and sacrifice if need be.

The SkaiKru's looks held a different story. Some had fear plastered on their faces if she even glanced their way. Some showed shock or awe. Some wouldn't even look her in the eye. But others, well, some of the others actually changed their looks after the second day. Their faces now held true to what Lexa believed for Clarke all along. They believed in Clarke, those looks were pouring their hopes and dreams into her. These people would fight and die for her.

Lexa was right, as she normally is. She had told Clarke the initial looks of fear would fade in time. Lexa had experienced these very situations more than once. They just needed time to see Clarke for who she is again: Their leader. Their savior. Their protector. The only one of them able and willing to do exactly what it takes to keep them alive, even if it means stepping over a line she used to be afraid of.

Yes, the looks will change in time to join the ones already looking to her for guidance and hope.

It takes as long as it takes.

She wasn't going to let it effect how she leads them. She wouldn't let it dampen her hold on the harsh realities or hope for a better future. It wouldn't force her to second guess her decisions. She cares and she cares and she cares. That will never change. She will do what must be done.

Abby has not spoken to Clarke much at all, mostly because Clarke's been avoiding her. She can't deal with an overprotective mother right now. It seems without Lexa around Abby views Clarke as someone who can't protect herself. Or maybe it was just that Lexa always had a protective eye on her. Abby trusts Lexa with Clarke's life. Without her here she only sees her daughter again. Clarke knows her mother is simply losing her grip on things, it's easy to pass the baton off to someone else to carry but it is difficult for a Griffin to lose the want for control. Abby wishes to mother because it's something she's good at. She is a caregiver, a healer, a doctor and a mother. She is love and compassion embodied. And Clarke's been sort of hard on her.

They've been in contact with Polis everyday twice a day. Clarke always makes sure to allow herself and Octavia privacy to speak with their loved ones in the city. It's small comfort each day helps them cope with the distance. Hearing their voices helps calm the ache inside.

Octavia has been quite reserved the last few days. Clarke doesn't blame her in the least. But she's kept a close eye on her friend, Octavia may be watching Clarke's back but Clarke is making sure her friend is emotionally okay. She's been supportive, she's been a shouler dto cry on, she's been a sounding board and she's been a rock for the small brunette. Helping Octavia through her grief has been helpful to Clarke as well. It helps remind her that they both are mourning. They both played a part in Jasper's death. They both sought vengeance for Lincoln. They did it together.

And Clarke would not forget it.

She and Octavia forged a new bond that day; one that would never be severed. They are emotionally connected in more ways than one. It is ironic how death can bring people closer together.

On the business side of things, from what they've been told the meetings have continued, Clarke's whereabouts are still unknown to all but Lexa which is good news. It means for some reason the dreamwalker can't see where she is and it means that no one escaped the ambush to tell anyone who knew of it she survived. The only members that would know that (she hoped) were Broadleaf because it was their raiding party that night.

Clarke has spent the last couple days with the TriKru warriors working with SkaiKru on combat. Lexa and her decided they would need the Arkers to be better prepared for any battles that should arise and they wanted to get started before winter fell. She is pleasantly surprised by the enthusiasm shown by both sides to do this. They would each teach the other and prosper. The SkaiKru aren't great but they are learning quickly. She notices the more she assists in the training, the more SkaiKru join in. The more they SkaiKru join in, the more they look to Clarke without fear. It warms her insides.

Lexa was right.

~L~

Lexa is pacing. She does it everyday. She does it more so at night when sleep evades her. She does it more and more the longer Clarke is out of arms reach. She thinks about her constantly and aches until she hears her voice on the radio. It's a small comfort but it soothes her insides to know, to hear it for herself that Clarke's okay.

She knows she's not totally okay.

It's part of the reason why Lexa has such a hard time sleeping at night. She can feel Clarke's guilt, fear and mourning grip her like ice. It never comes at the same time of night but it always comes. Sometimes, often actually, it happens more than once a night. Clarke is suffering in her sleep and Lexa wants nothing more than to go to her, to hold her tight and whisper in her ear. But she remains in Polis because of the meetings and the assassination threat. She knows Clarke fears for her life and this was a great plan of action.

But it did not mean she had to like it.

Which she didn't.

"You are distracting me," Raven called out to her from a row of dusty filing cabenets in the annexes.

Lexa kept her pacing, "Ignore me."

"I feel like you don't understand what distracting means."

"I feel like I do and still you should try to ignore me."

"Stop pacing."

Lexa stopped and looked at Raven who had her brown eyes glued to her over her shoulder.

"You're going to pace again as soon as I look away aren't you?"

"You've been at my side for days Raven, you know the answer to that."

Raven chuckled and looked away. Of course, Lexa began pacing again. "I just…hate this."

"I know the feeling," Raven sympathized her head still close to a piece of parchment she was looming over.

"She's hurting," Lexa sighed and looked at Raven, she slowed her pace slightly.

Raven nodded, "We knew she would. Jasper was one of the original delinquents. He was a good guy once upon a time because this place destroyed him."

Lexa furrowed her brow and Raven quickly amended, "Earth destroyed him. The way the world is on the ground, it's nothing like what we imagined in space. You need to understand we didn't think anyone was fucking here. Imagine their surprise when they find out they inadvertently started a war as fucking babies. Most of them weren't even eighteen yet. They grew up quickly, we all did…Jasper, who he was, died in the mountain the day Clarke brought it down. He never recovered. We all knew but did nothing about it."

"You were all grieving your own losses. Most of you did not succumb to them." Even as she spoke it, she thought of Clarke. She thought about how close Clarke had come to succumbing to her losses as well as her takes. Her heart panged for her once more before she was filled with warmth, she could feel Clarke's love swell within her and she knew, Clarke was thinking of her too.

Raven nodded with glossy eyes, "Yeah but parts of all of us have succumbed to it. Everyone has changed since their feet touched the ground. Life became survival not living. This world is ready to chew us all up and spit us out. We weren't prepared for it."

Lexa crossed and sat down beside her, "We train as warriors as soon as we are old enough to decide our paths. I started when I was five in TonDC." She understood what Raven meant, Lexa knew at a young age that the world was harsh. That's why she picked up a sword in the first place.

"Exactly, the world is fucked. It's ironic, in space we weren't trained for combat unless you were part of the guard. We went to school and got regular jobs to keep the Ark in motion. It was survival but a different kind. On Earth where you should be able to live free and wild, you were just trying to stay alive. Never in a million years did we imagine we would have to actually  _fight_  on the ground."

"In space, did you know Clarke?"

"No. I met Abby on the Ark and she helped me get down here. When I landed it was Clarke that found me. She's been my best friend ever since."

"Has she changed much from then?"

Raven leaned back in her seat thinking. "Yes. She's changed a lot. For the better though I might add," she looked at Lexa, "she changed after all the things she's had to do for us. But she's changed even more from your influence, after meeting you, she was…different."

Lexa waited for her to elaborate. Raven seemed to be lost in her memories for a moment.

"After you, she wasn't running so much on fumes. She was running on gasoline. It was like you ignited something inside her, she walked a little taller, talked a little louder, pushed a little harder and loved even greater. It was like you inspired her, I guess she saw herself in you. Now we know why obviously but still, she needed you. She  _needs_  you." Raven laid her hand gently on Lexa's and squeezed.

"She changed me too," Lexa whispered with a small smile viewing their hands on the table. "It is I that needs her."

Raven rolled her eyes, "You two  _would_  argue over who needs the other more."

Lexa laughed, "It's one of the things we are great at."

They spent the rest of the afternoon together in the annexes discussing policy and laws. They spoke of the history of the commanders. They discoursed on theories and past issues. Lexa found Raven's intelligence valuable. The woman taught her more than one thing that day. Raven had calmed Lexa that day; she didn't pace the rest of the afternoon. Lexa learned that she needed her friend, she found comfort from her in Clarke's absence.

For now, it would have to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are NOT ready for what's coming


	61. Wanheda Wears Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Covert Wanheda

Clarke pulls her hood up over her blond braids as she tucks herself closer to the bonfire. She rubs her palms together to warm her hands through her gloves. It was bitter cold today and the wind chill was just beyond freezing. Clarke is sitting beside Octavia having lunch when Ryder approaches.

"Wanheda," he nods, "Broadleaf gathers in the borderlands to the East."

Clarke meets his gaze, "How many?"

"A small army, maybe two hundred warriors."

"Azgeda? Shallow Valley?" Clarke asks.

Ryder nods, "The scouts from their lands tell us Azgeda has men heading their way. A day or two off."

Clarke and Octavia both stiffen, "They're too close to Arkadia. Are they joining their forces?"

Ryder shakes his head, "We will not know until we hear the war horns. They either play them before they meet Broadleaf or they wait until they march on Arkadia together."

Clarke's mind takes off on a tangent weighing the implications and viewing their options. She's standing before she realizes it. "Send the scouts, send them in teams I want good warning if they pass the border." She's walking to the Ark without another word. She hears Octavia on her heels, their lunch forgotten.

"Clarke, what are we going to do?"

"Whatever I need to to keep them all safe."

"You can't save everyone Clarke."

Clarke stopped and spun to face Octavia halting her march, "I do not need to be reminded." She turned and walked again, "It doesn't mean I won't try."

"Clarke," Octavia called running after her now.

"I need to speak with Lexa, now." Clarke tore into the Ark at a dizzying pace.

"It's not our scheduled time Clarke, they may not be there."

"Don't care. Someone might be listening!" She rounded the corner to the mechanics bay. She stormed in and began fiddling with the radio. She worked to get it in clear before trying to contact. When she finally got ahold of someone on the other end of the radio she waited patiently for the person to go get Raven or Lexa.

"Clarke?" Raven spoke into the radio.

"Raven, who the hell was that before?" Clarke demanded confused.

"Oh that was Mila, I asked her to keep an ear on the radio and I taught her how to use it."

"She didn't speak, she just clicked the button a few times."

"Oh. Well, we'll work on it!" Raven said cheerily forcing both Clarke and Octavia to smirk and the latter roll her eyes.

"How is everything there?"

"Everything is okay here, although Lexa seems pretty agitated the last couple days." Clarke smirked, she knew the feeling; it was inside her every day since she left and it wasn't coming from the blonde. Whenever she felt it she could just picture Lexa pacing around in a fury of thoughts.

"How are the meetings going?"

"Funny you should ask, she was called to one while we were having lunch."

Clarke sighed. Of course she was. "Okay I'm going to hand it over to Octavia, send someone to let Lexa know I need to speak with her when she's done."

Clarke clicked the transmitter and went to sit down in one of the chairs to wait.

She didn't have to wait long.

"Clarke, Clarke are you there?" Lexa voice cut Raven's off and Clarke hopped up. She sounded panicked.

"I'm here Lex, relax. Everything is fine right now."

"Why just right now, what's happening?" Of course Lexa picked apart her words and read between the lines.

Clarke sighed, "There are reports of Broadleaf, two hundred strong in the borderlands-"

"An act of war!" Lexa roared into the radio cutting Clarke off and causing both Clarke and Octavia to jump slightly.

"It's not yet. They haven't crossed the border to Arkadia lands, but they definitely aren't there to have tea. I have word that Azgeda moves as well though we have no numbers on how many marches for their side. We don't know if they are joining forces or about to battle yet."

"Jasper told you Broadleaf was having issues with the other rebel clans. This could be a battle that does not involve our people."

Both radio's went silent as both leaders began to think.

There were a few moments of silence on the other end. "Clarke, I'm coming to you."

"No Lexa."

"Clarke."

"I said no," Clarke said sternly but full of love. "I will handle this. I will have the Arkers prepared for an attack. You can't leave Polis, it isn't safe!"

"Clarke, it's not like my whereabouts are unknown. The assassins know I am in Polis."

"I know that but it's also a hell of a lot safer there then outside its walls. The ambush proves that."

"I am not okay with this."

"I know." And she did. It was killing her to say these things to Lexa. She knew Lexa wished to be at her side and help her but she just couldn't risk losing Lexa. She couldn't have her risking her life to come out here and hold Clarke's hand while she fights for her people. "Lexa, I am going out there. To the borderlands." She also could not lie to her.

"Clarke," Lexa breathed into the radio, "why?"

"Because they won't expect it."

Octavia was staring at Clarke like she had three heads. She could only assume Lexa would be making the same stern expression as her warrior friend.

"She didn't like that," Raven voice came through the radio. "She had to step out a moment."

Clarke sighed. She has to go out there. She needs to see this for herself. She needs to see who comes to lead the clans. Maybe she can spy and get her own information just by watching. She didn't need to put herself in harms way, she could watch from the shadows. Maybe then, she could  _see all_  herself.

Clarke swallowed and clicked back into the radio, "Raven. I need you to watch her. I have to go out there. I need to get information. Please, you have to keep her calm and from doing anything rash."

"Clarke she's the fucking heda."

"I don't care and neither should you. She's your friend and my soulmate and goddammit she is going to listen to you! Make her if you have to! Make her see reason. Raven, her head and heart will battle over this one. No matter what happens out there. Promise me you'll look out for her. I need you."

"Clarke! I am not okay with this plan of action either!"

"That's never stopped me before. Promise me Raven."

She heard the radio click and a deep sigh from Raven as she spoke, "I promise."

Clarke dropped the transmitter and left the room. She vaguely heard Octavia ramble into the radio as the doors closed behind her.

She was speeding out of the Ark at an unnatural speed. She located Ryder, "I am going out there."

"Wanheda?"

Clarke held her hand up, "Yes. I am going and you are staying here. I don't care what Lexa told you, when she's not around I am in charge, especially in Arkadia. You will do this."

She watched as Ryder chewed on his cheek and set his jaw, "She will not like this."

Clarke nodded feeling bad for the man. He only wished to serve them both. And Clarke was asking him to not serve his Heda right now. She understood his torment; she did not blame him for it. She welcomed it, it meant her cared. "I know. I told her what I was going to do. She's not happy with me either right now."

Ryder said nothing but she did not miss the tiny twitch of his lips that threatened a smirk.

She took a step closer and laid a hand on his chest, "I need you here. If they come this way I need you and Indra to lead the defense if I don't make it back in time."

Ryder swallowed before nodding, "Sha, Wanheda."

"Ryder," Clarke said speaking a little softer now. He lifted his gaze to meet hers once more, his blue eyes were conflicted and she understood. "If she comes here and I am…not around…you must keep her safe. Please, as a favour to me, keep a close watch over her."

"I always watch over Heda and her interests."

"I know that, but if she shows up before I get back you must keep her focused. If I am not here you know she will panic."

Ryder eyes her once more before nodding in agreement. He was more than aware of their relationship, he had been a watchful eye over them both throughout it. She knew he would do this for her. She made a move to leave him after she said thank you but he grabbed her wrist making her stop.

"You will take Octavia," he said.

It wasn't a command.

It was a request. She saw the conflict in his eyes raging, he wanted to do both: protect Clarke and follow orders.

She nodded, "I will take Octavia no others. It is easier to go unnoticed." He dropped her wrist and she left without another word to gather her things in her tent. Not long after Octavia showed up at the entrance packed and ready to go. She had a large black coat lined with fur on, armed to the teeth once more. Her face paint was on while Clarke was still applying hers.

She packed up when she was finished with the paint and began strapping her weapons to her. She felt empowered as she finally placed her sword on her back. She was ready to go by dusk.

The two pulled their hoods up and slipped through the trees in the dark. They literally snuck out of camp.

Clarke tried not to feel guilty about leaving like this. She tried not to feel slightly broken on the inside for leaving without properly saying goodbye to Lexa on the radio. She tried to ignore the sinking feeling in her stomach that came with every step. But she had to do this. She had to be the one to risk this in hopes to gather Intel that could save her people. She had to sneak out because her whereabouts were still unknown outside of SkaiKru and TriKru right now. She moved in the shadows tonight because she feared the eyes would fall on her if anyone knew. She once again, made this decision rashly in hopes to catch their enemies off guard. She hoped they would not see or suspect her presence. Wanheda was stalking the night, she wasn't going to command death, she was going to get information on just how she could command her enemies death if and when it comes to that.

She had all the best intentions in this course of action.

"Clarke, I don't like this."

"None of us like this," Clarke whispered back as they moved silently through the trees. They kept a fast pace in hopes to reach the borderlands and get a vantage point swiftly. Hopefully by morning at the latest. When they could run they did. When they needed to slow to allow the air back into their lungs they did so.

They saw no one on their trek. Clarke felt no sense that she was being watched but she kept low and her eyes peeled. Her ears were straining against the chilled wind ripping through the trees. "Octavia," Clarke said quietly grabbing the girl's wrist to stop her. Clarke straightened her back and held her shoulders tight, "I need to give you a command."

"This wouldn't be the first time Clarke."

Clarke smiled at her, "I need to give you a command as both Wanheda and your friend."

"I don't like the sounds of that."

"I know. But I have to do it anyways."

"What is it?"

"I need you to promise me you will leave if I fall."

"Clarke! No, I am not leaving your side!"

"Octavia," Clarke raised her voice slightly in hopes to bring her friend back from the edge of screaming. " _If_ I fall, if something happens to me no one will know if you stay here. You don't try to help me. You get your ass out of here. You get back to Lexa."

"She'll kill me if I show up without you."

"She won't. She will understand."

"That's a bold face lie Clarke. If something happens she won't understand. Her world will implode." Clarke winced at the truth of Octavia's statement.

She stood straight and changed her tone, she let Wanheda speak for her. Clarke felt to weak thinking about Lexa and how much her absence would destroy her. "You will do this. You will do as I command of you Octavia Kom TriKru. You will return to your Heda if something should happen to me. You will make no attempts to save me. You will join Lexa and protect her in my absence."

"Clarke you're talking like you expect something to happen."

"I am speaking like this world has taught us. Anything can happen at any given time. I am doing this so we are all prepared. Whatever information we gather doing this must make it back to our people."

"So if something happens to me, you'll just leave?"

Clarke clenched her jaw. Could she do that? Could she turn her back on the brunette warrior and flee to safety. She hadn't thought of that option. She hadn't even considered it. Not because she doubts Octavia's importance, but because of the faith she had in her friend. So she answers the only way she can, the only way she can guarantee Octavia will heed her orders to vanish if Clarke falls. "Yes. If something happens to you I will leave."

"Clarke," Octavia tried to plead with her.

Clarke raised her hand lazily to silence her, "This mission is about Intel. That Intel must reach our people. You were given a command Octavia. If you refuse it I will release you from your duty right now and you may leave my sight."

Octavia swallowed her retort and eyed Clarke carefully. She glanced to the ground with a huff, "Fine. I will do what you ask Wanheda."

And without another word they set off again. As the sky began to lighten in the early hours is when Clarke directed Octavia to climb one of the trees while she crept to the left to find a vantage point of her own.

She was about twenty feet from Octavia's perch where she found a nice spot on a small ledge of the hill that looked down into the sparse set of trees in this part of the borderlands. She remained quiet and still, her hands gripping the log in front of her while she rested crouched on her heels. She breathed slow and steady and watched as the people began to stir in the early hours.

She was looking for their leaders. She was looking for information. She was looking for and advantage. She was looking for an edge.

Inside, she felt deadly. She felt ready. She felt she was in the right place at the right time even with the sinking feeling in her gut.

Something was coming. Something was coming to fruition in this move she rashly made. She wished on every god she ever heard of that she made the right move.

She had to believe.

She thought of her heart back in Polis and it warmed her against the freezing cold.

_Lexa._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You think you know.  
> You have NO IDEA.
> 
> You can probably guess though? Maybe not. I dunno.


	62. Bro's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rae Rae and Lexy Bae

Lexa sighed as she adjusted her posture slightly on her throne. She had been pulled from her lunch with Raven and in to the throne room to await a clan leader’s arrival. It was odd for them to come while most of clan’s ambassador’s were just here and only recently left. So she had been forced to hastily excuse herself from lunch. 

So while she waited for the meeting to begin she was currently forced into listening to Titus ramble on more about Clarke and her influence on her. It is the same nonsense he had spilled to her since she was a child when she was first brought to Polis. It's what he told her when she first cried missing her family. It is the same nonsense he poured into her while Costia still lived. _'To be the commander is to be alone.' ' _Love is weakness.'__

 Except it’s not.

Lexa knows it’s not. She knows with every fibre of her being.

**_Love is not weakness._ **

Love is strength and she had proof.

Clarke's love for her people brought down the mountain. Their love brought peace between TriKru and SkaiKru. Their love killed Nia. Their love protected Arkadia in battle. Their love protected each other. Their love goes beyond these acts and any professions; she feels its warmth within her night and day. She doesn’t imagine feeling Clarke’s emotions within herself - She is increasingly aware of it, she feels it just a little more everyday. Their love transcends time and space; there have been versions of their love throughout time and different versions of the world. She also had proof of this through Alex and Claire. _No Titus, you bald fool, Love is strength._

 Love is a strength so strong it ended the world once.

“Daun ste pleni” _That is enough!_ Lexa bellowed finally fed up with his teachings. “You are wrong Titus. Love is strength. I have seen it, I have felt it.”

 The bald man closed his mouth but his eyes betrayed him. His eyes kept professing his motto silently. She had seen it for years. She grew tired of it. “This _love_ will get you killed Heda,” Titus spoke softer now his head bowed.

Lexa narrowed her eyes at him, “There have been assassination attempts before. This has nothing to do with Clarke.”

“Does it not?” he countered boldly. “This is an assassination mark, meaning _any_ could take the bounty. You cannot even trust the leaders in your coalition now. You _must_ not let your guard down. You lower it completely around Clarke or when concerning Clarke.” 

“I never could trust the coalition members, not truly. You know that best of all, so do not try to pander to me like I am a child. _Ai laik_ Heda.” **_I_** _am Heda._ Lexa eyed him coldly challenging her mentor. “Clarke is different. She’s _special_.”

 “Your feeli-” 

“We have made the pledge Titus," Lexa cut him off and eyed him raising her chin and looking down on him. "We are to bond and unite under the spirits,” her best glare firmly in place, both head and heart as one.

 “You cannot!”

“I can. I will. You can not stop this,” Lexa replied.

 “No Heda has ever taken a mate, an equal. She is _not_ your equal Heda, she is _not_ one of us! You’re people _will_ _not_ accept this!” He shouted.

Lexa remained calm and stoic as ever. She let him have his tantrum. She even smirked as she thought about Clarke. And then the words just flew out of her mouth as if the blonde spoke them, “Are you done?” She even added the cocked eyebrow.

 Titus snapped his mouth shut and he gawked at her.

Lexa stood up and folded her arms behind her back grasping her forearms with each hand. When she spoke her voice was calm but she spoke with passion.

“Clarke is in everyway my equal, she may be _above me_ even. Wanheda’s destruction of the mountain got retribution for years of unjust acts against our people. She did what I could not. _She_ followed through on _our_ tradition of ‘blood must have blood’. _She_ shot and killed Nia, one of the largest threats to our coalition. She has done as much or more for _our_ people than I have!” She eyed him and let her words sink in. “Clarke’s love has given me the strength to fight again Titus. She has given me something else to fight for that just so happens to align with _our_ people’s needs. They deserve a strong Heda. I am strongest with her at my side and in my heart.” 

Titus clenched his jaw and went to speak. Lexa narrowed her eyes and flicked her left hand lazily, silencing him instantly. She actually heard his mouth snap shut again. 

“Clarke is Heda Kom Faete,” Lexa let the final blow fall.

She heard a sharp intake of breath, “You think she is a reincarnate Heda?” His voice was dry and shocked.

Lexa swallowed. Oh she was _so_ much more than that. “I know she is. Titus, the dream memories are real. She has had one. We shared it - each from our own perspective. The first commander was in love with the Commander of Fate. And so am I.”

Titus’s mouth was open and his eyes were shocked. Lexa wished Clarke were here to see it. She made a mental note to describe every detail of this to her later. She internally smirked at his stunned silence. How’s that for ‘love is weakness’?

“The lore is true then,” Titus finally said, his tone softer, almost reverent. _Different_. 

Lexa nodded, “It’s all true.”

“Heda, this…this could change everything. You two would be _most_ _powerful_ joined...”

Lexa nodded again fighting the urge to roll her eyes at how quickly he saw this as a new advantage, “Yes, for many reasons. We must keep this news quiet for now. Many will be happy for the union. But there will be some who fear the close bonds it would create between TriKru and SkaiKru. If we add to it the truth behind who she really is some people will fear the union even more. Not to mention those that call it false.” Lexa furrowed her brow, “But, we do have proof of Heda Kom Jus as part of SkaiKru’s station in space in the annexes so I suppose that will quell the doubters of her reincarnation.” She was rambling and she actually noticed she was pacing now as well.

“The first commander came from the sky?”

 Lexa shook her head and went back to her throne. She sat down and palmed the wooden handles, “In a way. She lived on both Earth and in space just as the mural depicts. Raven found the proof for us the other day.”

A silence filled the large room as Titus went into what Raven has fondly called ‘dad mode’.

Basically, he would chew on his cheeks and you could almost see the gears in his head turning on how to advise Lexa next, how to protect her and how to further her goals. Raven swears it is what made him go bald. They have a weird relationship; Raven annoys the hell out of him with questions whenever Lexa will allow her to corner him. Lexa watches as his eyes light up with curiosity and awe when Raven speaks with him about the scriptures in the annexes. She can tell he is secretly impressed with Raven, though he would never admit it.

“Heda, emo laik hir _.”Heda, they are here._ A guard called from outside the throne room. 

Titus moved to stand on her right and they waited for the party to enter. Lexa bit her cheeks wondering what this was about.

The doors were opened by her guards and Lexa eyed the woman entering. She wore black boots not unlike Lexa’s, she had two curved half swords on her hips. She had a deep purple and black leather armored jacket that landed mid thigh. She had two straps crossing her chest holding a small crossbow and arrows on her back. Her dark brown hair flowed in wild braids on her back and her tan skin glowed.

“Ziva,” Lexa greeted the warrior entering and standing with a nod.

Ziva crossed the throne room and dropped to a knee at her feet, “Heda.”

“Rise, Ziva,” Lexa said waiting for the woman to stand and meet her gaze. Brown eyes met green and Ziva smiled. Lexa returned it and after a beat she held her arm out. Ziva clasped her on the forearm in the ground handshake. Their free hands landed on the other’s shoulder. “It is good to see you again.”

“It has been too long Lexa,” Ziva said in her naturally smooth deep voice. They let go of each other. “Tell me, how is my sister Zora?”

 Lexa smiled warmly thinking of the young nightblood, “She is well. She keeps me on my toes. She will return to you soon.” 

Ziva laughed warmly, “She will drive me crazy.”

“She is not the same child who came to Polis. She will surprise you.” Lexa said warmly.

Ziva smiled at Lexa’s tone when speaking about Zora, “I will hold you to that Heda.” Her tone was light and airy.

Lexa moved and sat down on her throne. “So I doubt you came to discuss Zora. Not that I am not happy to see you, it is simply with everything happening I expected you to be with your clan.” 

“I have left them in good hands. I only brought three guards with me, the army is spread amongst the villages as you had suggested. And I do not plan on being here long.”

 Lexa nodded waiting for her to continue.

“I came to warn you. I was approached and I assume many other clans were or will be as well. They are seeking alliances in what they refer to as the ‘coming of age’ war. His message was clear: civil war between us all. Again.” Ziva paused.

Lexa sighed and absorbed the information for a few moments. It’s not like she hasn’t seen the signs as well. Hell, that’s why they’ve been so careful in their actions just trying to avoid that from happening. She took a deep breath to calm herself and set her jaw and shoulders once more. “Approached by who?”

Ziva swallowed and her eyes shifted from Lexa’s, “Ambrose.”

Lexa frothed with betrayal and stood up, “Blue Cliff Clan.” Her mind flew with the information. Ambrose was a formidable warrior. He was cunning and deadly. He had fought alongside Lexa once upon a time before she formed the coalition. They were close once. He had been a friend of Costia’s and in turn Lexa's before she took command. That’s how they met, that’s when Lexa recognized his abilities and had him promoted in the ranks. She rolled her neck trying to lessen the tension now settling in her shoulders. 

Ziva was nodding, “Their leader has fallen, I assume assassination, Anna was in good health only a week ago. That is why their ambassador did not show to the meeting. Ambrose has taken command. He has left the coalition.”

Lexa huffed and began pacing, “He is a coward. Em don sad kiln.” _He has made his choice._ Lexa eyed Ziva who nodded. She too knew Ambrose from when they were younger. Lexa turned to Titus, “Send riders to our scouts, inform them of this new information. We have had no reports of him entering the rebel clans yet. Send others to the remaining coalition members, they are to be on alert. I want him captured if he steps foot in their villages after today.”

Titus nodded to her commands and left the room. Lexa moved closer to Ziva, “Did you take him up on the offer?” She hated that she had to ask. Ziva had came and warned her, but she needed to hear her say it. She would be able to see her lie if there was one. Lexa had to be careful.

Ziva smiled at her as if she knew, she locked eyes with Lexa, “You know I did not take his offer. I would never betray you Lexa. You have raised my sister for me.”

And Lexa did a very inappropriate thing and pulled Ziva into a hug. The warrior was not lying. Lexa was grateful and showing love like this, with no eyes on them, was not a weakness. Clarke had taught her to love more, so this is what she was doing. Showing the love to people who deserved it. Ziva deserved it.

There was a knock at the door and Ziva and Lexa let go of each other. Lexa crossed to Mila who had just come into the room. “Where is Raven? What is the matter?” She didn’t bother to hide her concern.

“It is Clarke, she asks for your presence on The Raven’s talking thing.”

Lexa was out of the room at the mention of Clarke.

 

*

 

Lexa chewed her lip weighing her options. “Clarke, I’m coming to you.” Her stomach was folding on itself and she was leaning over the table listening.

 "No Lexa."

 _Lexa yes._ "Clarke," she began cautiously.

"I said no," Clarke said sternly but full of love. "I will handle this. I will have the Arkers prepared for an attack. You can't leave Polis, it isn't safe!"

Lexa shook her head; nowhere was _really_ safe right now.She can't expect her to sit this out because her safety is concerned. What about Clarke's safety?  "Clarke, it's not like my whereabouts are unknown. The assassins know I am in Polis." 

"I know that but it's also a hell of a lot safer there then outside its walls. The ambush proves that." Clarke sounded slightly unhinged.

Lexa took a deep breath, "I am not okay with this." Her heart was thundering in her chest trying to quell her worries.

"I know." Clarke paused and Lexa waited for her to continue, "Lexa, I am going out there. To the borderlands."

Her heart was racing all over again. She did not like this idea at all. There's too many risks, too many variables. Too many chanced for something to go wrong. _Clarke, no._ "Clarke, why?" she said instead. 

 "Because I'm hoping they won't expect it." What Lexa heard was: They won't be looking for me out there. Not right now. 

Lexa eye’s widened at the sound of Clarke’s voice. She heard the determination and she knew there was nothing she could say to change her mind right now. She felt the blood rushing to her head relentlessly. Her heart was thudding against her ribcage erratically now. She felt panic fill her bones and settle. She crossed the room throwing a chair into the wall and shattering it before she stormed out.

She was rifling down the hall and back again furiously pacing. Her mind was racing with the implications this could cause. She fought the tears threatening her eyes but she did not let them fall. She tilted her head back slightly and thought of Clarke. She had to be strong. She began on working to slow her breaths while she walked. She closed her eyes and kept her pace. _Thirteen forward. Stop. Turn. Thirteen back. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat._

Her eyes flew open. She turned and went back into the room when she could breath normally once more.

“Raven, I apologize.” Lexa crossed the room after she shut the door, “Are they still on the radio?”

 Raven looked up slowly, she looked slightly ashen faced. She shook her head, “She left.”

Lexa’s eyes flared but Raven did not flinch, instead the brunette stood up. “She said she’s only going for Intel.” She moved to stand in front of Lexa. She slowly reached out and placed a gentle hand on her forearm forcing Lexa to look at her, “Tell me what you’re thinking Lexa, I can’t do Clarke’s freaky mind-reading thing with you.”

Lexa took a deep breath and thought about it carefully before speaking, “I am going to do what Clarke would do.”

Raven tilted her head and narrowed her eyes after a beat she spoke with a raised eyebrow and her arms crossed, “And Clarke wouldn’t have listened to someone telling her to protect herself.”

“See, you can read my mind,” Lexa said turning and beginning to pack her things. They needed to hurry.

Raven scoffed, “Not in the least, I simply know Clarke. Lexa, have you actually thought about this?”

“Enough to know this is the move to make. I can not be here while she is fighting for our people. I will do as she wants and leave it to TriKru and SkaiKru only but I will not sit idle in this tower. I am TriKru!”

“We don’t even know if they’ll be attacking Arkadia!” Raven was following her around as she tore around grabbing things. 

Lexa stopped and turned on her dropping the items on the bed and holding her by the arms, “Raven. You’re a mathematical genius do the odds. You know as well as I that the most likely result is an attack on Arkadia.” She watched as Raven shut her mouth and thought about it.

Raven bit her lip, “I made a promise.”

 Lexa's mouth twitched, “What did she ask you to do?”

“I’m supposed to watch you and to try to keep you from doing anything rash!” she said exasperatedly throwing her arms in the air. 

Lexa paused. She smirked as she thought about how Clarke would handle this, “Well I said it before: I have thought about this enough to know it must be done. So it is not rash. That means you are breaking no promise. Plus, you are coming with me, so you’ll be able to watch me.” Lexa place her hand on her shoulder and gave her a small triumphant smile.

Raven rolled her eyes and smirked, “If we all live Clarke is going to be so mad about this." She shrugged, "I’m down, let’s do it. To Arkadia then?”

 “To Arkadia,” Lexa confirmed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is rubbing off on Lexa so much it warms by little dead heart  
> Raven and Lexyloo are bro's :)
> 
> FUCK YOU JASON


	63. The Bromance Continues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bromance

Lexa and Raven arrived in Arkadia by dusk the following day. Icarus had set a blistering pace and it was all Lexa's two guards could do to catch up. The gates were opened as soon as they were spotted and Lexa led Icarus in. It was obvious that they had gotten there before any attack had happened and for that, Lexa was grateful.

She hopped down when Ryder ran over to meet them, "Ou ste klark,"  _where is Clarke,_  Lexa demanded peering over his shoulder for the blonde. She saw no sign of her. Ryder's eyes shifted nervously when Lexa's green ones landed on him once more. She glared at him with daggers in her eyes, "Answer me!" The blonde should have been back by now surely.

"Heda, she took Octavia and went on her own in the night. Neither have returned yet."

Lexa growled, "I asked you to keep a watch on her."

He nodded. And he leaned in and quietly so no one else could hear he said, "Wanheda demanded that she was in charge in Arkadia. I could not argue with the truth." 

Lexa sighed. Of course she did. Clarke was right too; she had every right to change Ryder's orders. Actually, it was a good idea to leave him to lead the defence in case of Clarke's absence. Lexa could do nothing but be angry that it happened but she _could not_ be angry with the choice Clarke made nor what she asked Ryder to do. Clarke ruled within these walls.

"Have the scouts arrived?"

"Yes, the borderlands are empty, no sign of Broadleaf or Azgeda today. There is evidence of a battle and pyres," he swallowed and eyed her carefully. "Wanheda was nowhere to be found," he finished quietly, so quiet Lexa would not hear it if he hadn't have said it with such raw emotion.

Lexa looked to the sky to hide the tears that were coming, she was feeling overwhelmed, she took a deep breath and felt Raven's arm land on her shoulder. She leaned into the contact before Lexa let Raven gently guide her into the Ark for some privacy. When they made it to Clarke's room Lexa held nothing back. It was too much entering the room without Clarke right now; she collapsed to a heap on the floor. She felt Raven rush to her side and put an arm around her shoulders. The mechanic shifted on her bad leg and awkwardly landed on her ass and began to pull Lexa so her head was leaning on her shoulder. Raven remained silent while Lexa broke down in front of her.

She was grateful for her friend Raven. It did not bother her to show her raw emotion in front of her, Raven understood her connection with Clarke through and through. She was not judging Lexa at all and she knew it. In the privacy of Clarke's ark bedroom it is just a young girl with the weight of the world on her shoulders being held together by a good friend.

"We'll find them," Raven finally whispered when Lexa had calmed down a bit. Lexa's breath hitched. She had been so focused on Clarke she completely forgot about the young warrior that rarely left her side.

" _Octavia_ , oh my god. Raven, I am sorry that was selfish of me," Lexa apologized against her shoulder leaning back so she could look her in the eyes.

Raven gave her a small sympathetic smile, "Don't apologize Lexa. It's nice to know you're human. You can't be expected to stay stoic all the time. You _never_  have to apologize for loving Clarke like you do and something tells me you needed that."

Lexa nodded and rubbed her tears from her cheeks, "Thank you." She straightened her posture once more now she had control of herself, "If you need to…be emotional-"

Raven cut her off, "Worrying is like a rocking chair Lexa, it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere." She had her eyes glued to the brunette leader and gave her a small smile.

Classic Raven Reyes attitude, the little spark plug they never knew they needed and who was far too good for this world.

Lexa nodded after a beat when she let Raven's words sink in. She was right. She usually is. So Lexa stood up and helped Raven to her feet. "I need to speak with the scouts that went to view the aftermath of the battle," she told her with the strength returning to her voice.

"I'll be with Abby," Raven told her leaving the room.

When Raven left Lexa crossed to Clarke's bed. She pulled the pillow up to her nose and breathed in deep. Clarke hadn't slept in the bed for days but it smelled just like her. Lexa savoured it and shut her eyes picturing the blonde. She tried to reach out into the darkness of her eyelids to sense Clarke. When she focused on the gentle steady heat emanating from her heart she relaxed slightly. She did not feel and real pain from her so she knew Clarke was physically okay. Lexa hoped she was lying low in the woods and trying to make her way back here.

She spun on her heels and left the Ark to find her scouts. Her men could not tell her exactly how many had died in the battle but by the size of the pyres they found in two separate locations they had estimated at least two hundred, maybe more. They had discovered the head of an Azgeda general on a pike in front of one of the pyres. This made Lexa exceedingly angry and disgusted. This was a blatant act of disrespect for the dead, even more so of a general. If his head is separated from his body and not burned with it, his spirit is trapped, tethered to this life. Destined to never again come back to this or any world.

Octavia and Clarke had still not been spotted and Lexa was itching to pace. She was aching to go out and search for herself. But she had duties first. Clarke would make sure to have things taken care of first and foremost if she were in this position too. Lexa swallowed her urges and quickly made her way to speak with Indra and their troops. She would have Ryder lead a few parties of the SkaiKru and Indra some of TriKru if a battle occurs. More of their warriors had arrived and set up camps outside their walls as well. They had no word of any other armies in movement, the Broadleaf and Azgeda had seemingly retreated to their own lands once more. So Lexa did allow herself to exhale just a bit.

That meant she could focus on Clarke.

As Lexa finished with her troops she turned to find Abby staring at her from across the grounds. She had given Lexa a small smile but Lexa had read her face instantly. Abby was losing it. She was unhinged and worry was etched in her features. Her hair was unkempt and even from this distance Lexa could tell she was crying. Before she knew it Lexa was moving through the people towards her. Abby mimicked her motions and they met by the Ark doors.

Abby had reached out her hand to squeeze Lexa's but when the brunette saw just how defeated Abby looked she quickly brushed her hand aside and pulled her into a hug. She felt Abby go rigid with surprise before she sunk into the hug and wrapped her arms gently around Lexa as well. She felt Abby's sobs rack up once more and Lexa choked down her own, she rubbed a few gentle circle on Abby's back.

"I'm so worried," Abby confessed quietly.

"I know. It does us no good to worry; we must focus and act accordingly. We cannot afford to make any mistakes. Not now," Lexa said gently leaning out of the hug. She let her hand slip to Abby's and gave her a stern look, "I will find her."  _Always._

Abby nodded but said nothing. She did look slightly more together now though. 

"Where is Raven?" Lexa asked gently.

"She's in the mechanic bay. I think she's trying to keep busy. She's fiddling with the radio."

Lexa nodded and left Abby with a small smile to find Raven.

She found her cursing like a sailor and even shouting some profanities Lexa had never heard of before. It forced a tight smile to form on Lexa's lips. She quickly ducked when Raven chucked a mug across the room just missing Lexa's head and shattering on the wall.

"Fuck me, sorry! I didn't see you come in!"

Lexa waved her off with a small smile, "It is fine. It helps me keep my guard up knowing you could throw something at any moment. Your rage keeps me on my toes."

Raven crossed her arms and cocked her brow, "Need I remind you of the chair  _you_  shattered in Polis? Or how about the curtains  _you_  ripped down in a fury the moment Clarke left your sight? Or how about the guy  _you_ kicked off the tower on the second day? Yeah. Titus told me about that one.  _Or_  how about the multiple times _you_ stabbed your knife into that fucking table? Or how about-"

"I get your point," Lexa cut her off with a very tight smirk. They had a lot more in common than anyone thought. 

Suddenly, the door to the bay reeled open; "There's someone in the treeline!" Nathan Miller's voice filled the bay. Lexa looked at Raven with wide eyes before they quickly hurried out of the Ark. Lexa was gently pulling Raven by the arm so she kept pace with her. She knew her leg was killing her but Lexa needed to rush and Raven had both arms on Lexa's letting her help her speed so she obviously didn't mind. "Do we know who it is?" Lexa asked hurriedly rounding a corner.

"No, they're too far off but they're lying down. I almost didn't see them in the dark until they fell," Miller was saying behind them. "They didn't move the whole time I climbed down from the tower." 

Lexa's eyes flared and she glanced at Raven who was wild eyed. Lexa stopped as they exited the Ark and faced Raven, "I'm going out there. Find Abby she's out here somewhere. Have her be ready the moment I get back." Her heart was racing wilding and she felt herself panicking, she felt it overriding her senses.

Lexa was about to turn when Raven pulled her to a stop again, "Lexa, Hod op!" _Wait._  Her chest was heaving heavily and panic filled her eyes, "It could be a trap. We don't know who it is. Black clothes doesn't exactly help us. It could be one of them or an enemy or something!"

"Raven. Raven," Lexa was holding her shoulders trying to get her to calm down, "Relax. I'm not going out there alone."

Raven finally nodded and gave Lexa one last pointed look before heading off yelling for Abby.

Lexa called for Deadalus to be brought to her, to allow Icarus his due rest. Ryder, Indra and six other warriors rode to her new position by the gates within minutes. She climbed on Deadalus and led the fast ride into the grounds beyond the walls. Lexa kicked her steed into another gear and kept her eyes peeled on the tree line. The person was definitely not moving and Lexa saw no signs of any others as she finally approached them.

She saw dark brunette matted hair and a tiny body covered in blood. Some of it wet, some of it dry and sticky on the jacket. Arriving first, Lexa hopped off the horse while still in stride and landed a gentle run. "It's Octavia!" she shouted to her people following her.

Lexa dropped to her knees and rolled the woman over.

She sucked in a breath when she saw obvious injuries.

Octavia looked like she had been beaten to within an inch of her life. Something, or someone much larger than her had laid into her. Lexa's breath was coming in ragged spurts while she looked her over. Her pulse was there but not as strong as it should be. The skin she could feel on her neck was much colder than it should have been. Her face was covered in cuts and bruises; her lip was split open. Her cheek had a gash running right up into her temple and hairline. There was blood everywhere mixing with the dirt and war paint. Her right eye was completely swollen shut.

Upon further inspection, Lexa saw a slice in her coat around her mid section; she pulled her dagger out to cut the coats toggles away to give her a better view. Octavia was cut just above the navel; it was shallow but definitely festering from being left untreated. She was pale, almost with a green tinge.

Lexa quickly scooped the unconscious girl into her arms and handed her to Ryder while she mounted her horse. He held the small girl up and Lexa cradled her in front of her, she turned Deadalus, "Check for any signs of Wanheda!" she shouted her commands even though she knew the blonde was not near by. She would have felt it.

"Set yuj, Octavia." _Stay strong_  she said to Octavia as she closed in towards the gates once again.

As the gates opened for her she saw Raven, their eyes locking for a beat before the brown eyes raked over the tiny form in front of Lexa. Raven's hollow cry filled the air, "No!" Raven crashed to her knees her eyes still glued to Octavia's limp form, her hands clutching her chest.

"Raven! She's alive!" Lexa shouted over her screams. It was as though she could not hear her, Raven continued sobbing and Abby was trying to help her rise. Lexa let the men and gently pull Octavia from her lap and Lexa quickly hopped down quickly going to the mechanic taking over for Abby. She dropped down in front of her and cupped her cheek forcing her to look away from Octavia, "Raven. Shhhh, Raven. Look at me, she's alive. Octavia is  _alive!"_

Raven blinked and Lexa rubbed a tear off her cheek, "She lives. Get up, she needs you."

That sparked her, Raven was using Lexa and Miller's help now to stand and then Lexa quickly guided her into the Ark to the medical bay. She stood in the back while Raven rushed to the girl's bedside making sure to keep out of Nyko and Abby's way. She was gently stroking Octavia's matted blood soaked hair back from her face and whispering to her.

Lexa was in the room. Her body was present. But her mind was with Clarke. Her heart was with Clarke.

She closed her eyes and tried to reach out once again to her. That is when she realized she felt fear and worry, she had not realized it was coming from the blonde, she thought it was her own. Now she realized it was coming from both of them. Lexa's heart began to race along with her mind.

"Where are you Clarke?" she whispered while she tried to calm down. It would do no good to panic right now. They had to wait for Octavia to wake, she would have the missing piece of information they need.

They just had to wait.

So Lexa did what she does.

She began to pace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked that chapter, it was kind of fun to write. (especially since I wrote most of the next chapter before I started this one)


	64. Thursday's I Become way Extra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprise update because show makes me sad still. I hate Thursdays. SO ENJOY THIS MY LOVELIES. 
> 
> The real OG's Clarke Wanheda Griffin and Octavia Ballout Blake errrrrybody

As Clarke remained silent in her vantage point she felt the world around her shrinking away. She felt the familiar rush of adrenaline filling her body as she waited. She felt one with the ground, invisible and ghostly. Wanheda was drumming her fingers together patiently within while Clarke waited, hands on her knees, for the information she was here for. The wind lacked its bite, the frost was non-existent to her, and the numbness in her legs was gone.

She eyed the largest tent in the camp, it was covered in the Broadleaf symbols and red war paint. She watched as a man with a long sword on his hip and a large jagged dagger on his back, strode out among his warriors. He had a large thick coat on and grey pants. He was a giant among men, she shivered at the size of him. He was easily pushing seven feet tall. She had never seen him before. He definitely wasn't an ambassador based on the look of him. She wondered if this was Broadleaf's clan leader. She adjusted her footing placing her weight on her other leg remaining in her low crouch.

A woman joined him at his side when she too exited the tent. She was lengthy, tall but visibly strong. Her coat was black with red fox fur. Her hair was the colour of a burnt sunrise, not quite orange, not quite red. She wore red war paint on her face just as he did. They matched each other's lines symmetrically on each other's faces.  _Interesting_. None of the other members she could see wore those same markings.

She eyed the men surrounding them. They all stood a little straighter as soon as the large man exited his tent. They watched him nervously while still continuing to ready themselves.

Clarke realized she was too far to hear the voices. She cursed under her breath and looked towards where she had left Octavia.  _Fuck._  Clarke took a steadying breath and moved down the slope a bit leaving her safe zone. She needed to be closer. She tried to be as silent as she could while she moved. She slipped a bit in the loose dirt but remained steady. When she leveled out off the slope and pushed farther to the right she rounded a little closer to the tents. She froze when she saw a watchman and held her breath.

She pulled her dagger off her thigh and lowered herself even further. She took a careful step. She took another, and when the man did not turn around to look at her when she took the third step she silently plunged her dagger into his neck and covered his mouth with her free hand. She slowly brought him to the ground with a dull thud and slump of his body.

Maybe Wanheda did come to command a death or two today after all.

Clarke made sure the bushes covered the body and she crouched in her new vantage point. Actually, the man's watch post was perfect. She could hear much more happening now. She could hear voices travelling on the morning air. The sun was up now so Clarke stayed low and in the bushes to remain unseen. She found her target once more and keened her ears. She saw the large man viewing his camp with a smirk, which only widened when a man was hurriedly whispering something to the woman on his right.

"Jayson,  _Azgeda closes in."_  The woman beside the tall man hissed in Trig after another warrior left her side.

" _I am aware."_  He answered back.

" _So our plans to march on Arkadia are no longer?"_

_"For the moment."_

_"But now is the time to move. They will be lost, unprepared and unguided, Wanheda has not been there in days."_

_Wrong bitch_ , Clarke thought with a small smirk.

Jayson rounded on the woman and grabbed her by the neck roughly pulling her close baring his teeth,  _"I do not make my decisions based on the location of Wanheda or Heda."_  He was growling, the woman showed no sign of fear. She simply put her right hand on his forearm that was holding her neck.

_"I know sire, forgive me. I spoke out of turn."_

_"That's right. I run the show here. Not you. Remember your place Regina. Women have no right to rule on their own. I will make the two Heda's see it."_ He roughly pushed her back by the neck releasing her,  _"I will make this Azgeda scum see it and then I'll destroy the Heda's. I will gain their power. The coalition will shatter and I will pick up the pieces. I will rule you all."_

Clarke huffed listening to his ignorance. She took a steadying breath. She had to control the urge to bust out there and murder his fucking scum ass right here right now. She was boiling with anger. There were just  _so_ many things wrong with this asshole. (Don't even get her started.)

She held her breath as Jayson moved away and she realized she could not follow. She swallowed and remained in her position watching and listening for a long while after that. She watched the woman he left as she began to bark out orders of her own.

Okay, so that makes Jayson the clan leader and Regina a general, she made a mental note.  _Very interesting._

She remained where she was until she finally heard the war horns. She took that as her signal to get the hell out of dodge.

When she climbed the slope she was forced to dig her nails deep into the Earth to make the climb. She grit her teeth and dug her boots in trudging onwards in what she hoped was silence. Getting to the top of the slope she made her way to let Octavia know what she learned.

The brunette was still perched in the tree and nodded to everything Clarke said. She was pissed about Clarke's command still, that much was clear. She remained silent until Clarke made to leave her again. "Are we not done yet?" Octavia's whisper reached her ears. Yep, definitely still pissed.

"No. I need to see Azgeda's army," Clarke hissed back turning to leave to her vantage point once more.

She listened to the war drums that had started and watched as the Broadleaf warriors collected their items and formed their battle lines. She waited until the first of the Azgeda came into view.

The world stilled for a moment as she stared intently on the figures coming into view. She felt her focus zeroing in on everything. She held her breath.

No bears.

No woman riding a bear.

What she did see was a single man on a grey horse at the front of the marching warriors. There must have been two hundred or more. _Definitely_   _not_  their whole army, Clarke could only assume Broadleaf was only partially filled ranks as well. Ryder had said they were two hundred strong here. There's no way that was everyone. She almost felt a little offended that Jayson would bring so little to Arkadia for another battle. 

 _His time will come,_  her Wanheda within cooed.  _His followers will leave him one by one and they will bow to you._

She narrowed her eyes as Jayson moved to the front of his people on his own steed. There was a brief pause before Broadleaf's ranks shouted into the air and their drums began to beat as well.

The sounds were colliding and drowning out the noise in the forest around her. She watched as Jayson took out his sword and began the charge. Azgeda did the same and it did not take long for the bodies and weapons to collide. She saw Jayson swinging and slicing anyone who came too close. She watched as his long deadly swings cut the daylight and warriors in his path. No scream escaped him when an arrow pierced his shoulder, he simply snapped the shaft to keep it out of the way as he kept his sword swinging. He parried an arrow before slicing off the archers head in a single swing.

He kicked his steed into a fast gallop gaining on the Azgeda leader, she watched him leap from his horse and tackle the Azgeda man off his own. They went tumbling to the ground in a heap of dirt and yells. She saw the Azgeda man throw Jayson from on top of him and scramble to his feet staring at his gut, sword lying forgotten to his far left. It was then that Clarke saw the rope attached to the serrated blade Jayson had lodged in the Azgeda's side.  _This is new,_ Clarke thought in horror as she realized what was coming.

Jayson was standing now with a sneer painted on his features, he had the rope in his hand and he heaved hard bridging the distance between the two men instantly. Instead of ending the kill there, he laughed and threw the man away in the opposite direction only to catch him by the rope and stop him with a sharp tug. A shallow scream left the man attached to the rope as the dagger embedded deeper into bone and flesh. Jayson was laughing as he pulled the rope again forcing the man in a wide arch; his moves were only inflicting more damage. Jayson used him like a yoyo forcing him painfully into bodies left and right.

Clarke's breath hitched in disgust at the scene. It was like he was playing with his kill. It was sickening. He was deadly, large but very quick. He made decisions and moves Clarke would never think of. He continued his torturous labours with the Azgeda while still felling a few with his sword hand when they tried to attack him.

He was a maniac.

He was heartless.

He still did not kill this man. Instead he flung him around a few more times knocking him to his knees multiple times, only forcing him to stand again to avoid the sharp pain of the dagger for resisting. Clarke watched in horror as the Azgeda man was slowly rendered senseless, his screams a weak gurgle now. The blade of the dagger would be unable to be removed without great effort now.

His death would be slow and torturous.

Just the way Clarke assumed Jayson wished it to be.

She shivered and swallowed the bile in her throat.

She heard an arrow fly from her right down into the battle. It landed in the Azgeda's chest killing him instantly.  _Octavia you merciful wonderkin!_ Cla _rke_  stood and began to move once more. She hurried her movements, she had to get out of here, she had seen _more_ than enough. She headed towards Octavia's perch. She had to get back to Arkadia. She didn't want to admit it. But this man scared her.

Not because of his size. Not because he was ruthless. Not because he had plans to kill Lexa and her. 

It was because he  _enjoyed_  killing.  _Too much._

She had seen warriors rejoice over kills in battle but not like this, not without mercy some form of mercy, or trepidation when the kill was complete. Few warriors she knew would be so dishonorable to allow such a death in battle. The man disgusted her, her stomach was turning at the thought.

As Wanheda she can cause death and destruction, she accepts that and learned to embrace it. But she  _never_  takes joy in it. It's inhumane. It's barbaric. It's savage.

Clarke quickened her pace.

She took about five running steps before she crashed face first into the dirt with a painful grunt. She pushed with her hands trying to get up but the weight on her wouldn't relent. She quickly realized there was a man on her and she reached for her dagger. She gasped for air as she felt an elbow land in her side knocking the wind out of her. She grunted and felt the heaviness of the man adjust on her back. She felt her head be shoved into the dirt hard and her dagger being wrenched from her hand. She could taste the dirt and struggled trying to breathe against it filling her nostrils.

She then felt ropes quickly being fastened to her arms as she struggled against him. She grunted and groaned as an elbow hit her hard in the ribs again. She felt the man lean forward on her back and he whispered in a low gravelly voice, "Hello Wanheda."

Clarke froze for a moment, her eyes flew open in the dirt. She pushed her head to the side to free her mouth from the ground. "Roan?" she croaked out in confusion before she then Clarke struggled against him once more, harder this time, "Get off, what are you doing?"

She heard soft footfalls landing behind her before she felt the man being forcefully tackled off her back.

Octavia and Roan went skidding into the dirt and bushes. Clarke looked around in a panic as she struggled to sit up with her arms tied behind her back. She took a deep breath and her anger with Octavia that had suddenly appeared for disobeying her orders began to dissipate slightly. The man was alone; she actually felt a hint of pride. This was a good move on Octavia's part and honestly, it's what Clarke would have done in this situation; Clarke knew the young warrior did not make this decision lightly. She knew her friend weighed the outcomes and odds; it was part of a warrior's training.

Two versus one is always great odds.

Clarke struggled against the ropes holding her arms; once on her ass, she bent at the knees and got onto them. Octavia was being thrown from Roan and into a tree. He got up and rounded on her with a dagger in his hand. Octavia rose and grabbed her sword, she ran towards Roan and kicked him high. She ducked after to avoid his counter swing. She swiftly sidestepped as the man turned to protect himself.

Clarke started struggling with her ropes more, she pushed and twisted her hands and wrists and found her knots loosening. She felt adrenaline pulse as she realized Roan had not had a chance to finish his work. She got up and pulled her sword and began bolting towards the fighting pair. Octavia was bleeding from cuts on her face. A black eye was already making its presence known; Clarke could see the swelling through her war paint. The warrior spit out blood and wiped her forearm against her split lip.

Roan swung at Octavia with his dagger and he caught her stomach leaving a sharp rip in her coat. If it cut skin, Clarke couldn't tell, the girl was snarling and crouching like a wolf now. Her eyes were wild with rage and she was about to pounce. When Roan took another swing she made her move blocking the knife and connecting her own to his arm, blood dripping from the edge of the blade.

Clarke growled and swung as soon as she was close enough. He had crossed with a fist and clipped Octavia in the jaw as his dagger held steady against Clarke's charge. Octavia staggered backwards and Clarke kneed him in the gut. When he doubled over slightly she brought her knee up again this time to his face He snarled grabbing her shoulder and head butted her. The force sent a now dazed Clarke onto her back with a hard thud. She shook her head and put her free hand to her eyes trying to make the stars she was seeing stop. She felt blood and it was dripping down her brow, eyelid and onto her cheek.

Octavia was back on him trying protect Clarke.

She sees a blurred Octavia trading blows with Roan before he snarled, connected with a devastating right hook and threw her into the bushes. When she did not rise Clarke knew she had gone unconscious. When Roan was starting to head towards her fallen friend to finish the job Clarke struggled to her feet once more and for the first time since they arrived, she remained quiet no longer.

She sucked in a deep breath and screamed wildly loud over the sounds of the battle happening below them. She made sure to let anyone within two hundred yards hear her as she stumbled forwards in a dizzied charge.

She would make him have to abandon his focus on Octavia. Her scream would draw attention, he would have to get out of here if he planned on taking her. She knew she was fighting for consciousness, her head felt like it was split open, physically she was no longer a real threat to Roan. She was dizzy and stumbling, she knew this was a really dumb idea but it was her only choice. She had to keep him from Octavia, it was her fault they were out here so long.

Clarke saw Roan smirk and launch himself at her before her vision went black.

_Maybe coming out here wasn't such a good plan after all..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed that! FUCK YOU JASON and JAYSON


	65. WWCGD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're welcome.  
> This one is before we find out where my boo Wanheda at

Not long after they had brought Octavia into the grounds, the sky over Arkadia opened up and the rain fell. It rained hard all night until morning. It quickly turned the grounds to a sticky, wet muck of mud. It was like an omen to Lexa, one in which she tried heavily to ignore.

 By the early morning Lexa’s legs were aching from her furious pacing. Her mind was working overtime and her heart was scrambling around inside her. She felt tired but she knew no rest would come. At dawn, Lexa had felt a swarming heat within her but as soon as it was there making its presence known it fled. She then had sensed fear from Clarke, increasing in the last few hours, which only escalated things inside her.

 She tried to bottle up what she was feeling. She kept moving around the Ark and the grounds waiting for Octavia to wake. “Ryder,” she greeted her guard when he spotted her and came over.

“Heda,” he nodded in greeting.

 “What news?”

  “Nothing new," He shook his head and matched her pace. "We have sent more scouting parties out looking for her. We sent them in fours, one to each rebel clan to relieve the others as well as several parties still searching in the borderlands.”

“Thank you,” Lexa replied quietly with her mind still on Clarke. She swallowed the lump in her throat.

“Wanheda is strong,” Ryder said as if reading her mind. “Clarke will be safe.”

Lexa turned her head while they walked to look at him. He spoke of Clarke and her alter ego much like how Lexa and Clarke referred to theirs. Before she could ask him about it he continued speaking.

“You and Clarke are two sides of the same coin, Heda. You are Lexa and you are Heda. They are one and the same much like Wanheda and Clarke. Like you, Clarke compartmentalizes the entities inside her." He paused, "I believe it makes it easier to live with the things you two must do for your people.”

“Perhaps you are right,” Lexa said thoughtfully. “Ryder, not knowing her fate is-”

He stopped and put a strong arm on her shoulder, “She will not disappear without a fight Heda. She is as wise and stubborn as you are, maybe even more so,” he gave her a small smirk.

“You are definitely right about that.” Her heart swelled at the thought.

“I believe the only one who will command Wanheda’s death will be Clarke herself,” Ryder said calmly allowing Lexa to begin walking again and matching her pace.

His words made Lexa fall silent as they made her think about Heda Kom Faete. How Claire was one and the same as Clarke. Maybe Ryder was right; she had to trust that Wanheda and the commander of fate had to factor in to how everything would play out. Clarke was strong and cunning; she would find a way to let Lexa know where she was. She would survive and Lexa would go to her.  _Always._

She just had to believe.

This was not the end of their story. Costia’s fate would not fall upon Clarke. She cannot accept that happening. She had to believe that when one of them does fall for the final time they would be granted their goodbye. After all they have been through, all they have overcome, she refused to let it end this way. That was an outcome she _would_ _not_ accept. Lexa and Heda Kom Jus would do what must be done to reunite them again.

 

*

 

Shortly after dusk, her stoic mask was faltering. She was suddenly bombarded with a furious blinding rage that originated far off in the wilderness with Clarke. It scared her; it made her wonder desperately about what was happening until she was unable to stop it from consuming her. There was blind fury within Lexa that threatened to stagger her very steps. Her breathing went rapid and she heard herself snarl. She could have sworn she tasted the faint touch of blood on her tongue as her heart clenched and thudded against her rib cage. She heard herself growling now as she was launching one of the metal stools into the wall with a clatter in the medical bay.

“Lexa?” Raven’s voice filled the room but Lexa barely registered it. “Lexa, what the hell?” She felt a strong hand on her wrist; Lexa turned rapidly in her inexplicable rage. She instinctively crossed with her left fist and another snarl connecting with Raven’s jaw. “Son of a-” Raven jabbed back with a right fist to Lexa's cheek, “bitch!” she finished.

Lexa snarled again, unable to keep the blind rage contained she was about to strike again when Raven spoke up, “Clarke wouldn’t want to see you like this. Try to calm down. Don’t do this to yourself.”

The mention of Clarke’s name brought Lexa back to her senses. She froze and blinked the red she was seeing away and Raven came into focus. “Raven?” Lexa said shaking her head and furrowing her brow. She tried to focus on returning her breathing back to normal. She felt the rage quelling slightly inside. A moment longer and she _felt_ Clarke coming out of it as well. Soon the rage was a quiet hum within her and it was quickly replaced with a scared, nervous and worried energy. Whatever was happening with Clarke, she had just shocked her system as well.

Raven was rubbing her jaw, “ _Damn_ , Lexa. What the fuck was that rage out for?”

“I-I…It was Clarke. I couldn’t control myself… I’m sorry Raven. I did not mean to hurt you.” Lexa stammered trying to explain and failing.

Raven looked at her like she was crazy and brushed off the apology, “I’m gonna need more info please."

Lexa swallowed, “It’s hard to explain. The connection we have…it’s deep.”

“No shit,” Raven said crossing her arms.

Lexa rolled her eyes and sighed, “I’m not sure you understand just how deep Raven. Honestly, I’m not sure I do exactly. But, I do know that I can sense her. I can feel her emotions sometimes, usually when she’s caught up in them or letting them overtake her.”

Raven raised her eyebrows and turned her head slightly, “So, you are trying to tell me _that_ particular rage out was Clarke and not you?”

Lexa shrugged and took a deep breath. “I was just pacing trying to stay calm when I felt it overwhelm me. I saw red Raven, blood red. It was like I wasn’t here at all; I could have sworn I tasted blood. I’ve been pacing for hours, why would I have suddenly lost it like that? You know me well enough by now to know that when I show my rage it is not unwarranted.”

Raven chewed on the inside of her cheek for a second. “I mean…you have a point there.” Raven paused and she flashed a glance towards the small room that held Octavia, “So, can you…can you tell if Clarke’s okay?”

Lexa gave her a small smile appreciating the fact that even though Raven may still be slightly skeptical she still had an open mind. Lexa took a deep breath and tried to focus on Clarke. She kept her eyes closed and nodded, “For the most part I think she’s okay. It’s more like she scared herself after her anger overtook her but she's nervous. Worried about something. I have never felt anything like that rage in me before, I can only imagine how frightened she is.”

“I wonder what she did now.” Raven muttered leaving Lexa’s side with a small pat to her arm. Lexa’s eyes fluttered open when she heard Raven muttering about how soulmates are fucking weird. Lexa rolled her eyes and went to follow Raven into Octavia’s room. She wanted to keep her company; sitting vigil beside the young warrior was the least Lexa could do. They were both her friends, she was worried about all of them. She knew selfishly it also helped give her strength in Clarke’s absence, which she was going to greedily take.

She and Raven ate some cheese, fruit and nuts as the small bits were all they had been able to stomach. They didn’t talk much except for what their possible courses of action could be. Lexa knew deep down they could make no moves until Octavia woke. She was their best chance for finding Clarke. She was the only one who really knew what happened.

 A few hours later Octavia’s eyes finally fluttered open. Her colour had returned and her cuts stitched up. Her bruises were very black and dark blue but would heel with time. The cut along her cheek and into her hairline only seemed to accentuate the lines of her face. Raven dubbed it as ‘hot as fuck’ to which she then explained to Lexa what it meant. Lexa banked that saying thinking she could use it with Clarke one day; she enjoyed having Clarke light up when she said a phrase that was very unlike Lexa to say. She felt that ‘hot as fuck’ fit that category nicely. Raven had taught her a lot of these come to think of it.

She allowed Raven a few minutes with Octavia alone while the girl came back to her senses and the painkillers wore off. Lexa required her to be in a fogless state of mind to recount her events. “Lexa,” Raven called from the other room and Lexa stopped pacing and went in.

 She slowly crossed to the bedside and bowed her head slightly to Octavia in greeting. “I am glad to see you awake O, you had us worried,” Lexa said quietly but truthfully.

 Octavia nodded and Lexa saw her biting her split lip as tears began to well in her eyes. It caused Lexa’s heart to sink and her eyes widen as she tried to read the emotions in the young warrior. She sat down on the bedside and put her hand on her thigh giving it a gentle squeeze, “You did as much as you could for her Octavia, I am sure of that. Do not blame yourself.”

Octavia’s breath hitched and she stare into Lexa’s green eyes, “It was Roan.” Her dry gravelly voice was full of betrayal.

“WHAT?” Lexa seethed reeling with this information. She felt her own anger rise and fill her, for the second time in his life Roan had betrayed her.

“He found her in the borderlands, he had tackled her and was tying her up by the time I could reach them. He was alone so I defied her orders to leave if something happened. We fought him off together, Clarke had gotten out of the ropes but then he bested me and everything went black,” Octavia was shutting her eyes now and thinking back to the fight. She opened them once more and caught Lexa’s wide green ones, “I’m sorry I failed you Lexa.”

Lexa’s expression softened slightly at the pain in Octavia’s voice and eyes, “Judging by the looks of you Octavia you two put up a hell of a fight. It is all that anyone could ask of a warrior _and_ a friend. You did not fail, you did your duty, you probably should have died. I am sure Clarke prevented that. You must have protected each other.”

 “She’s gonna be pissed,” Octavia insisted.

“She will get over it. I am sure she would have done the same thing.”

 Raven snorted, “So is this a thing now? We are just going to live by WWCGD?”

Octavia laughed lightly and winced in pain while she did. Lexa eyed the raven-haired mechanic with a question on the tip of her tongue.

Raven rolled her eyes when she caught her look, “What would Clarke Griffin Do.” She clarified.

Lexa smirked, that's exactly how she ended up back in Arkadia. She turned her attention back to Octavia. “What else can you tell me? Start at the beginning.” She needed the information and she needed all of it. She would not let this be in vane, she wanted the information Clarke went out there foolishly to find. (She's still really unhappy about that decision.)

 She listened quietly with Raven as Octavia retold the events. She began with her perch and watching Clarke down one of the watchmen. She told her about Jayson and Regina. Lexa nodded but had never heard of either of them before. Broadleaf Clan had always been quite amicable with TriKru up until a year ago when they had first heard rumblings of a potential mutiny. She assumed it finally transpired and the result was this barbaric individual as leader.

_But she will deal with him later._

“Can you tell me anything of Clarke’s injuries in the fight?”

Octavia scrunched her nose up, “I thought you could tell when she was physically harmed?”

“Sometimes I can, but I have been feeling only her emotions the last couple of days. No real physical pain jumps out at me, but I know how well Roan fights, as do you obviously, so I know she did not come out of it completely unscathed.”

“She was fine for the most part as far as I could tell or saw, he had split her head open a bit with a head butt. That was moments before he knocked me down.”

Lexa nodded, “So King Roan took Clarke.” Roan is Azgeda but that means nothing right now. Roan's people would sooner kill him then let him enter their camps, it would be a huge risk to him. Could he be that naive? He could have taken her to Broadleaf or another rebelling clan. She just knew he wasn't bringing her _home._

 “Yes. And before you ask, when I came to - they were gone. Clarke’s weapons were gone as well so I am assuming he took them. I found no tracks to follow and then I did my duty to Wanheda. I did what I was asked and came back here. She wanted the information passed along. He could have taken her anywhere, to anyone!” 

Lexa rubbed her tired eyes at the truth of the girl’s words with her right hand before looking at Octavia again, “You did well Octavia. You honour your Heda’s.” She gave her a small smile and stood up to leave the room.

“Hey wait, where are you going?” Octavia called stopping her before she exited.

 “Yeah, what’s the plan?” Raven chimed in standing tall.

Lexa eyed them both. “I have no plan,” she admitted quietly. “Plans never last long anyways.” And it was true. She had no move to make right now. And If she did, she didn’t see it. _Not yet._ They had no clue which direction Roan had taken her.

Clarke could literally be anywhere.

And yet, it was Lexa who felt lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter has been rewritten like 3 times now and I am entirely too invested in this for not being paid.  
> The obsession and struggle is real.


	66. King Roan the Kingdomless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was SO HARD to get right I fucking hope I did it

The smell of damp earth filled Clarke's nose.

She heard nothing but the throbbing of blood to her head. She was lying awkwardly, half on her back and side, her arms were stuck behind her back. She quickly felt that she was extremely sore and stiff. She groaned and rolled her neck in an attempt to loosen the tension and kinks of an awkward sleep. She could feel light against her eyes; she kept them shut tight as she felt the splitting headache bombard her once more reminding her of her head injury. She took a few calming breaths picturing those emerald green eyes that always calmed her down. Her heart roared and heat swelled within her as she let her eyes finally flutter open.

She was in a heavily wooded area. There were sharp rocks laden throughout the growth of the forest. Roan was perched a few feet away balancing on his heels and fetching water from a stream. Clarke looked around while he wasn't paying attention. She saw no other warriors surrounding them. Once again, they were alone and she was tied up. It felt like so long ago since he last had her in this situation.

Her heart began to race as the events of her capture replayed in her mind. She felt panic grip her as she thought about Octavia being left on the outskirts of the battle. She wondered if Roan had left her alive, she wondered if she had been able to save her friend in her actions. She started looking around frantically and tried to struggle against her bindings.

She decided this was a really dumb, disastrous move. She had to get out of here. She had to escape.

Roan was not capturing her like last time; Clarke was all too certain that Lexa did not send him. Roan had been prepared to kill Octavia, who he knew, and he was prepared to injure Clarke as well. _That_  was painfully obvious.

This is a Roan Clarke could not recognize. He looked broken and disheveled, he had had a maniacal glint to his eyes during their fight. She had always known him to be well kept and put together, even as a bounty hunter, seeing him like this was unsettling. It increased the fear inside her. Roan was liable to do anything, he looked that crazy to her, that foreign from who she once knew. Clarke continued to silently struggle against the ropes before she froze.

Ropes meant she was being taken.

Ropes meant she was still alive.

 _And ropes can be cut away,_  a voice within her cooed trying to calm her.

Clarke wasn't sure who's voice that was exactly, but it definitely helped steady her slightly. She adjusted and slowly sat up onto her ass, "Roan. Let me go."

He took a drink out of his water skin before standing and turning. He slowly moved closer towards Clarke, she saw his throat bob in a swallow, "I can't do that."

"Roan, let me go." Clarke demanded again staring into his unhinged eyes. He had cuts and bruises adorning his face, he had recently fixed the broken nose Clarke had caused with her knee. He still had dried blood and dirt on his face and made no effort tot remove it. This was not the man she once thought she knew. "What is this Roan?"

 _"This,"_ he gestured lazily, "is a bountiful hunt."

Clarke's eyes raged, she  _hated_  being hunted, "You were hunting me again. Why?"

To this, Roan smiled and it scared Clarke, "Wouldn't you like to know?"

 _Yes. Obviously._ "That _is_ why I asked," she spat at his nonchalant attitude. He was infuriating. "We are on the same side!"

He shook his head, "I am  _not_  on your side. Don't be a fool, it's not a good look on you. We are  _not_  friends." His answer was almost robotic. His voice was cold and deadly.

Clarke furrowed her brow and glared at him, "What the  _fuck_  Roan? We may not be friends but  _we are_  allies!"

He said nothing but Clarke saw him swallow stoically so she pressed, sensing he was getting emotional, _"Lexa_ made you a  _king_!" His eyes flared.  _Bingo,_  Wanheda within noted,  _hit him again._  "Going against _me_ means going against _her!_ You  _will_  die by her hand!" Her heart roared to confirm her threat.

"A king with no kingdom," he hissed back at her. "I owe her no loyalty.  _She_  did me no favours that night. I lost my people along with my mother, heartless as she was she was still my mother. Helping you two destroyed me! I am King Roan the Kingdomless," he bellowed both angry and distraught. Clarke briefly felt for the man before Wanheda stifled it out.

Clarke shook her head, "I thought you were smarter than this! You would be taken in to another clan, TriKru - SkaiKru even - we would take you in as our own. You could have a home, you could have people again!"

"No. Would you accept that in my position? It is too late. Ai don sad klin"  _I have made my choice._ His voice was cold and low. His broken mind was set.

"I am tied up Roan, you haven't killed me and you had multiple chances to. Who set you up to do this? You're not doing this on your own and I know it. How did you know I would be in the borderlands?" she demanded.

Roan studied her for a moment and tilted his head as if thinking of how to answer. "I didn't. That was luck. Imagine my surprise when I learned you only brought the one guard. She's feisty, I admire that. I am glad you screamed when you did, I did not want to kill her while she was unconscious – that is no warrior's death."

Clarke let out a breath for Octavia. The girl was alive. There was a slight release of tension she had held for Octavia in her heart at this knowledge.

"You will die Roan," Clarke promised him.

Roan's expression softened slightly as he got a far off look in his eye, "You believe you're so entitled. You are nothing Clarke. You are no one! You have no  _right_  to an answer Skygirl," he said and then spat at the ground in front of her. "You fell from the sky and had titles thrown at your feet!"

Clarke's red hot boiling anger flared at his words. Wanheda was seething within at the disrespect he just displayed and she thought of Lexa's words now ringing in her ear, "You were never 'just Clarke'"  _You were never just a girl that fell from the sky._ The innocent girl that landed on earth no longer existed, there was too much blood on her hands now. She had proven time and time again just who she was, how dare he imply that she was _given_ this title of commanding death.

Death was Clarke Griffin's fucking bitch. She felt strength and adrenaline filling her up alongside her rage. Her brain went into overdrive weighing her options.

She decided in the end to keep quiet and silently promised Wanheda she could deal with his disrespect in due time. She promised her his death instead of giving it to Lexa. So, she stood up slowly, precariously balancing to her knees, then her feet, her hands still tight behind her back. "Well, let's get on with it," and she began tapping her foot waiting impatiently. She tried to swallow her nerves.

She was just so over this game. She was no play thing. She would get no real answers from the man. She wanted to speak with the person in charge of Roan. He was obviously too broken to be calling the shots.  _A King with No Kingdom,_  he had fought against Ice Nation to help free Clarke and Lexa, and in doing so he lost their respect and right to rule them. They had the option to make a choice after that night to follow him, which they did not, and now he was paying his dues, letting it destroy him.

He eyed her curiously before shrugging and smirking. He gathered his things.

By dusk he covered her head with a burlap sack. She stumbled in the darkness of the sack but he roughly guided her onwards without a word. Her head, her body, her everything was screaming. Her nerves were racking her body and her heart thumping loud.

She finally heard noises growing. They had walked for hours; she allowed herself a moment of relief knowing this march would be ending soon. The noises got closer and Clarke could smell food cooking and fires burning. She could see the shadows and light dancing on the sack over her head. She heard hushed whispers as Roan pushed her roughly through what she assumed was an army camp or village.

She heard Roan inform someone he had arrived. They paused their march briefly before being ushered forward once more. Clarke's heart began to race again and her ears perked.

They had entered a tent. She felt Roan kick her in the back of the knees sending her to the ground hard beside him on his left. " _The Sky girl_  as promised _,"_  Roan sneered beside her.

Clarke's breath hitched as she felt Wanheda snap inside her with rage at his second jab at disrespecting her.

When would people learn? The burlap sack was pulled off her head but she saw nothing but red. She launched her tied arms and her right elbow into the side of Roan's knee feeling and hearing the satisfying pop of his kneecap sliding out of place. He went down beside her in a painful heap and she fucking roared like a lion, pouncing in his face as she launched herself on top of him, hands still tightly bound behind her back.

She _still_ saw nothing but red.

She was animalistic and desperate.

She was wild with fury.

This was  _not_ happening to her without a fight this time, she almost died the last time she was put in this situation.

She felt Wanheda breaking loose and defending her and she fucking let her.

She growled in a sound she had never heard herself make before and latched her teeth to his pulse point. Her teeth sunk deep into flesh and she ripped her head back. She tasted iron and flesh immediately but did not gag; she merely spit out the hunk of flesh onto his chest. She sat above him with his blood trickling down her chin and off her lips as she watched his life's blood be pumped out of the gaping hole she created. She barely heard his screams and the multiple shouts in the tent as he kicked and flailed against her trying to stop the bleeding.

Her chest was heaving and her eyes unblinking as Wanheda watched and waited patiently for his motions to weaken before stopping all together.

She focused in on the final push of his heart forcing the last bit of blood out of his vein. "Yu gonplei ste odon, King Roan the Kingdomless," her voice came out as a deadly whisper as she moved her eyes to lock onto this. His face was frozen in shock, his eyes full of dead fear.

"Leave us," A woman's voice lazily commanded into the tent.

Clarke stopped seeing red, blinking and she tore her eyes off of Roan at the sound. She was still straddling him but made no motion to move yet. Her chest was heaving, her heart was pounding, she didn't know what she was feeling right now. She fought the slowly coming on urge to gag at the realization of what she had just done and looked around. There were four sets of warrior eyes staring at her with their mouths open in shock. She narrowed her eyes at them in a challenge, ready if any should attack. A predator defending her own right to live.

"I said. Leave. Us," the voice repeated and Clarke turned her head to follow it as the warriors scurried out of the tent.

She saw a raven-haired woman no older than herself seated in a throne. She had ornate scars beginning at her brow line and weaving into her hairline at her temples. At the centre of her forehead was a diamond shaped scar. Her skin was pale, she wore all black furs except for a white sash from her shoulder armour not unlike Lexa's red one. She had two short swords on her hips with thick leather pants and knee high leather boots.

But it was her eyes that drew Clarke's attention.

Her breathing faltered, the woman's eyes were opalescent. She narrowed her eyes to make sure she wasn't imagining things and sure enough, the proof was there. She was transfixed on the woman's orbs but the woman wasn't looking at her at all, her gaze landed just to Clarke's left.

Clarke swallowed a large gulp.  _I know who you are._ She felt fear siring in her belly.

"I did not see that coming," the woman spoke again. She sounded slightly amused.

Clarke set her jaw and removed herself from on top of Roan. Her fear and nerves were getting the best of her. This had been a very trying couple days; she was just so done and tired. Clarke was _so tired,_ "Try looking  _at_  me, it might help." Clarke's eyes widened as the woman's eyes went from opalescent to a deep mahogany brown as she turned her head the smallest margin and her eyes locked to Clarke's.

"Wanheda," she said in a greeting.

"Ai kno chon yu laik,"  _I know who you are._  Clarke repeated her note's message to the woman.

The woman smirked and raised her chin. "You think you know." She stood up and took a step forward. Clarke watched as she went to a water basin and grabbed a cup and a wet rag. She moved to Clarke and removed her blade and cut her bindings. The woman eyed her closely before offering the cup of water and the rag, which Clarke accepted in momentary shock. She turned her back to Clarke in a display of authority and intimidation and went back to her throne.

Clarke licked her bloody lips while shaking off the ropes.  _Ropes can be cut,_  her previous thoughts echoing in her head. She wiped her mouth with the rag and rinsed her mouth out with the water spitting it back into the basin. She dropped the cup where the woman had gotten it. Clarke slowly turned and went back to stand in front of the woman a few feet back for safety.

She was watching Clarke intently and she tilted her head, "I am Ontari."

Clarke swallowed, "You're the Azgeda Nightblood."

"Oh I am _more_ than that I assure you," She said with a tight smile. She still had not blinked, "As you are more than just a  _sky girl_."

Clarke flashed her glance to Roan, "Em don sad klin."  _He made his choice._  "He shouldn't have disrespected me. He shouldn't have betrayed me." 

"I am not upset about the Prince's death," Ontari said raising her right hand to stop her. "He served his purpose and you saved me the trouble. He would be dead before he left this tent regardless, Clarke."

Clarke eyes flared as she turned her attention back to the woman at the use of her name. The whole situation vaguely reminded her of her and Lexa and her anger boiled. "What do you want with me?"

The woman raised her chin and paused before answering, "I…cannot see you clearly." She watched as the woman's brown eyes went opalescent again forcing Clarke to suck in another breath in shock. When she felt that sense that she was being watched come over her Clarke chewed on her lips and digested her words. This woman really did have some sort of gift. Her gaze had drifted slightly to Clarke's right this time. Before Clarke could inquire the woman spoke again.

"There are…too many options, none of them clear." Ontari's eyes flared back to brown and reconnected with Clarke's baby blues with a curious expression.

 _Heda Kom Faete_ , a voice in her head whispered. Clarke's mind reeled, all the times she felt the eyes on her, this is what it meant whenever the woman's eyes went opalescent. The woman was trying to _see her_ and her decisions. She was trying to see the future but apparently couldn't see anything concrete where Clarke was concerned. The blonde's heart was racing with realization... she commands fate and Ontari can't see the outcomes. Clarke's vision swam in information overload and she shook her head trying to clear the the fog. Jesus Christ she needed to speak with Lexa...and possibly a psychiatrist.

"I must admit this intrigues me, Wanheda." Ontari said into Clarke's stunned silence, she dipped her head in a slight nod to Clarke. She clicked her tongue, "I sent the fever to your camp. I watched. I waited for a display of your power. I wanted to see what it is that makes you so _special_. Instead, I saw  _weakness_. I saw…emotions," she paused. "I am not sure which intrigued me more."

Clarke bit her lip, "You killed my people." She sucked in a breath, "You killed  _hundreds_ of my people!"

"You killed our Queen," Ontari countered cocking her right eyebrow.

"She captured me! Had people bring me here against my will-"

"She offered you freedom, you refused to join her. You murdered her."

"That's a fine way of justifying things! She would have killed me I'm not stupid!" Clarke countered. "And you're damn right I killed her, Ai laik Wanheda, heda gon wamplei" _I am Wanheda, Commander of death._  She glanced at Roan and back to Ontari, _"_ You ought to remember that," she gently threatened.

Ontari only smiled. "Intriguing," she murmured mostly to herself. "You will be taken to a tent until I have decided what to do with you. I'll see to it that you have the medical attention you require."

"So what, you'll heal me just to kill me?"

"Perhaps."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote Roan's death twice, both times that's how she killed him. So yeah, Wanheda is a fucking lion.  
> Fight me.
> 
> *Also, tips hat to Lexark*


	67. Ontari

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Revealing things and scaring people

Clarke was glaring at Ontari but the words failed her.

She remained still in the woman's tent glaring daggers into her with her baby blue eyes. When she remained where she stood, she watched as Ontari clapped her hands twice and two men came into the tent. They flanked Clarke and she took a deep breath to steady herself.

She watched as the woman's eyes went opalescent again, but she did not sense her eye on her. Wherever Ontari was looking it was not on Clarke. She waited and glanced at the men standing slightly behind her before seeing the woman's eyes flaring back to their original brown.

She gave a small sly grin.

"What?" Clarke demanded.

"Perhaps I'll tell you tomorrow."

Ontari only looked at her men and nodded. Clarke felt two strong hands land on her shoulders and she instinctively ducked out of the grabs and spun, swinging her fist into one of the men's gut. She wasn't fast enough to see the other man's blow coming and she felt a solid connection when his fist hit her cheek. She winced and backed up, fists raised ready to attack. Both men came towards her at once, she growled and then was forced to still when she felt a knife at her throat. She shut her eyes, she felt Ontari's body flush against her back, her breath in Clarke's ear. "Daun ste pleni, Wanheda."  _That is enough, Wanheda_. She whispered menacingly.

Seeing no way out Clarke lowered her fists and tried to distance herself from Ontari by taking a step forward. The woman merely spun Clarke around and remained right in her face as if challenging Clarke to make another move. Clarke could feel the woman's body heat she was so close. She could feel her hot breath on her face and see the threat in her eyes. She swallowed her fear and instincts, she would not get out of this tent alive if she made a move against the woman right now. Her time had not come yet,  _but death will be stalking her_ , Wanheda silently vowed.

"You should rest Clarke," the woman said pushing her back and lowering her blade.

Unable to protest and reluctantly having to agree with the woman Clarke sighed. Her head was still split open and her headache raging on. Her body was stiff and sore and aching from her travels. Her eyes were burning from lack of sleep. She kept her head held high and when the warrior's moved to grab her again she merely glared at Ontari with her own threat in her eyes.

_They touch me again and I throw down._

Ontari raised her hand and the men stopped. " _Escort_  Wanheda to the tent I provided." The man nodded and simply moved without touching Clarke to coral her. Clarke nodded slightly in Ontari's direction at her respect and went out of the tent.

The men refrained from touching her all the way until they reached a tent. It was about fifty yards from Ontari's and had two guards already posted at the door. She stopped just outside the tent and looked around trying to sense a threat. Her hesitation is the only time she felt another hand on her as it shoved her through the tent flap and she was alone.

The tent wasn't small but it was not huge. It was dark with one fire drum in the centre for heat. Clarke shivered and put her hands on her biceps and rubbed trying to warm herself up. She felt everything begin to crash onto her at once; the cold of the oncoming winter, the horrific death of Roan, once again being held prisoner, her aching body, and being alone without Lexa.

Clarke did not cry though the tears were there and ready. She looked up to the ceiling of the tent and then took a deep breath, forcibly sighing it out. Then she moved, she threw another two logs on the fire and picked up a piece of kindling and let it ignite. She turned and then lit three candles that had been placed in the tent. With more light she was able to have a better look around.

There were a couple small wooden nightstands, furs on the ground but no bed. There were chain shackles lying on the floor with a chain attached to a post. Clarke eyed it carefully. She wondered when and if she would be attached to those. She shivered again and tore her eyes away from them. She went to the water basin and washed her hands, before rinsing her face. The water stung her cuts and the gash in her head from Roan's head butt. When the blood began to seep from it again and drip down her eyelid and onto her cheek once more she let it. She simply turned around and headed to the furs.

She let her body slump into them in relief.

She shut her eyes as her exhaustion overtook her.

She dreamt of Lexa.

That night, the images in her dreams allowed her a peaceful rest.

"Wanheda," a voice broke into the darkness of Clarke's eyelids.

She did not move though it woke her. She remained still but opened her eyes; she was facing the back of the tent, the voice coming from behind her. When she heard the person's light steps begin to move around the tent she rolled over and eyed the intruder.

It was a woman with wavy dirty blonde hair. She was skinny, Clarke could tell, despite the large grey furs she had on. She made no effort to look at Clarke though she knew she had rolled over. Clarke made no sound, she just watched as the woman was preparing something by the water basin. Clarke tensed up when she saw a dagger in the woman's hand and she inadvertently sucked in a breath.

The woman turned at the sound and eyed Clarke. Her scarring was less pronounced but still visible. "I am not here to hurt you Wanheda," she spoke in a deep voice.

Clarke sat up, "Why are you here then?"

The woman turned back to the basin and gathered some items. She approached Clarke slowly and cautiously her eyes kept glued to the baby blues. Instead of encroaching further into Clarke's space the woman stopped and held out her items for Clarke to see. It was a tray with what appeared to be a thin thread, a fishhook and some clean cloths. There was also a mug, some fruit and nuts, and a bowl of a thick broth.

Clarke looked to the woman and nodded in understanding. Without hesitating the woman dropped to her knees in front of Clarke, she set the tray down beside her. She then handed Clarke the bowl of broth and spoke, "Drink."

Clarke eyed it suspiciously and the woman rolled her eyes. She pulled the broth to her lips and drank swallowing with a smack of her lips and gesturing to Clarke with the bowl once more. "Not poison."

Clarke took it and drank deep. It was fucking disgusting. She gagged but the woman merely pushed the bowl up and Clarke was forced to finish it. When she did she fought the urge to vomit and the woman smiled at her warmly.

"What was that?"

"A…type of medicine. Helps fight infection," the woman replied setting the bowl down. She grabbed the fishhook and thread and prepared it by looping the thread through the eye of the hook. She then sat it on her lap and grabbed the cloths. "Tell no one I gave you that."

Clarke furrowed her brow at this and eyed the woman more carefully. She had no intention of telling anyone about the medicine, she had assumed it was ordered to be brought to her.

"Why not?"

"Because it will save your life," the woman eyed her just as carefully. Clarke sensed there was more to this than meets the eye. Her statement was layered. It had a double meaning though it was lost on Clarke. "You must take this too," she pulled a vial off the tray and handed it to Clarke. When Clarke paused the woman rolled her eyes. "That is one dose. I cannot sip from it - you require all of it. Hurry."

Clarke eyed the vial and took it. She downed it in one shot. It wasn't as disgusting as before, it had an aftertaste of lemons. The woman smiled satisfied and pocketed the vial. "That stays between us too, Clarke."

"How do you know my name?"

The woman froze realizing she slipped. She looked at Clarke and then glanced around the tent, "Bellamy."

Clarke's breath hitched, "He's here?" She tried to be careful not to show too much concern for the man she 'banished'.

The woman nodded with a cloth in her hand, she raised herself slightly and watched Clarke. When she was given the slight nod the woman began cleaning Clarke's head wounds. Her touch was soft and delicate, she was careful not to cause any unnecessary pain.

"Echo?" Clarke asked looking up at her, now connecting the dots.

The woman paused before a small smile formed and she nodded.

"Can you get me out of here?"

Echo sighed and shook her head moving now to grab the line and fishhook from her lap.

"But you helped Bellamy escape," Clarke pleaded.

Echo began stitching her head gash to stop the bleeding. When she offered Clarke the rag to wash the blood off her eyelid and cheek Clarke refused it. She would keep her blood on her face; she would wear it like a mask.

Echo sighed again and continued her work, "I am the only healer in camp. When Bellamy was released from the raiding party some were suspicious of my involvement. My status prevents them from causing harm to me, but it is a great risk. If another prisoner in my care vanishes I will be executed."

Clarke huffed. "Where is Bellamy?"

"He is in the camp. He impressed the Winter Queen during his trial."

Clarke furrowed her brow and panic caught in her throat, "His trial?"

Echo nodded and used her dagger to cut the fishing line now holding Clarke's forehead together. "He approached the camp not long ago. He was beaten and questioned but survived. He requested refuge and protection from you and Heda." She eyed Clarke carefully at the last bit.

"So, if he was questioned and beaten why was he on trial?"

Echo shrugged slightly, "The Winter Queen found him  _amusing_. She should have killed him right there but she let him live to test his strength and ability – that is his trial. You and the SkaiKru are a deep interest to her. When he survived the pit and the onslaught of attackers she granted him his refuge and put him to work."

Clarke swallowed, "I need to speak to him." This was a risky request, but she had a feeling Echo already knew why Bellamy was here.

She was not wrong.

Echo smiled, "He said the same thing about you when he heard of your arrival." She moved to hand Clarke the fruit and nuts and the mug of herbal tea. Clarke took it all eagerly realizing all hope was not lost. She would need her strength to get out of this one. "He will come when he is able Clarke. I promise."

Clarke nodded, "Thank you Echo. For saving his life, for helping me – for  _everything_."

Echo smiled warmly, "Just stay alive Clarke. I will be back soon."

Clarke nodded as Echo left the tent.

Her body remained still while her mind went into overdrive.

* * *

 

She had been in Azgeda camp for a solid day. Echo only returned once more with clothes for Clarke to change into. She put the fresh linens on and buckled her own long coat. She felt naked without her weapons but she tried to stay hopeful. She just needed to survive long enough to figure her way out.

"Wanheda," a man entered the tent and Clarke stood up.

"I want to speak with your Queen."

"She knows," he said and turned to leave the tent. Clarke took that as an invitation to follow.

The bitter chill of the air sucked the air from her lungs. She quickly recovered and silently followed the man through the crowds. She felt people looking at her while she passed and smirked a little when she saw many warriors giving her a very wide birth. Her Wanheda within was beaming at the sight.

She followed the man right back to Ontari's tent.

When she entered she found her eating at her large table. She did not look up at Clarke, she merely gestured to the chair opposite her. Clarke sat down and eyed the woman silently.

"You wanted to talk, so talk."

Clarke chewed on her cheeks in hesitation. "You marked Heda for assassination," she accused.

Ontari smirked over her plate and took a large swig of her wine, "I did."

"Why? She didn't kill Nia I did!"

Ontari's eyes now connected with Clarke's who was shocked at the anger inside them. "I am  _more_  than aware of that."

"Then why seek vengeance on both of us?"

Ontari popped a piece of meat into her mouth, "She should have died that night. I saw it."

Clarke's memory of Lexa falling to her knees at Nia's feet swarmed her. Clarke choked on her own breath. Ontari had seen Lexa fall, only Lexa didn't die because Clarke had pulled the trigger. Clarke killed Nia in one spur of the moment, fatal blow. Her heart was racing. Wanheda was still smugly smiling inside.

"Yes," she said in Clarke's shocked silence. "So you understand now?"

"You saw Lexa fall but did not see what I would do."

Ontari returned her gaze to her food, "Death marked Lexa that night, and it was  _you_  who marked her for death. Your actions  _will_  kill Lexa. The assassination mark has been set. Many have answered the call. She will die."

 _Not if I can help it._ Clarke remained silent while her mind raced.

Ontari finished her meal in silence. She pushed her plate back and leaned back in her chair, she leaned slightly to the right resting her arm on the armrest. She watched Clarke for a minute or two before she decided to speak, "Lexa has returned to Arkadia."

Clarke's heart stopped. Her breathing stopped mid-inhale. Her nerves racked her body and tension quickly flooded her. Her blood was ice in her veins.  _No. No! Damn it Lexa I told you to stay._ Clarke set her jaw as she tried to stifle Wanheda's urge to lunge across the table and rip Ontari's fucking eyes out. She shut her eyes for a second and began to quell her feelings. She had to remain in control.

 _You saved Lexa that night and we will do it again,_  the voices in her head told her. _Lexa is too vulnerable in Arkadia, there are too few warriors there to battle the force of Azgeda. You will find a way to end the assassination mark. Now think!_  Clarke could see her options begin to form in her head.

"Remove the assassination mark," Clarke finally said in a voice that was a dry crack but threatening.

Ontari tilted her head, "You are not in the position to make demands Clarke." She paused and her voice changed slightly, to one that was not Ontari's at all, "You interest me a great deal. It is obvious that you are  _special._  It is not often I am surprised. Almost a century ago I was surprised once. Never again."

"Until now," Clarke countered.

Ontari smirked tight-lipped but did not blink, "Yes. Thirteen days before the first of the SkaiKru fell to Earth I had my first surprise in this lifetime. A dream if you will, I remembered it all. I can still feel the flames as they burned me at the stake."

Clarke stilled again as she listened to the woman. A century ago? She had memories of her past life…. She had her own dream memory thirteen days before Clarke fell to Earth. The same time Lexa had her dream of the pledged leaders on the cliff. There was no way that was a coincidence. The three of them were connected somehow. Their paths had crossed more than once throughout time.  _Great,_   _just what we need a mortal enemy._  Clarke swallowed not wishing to reveal that she too had a past life. She wasn't sure this woman knew that yet.

"My lover. She betrayed me," Ontari said with now opalescent eyes. Clarke wondered if she was looking into the past. She remembered Lexa's myth of the Woman who Sees All. She shook her head, in Lexa's version she was betrayed by a man.  _Lexa's version is wrong, details lost over the years._  The implications were drowning Clarke, Ontari had to have been betrayed by the blonde warrior or the brunette from the cliff.

Suddenly Clarke's vision blurred and she felt herself being sucked into a dream memory.

_She is facing the smaller, shorthaired brunette Heda. They're standing on the balcony overlooking Polis. It is a warm summer day, the breeze is refreshing and the birds are singing. The woman looks tired, her eyes held open by dark circles. "I told her," she says through a shaky breath._

_Clarke felt herself reach for the woman, her heart splintering in sympathy, "You had to. It was not fair to her Becca."_

_They embraced and Clarke can feel the smaller woman crying softly against her chest, "I did love Sophie once."_

_"I know," Clarke cooed stroking her hair. "My father always said, 'you cannot help who your heart cries out for'. Just be happy it is large and strong enough to love Becca."_

_"I love you Liza."_

Clarke shook her head as the memory vanished. Her heart was racing, she remembered saying something similar to Octavia about loving Raven and Lincoln.

_Fuck me._

Becca was Lexa. Clarke was Liza. She could only assume that Becca had been speaking about Ontari's past self. That is how the Woman who Sees All was scorned. Becca had fallen in love with her soulmate and Sophie never recovered. She turned her love into loathing and terrorized the people around her until the day they burned her at the stake. And now, she was back to finish the job. To exact her revenge on Becca through Lexa.

When Clarke looked up from the table her eyes had been glued to she found Ontari giving her an odd curious look. Her lips pressed to a thin line.

 _Clarke no._  Clarke adjusted her posture and tried to brush off the panic inside her. She felt her heart jump erratically and she knew she was about to do something incredibly stupid. All that time in the annexes with Raven had led her here.

 _Clarke yes._ "Remove the assassination mark," she demanded once more.

"Why should I? It is my right. Blood must have blood."

Clarke bit her lip.

Lexa was going to be so mad at her, but after all, Clarke  _had_  pledged... "I offer up myself freely and willingly under the spirits and laws of the ground. I request trial for bringing death upon the Ice Queen Nia. I offer you the chance to gain Wanheda's power."

Ontari's eyes widened and she tilted her head considering this.

Clarke internally smirked.  _Didn't see that coming either did you Bitch?_  "I have one demand in return," she continued bravely. This was the clincher.

"Enlighten me."

"You remove the assassination mark. Blood must have blood ends with the spilling of mine. Your issues with Lexa end with my death."

Ontari shifted in her chair. Her eyes flared opalescent. Clarke felt the eyes land on her once more. She remained present, focused and intent on the woman seated in front of her. The eyes flared back to brown, she eyed Clarke smugly, "I accept."

Ontari stood up and went to sit at her throne of bones.

"You will be thrown into the pit. My people will be given one night to enter the pit in attempts to steal your power Wanheda," she paused and looked at Clarke. "If you live to dawn and you are able to walk out of the pit you will be allowed to do so. Do you accept?"

Clarke furrowed her brow confused. "You won't enter the pit?" She expected Ontari to leap at the chance to gain whatever power they think she wields.

"No. Whoever exits the pit with the power of Wanheda will be  _mine_."

The possessiveness and passion behind the woman scared Clarke.  _Bet she wishes Roan was still alive now._  He would have been a perfect mate for her to extend her lineage.

_It's a shame really, The true King of Azgeda, dead by Wanheda's bite._

Clarke stood up. She moved to the left of the table slowly, she crossed right into Ontari's space refusing to show fear. "Then we have an agreement?"

"Your trial will be held on the new moon. You have two days remaining of life Clarke. Use it wisely."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you keeping up?  
> Cuz I am barely hanging on to my sanity with this shit.


	68. Clarke Would

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part ii will end around Chapter 70 because 70 is a lot of chapters? I dunno you guys tell me. Should I just keep adding chapters until AO3 is like 'can you not tho?'

It had been almost two days since Octavia returned.

Lexa woke from a fitful sleep with warmth radiating from her heart.  _Clarke._  She got up and quickly dressed, as she did she felt Clarke's panic and hitches of fear. She tried to send warmth out to her, she tried to let her know she here, she was looking for her. That she didn't lose hope. That she has not given up.

_She will see her soon._

Octavia had been out of the medical wing for a day now and she was healing nicely. Abby was able to remove her stitches in her stomach already and now they just had to deal with the warrior complaining of how itchy the cut was. She did walk around camp with her head held a little higher showing off her gash on her face with pride; grounders and SkaiKru alike both treated her with much more respect after her return. They were all impressed that she survived, they were grateful she could pass on information for Clarke. Octavia had taken a beating in the name of protecting their leader. She exemplified courage that had been there all along; only now, more people were seeing it.

Lexa was proud of her friend, she was inspiring her people and she didn't even know it.

She met Octavia, Raven and Ryder for a meal to discuss any developments. She was disappointed to hear there wasn't much at all. Ambrose had been seen returning to his village from God knows where. Jayson had lived through the battle of Azgeda and Broadleaf and was safely in one of his villages. Other than that she had nothing to go on. She still had no direction leading her to Clarke.

She felt a wide range of emotions within her the entire day. She also sensed eyes on her a few times while speaking with her people about the perimeters. It made her shiver but she kept her focus. She couldn't deal with the implications of that right now.

She felt herself going slightly stir crazy. She needed to move, she needed to be active. When she proposed the idea of training exercises to Octavia the young warrior did not disappoint her. Though bruised and sore, she was going just as loopy as Lexa it seemed.

They went out into the wooded area Clarke and her had sparred in not long ago. She insisted on training for hours against Lexa, who also needed the release. The training exercises were cathartic. When both women were sweating and tired they drank some water and Lexa saw Octavia was still itching to be moving.

"How about a run?"

"Running for our lives or…?"

Lexa smirked, "Running to expel energy. Running to clear our minds. Running to empty our bodies of feelings and fears so they run on our adrenaline and instinct."

Octavia nodded and made sure her bindings on her chest were tight and the cut wouldn't split while they ran. They took off together in the woods, leaping over fallen trees and boulders. They didn't know how long or how far they ran, they didn't turn they kept their pace and direction set. They kept their weapons on them for safety but the cool air and the freedom of the run was incredibly satisfying. They accepted the burn of their muscles and Octavia pushed through all the pain of her injuries like a badge of honour. Lexa felt briefly like a child again running with Anya. Octavia and her were both grinning widely.

And then the grinning stopped.

Suddenly, Lexa heard a noise that jolted her into a stop as she clambered by a tree trunk for extra cover. Octavia sensed it as well and ducked down beside her. They listened to the woods in silence. They listened as footfalls approached from their left.

"Only one," Octavia said straining her ears.

Lexa nodded hearing the same. A man was approaching them. She pulled her dagger from her thigh in a small movement so not to reveal her position. They held a collective breath. Her blood was pumping and her muscles were starting to ache now from the exertion that day.

"Bellamy?" Octavia hissed.

The shaggy haired man froze in his tracks and held his hands high in the air looking in her direction. "Octavia?"

Lexa and her stood cautiously and revealed themselves remaining close side by side.

"What are you doing here big brother? You should be in Azgeda." Octavia did not lower her guarded stance.

"I  _was_. I was sent with a message."

* * *

 

~CG~

 

When Clarke got back to her tent she was left alone. She paced and her heart was pumping out warmth trying to silence her fears as she thought of Lexa. Try as she may, she couldn't ignore the daunting thought that she had just signed, sealed and delivered herself on a silver platter to Ontari.

When she was brought food she ate it willingly, she needed to keep her strength up. If she was going to stand a chance she had to stay strong, both mentally and physically. She would not go down without a fight. She would take as many with her as she could. She and Wanheda swore it in a silent agreement between the two entities.

Late that night Echo had returned. She had given Clarke some more medicine that made Clarke want to vomit. She again followed it with the lemon tasting vial. Satisfied the woman smiled and sat down across from Clarke.

"We don't understand you decision," she said cautiously.

"Who? You and Bellamy?"

Echo nodded. Clarke sighed; she didn't expect Bellamy to understand. In fact, she would be surprised if he did.

"Where is he? Can you bring him to me? I need to see him."

"He will be here tonight when he can slip away unnoticed." She paused, "He cares about you."

The blonde nodded, "I know. He's a good guy at heart."

Echo hummed with a small smile, "I think so too."

Clarke smiled at her; she felt the dried blood that remained on her face crack in the movement. "You love him don't you. That's why you risked your life to free him?"

Echo nodded, "We have grown close."

"That's good. He needs someone. He has a lot of love to give."

"You should not do what you are planning. You should not go through with your plan."

Clarke cocked her eyebrow, "Do you care about me too?"

Echo laughed lightly, "I do not know you well enough. But what I see are good things. Things that make you worthy to be cared for. You are doing this for Lexa yes?"

Clarke nodded, "Yes, in part." She said quietly, "This is what's best." But she did not elaborate.

Echo chewed her lip as if struggling with something. As soon as Clarke was about to ask the woman stood and told Clarke she would be back with Bellamy later.

"Try to rest Wanheda."

Clarke sighed and lay back on the furs. She drank the herbal tea Echo had left her and found it helped calm her and let her drift off to a sleep. Again filled with thoughts of Lexa.

She woke to a gently shaking from a hand on her shoulder. Instantly alert, Clarke scrambled away from the touch and rounded readying herself on instinct.

"Jesus Clarke. Calm down it's just me."

"Bell," Clarke croaked at the sight of him. He had his trademark goofy grin on but his eyes were filled with doubt and concern. His face was still heavily bruised; he wore Azgeda colours and grounder armour. He had a wild fur hood hanging on his back, a short sword strapped there as well and a curved dagger holstered on his chest. He looked like a completely different man than the one who left Arkadia not long ago.

Echo was standing behind him watching the two interact with keen eyes. She had a small smile on her face.

"You shouldn't be here Clarke."

"I didn't really have a choice in that matter Bellamy," Clarke huffed.

He bit his lip, "Why are you doing this Clarke? I have to ask you to change your mind. I can get you out of here right now."

She shook her head, "It's too late. Ai don sad klin."  _I made my choice._ She watched as Bellamy screwed up his eyes for a second before responding.

"You made your choice?" he glanced back at Echo who slightly nodded. Bellamy was learning more grounder phrases in his new home apparently. He looked back to Clarke, "How is this a choice?"

Clarke met his eyes, "She marked Lexa for assassination. Me entering the pit and calling for a trial under the spirits can't be ignored, not if she wants to keep the respect of her people. We have an agreement. Her vengeance ends with my the spilling of Wanheda's blood."

"Clarke I know you're Wanheda, I know SkaiKru takes orders from you. I know I do. But you cannot go through with this, you can't give yourself up to this. The pit is brutal. I almost died just for being SkaiKru. You won't survive, there will be too many seeking your power."

Clarke smiled weakly, "Victory stands on the back of sacrifice." Lexa's voice echoed in her head while she spoke.

"This isn't sacrifice! This is suicide! You're letting yourself get killed for Lexa!"

"Yes. In part I am. I go into the pits in order to end the assassination bounty. But Bellamy, it's not just for her. It's for all of us. If Lexa falls the coalition shatters, everything we have worked for, everything we have done to survive will be for nothing. SkaiKru will be wiped out, Azgeda will make their move to take control of the coalition. Just trust me on this one."

"I do trust you Clarke. I just, I can't agree with this." He gave her his best puppy dog eyes.

Clarke shook her head, "I don't need you to agree with this. I am the leader of our people. I made this decision with my heart and my head."

"Lexa's in Arkadia, if I can get to her. She can raise the armies, you just need to buy us more time."

"No," she said firmly. "There will be no raising of the armies, they are needed to protect their own people right now. Too many pieces are in motion on the board Bellamy. We're playing the long game here." Clarke paused as her mind began to whirl. She took a deep breath, "I do need you to go to Arkadia though."

"What? Clarke you banished me, I will be killed on sight."

"Then don't be seen and if you are don't die, because I need you to deliver a message."

* * *

 

~L~

Lexa stood still beside Octavia as they stared down Bellamy.

"What message?" She said coldly.

She watched as Bellamy's throat bobbed in a swallow, "It's from Clarke."

Lexa instantly crossed the distance to stand directly in front of him. He hung his head sheepishly.

"You've seen Clarke?"

"Where is she now?" Octavia piped up looking around.

Bellamy sighed, "She's in the borderlands to the North. Theirs an Azgeda camp by the tunnels to the mountain. A days walk from here."

"She lives?"

Bellamy nodded, "For now."

Lexa snarled and shoved him out of her way; she started marching back in the direction she had come. She heard Bellamy jog to catch up and stand in front of her forcing her to stop.

"I'm not done," he said sternly.

Lexa chewed her cheeks. "What did she say? What is her plan?" she asked realizing the message was not simply Clarke's location now.

Bellamy swallowed again and glanced at his sister nervously, "She submitted herself to a trial under the spirits for the death of the Ice Queen. Ontari, the Winter Queen, has granted her the deal on Clarke's one condition. The assassination bounty on you will be removed upon her entering the pit. Blood must have blood will end with the spilling of Wanheda's blood. If she lives through the night, at first light she will be granted to walk out of Azgeda lands…but I think you and I both know that is a huge 'if'." He swallowed, "There's more..." He looked at Lexa seriously making sure she heard his next words, "You are asked not to interfere. She said you are not to raise the armies. She said you are not to give the battle cry."

"What does she expect me to do?" Lexa frothed.

"Live. And to carry _hope_."

Lexa sighed.  _Clarke_. Beautiful, brave, and impulsive, reckless Clarke. What have you done?

Lexa's worry mixes with guilt and fear for the blonde. Her stomach drops and her anger with Clarke rises. Does she not know how this will affect her? Does she not know that doing what she asks would destroy her? She knows Lexa has lost a love to the Ice Nation before, she doubts she will survive losing her soulmate. She fights back the tears welling in her eyes.

Heda speaks within trying to calm her;  _she has made this choice with her head and her heart. You know this. The safety of her people and yours lies in your hands and the coalition. She is doing this for you and your combined people. It is what you would have done given her position. Breathe._

Lexa sighed.

 _But that does not mean you cannot go to her,_ Alex's voice chimed in.

It sparked something in Lexa.

Alex rarely spoke to her, her presence was always a silent one or her words would come through as Heda. But there was something about the conviction in her voice drew Lexa out of her swirling onslaught of grief.

Lexa looked at Octavia who was ashen faced and wide eyed. She was shaking her head slowly as if trying to rid herself of Bellamy's message. Lexa placed a strong gentle hand under her chin forcing her to meet her eyes. "Ste yuj."  _Stay strong._  She waited holding Octavia's chin until she saw her resilience come back in the set of her jaw and she felt the slight nod.

Lexa put her hand back on Octavia's shoulder for comfort and turned back to Bellamy, "When is the trial?" Her voice was eerily calm and it seemed to shock Bellamy before he regained himself.

"The new moon."

"Tomorrow night."

Bellamy nodded.

"Go back to the camp, she needs a friendly face."

Lexa stepped to the left to pass Bellamy before she paused and slowly laid her right hand on his shoulder, their eyes locked. "Thank you, Bellamy. I will not forget this. Your banishment is lifted."

He smiled awkwardly and scratched his head, "Right. Well uh, I guess I was expecting a little more of a fight from you about this."

Lexa nodded and gave him a grim smile, "What Clarke asks of me I do." She paused and bit her lip, "Can you…Will you do me a favour and deliver a message?"

He nods.

"Tell her now is not the time for _hope._ Tell her now is the time to _fight_."  _Fight for us._

She wanted to say so much more than that. But she could not add to the burden Clarke carried now. She needed to be weightless tomorrow night.

Lexa moved and walked away heading towards camp. She heard Bellamy and Octavia say goodbyes and bury the hatchet before the voices faded. She took off at a run, Octavia now catching up. They ran all the way back to camp. They collected Raven and took her into the mechanics bay to discuss what happened...

"Lexa you can't be serious with this!" Octavia was shouting and storming around. "This has got to be the dumbest thing- Fuck, I am going to kill her for this! Damn it Clarke."

Raven was quiet and reserved. A most unnatural state for the brunette. Her eyes were trained on Lexa's green. Lexa remained quiet waiting for Raven to finally speak.

"You're going to do what Clarke said?" Her arms were crossed and she cocked and eyebrow as she spoke.

Lexa pursed her lips and nodded once. Raven narrowed her eyes and they both ignored Octavia's wild tantrum in the background (she just needed to let it out). "That's it. If she dies I am going to kill her!"

Lexa and Raven kept at their silent staring contest until Lexa finally broke, smirking and cursing Raven internally.

"WWCGD?" Raven said smirking now as well.

Lexa nodded. Octavia froze, "Wait, so we  _are_  going?" 

Lexa shrugged, "I will do what she asks... But she did _not_ ask me to _stay here."_

_And Clarke would go._

So Lexa would go.

She would find her.

_Always._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go Lexa go Lexa Go
> 
> WWCGD 4lyfe fam
> 
> Ps. I am mad that they made Clarke the flamekeeper cuz I was gonna do that and murder Titus in the eyeballs. I am still going to do that but fuck this chip nonsense. My flamekeeper version of Clarke is going to be fucking mommabear Wanheda


	69. Pre-Trial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I dunno why but I had SUCH a hard time with these chapters. I hope it was worth the hours put in.  
> This is the day of the trial.

 

Lexa spent the last two days trapped in her mind. Her brain was wrapped around her grief and all the possible outcomes of Clarke's trial. She had been so invested in her own pain that she and Clarke both had felt oddly numb. The familiar heat they shared between the two, still present but lacked its force.

Lexa, Raven and Octavia hurried to gather the things they would need and devise escape routes. Lexa was not a hundred percent sure what would occur come sunrise and they were trying to prepare for anything. If Clarke falls she was not sure she would be able to resist hunting Ontari down that morning. If Clarke lived to morning Lexa would need to get her out of there and fast. Not only because she distrusts that the ice nation will let her walk free if she survives but because she knew if the blonde saw the sun rise she would undoubtedly require medical attention.

Make no mistake. Clarke would bleed tonight.

It was this fact that made the arguments begin.

“She’s her mother, you have to tell her,” Raven said.

“I _am_ going to tell her. I just do not think I can bring her with us,” Lexa sighed rubbing her hand on her forehead

“She’s the best chance Clarke has if she needs medical attention and you know it!” Octavia had shouted.

Raven laid a hand on Octavia’s shoulder to calm her, “We’re missing the reason why Lexa. Come on, out with it.”

 “I do not think she will be able to watch. I do not think I could stand there with her and witness this break her,” Lexa blurted out resting her elbows and hanging her head on the mechanic's station.

Raven stood up and put her hand on Lexa’s, “I don’t think either of you have a choice. You know she has to come no matter what outcome. We just have to have faith that this will go our way; Clarke will make it to dawn. Then we swoop in like Batman, grab her and bounce.”

Lexa rolled her eyes and huffed, “Raven. English.”

 “Batman is a comic book vigilante and my idol. Bounce means we get the fuck out of there,” Raven said matter-of-factly.

 The rest of the discussion was spent finalizing the plans and escape routes.

Finally, Lexa could fight this moment no longer, they needed to leave soon. She would have to speak with Abby. She left Raven and Octavia to finish gathering the things they required. Lexa found her at her desk in the medical bay. She entered quietly, only Raven accompanied her. As soon as Abby saw her she read her instantly. “You heard news about Clarke.”

 Lexa nodded and kept her eyes lowered. She searched for the words. She tried to find what to say.

Abby noticed the hesitation and quickly moved to stand in front of Lexa, “What is it hon, don’t sugar coat it. Let’s have it out.” Lexa glanced at Raven who gave her a reassuring nod of support.

 

Lexa finally met Abby's eyes, “She is in an Azgeda camp. She was captured, brought to their camp and struck a bargain.”

 

“What kind of bargain?” Abby said standing and coming to stand in front of Lexa. Her eyes searching the green ones for answers.

 

Lexa sighed and fought the tears back, “Jus Drein Jus Daun Abby. Clarke has requested a trial in the Azgeda pit.” She saw confusion in the woman’s face, “She struck the bargain for me, for all of us. For Clarke killing the Ice Queen, Azgeda seeks vengeance. She fights tonight under the new moon; any who seek to gain Wanheda’s power may challenge her. If she lives to dawn she should be allowed to walk free.”

 

“I don’t understand… Why would she request this?”

 

Lexa put a tentative hand on her shoulder, “They had every right under our laws to strap her to the blood tree and exact their vengeance. To be honest, I am surprised their leader accepted this. It is a great risk, it would be simpler to just take her life on the tree... I do not fully understand her motives yet. This could be both a test of Wanheda’s power and a search for a mate. Azgeda is big on lineage, it would not surprise me if this woman chooses to unite with whoever comes out with her power. Their leader could also be waiting for Clarke to weaken so she may step in and take the power herself.”

 

“That’s barbaric. That’s my daughter!” Lexa saw the hand coming before Abby even made the flat palm to slap her. Lexa made no move to stop her. She accepted it. She was just as unhappy with this as Abby. Lexa and Abby both knew Clarke was doing this to keep Lexa alive. They both knew Clarke was doing it to help safeguard the coalition and their people.

 

“Our ways are harsh but they play their role. Traditions are important. They help ensure our survival,” Lexa told her calmly and pulling Abby into her arms. She felt the older woman’s forehead on the left side of her chest and her right fist balled and lightly thumping against Lexa’s right collarbone. The woman was falling apart in dry sobs. Lexa’s heart ached for her. She had to keep her together, she had to help her focus. Raven was right they all had to have faith.

 

“Abby, we need to keep our heads. There is a chance she lives through the night, we need to believe in her. She needs us. If she makes it to dawn we will be going in for her. I promise you, I will take her from the Azgeda camp come dawn. And I will need you to be ready.”

 

She felt Abby nod and pull back. The woman quickly wiped her tears, “I’m sorry Lexa. You’re right. I-I don’t know what came over me. I shouldn’t have done-”

 

Lexa held up a hand to silence her, “I am more than familiar with the Griffin women’s temper. No one will know about this outside this room. We are in private and honestly, I deserved it and more. This should never have come to pass.”

 

Abby laid her hand flat on Lexa's chest soothingly. It was a mother's touch now, “Lexa you didn’t do this. We both know Clarke pulled that trigger. We both know why she’s doing this. We know her reasons. You did everything you could to get her back, to find her. Now we have found her. So let’s go get her back.”

Abby's words helped Lexa regain her own composure. She swallowed her pain and immediately felt the warmth fill her once more. Clarke got a lot of her spunk from Abby, being here with her. Seeing her lash out and then pull a one-eighty in her attitude was something Lexa watched Clarke do many times. It grounded her, it was something that made her love her even more.

* 

In the end, they agreed that Ryder, Indra, Nyko, Octavia, Raven, Abby and Lexa would go. The group went out through the trees mid morning. Their group was somber, quiet and lost in their heads. Ryder and Indra flanked the outside of the group keeping watch from a distance. Lexa had four scouts already posted on the outskirts of the Azgeda camp. Their pace was slow, almost a death march. They were all mounted; Abby rode with Nyko in the cart his horse pulled with their supplies.

 

By dusk they should arrive to their viewing positions.

 

By nightfall she would watch Clarke fight.

Lexa shivered through to her core.

Clarke could die. Clarke knew this. Lexa knew this.

 

Life on the ground told them this long ago.

 

But Lexa carried hope. She told Clarke to fight, that now was not the time for hope. What she meant was that Lexa would carry their hope for her, she would hold it and cherish it because the blonde introduced her to it. For a long time before Clarke came to Earth hope was a foreign concept. Now, _hope_ was the love in her heart, hope was Clarke.

So, Clarke would fight and Lexa would believe that she would be okay. She had faith in Heda Kom Faete, she had faith in Wanheda. She had faith in her love for Clarke. Her heart swelled for the first time in two days. It ignited within her and she pushed her love to Clarke. She wanted to make her feel her presence.

 

And soon, Lexa would be there. She was already on her way.

 

As they walked everyone remained silent. Their plan was to watch at a safe distance, after that, it would be Lexa’s call and they all agreed (though some reluctantly, looking at you Raven and Octavia,) to follow whatever order she would give. No matter how much they wanted to go into the pit, they would wait for Lexa's word. They dressed in black to hide in the night, those with hoods kept them high around their ears trying to block out the cold.

 

They would be present; they would be there for Clarke whatever would come to pass.

 

She was not doing this alone.

 

_I am coming Clarke. Ste yuj._

Her heart roared again to echo her sentiments.

 

* * *

 

~CG~

 

The night of the trial was rolling in quick. As it got closer the temperature had dropped significantly. The winds had picked up sending a bitter chill through the Azgeda camp. There were murmurs of snow coming, winter was near.

 

For two days Clarke was enraptured in thoughts of the people she loved. Mostly of Lexa. For two days she had felt oddly numb. The heat from her heart that had often comforted her had been lacking. It told her Lexa was in turmoil and Clarke wasn’t surprised.

She knew what this decision would do. She knew the implications. She understood why she had not felt the warmth as strong. It had been quiet and quite cold for the last two days. It was both her and Lexa’s feelings mixing and simmering and driving them both crazy from the inside. Both had been trapped in their head while their hearts were aching for each other.

 

Today however, as the trial crept closer she found the heat was back. With a force. _Lexa._ The brunette, that is what she was feeling. Lexa was reaching out, sending her love and her strength in spades now. Her heart was with Clarke. The blonde’s lionheart pumped hard trying to send it right back.  _I love you too, Lexa._

 

For two days she had maintained her eating habits and drank as much water as possible. She had not bathed since she arrived in Azgeda’s camp. She still had her own blood from her forehead wound dried and cracked to her right eyelid and down her cheek. She would bath before the trial began tonight. She would be cleansed before she presented herself to the spirits and the laws of the ground, only to bloody herself once more.

 

She was given her sword and dagger whenever she went to her training ground. Clarke had spent many hours there the last two days. The movements of her sword and dagger thrashing through the air were cathartic and helped make her feel stronger. More in control. Each time her bands touched the weapons she felt energy within them.

 

No matter what she had busied herself with she still kept thinking of the people she cared for. It only made her train harder. She would not go down without a fight. She would kill, kill and kill in order to survive or die trying. She had a chance if she made it to dawn. Ontari said she could walk free if she lives. In the eyes of the spirits, if she lives she is proven innocent and absolved of her crimes. Ontari would have to honour that part of the agreement or risk losing respect amongst her people. She had to believe that was enough motivation for the woman.

 

As to the second part of the agreement, the part where she dropped her issues with Lexa/Becca with the spilling of her blood, Clarke could simply hope that Ontari would keep their agreement.

 

But, it would be stupid not to consider her _not_ honouring it.

 

And Clarke Griffin is not stupid.

 

Lexa, the love of her life, had once betrayed her trust at the mountain; it would not be a far reach to expect it from Ontari. She really had no certainty that the woman would keep to her word if Clarke dies.

 

So, she would need to live.

 

She would need to survive to ensure Ontari doesn’t break the agreement. No one heard it; the woman and Clarke struck the deal in privacy. There was no one bound her to her word if Clarke perishes.

 

And, let’s be honest, this was a really thin plan.

It relies a lot on luck and happenchance. Clarke is a skilled fighter now, but she knows she will be facing warriors with far more experience. She knows and expects the consequences of this decision. She knows very well now, _death is not the end._ She believes it true in her very bones. The spirits within her make it undoubtedly true.

 

And Clarke couldn’t second-guess herself. She had made the decision, she has struck the bargain, and she will follow through with it. She thought about Lexa’s message: _now is not the time for hope. Now is the time to fight._ Clarke heard the meaning behind her message, _fight for us._

 

It is what Lexa would do. 

 

So that’s what Clarke Griffin was going to fucking do.

 

Lexa had faith in her. Her simple message told Clarke a million things.

It told her Lexa understood her decision. It told her Lexa was angry with the decision. It said Lexa loved her with every fibre within. 

It said Lexa carried their hope while Clarke would carry their strength, commitment and love.

Their love would be her shield. Her blades will be her deliverance.

 

*

 

As the sun began to lower in the sky Clarke spent a few more minutes in silence in the woods after her training. She spent them with her eyes closed to the sky and taking deep calming breaths. It was now or never. She sheathed her sword and dagger and returned it to the warrior who had been tasked with watching her. She returned to her tent to find Echo filling a small tub full of water.

 

“For your cleansing, Wanheda,” Echo told her as she placed oil in the bath. The aroma immediately filled the air with pine and honey. The steam rose and the tents candlelight flickered and played shadows on the walls. The fire drum was roaring and sending heat out in droves. Clarke took off her clothes and hopped in quickly while Echo gave her some privacy. Echo moved to the back of the tent to set out Clarke's clothes while the blonde bathed.

 

Clarke let the hot water soak through her skin, muscles and into her bones before she made any attempts at cleaning. Once she had begun the process she found she felt ten times better. The heat and her slowly coming clean skin soothed her aches and calmed her fears. She felt fresh, more alive, she felt sparked within. The fog in her head she didn't know what there was lifting. Her heart was even becoming more present once again.

Clarke sunk her head under the water and held her breath. She rubbed at her dried blood on her face and felt it softening and peeling away. She scrubbed until her face felt raw. She scrubbed until it hurt as the silence under the water bombarded her with images. She saw everyone. All the lives she's taken. All the lives she's saved. Octavia. Raven. Her mother. Bellamy. Monty. Harper.

Lexa.

 

_What has she done?_

 

Her heart clenched and then swelled. It felt four times its original size. It roared it flickered and flamed within her.

 

_Lexa._

She asked her to stay behind in Polis. She asked her to stay safe. She asked her not to attack. She asked her not to raise the battle cry.

 

She did what Costia had done.

 

She sacrificed herself, she took what was coming to her head on, and she did it for Lexa.

 

Lexa did not attack then. She would not attack now.

 

Lexa wasn’t coming to save her. There was no saving Clarke now. If she was going to survive this, _she_ would need to _fight._ She would have to embrace her heart as Clarke, her inner Wanheda to kill, and let Heda Kom Faete guide her way. She had to believe the three of them have kept her alive this far, they could do it again.

 

Clarke pulled herself up from the water with a sharp intake of air. She felt the water cascade down and force her hair to cling to her head. She finished her bath and quickly dried off. When she finished Echo helped her dress and strap her armour on. Clarke wore her boots high over her tight black pants. Her dagger strapped in its position. She had her sword in its spot once more on her back. She had the long black coat from Lexa hugging to her tight as if it were Lexa’s protective embrace. Her fur hood was laying flat on her back while Echo braided Clarke’s hair tight and intricate. When she was finished with her hair Echo moved to face Clarke.

 

“You will take these,” Echo said in a hushed whisper and presenting Clarke with three very slim blades laid on a fold of leather. They were delicately thin and obviously deadly. The ends of the blades were shaped like elongated arrowheads.

 

Clarke looked at the blades and ran two fingers over them gingerly. “I’ve never seen blades like this before.”

 

Echo grinned at her tone, “These are assassins blades. Just because you have not seen them does not mean they are not there. Our Heda carries them and so will you tonight.”

 

Clarke sighed and gave a nod, “I’ll take all the help I can get.” She slipped one in her left boot. She slipped one in the breast of her jacket above her heart. She put the other in her right sleeve, in a pocket she discovered had already existed. Echo was right, Lexa did carry her own set of secret blades. She pressed her fingers against the fabric fighting a small smile.

 

“War paint?” Echo asked breaking Clarke from her thoughts.

 

Clarke nodded and eagerly accepted the paint, black like she had requested. Only this time as Clarke put her finger in she paused. She looked in the mirror Echo was holding for her and Clarke looked deep into her own reflection. She saw a small crease between her brows, the look that told her she was determined. Angry. Deadly. Desperate. The look Raven affectionately dubbed her 'grumpy cat' face.

She sunk her gaze into her very own sky blue eyes. She stared so long and so hard she saw the people and spirits she carried inside her. She saw Claire reflecting back at her. She saw Liza’s strong gaze. She saw her baby blues, and baby blues turned into emerald greens, the two colours mixed and danced in the reflection. It warmed her once again. She rubbed her chest and blinked.

 

And then she saw Wanheda. _She is Wanheda. She is Heda Kom Faete (Claire). She is Liza. She is Clarke Griffin._

 

_She is the bringer of death._

 

Her war paint changes today.

 

Clarke moved her right hand and dipped her three fingers in the paint along with her thumb. She let it sink deep into the paint and cover some of her palm. She looked deep into Wanheda’s eyes and pressed her right hand to her face. She started at the forehead wound and moved down in one motion streaking the paint along her right eyelid and cheek.

 

And there she stopped.

 

She looked exactly like she had when her blood was on her face. Only now, it was black.

 

The blood that had been on her face was Wanheda’s blood. It had bled freely out after she killed Roan. After she had let the monster within loose. After she had seen nothing but red.

Red becomes black. Life becomes death.

 

“Ai don gon wamplei” _I am become death._ Clarke whispered and her body shivered, her eyes flared in anticipation and dare say it excitement? Her heart thundered and beat like a war drum.

 

She knew then…she _wanted_ to see red. It was an ache within begging to be sated.

And She would feed it. _Patience. Breathe,_ Wanheda cooed in her head.

 

“Are you ready Wanheda?” Echo asked quietly and putting the mirror on her lap.

 

Clarke didn't hesitate, the words were out before she thought them, “Ai na throu daun. Ai laik reda” _I can fight. I am ready._ Her voice was low, raspy, almost seductive. She stood in one motion, raised her hood and walked out of the tent. She was instantly greeted with aggressive roars of the Azgeda camp eager to begin the trial. It was dark now. They would begin shortly. Clarke raised her chin defiantly and squared her shoulders. Her steps were made with purpose. She men and women avert their eyes from her deadly gaze as she passed.

Echo was following beside her, “You must fight hard Clarke. You must live through the first cut. Four hours.”

 

“Why the first four hours?” Clarke hissed keeping her eyes forward and her head held high.

 

“You will see,” Echo whispered. “Four hours. You live that long and your odds of survival increase.”

 

Her eyes told Clarke she was telling her the truth. She just had no idea how it could be true. Four hours was a long time. She nodded regardless and told herself to believe the woman. Maybe at four hours she will get a break. Maybe Echo will treat her wounds. _Fuck Clarke_ , you should have asked more questions.

 

Clarke heard the drums begin before she reached the pit. When she saw the torches lighting an area in the distance she knew their walk was ending. This could be some of the last moments Clarke spends on this earth. Her vision, her heart, her mind was with Lexa during her last few steps.

 

Her instincts remained here. Right where she needed them.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...I guess...  
> This is the story that never ends. It goes on and on my friends.  
> 


	70. The Trial of Wanheda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trial part 2  
> This mother father chapter is HUGE.

_Breathe._

As Clarke made her way closer she realized this was not a ‘pit’ at all. It was a valley between the folds of two far off mountain ranges. The valley was lined with rocky tree overgrowth on both sides, they were steep hills and loose dirt. The pit, or the fighting area, was located along the valley that lead to the tunnels to the mountain. At one end, the end Clarke was at, it led you deeper into danger North. At the other end, it would lead Clarke back to her people. Back to Lexa. Back _home_.

She just had to survive the night.

Clarke was led closer to the valley; she saw torches placed along the edges, their light ghosting the area where they would fight. It looked like it went on and on. Like if she was given the chance, she'd never be able to count all the torches. The distance to the opening of the valley was daunting from here. Clarke shivered as she looked on and it had nothing to do with the cold. She would need to travel a long way to seek her freedom. That was a far walk, let alone having to fight her way there.

Before she could get too lost in her ghostly march the drums began to beat more violently. Echo gave her a brief squeeze on the wrist causing Clarke to look at her, "Four hours Clarke. Fight hard. Ste Yuj,"  _Stay strong._

Clarke nodded, "Thank you for everything Echo."

A sympathetic smile later and Echo vanished into the night.

The beating of the drums echoed in her ears, her heart began to beat to their rhythm. She felt the beat enter her and encase itself in her muscles. She absorbed the sounds for strength. She let it build her up. She felt fierce, wild, ready.

And her heart was on fire.

 _Lexa._ Clarke looked around wildly without moving her neck or head. The intensity of the feeling inside her told her the brunette was close. She swallowed thickly hoping she didn't do anything rash. She silently told Lexa to keep to Clarke's words. To do what she asked.

She had to be honest. Even the thought that Lexa had come to see this both destroyed Clarke and held her together. Lexa loved her, she would stand by and see her even if it was to take her last breath. Lexa would not let her go down alone. Clarke took a deep breath and her heart roared with renewed strength. 

And she knew for certain. Lexa was here. She was watching. She was close.

When Clarke reached the mouth of the entrance to the valley she was led further into it by two large men. They parted and left her standing alone surrounded on both sides with lines of people and torches along the steep hillside. All eyes were on her. Their mouths opened and they screamed and roared but Clarke heard nothing but the drums.

She felt her adrenaline picking up and flooding her veins.

Her eyes landed on Ontari, she was standing on a large rock embedded out of the right side of the valley's hillside. When she realized there were no chairs and no platform she knew the crowd would follow her and whoever challenged her along the valley's hills. They all would watch, and by the looks of it, many warriors from other Azgeda camps had shown up as well. Of course they did, Ontari offered Clarke up like a prize. All at Clarke's demand.

Ontari raised a hand and the drums and roars of the crowd ceased almost immediately.  _"People of Azgeda. You trust me to lead you, the Natblida who will bring Azgeda to its rightful place. Tonight, I offer you Wanheda's blood for the blood for our beloved Queen Nia. Jus drein jus daun."_ She spoke in heavy trig.

A roar erupted from the crowd before she silenced it once more with a evil grin.

 _"_ _Tonight, under the spirits and laws of the ground, Wanheda is subjected to the Pit! Any who seek her power are welcome to it! May the odds be ever in your favour!"_

Another roar and the drums began again. Clarke remained still, her eyes on Onatari. She internally smirked when the woman's eyes flashed opalescent and her confident smirk evaporated and was replaced with a not so hidden rage.

She obviously couldn't see how this was going to end.

_Good._

A horn blast rang out into the night signaling the start. The drums picked up once more and Clarke absorbed the sounds like kindling for her rage that was coming to the surface with each pound of the bass.

Clarke took a deep breath and looked to the sky to gather herself. It was cloudy and grey. Ominous and threatening. The moon and stars were peeking out every now and then between thick clouds. Clarke inhaled deep; she let the icy air of the night fill her lungs. She let her heart burn it white hot.

She felt strong, ready. Clarke blew the air out forcefully and knelt to one knee. Her fingertips grazed the frozen Earth beside her legs. It grounded her, even through her gloves. She steadied her breaths and waited. It took a minute or two for the first person to gather their courage. 

_Breathe._

The first challenger climbed down from the hillside to riot like cheers. She was a short woman and approached like a panther. She kept her body low and tight. Clarke did not move. She did not pull her sword. She remained balanced right knee to the ground and weight on her toes. She waited beneath her hood like the angel of death.

The woman hesitated when she saw an unmoving Clarke.

  _Breathe._

The blonde slowly raised her eyes to see her approach, peeking out from her hood, the rest of her body remaining unmoving. "Ai laik Wanheda, Ai throu daun gon osir."  _I am Wanheda, I fight for us._  She said in a low growl. Her heart thundered.

The woman twirled her axe in her hand cockily; Clarke pulled the hidden assassin blade from her boot and flung it so hard from her bent position the woman faltered and fell joking on the blood, blade lodged in the centre of her throat. Wanheda purred, Clarke stared at the blood in a trance and gracefully stood. She closed the gap instantly bent over the woman, her right hand wrapped around the delicate handle of the dagger and she swiftly flicked her wrist ending the woman's suffering.

Clarke stepped over her body.

She walked another ten feet before she saw another gather the courage to enter the pit. She paused and knelt once more. The same position. She slipped the dagger back in her boot. 

_Breathe._

She waited.

The man paused for only a second when he saw her bend down, seeing her slip the blade away he snarled and came closer. Clarke did not move. The man carried a short sword, he would need to get close. She eyed him through her hood cautiously, she zeroed in on his right hand tightening his grip on his blade, he was going to strike. She held her breath, as the man pulled back to begin his swing she did not move. His swing was an attempt to get Clarke to react, he was still not close enough.

One more step.  _Breathe._

The man snarled, swung again and Clarke sprung backwards rolling ass over head and popping to her feet. Lexa's dagger was pulled from it's spot on her thigh. She kicked her right foot out clipping the man's forearm back in a block, Clarke quickly plunged the dagger with her left hand into his throat and twisted. The man instantly clutched to the gaping wound and Clarke placed her boot on his chest and shoved him to the ground.

Clarke walked forward over the slowly dying man. She barely registered his gurgles for breath, the red liquid dripping from his mouth proof that she could do this.

She kept her eyes forward towards the mouth of the valley that led her home.

The third warrior came down the hill. He was larger and he was carrying a long sword. It was double edged and stained with blood. Clarke narrowed her eyes as he blocked her path. She stopped her pace and dropped to her right knee again. The man hesitated when she repeated the action from earlier. Clarke smirked and kept her eyes on him. He twirled his sword and sneered at her when he saw her smirk.

He took three quick steps and Clarke pulled her sword with her right hand and ran at him sword pointed forward, dagger in her left. Her speed caught him by surprise and she landed the end of her sword in his chest and twisted causing as much damage as possible. Her left hand plunged the dagger into his neck for good measure.

Wanheda enjoyed watching them taste their own blood.

He was dead before he hit the ground.

_Breathe._

She calmly walked over his body.

The next warrior came quicker this time. He was tall and lean. He carried two swords unsheathed and ready to strike. This time he waited. He did not move forward he simply blocked Clarke's path.

The blonde kept her deadly pace towards him and raised her weapons in her hands. The man crouched low before swinging in alternate motions with his swords. Clarke stiffened at the speed and quickly blocked three swings with her blade. She turned on the fourth dodging it and slicing the man's shoulder. She ducked under his next swing but his second sword came and clipped her thigh. The pain seared in her briefly before the adrenaline forced the pain away. She could feel the blood trickling slowly down her leg and filling her left boot.

When she blocked his next strike she tucked and rolled landing behind the man, she swung her right leg around and tripped him before she pounced and landed on his chest. She struck him in the face with the hilt of her sword as his right arm came and connected with her face. She felt her left eye take the brunt of the punch and she fell off him in a grunt of pain. She kicked her legs out to prevent him from landing on her, her legs stopped his advance and she rolled quickly getting back to her feet.

She sidestepped and parried his next four attacks. She launched her own set, swinging, slicing and kicking. She felt his blade tip nick her left forearm and she hissed in pain. Finally, she cut his knees out from under him and ran him through with her sword. She pulled it out gasping for breath and cursing the pain from his cuts. She sheathed her dagger and pulled the warriors own sword from his lifeless hand. She twirled it in her left and marched forward again wielding double blades now. The cut on her leg was deep but she had to keep going. She ignored the warm liquid beginning to squish in her boot.

_Breathe._

The next warrior was already trying to block her path forward.

* * *

 

~L~

Lexa stood in the darkness with her hood pulled high on her head.

Ryder and Indra were in the perimeter helping the scouts. They stood in complete darkness except for the moonlight that would peek through the clouds every now and then. Lexa stood on a slight incline in the trees near the opening of the valley where Clarke would find her freedom. If she looked to her left she saw Octavia in a crouch watching in silence. Beside her was Abby nervously fiddling with her gloved hands. To her right was Raven, emotion in her eyes and jaw set tight. Beside her was Nyko.

The only signal that they were there was the puffs of white nervous breaths in the cool night air.

Lexa peered through the ancient eyeglass to watch the blonde enter the pit. The Natblida's voice filled the air when the drums died down. Lexa's heart was thundering in an erratic, uncomfortable, nervous pace. She took a deep breath as Clarke walked forward and then got to one knee. Her hood was pulled over her head and it was bowed but Lexa knew her eyes were peeled and ready. She held no weapons yet. 

"What is she doing?" Octavia hissed now mimicking Clarke's position.

"She is waiting," Lexa said as calmly as she could. "She wishes to give nothing away."

As the first warrior entered the pit Raven swore when Clarke still remained unmoving. Lexa heard Abby muttering to herself and covering her eyes with her hand. Lexa kept her gaze stuck to Clarke. Then like a cat she saw the glint of a blade leave Clarke's hand at lightning speed and the woman fell quickly. She watched as Clarke stood and calmly retrieved her blade. Lexa's breath hitched as Clarke passed over the body.

When the blonde crouched again Lexa held her breath. The man slowly moved closer, Clarke didn't move, Octavia cursed her for giving her a heart attack when the man's first test swing did not cause Clarke to move and open for a strike. When the man moved, this time to strike in earnest she watched Clarke roll to avoid it. One kick and a left stab with the dagger made Lexa's mouth twitch. The dagger she had given her had just protected her. Her heart flared.

She caught her breath when Clarke began moving forward again. Each step she took was bringing them closer.  _That's it Clarke. FIGHT. Survive._

_Breathe._

The third warrior she took down fairly easily. Lexa's eyes flared at the sight. "What a badass," Octavia was saying in awe. The young warrior was still in Clarke's original knelt position watching keenly. 

The next warrior carried two swords. Lexa's eyes remained unblinking as she watched on baited breath. This fight was longer, but Clarke was doing well. Lexa winced involuntarily as she watched Clarke stumble slightly after taking the man's blade. She could almost feel the seeding pain from the blade as if it had struck her. In a way, she could feel it. In a way, she was carrying that wound. Peering through the eyeglass Lexa could tell it was causing her discomfort. The blonde had taken a few blows but she ended the man's life and even took his sword.

Lexa took a deep breath as Clarke moved forward again. She took pride in the fighting style Clarke was using. It was very unlike how the traditional warriors fought. Her knelt position, her calm demeanor, her patience, were clearly making her enemies make mistakes. It was working in Clarke's favour.

The next warrior had been expecting her patience and tried to prevent her from using it. Clarke took a cut but remained able to end the warrior's life.

Lexa watched through tight breaths as Clarke took on two more warriors. The blonde had taken some punches and kicks, a few more blade wounds but she remained on her feet and appeared strong. Lexa felt every wound. She felt it weakening her as she sent her strength to Clarke.

Warrior after warrior entered the pit and fell beneath her blades as the blonde tried to move closer to the exit.

Hours had passed and Lexa began to notice subtle changes. The warriors surrounding the pit were no longer as loud. The drumming was pattering out and some panicked shouts were coming through the valley and echoing around them. Lexa looked closely through the eyeglass to the blonde then to the crowds before she pulled it back and handed it to Raven.

"What do you see?"

Raven took the eyeglass and after a few moments Lexa heard the gasp. "How the fuck did she manage that?"

Lexa shook her head slowly, "I don't know."

Raven was back to looking through the glass, "I don't understand. A bunch of them are showing signs of the fever." She handed the glass to Nyko who also confirmed.

Lexa nodded. That's what it looked like to her too. They fell into silence again when they heard a blood-curdling war cry reverberate against the valley. 

_Clarke._

 The sound was deadly, cold and villainous. There was no doubt it came from the blonde. It sent a chill through Lexa and her heart flared for the woman. Lexa quickly trained her attention on the blonde who was slowly getting closer. Her movements had picked up; she was ferociously swinging at anything that came close to her. Lexa was slightly shocked that despite the chaos erupting there were still warriors coming to fight.

Two more people quietly joined them on their perch not long later. Like ghosts from the shadows, Lexa saw Bellamy and Echo appear beside Octavia and Abby. Lexa nodded to the man and then eyed the woman. Echo nodded and knelt in respect, "Heda."

"Echo? You helped Bellamy escape the raiding party. You helped Clarke." Lexa quickly made the connection. She had heard of the healer before but never met.

"Sha, Heda. I have done all I can for her. I cannot dare return to the camp now."

Lexa tilted her head, "What does that mean?"

The woman quickly reached in her pocket and pulled out a large flask. She popped the cork and held it out to Octavia. The brunette eyed it suspiciously. Bellamy snatched it from Echo and drank a large gulp. He handed it to his sister. "If you wish to be able to help Clarke when she needs it, you will drink." Echo said.

Lexa tilted her head end her eyes flickered from the fight, to the bottle, to echo. "It's an antidote?"

Echo smiled and nodded.

"The fever doesn't have an antidote." Octavia countered suspiciously.

"Echo is their healer, she created this strain. There _is_ an antidote and it's in this bottle." Bellamy said.

"Wanheda commands death. She now harbors the fever in her blood as a carrier. I fed her the toxin before the antidote; she will live through the fever, largely unaffected. She just needs to survive her injuries," Echo explained.

"Clarke agreed to this?" Lexa asked rounding to face the woman.

Echo lowered her eyes to the ground and shook her head, "No. I gave it to her when I first met. I thought they would put her on the tree, I thought when the first cut was made that the camp would fall to the fever. I wanted them dead. I did not expect her to make this choice, but the fever was within her and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I am sorry Heda, I know there will be consequences for this."

"Either way they pay for this, right?" Octavia said drinking deep from the flask and handing it to Abby. "Mmm, lemony." The group quickly took the serum, all but Lexa. She was immune thanks to her blood.

"They will pay but this will cost Clarke," Raven said sombrely gleaning at Lexa.

Lexa sighed and returned her attention to the blonde. Yes. This would affect Clarke. Raven was right. She may not succumb to the fever's symptoms but the blonde causing deaths this way, when some of them did not enter the pit to challenge her, will weigh heavy on her shoulders. Lexa had half a mind to end Echo's life right then as she thought about Clarke running away into the wilderness after mount weather. This would cause many deaths. Not genocide, many will survive, but the lives lost by the innocent bystanders in the crowd will affect her.

_As long as she survives._

Hours and hours passed that felt like minutes.

Lexa felt the pain of each strike as if it was striking her. She focused on the pain trying to absorb it for Clarke, to take it in stride. She winced and groaned and screamed internally while remaining her stoic self on the inside. She felt Raven's hand silently land on her shoulder and squeeze in reassurance. Lexa nodded to her unsaid words of comfort and focused on Clarke. She sent warmth out to her.  _I am here Clarke. Come find me._

Lexa looked to the sky. The moon was hiding in the clouds but it was much lower in the sky than it had been. Soon the sun would be rising. A couple more hours and Lexa would make her move.

Lexa would go to her.

"Ai laik Wanheda," Clarke's scream echoed from the valley and into Lexa's head. It was followed by a harsh, wild war cry. Lexa's insides raged and she felt white hot anger fill her up as if overflowing from Clarke.

Clarke Griffin was not finished spilling blood.

* * *

 

~CG~

Clarke was feeling weak though her body's posture retained the appearance of strength.

Her body was screaming at her. She had cuts on her thighs, both arms, and her face. She tasted her own blood in her mouth. She had a few shallow stabs to her side that was causing her difficulty breathing. Her blood was rushing; her heart was running on overdrive.

Her mind however, was clear.

She killed on instinct. She had spent hours of fighting, hours of killing to survive.

Hours of her blood spilling and weakening her with each pump of her heart. She was covered in blood, most of it her own. She ignored the dampness it caused that was freezing to her skin in the cold air.

Despite her weakening body her heart was still filled with warmth. She felt the pains from her cuts dull out as the hours passed. She knew Lexa was with her.

Clarke knelt to her right knee again to gain her breath. She needed to rest a moment. She was feeling light headed. She clutched the swords she held, the tips of the blades laying lightly in the earth. The next warrior entered the pit and staggered when he jumped down from the hill. Clarke raised her head and saw him spit blood and double over. She saw blood pool out of his mouth as his body shuddered and fell still.

Clarke's eyes stayed glued to the man.

She heard the drums begin to putter out. She heard new shouts and panic screams enter the night air. She raised her head and looked around in shock. She heard no war horns. Her eyes scanned the crowd and she saw people heading in every direction. She saw men and women running and falling, she saw some slumping to the ground where they stood. She heard maniacal laughs and ear splitting screams. She briefly saw Echo staring at her through the torchlight, she had a small knowing smile and nodded to Clarke before she slipped into the darkness.

Clarke spun slowly as the realization hit her.

She lowered her eyes to her body. She saw her cuts but she did not feel the fevers effects.

Echo's words rang in her head, _four hours. Your odds increase in four hours after the first cut._  Clarke shook her head and growled, she had been used without her knowledge. She had been the cause of this outbreak. Her rage swelled inside. If she had of told her her plan Clarke wondered briefly if she would accept to do it. Innocent bystanders who had been too afraid to enter the pit were now suffering because of her, dying in agony, choking on their own blood.

Before Clarke could crumble with this new information she felt Wanheda stir inside,  _she did this so they would die. And you wouldn't have survived without this. Dawn comes soon._

_Breathe, Clarke._

As soon as she thought it she knew it was true.

Echo's plan significantly evens the fight between Clarke and the Azgeda warriors. She still saw warriors entering the pit and she fought them all off. Some she left to cough and sputter on their blood as the fever ravaged their bloodied bodies as she passed them. She let them die slowly. _They_ were not innocent.

She was getting closer to the exit of the valley now. The people dying around her of the fever were beginning to fade out of her vision. Chaos was breaking out around her but she kept on her mission. This was her trial.

Let them think she can kill them with a single look.

Let them think Wanheda can _will_ the fever to attack.

Dawn was approaching soon. A couple more hours and she would be done. Her body was weakening, her head was fighting for consciousness, she had lost too much blood. She didn't know how long she could hang on but she walked on anyways. There was no way she would fall in Azgeda's camp. She wanted to see the freedom of the land and sky leading to Arkadia. Leading to Lexa.

As the next warrior approached her with a spear he sneered at her, "You are the bringer of death. Allow me to alleviate you of the duty  _Sky girl_!"

Clarke's eyes snapped to the man at the insult. She was so tired. Tired of the fighting. Tired of the disrespect. Tired of having to prove herself.

Her body pumped with rage. She felt Wanheda seething and itching her insides, wanting to strangle this man's life from his lungs. She blinked.

And everything was red.

She is no sky girl.

She was  _never_ just a sky girl.

Really, when will people learn?

She twirled her swords threateningly and eyed the man with her chin raised high. "Ai laik Wanheda!" _I am Wanheda,_ she screamed. Clarke's visions blurred, her head swam and all she could see was red. She vaguely heard a second harsh war cry leave her as she ran towards the man.

He hesitated at her fury and she was able to block the spear with her sword, the man countered with the other end and she felt the sharp snap of a broken bone in her arm. She could no longer hold the second sword she had acquired earlier.

She howled in pain, blocked the speared end again and pinned it to the ground with her foot. She stepped on the spear's handle with her second foot forcing the spear to fall out of the man's grip under her body weight. Clarke stabbed her sword into the earth and quickly grabbed and flung her dagger from her thigh straight into the man's heart. He felt to his back instantly dying. Her broken left arm, she hugged tight to her chest.

_Breathe._

She grabbed his spear and quickly flipped it around; she widened her stance and flung it lighting fast towards the next warrior. It drove through his chest with such force it pinned him to the ground. She quickly marched to her dagger pulled it from the first body and placed it in her holder. Her rage was boiling still and she wrenched her sword from the ground. Then, she was moving through her pain, using Wanheda to drive her forward.

Fewer warriors were entering the pit now.

Even fewer were still around watching the outcome. The chaos of the fever was surreal.

She fended off the next two attackers with one arm and one sword. She ended them slowly as her pain and anger raged. She had no clue where Ontari was. The woman had blackblood so Clarke knows she is immune. But with the chaos she would need to fulfill duty to her people. Clarke pushed the woman out of her mind. She needed to focus on her task.

_She would deal with her later._

She watched a woman come down the hill and stand before her.

Clarke  could see the sky behind her lightening up. Morning was coming. She was almost there. Hear heart sung. She was so close she could taste it. She could almost imagine feeling herself getting closer to Lexa. Maybe she was. Clarke stumbled as her head reeled from the blood loss and exertion. Her body was tiring. She was running on fumes. She remained on her feet. Clarke raised her sword arm ready.

The woman did not ready herself.

She simply watched Clarke get closer before lowering her blade and dropping to her knees. Clarke was shocked but she didn't show it. She nodded and continued by her cautiously. Three more warriors unaffected by the fever dropped into the pit but they also bowed before her and dropped their weapons.

She kept walking forward. Slowly, painfully, and utterly exhausted. 

No one else stepped forward to fight.

At least fifteen Azgeda dropped their weapons and bowed to Wanheda.

She commands death. They now believed she saved them from it.

Clarke walked sword ready all the way to end of the valley. The shouts, the screams, the people, all faded into the background. When she was close to the exit her knees buckled and she fell to her right knee again, hard. She winced and doubled over. She was gasping for air. Her left arm was limp and broken, at her side. She could feel her strength leaving her now. Her head was spinning as she tried to stay alert. She kept her eyes low on the horizon aching for first light.

She tried to remain upright while she waited for her fate.

She would die or she would see the sunrise.

As dawn crept closer Clarke's strength was leaving her in waves. She felt cold. She could sense deaths fingertips grazing her body gently. Beckoning her closer.

She wanted to let it. She wanted to hold deaths hand and let the nightmare and the pain end. She felt tears burn her eyes, she felt the layers of blood of her own and the people she killed. She felt a thousand deaths.

Clarke's vision blurred when she saw the first break of dawn's light. She squinted and pushed on her right leg. She sucked in a painful breath and stood. She took a step forward, and then a second. She stumbled on the third about to fall and she saw dawn's light fade once more, she saw grey, she saw smoke.

She saw Lexa.

She saw black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that was okay


	71. When the Earth Moves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the Kudos and comments friends!!! I love them all!! I read each one!!
> 
> How to save a life  
> Don't read the end notes til you finish the chapter. DONT DO IT ya little fuck! :)

“Stay up Clarke.” Octavia hissed.

The blonde was in full view now. She had stumbled after the man with the spear. It wouldn’t be much longer to dawn now. She was injured, she was weakening but she was still in motion. She was laboring forward and Lexa’s breath was caught in her throat. She felt Clarke, she could feel how weak and tired her body was. Even, how much pain she was in. She ached for her. Her hands twitched and balled into fists at her sides as she watched. She was so anxious. Every inch Clarke took drained her just a little bit more.

Raven swore in disbelief as they watched some of the warriors lower their weapons and bow before Clarke. The group watching the trial fell silent at the sight. Lexa felt pride swarming within as she watched on. Clarke didn't let her guard down but she didn't kill unwarranted. Lexa let a small sigh of relief out, Clarke was still being Clarke. She still had her wits and heart working as one.

No one else made a move after that to attack Clarke allowing Lexa to catch her breath.

The blonde went as far as she dared from the valley and sunk ungracefully to her right knee. Despite the fact that few remained to witness the end of the trial now, Clarke remained there waiting for dawn. Lexa knew someone would be sent to find the body. But Lexa would get there first. She glanced to her left and saw Octavia kneeling right along with Clarke once more, Abby was chewing her bottom lip relentlessly and her hands were clenched into tight fists. Lexa quietly moved to her side, she laid a hand on her shoulder. "Abby." The woman kept her eyes on Clarke but she nodded indicating she heard her. "Abby you need to head to the cave with Nyko and Echo now, the cart is slower, I will get Clarke." Octavia introduced them to the idea of using one of Lincoln's old scouting hideouts in case things were time sensitive. And they were.

Abby nodded again but did not move. Lexa gently coaxed her to turn and catch her eyes, "I will bring her to you. I promise. I will not fail either of you." Abby gave her a small smile, she nodded and glanced a final time to Clarke before turning and heading off with Nyko, Indra, Raven and Echo.

Lexa’s attention went back to the blonde. Her heart was thumping violently in her chest. As soon as dawn was a whisper away Lexa mounted Icarus and began to move forward. Bellamy and Octavia moved their steeds as well to flank her through the dim light. Ryder remained with the scouts. Lexa gripped the item in her hand tightly; it weighed lighter with each step she took.

As she got closer dawn’s fist light graced her back, she sped up her horse and threw the item in her hand. The smoke grenade popped and fizzled and the grey smoke filled the air and blocked out the light. 

That was their diversion; they hoped the smoke would prevent any following eyes or attempts at finding them. Wanheda’s fate will be unknown until Clarke makes the decision to live or die. Through the smoke Lexa kept her eyes trained on the blonde. She was slowly rising as the light hit her and taking painful steps forward. 

“Clarke.” Lexa kicked the horse faster, the smoke billowing behind her in her trail. She pulled him to a stop and leapt off his back landing gracefully and finishing the final few steps towards the blonde. Just as she reached her Clarke stumbled and fell limp as Lexa caught her in her arms. Bellamy hopped off his horse and went to assist her. Octavia remained alert, sword drawn ready for any threat.

None would come.

Lexa mounted Icarus again as Bellamy helped her pull Clarke in front of her on the saddle. Just as she stabilized her and tightened her grip around her to keep her upright the first snowflakes began to fall. She felt them lightly kiss the tears on her cheeks as she held Clarke close. The blondes back was flush against her front and her head lolled back onto Lexa's shoulder. She kicked Icarus into a fast gallop.

_Breathe._

She clutched to the blonde in front of her as she sped through the rocky overgrowth. They zipped through the excess smoke of the grenade and weaved through the trees. Lexa chanced glances down to the blonde's face whenever she could. Clarke's eyes would briefly open only to shut as soon as Lexa blinked. She was going in and out of consciousness. "Hold on Clarke," Lexa whispered in her ear and kissed her cheek. She shivered, Clarke was incredibly cold. 

When they reached the mouth of the cave the men quickly took Clarke from her clutches and took her inside. Octavia and Bellamy took the horses and Lexa stormed into the cave. The cave was a flurry of activity. There were two large fires going for light and heat. Clarke was laid out on a number of furs used as a bed, Abby and the two grounder healers were stooping over the blonde. 

Raven was quiet in the corner eyeing the scene with huge, tired eyes. She wouldn't look at Lexa. The sun kissed glow Raven usually carried was oddly dim. She was worried.

Lexa quickly removed her gloves and landed on her knees on the other side of Clarke. She gripped onto the blondes ice cold hand and swallowed her tears. She watched as the rest of Clarke's clothes were cut away and thrown into a wet pile on the ground with a slap. The clothes were soaked. Lexa looked down at herself, she was covered in blood now too. Most of it Clarke's. She shivered as she watched the very slow, small movements of Clarke's chest. 

Clarke stirred as they healers began addressing her many, many wounds. Lexa peered into the sunken in eyelids begging Clarke to open her eyes. 

She did, Lexa briefly caught the very dim light of blue she yearned for. The deep blue she normally saw was lacking, it was more a steely grey. It sent worry racking her body once more. She watched Clarke try to speak but nothing came out. Lexa leaned forward and kissed her forehead, "You're safe Clarke."

She heard the softest, dry crack of her name spilling off Clarke's tongue before she fell limp and unconscious once more.

Lexa tore her eyes off the blonde, “Abby!” Lexa cried, “What does she need?”

The older woman looked frantic and pale. Her eyes and hands were everywhere trying to help her daughter, “We need to get her warm, she’s too cold. She’s…” her voice trailed off.

_No. No. Don't even say it. Don't even think it. She is **not** dying. We will save her._

Clarke's furs were grabbed and they and the blonde were dragged closer to one of the fires. With the stronger light Lexa could really see Clarke now. Her skin was pale but covered in blood. It was everywhere. Coming from her arms, her hands, her sides, her legs…it was relentless. 

It was too much.

Lexa's hands trembled, one tightly fastened to Clarke's hand, one cupping the blonde girls cheek now. Her tears fell freely as she stared at the blonde willing her eyes to open again.

“Clarke. It’s snowing. The first snow, it will fall and it will stay. You need to see it... I need to see it with you.” She stroked Clarke’s damp hair that was coated with sweat and blood from her temples. “Fight Clarke. Throu daun gon osir. Em gonplei ste nou odon!” _Fight for us. Your fight is not over._

Clarke's hand tightened the slightest bit around Lexa's. It was extremely weak but Lexa felt it.

Lexa kept her eyes glued to the blonde, her hands remaining their positions. She needed to touch her. It grounded her. She fought against the aching thudding of her heart. It felt like it was trying to climb out of her chest and into Clarke’s, as if to beat alongside her own.

Abby and Echo were working tirelessly. An hour, maybe more had passed in silence with only the sounds of Abby and Echo working away filling the tent. Raven and Octavia remained watchful by the fire. Nyko was helping whenever he was required. Indra, Ryder and Bellamy kept watch.

Lexa waited. And waited.

The blonde did not wake.

 Clarke did not move again.

Lexa's eyed dropped shut and her head landed softly on Clarke's chest right above her heart. 

*

 

Lexa woke in a panic, her hands immediately searching out for the warmth of Clarke’s body. She panicked when she could feel none. Clarke was ice cold. “Abby!” Clarke’s mother came crashing to her side and checking Clarke’s vitals.

  
“She’s too cold again,” Abby hissed frantically. She checked Clarke’s heart rate and Lexa watched, her eyes widened and her mouth fell slightly open. “She’s weak. Her pulse is barely there.” Abby began searching Clarke’s body again, pulling the furs back and exposing her somewhat naked bandaged body. “She’s lost too much blood!” Her voice cracked. “I-I…She needs proper medical attention! I can’t provide that here! We need to get her back to the Ark.” Abby shrieked throwing her hands in the air. She didn't know what to do.

“She’ll never make it to the Ark Abby,” Nyko said quietly. He voiced what they all knew.

The truth behind the matter sunk into the room like dead weight. It fell like an anchor taking all of their hearts with it.

 Clarke was dying.

 “NO!” Lexa shouted and leaned over Clarke’s chest to listen. She listened hard and strained her ears. She could barely hear Clarke’s heartbeat. Her tears fell again, dripping onto Clarke’s skin and bindings. “Don’t leave me,” she whispered into the blonde's skin.

The tent was oddly quiet.

Deathly still.

Abby had stopped her attentions to Clarke.

“Lexa, honey. I-I don’t know what else we can do for her now.”

Lexa reeled back out of her grasps and tore out of the tent. She furiously wiped at her eyes and began to run. She didn't make it that far. She couldn't with Clarke back there. When she stopped she fell to her knees and looked to the sky. There was snow on the ground, it was falling in droves, she raised her palms to the sky, catching the flakes and stared.

"How do I fix this?" She asked no one.

 

 _You can fix this._ The voice in her head, an odd mix of Clarke, Alex and Heda, said.

 

Lexa’s body shuddered in her tearful sobs.

 

_We can fix this._

 

Lexa trembled and felt the snow in her hands.

 

_I can fix this._

Alex’s voice spoke clear and alone in her mind breaking her from her despair momentarily. Her mind flashed to Alex’s memory in the bathroom with her own blood. Lexa closed her eyes as the image filled her thoughts. When she opened her eyes again her heart was beating stronger once more giving everything it had to her.

"I can fix this."

Lexa stood up and ran back into the cave. “Abby, Nyko. We need a needle, tubes like the mountain had, something!”

 

They stared at her through their tears for Clarke. They had been saying goodbye. She growled when they didn't move.

She flew past them wildly and grabbed Abby by the shoulders, “I can fix this! Move now!”

Abby shook her head out of its daze, “What are you talking about?”

Lexa was pulling off her coat and then pulled her shirt off over her head violently.

“My blood. You’re going to give her my blood.”

 

Abby shook her head in disbelief, “Lexa we don’t know what mixing your blood will do. We don’t know that it will help heal her! It could very well kill her!”

“She’s dying anyways!” Raven shot out joining Lexa at her side. “Clarke would do it. She would do whatever it took to save any of us.”

 

“Fuck yeah she would.” Octavia chimed in joining the girls and lacing her fingers with Raven's.

 

Nyko was already rummaging around in their supplies. He quickly presented the items to Lexa who promptly shoved them towards Abby. “I can fix this. But only with your help. I have to try. She's strong Abby, if anyone could do this it's her.”

"Lexa how do you know this will work, or even has a chance to work?"

"I just know okay. I've seen it before!" She was thrusting her left arm towards Abby and glaring.

Abby nodded slowly but it was clearly evident she did not agree with this, she wouldn't meet Lexa's eyes. She ushered Lexa to Clarke’s furs and Lexa laid down beside her. She kept her eyes trained on the blonde as Abby pierced her skin with a needle. She saw her black blood in the corner of her eyes slowly seeping into a tube. She watched as the other end was shoved into Clarke’s vein.

 

Lexa moved her head so she could lay it on Clarke’s chest. She listened intently to the slow soft beat of her lionheart. She silently pleaded with it to thump louder. She asked it to make itself known. She felt the heat in her heart begin to flutter and flame higher the longer she stayed there. She saw her blood slowly reach the end of the tube and disappear into Clarke’s skin.

The heat in the tent flared but Lexa didn’t feel it.  She immediately felt her body weaken; she willed her eyes to stay open on the blonde. She fought the darkness of unconsciousness that was threatening to overtake her. _Live Clarke. Fight._

Lexa saw flames.

The world was crumbling around her, she could almost feel the earth move as the heartbeat she was listening to faded once more.

Lexa saw black.

 

*

 

Raven watched silently as Lexa crumbled beside Clarke. She watched as her blood left her body and slowly travelled to the blonde.

Clarke’s chest was rising and falling slowly, weakly, her breaths short. Lexa was crying silent tears on the woman’s chest; her emotions were sweeping the tent. As the blackblood entered Clarke Raven had to take a step back as the fires suddenly roared two feet higher. She drew her attention back to the blonde and Lexa as she saw Lexa lose consciousness in a final tremble. As soon as her body stilled the room fell silent. Clarke’s chest stopped moving. Time stood still.

Then the blonde began to convulse.

Nyko moved Lexa off her chest and gently laid her beside the blonde while Clarke’s body fought violently in the furs. She was twitching and writhing; her face was contorted in pain and a silent scream. They watched in horror, the flames of the fires danced even higher but no one noticed. They kept their eyes on the blonde. She twitched and convulsed for what seemed like minutes before her body went rigid and then fell still.

 

No one in the cave realized that Earth had shook along with Clarke.

 

 Bellamy, Indra and Ryder outside felt the world tremble and shake. They saw craters and crevices open as the ground split in three sharp splinters from the cave. Bellamy ran to the cave in a panic.

 

Then Clarke's chest began to rise and fall. Stronger, deeper breaths than before. Clarke’s chest rose to a steady rhythm they took a collective breath. Frozen in shock.

They watched as Lexa unconsciously moved to put a protective arm over Clarke’s chest. Her hand falling motionless once more right above her heart. The heat in the tent raged again with the flames, Raven began to sweat.

“Woah,” Octavia said stepping closer eyeing the flames and then the two leaders. She took a step to the left and tilted her head at the two women in the furs. “Do you see that?”

 Raven did see it. She nodded slowly blinking her eyes to make sure she wasn't imagining things.

Only she needed to get closer.

She followed Octavia, tilted her head and then she saw it clear as day the harder she looked. There was a blue, silver and red sheen encompassing the women like a glow of soft, almost invisible light, like a bubble of soap that had yet to pop.

“What the fuck is that?” She whispered in awe. The glow of light seemed to house some sort of energy.

Raven raised a tentative hand and moved it closer to the sheen. She felt warmth the closer her hand got and then it began to burn. She reached her hand back discovering a small red enflamed fingertip. It looked and felt like she had stuck her finger into the fire. Octavia reached over and grabbed her hand gingerly touching the tip. She looked back at the women and then to the stunned group in the tent.

“Well that’s new.”

Raven smirked at the speed Octavia's shock had left her. The tiny warrior had a huge grin on her face. She knew they were going to be okay.

“Which one do you think is causing that?” Raven asked the stunned and silent group with a smile. She watched the women and the mysterious ball of energy surrounding them with a smirk now as no one answered and crossed her arms.

_Fucking soulmates._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we all remember how Alex gave Claire her blood to help her live, it effectively tied both spirit and body together. Now Lexa has completed the cycle again with Clarke. SO the ground opened up (lets remember Alex and Claire destroyed the world), the energy swelled (because they are fucking eternal mystical gay soul mates and I said so), the snow fell (new life) and everything is changing.
> 
> Oh and THE BANDS BACK TOGETHER!
> 
> Prepare for the fluffy bunnies returning.


	72. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was delayed because I made it larger instead of pumping it out as two chapters. I also played with perspectives as I wrote because it was too difficult to switch back and forth with breaks in the writing. Hopefully it flows okay.
> 
> This is the end of Part ii  
> Part iii is Flames, Fire and Life and is in progress now. Be patient I need to organize because I am so extra I am always doing the most.

A day and a half passed in their silent vigil. The snow had stopped falling the second day. The ground was laden with a foot of fresh powder. The split ground outside of the cave remained, unable to be explained and Bellamy was insisting that they move out. They had stayed too long. Their position was at risk. And he was right.

They all ignored him anyways.

They couldn't move the girls. Not yet.

Lexa and Clarke both remained on the furs, unmoving. The sheen of energy they had all witness was still present.

White hot.

Unwavering.

Protective.

The only person able to get close enough to change Clarke's bandages and clean her wounds without feeling the hot heat from the energy field was her mother. None of them could explain it. They simply watched her work.

It was during one of these times that Clarke made the first sound since she had fell silent.

"Lexa," Clarke barely whispered.

She winced and her eyes flew open in a gasp of pain. She tried to sit up but couldn't when she felt a warm hand on her chest. She immediately sunk back into the furs she was on. Lexa was right there. Clarke turned her head and saw the brunette beside her, her eyes closed, her chest rising and falling slowly in her sleep. Clarke's heart swelled. Her hand immediately found and covered Lexa's on her chest. The tingles and warmth present once more.

Electric.

Alive.

More noticeable.

Her breath hitched at the response. She never expected to feel it again. The grateful tears began to fall as she pulled a loose strand of hair from Lexa's cheek, tucking it lovingly behind her small ear.

"Honey, take it easy."

"Mom?" Clarke's voice cracked as she tore her eyes from Lexa.

"I'm here sweetie," Abby said soothingly continuing to work on Clarke's leg bandage again. Clarke rubbed her eyes with her right hand; she was surprisingly not in as much pain as she should be. She looked at her bare arms; the deep cuts were already red, scabbing and scarring. She looked down to the deep one her mom had just uncovered on her leg. Her left arm was in a splint allowing the break to heal.

"How is that possible," she croaked out looking at her leg and giving it a slight twist. It should have been more painful, raw, and more open.

Juicy.

Instead, it was heeling. It looked days, even weeks old. Raven handed her a mug of cool water and Clarke choked it down, "How long have I been out?" She asked fearing it had indeed been weeks.

"Almost two days."

"Two days?" Clarke looked at her body again, "What the fuck? How is this possible?" Her head swam, none of this made sense.

Abby stood up after she finished putting the salve on Clarke's leg. "She saved you," she gestured to Lexa. "Again."

Clarke glanced at the brunette and then to her body, she looked at her new scarring wounds again. "No fucking way." She thought of Alex and Claire. She made the connection. Lexa saved her the same way Heda Kom Faete had been saved by the first Heda.

Clarke reached for the knife she saw beside the furs; she quickly sliced her broken arm's palm before anyone could stop her with a wince of pain. She balked wide-eyed as the blackblood trickled out. She swore she could hear Claire and Wanheda laughing in her head.

"Damn it Clarke," Abby said moving to grab her hand and treat the new cut, "I spent hours trying to stop you from bleeding."

"Yeah man. She gave you her blood. She saved your life. There was an earthquake and everything. Pretty epic shit." Raven said calmly with a smile like it was no big deal. She enjoyed seeing the confusing shock that was gracing Clarke's features. She knew this was about to get ten times better. She watched as the orb of energy encompassing the women remained encompassing them on the furs, still unseen to Clarke.

Clarke nodded stupidly and her mouth remained open as she stared back at Lexa. Her eyes were filled with tears again and she stroked the woman's cheek lovingly.

Raven was going to mention the energy orb but Clarke had rolled her body slightly to put her head in the crook of Lexa's neck. "I'm here Lex. Wake up. I'm waiting." She stroked her cheek again, "I miss you."

She watched her kiss her pulse point a few times and Raven bit her tongue. That could wait. Let them have this.

When Lexa woke an hour later, Raven watched keenly as the orb flickered and disappeared when her green eyes opened.

 _Interesting_.

* * *

 

 

When Lexa's eyes fluttered open, her arms immediately encompassed Clarke who was still face deep in her neck. "Clarke," she sighed letting the name roll naturally off her dry lips. The blonde stirred immediately and Clarke began lacing searing kisses along Lexa's neck, up her jaw and by her ear. The brunette immediately tightened her hold. "I knew you'd keep fighting."

Clarke pulled back from her kissing assault, green eyes met wet blue, and they each shared a single grateful, joyous tear in silence.

They absorbed each other's features. They traced each detail with their eyes. Clarke leaned in and kissed Lexa with everything she had. The flames of the fires in the cave shot into the air once more before flickering down to their original size. Clarke felt the heat, she acknowledged the increased light but she remained focus on the woman she loved. Her heart was fluttering and sizzling inside her right along with the flames.

"You saved me," Clarke whispered.

"I had to try," the brunette whispered back, voice full of emotion.

"I would say it was a success."

"I wasn't ready to let go," Lexa said but Clarke heard the truth the woman omitted:  _I'll never be ready._

Clarke leaned in again to confirm her own thoughts she too would never be ready to let go, she captured Lexa's lips once more. Lexa gently cupped Clarke's cheek and jaw. Her thumb brushed her cheekbone softly. The blonde sucked on her lower lip gently before sighing into the kiss, eyes locked to green. "I love you."

"And I you," Lexa smiled and kissed her again. "I'm still mad at you though."

The blonde playfully slapped her chest, "Be mad later. Kiss me again."

And she fucking did.

(She does what Clarke asks of her after all.)

They only stopped moving their lips and reluctantly pulled away to breathe. Eyes still glued to the other. Brunette lost in sky blue. Blonde lost in a forest of green.

"Alright, alright. This cave has six other people in here right now and you two need to rest more before you can get it on." Raven's voice brought them out of the reverie.

Octavia and Raven made their way over to them. They each brought over some food and drink. Lexa and Clarke disentangled slightly and sat up. It is then as Lexa accepted the offerings of food that she got a good look at Clarke. She gently stroked her fingertips along the newly healing scars. "I can't believe it worked," she whispered letting her fingers trail along each scar she found within reach. They would heal in time, soon they would be barely noticeable, much like Lexa's own. She marveled at the trail of heat her fingers felt and left in their wake. Clarke's eyes followed her hands as she ate some fruit.

 _I told you so,_  Alex said in her head. Lexa smiled wide, she felt fresh happy tears come to her eyes and she kissed those pink pouty lips again. Pulling back to see a smiling, still chewing, Clarke.

Octavia and Raven sat down on the furs with the two leaders. Octavia was popping nuts into her mouth and Raven was eyeing them both acutely. Octavia spoke through a huge grin, "Seriously Clarke. You were so fucking badass. Wanheda bitch!"

Clarke bit her lip and shrugged, she got a slight blush to her cheek. "Yeah. I guess it was." She fell quiet as the memories of the fight danced through her head. It caused a shiver to go through her and she shimmied even closer to Lexa. Lexa's hand landed on her knee and squeezed reassuringly.

Octavia rolled her eyes and dropped onto her side on the furs. "You have no idea Clarke. Watching you take them all on and see you live to tell about it is fucking incredible. Like legendary, but honestly, seeing those warriors drop their weapons and bow to you was a thing of beauty."

"What will happen to them?" Clarke asked looking at Lexa.

"Any who seek it will be offered refuge. They will be given the chance to prove their loyalty, to you and I. I am fairly certain their actions prove they wish to follow you. At the very least, they respect your power." The brunette answered her softly.

"You're just going to let them defect from their own clan? Isn't that risky? We did just send Bell in to their camp to be a spy…" Raven quipped.

Lexa sighed and rubbed her temple, "Peace is not something we only speak about. Their actions told me not all of the rebels in the rebel clans are rebels. Some only follow their leaders for lack of better representation.  _With us, they have it_ …besides, their leader was long gone as soon as the fever broke out. They bowed to Clarke of their own free will, no influence required."

"Ontari."

"What?"

"Ontari, that's the natblida's name. The Winter Queen," Clarke clarified.

Lexa nodded, "I've never heard of her before."

"She was Nia's secret weapon. She was going to use her to take control of the clans. Make her Heda I think."

"Over my dead body."

Clarke slapped her arm, "Don't." She looked so stern; the grumpy cat face was in full effect, "Don't even joke about that. That's exactly how she planned to do it."

Lexa nodded and lowered her eyes, slightly ashamed but more sympathetic. No apology was needed.

Clarke looked seriously at Lexa, "She has the gift. She really is a reincarnate."

"Ontari is the Woman who See's All?"

Clarke nodded and put her hand up, "Wait. It gets worse." She sighed, "I had another dream memory." When Lexa didn't speak Clarke took that as a hint to continue and make it fast. "Remember the tall blonde from the cliff and the pledge?"

Lexa nodded thinking back to the beauty of the woman.

"Her name was Liza. The Heda at the time was Becca, that would have been you." She gestured lightly to Lexa, "Anyways, Ontari, the woman from the legend, her name was Sophie…"

Lexa tilted her head intrigued. "So Sophie was betrayed and then was cursed with the gift of sight?"

Clarke nodded but did not smile, "She was betrayed by Becca…"

"What?"

"Yeah, they were in love once. I guess you-Becca fell out of love pretty quickly."

"She chose Liza," Lexa finished her thought.

Clarke sighed and softly ran her thumb along Lexa's jaw, "I do not think it was much of a choice. Love simply doesn't work like that."

She felt the brunette go suddenly rigid beside her. When Lexa's eyes hazed over unfocused and unseeing Clarke knew Lexa was falling into one of her past lives memories. She knew it was of Becca. She waited calmly raising her hand to silence Octavia when she tried to speak. A few minutes later Lexa was sucking in breaths and her eyes refocused on Clarke.

"Welcome back," the blonde smirked.

"She did love her once…"

"I know," Clarke said soothingly hearing the pain in Lexa's voice. Fuck this woman just cared so much, how could anyone not love her? Clarke didn't blame Sophie for losing her mind after Becca left her. Clarke found herself even relating to her. She has a monster inside her as well; Wanheda craves red like a drug the mountain men created. She could only imagine how bad things would get if she were to lose Lexa, whether by death or the woman falling out of love with her.

Wanheda would be set loose.

And it would destroy them all.

* * *

 

The girls rested some more until they felt stronger again. They were both clothed now and up and walking around. Lexa helped her with her jacket, gently guiding her broken arm through the sleeve. "Is there really snow out there?"

Lexa smiled so wide Clarke felt her heart sing. "Yes, Clarke. The snow began to fall the minute you landed in my arms."

Clarke hummed and stood antsy while Lexa fastened her coat. She lifted the blonde's hood and turned to her own jacket. Clarke practically dragged her outside as soon as she had gloves on.

When she exited the cave she sucked in a harsh breath. The suns rays glancing off the perfectly white snow momentarily blinded her. Lexa landed beside her just as shocked and she laced her hand in Clarke's. The snow was magnificently beautiful. Everything Lexa had said about it was true. She felt fresh life fill her bones.

A fresh start.

Then she noticed the giant cracks in the earth not far from the mouth of the cave. "How?"

"Earthquake," Raven said eyeing the girls and the crevices in front of them. "Happened right around the time the blood began to make it's way through your system."

Clarke looked at Lexa who looked just as confused. "I feel like I'm missing something."

"You have no idea."

"What's that supposed to mean?" The blonde stared at Raven.

Raven shrugged and looked at Octavia. "Something else happened while you were unconscious."

"Raven quit being so cryptic."

"Well it's not like I fully understand it! Genius only goes so far ya know!"

"That's a weak excuse for you and you know it. Spill the tea Raven."

Raven sighed and fell silent; Clarke could see the wheels spinning. Finally, she walked over to Octavia and pulled her dagger out and walked about ten feet away careful to avoid the crevice. Clarke watched her and then moved to go closer she got a few feet before she spoke, "Raven?" but Raven only smirked. "Stop Clarke, you need to see this."

"Heads up Lexa," raven said and that was the only warning she gave before flinging the dagger at the brunette. Clarke screamed in panic but the scream choked itself out the next second. She was perplexed as Lexa flinched at the unexpected assault but the dagger didn't reach her. Instead, a blue almost green sheen appeared in front of Lexa. She almost glowed; Clarke saw red, silver blue and green shimmering in the sun in front of Lexa. The dagger froze for half a second and fell to the ground and the snow billowed around it in the force.

Clarke moved on instinct eyeing the sheen before it flickered and Lexa's eyes opened. She began pressing her fingertips into her as if to confirm he dagger didn't reach her. Lexa said nothing but stared at the dagger. Clarke glared at Raven as she continued to poke at Lexa.

Raven however, was simply smirking.

"Babe, that was a risky test don't you think?" Octavia said eyeing her sternly over her shoulder.

"I couldn't wait any longer and she wanted to know." Raven shrugged, "The nuts I had been tossing while they slept yesterday all stopped against it. I figured shocking her system would bring it back."

Lexa was still staring at the dagger.

"What the fuck was that?" Clarke asked in awe looking from the dagger to Lexa now. Her heart was hammering at her confusion. "It was like a force field or barrier of lights. You glowed..." She was shifting in her spot trying to see something no longer there.

Raven walked back over to the group, she studied the two leaders. "That was a hunch." She smirked triumphantly, "I noticed it when you were sleeping," she gestured at Lexa. "It disappeared when you woke up and because I'm a genius I put two and two together."

"You don't have to be a genius to put two and two together Raven," Clarke said furrowing her brow, still searching for the energy.

"And noticed what?" Lexa said.

"Why your little protection bubble  _Commander_."

Clarke moved her mouth to speak, "The dagger should have struck you. It literally stopped dead like it hit a wall and fell to the ground." She was explaining and staring at Lexa.

Raven held her hand out for Clarke to see her burnt finger, "Yeah, it gets better look. She was protecting you guys with her weird protective energy even in her sleep. Look, it even burned me when I tried to touch it. Abby was the only one able to get close unharmed."

"I don't understand," Lexa said slowly.

Raven began rambling away about how to explain what she had seen.

Clarke fell silent thinking. Her mind raced and her heart leapt into her throat. She stunned the group when she spoke again,  _"You hold death at bay. She holds flame, fire and life."_

Lexa turned to look at her, "Roma's warning?" Her mind began to catch up with everything that had happened.

Clarke nodded slowly organizing her thoughts. "Think about it, you saved my life when I was dying…you held death at bay."

"Protection bubble fits into that too," Raven offered.

"Can we refer to it as something other than 'protection bubble', something a little more badass maybe?" Octavia whined.

Raven ignored her and looked at Clarke, "What's the second part of the warning again? The one pertaining to you."

Clarke repeated it.

Raven looked from Clarke to the fire in the cave. She nodded at Octavia who sped into the cave on her silent request. When she returned she had a lit torch. She handed it to Clarke who took it and stared at the two of them like they had two heads. "I don't think this is what she meant guys…"

Raven looked at Lexa and paused. "Clarke, if I were to ask you to think hard and then tell me exactly how much you loved Lexa could you do it?"

"Is that you asking me?"

"Just do it."

Clarke fell silent and her gaze bore into Lexa's green.

She felt herself grow warm as she looked at her. Her body sizzled and crackled with heat. The more she thought about the woman in front of her, the more she felt the raging heat within, the more she focused on her love, the hotter her body felt. She heard Raven's soft gasp. Clarke felt energy stirring in her chest, she felt like she might explode from its steady build. Then the torch in her hand flared blazing hot and three feet higher, she felt warm energy surround her making her feel safe. But she gasped in shock at the torch flame as the heat raged between the two women. The torch flared again even high and Clarke dropped it into the snow and it fizzled out as it sunk into the wet pillow of powder.

She felt Lexa's strong arms land on her hips to steady her as Clarke's body began to feel a little weak as the energy flickered and waned, but did not disappear. She could feel it seeping into her bones, she could feel it swimming in her veins and pumping her heart.

Clarke remained where she stood glancing back to Lexa, her face slightly fearful. Lexa's wide loving eyes soothed her, though she saw confusion in them as well. Her heart was going into overdrive, her head running right along with it.

They both stared at each other in stunned silence. Lexa moved quickly before she realized and she pulled Clarke closer, their bodies flush. Her hand on her hip and the other gracing Clarke's cheek, her mouth finding purchase against the blonde's. The heat and flames roared again in Clarke at the contact.

"Keep it in your pants Clarke, you're melting the snow." She heard Raven quip smugly. She had seen the flames, she expected them to flare like they had in the tent, but she did not expect to see Lexa's energy encompass the two women instinctively. Protective. Safe.

Sure enough when Clarke stepped back slightly and looked beneath her, the foot of snow they had been standing in had melting in an almost perfect circle around them. Clarke didn't know what to say. She didn't understand it. She wondered what this meant. The implications scared her. She had felt the fire in her belly as if she were one with the flames. She had caused the flames to rise, she knew it but she had no fucking idea how she did it.

She did feel powerful though. She could almost picture her alter ego grinning and rubbing her palms together at what this could mean for them.

The weakness from the use of energy was already fading the longer she stood with Lexa's protective arms around her.

* * *

 

The group remained at the cave few more hours. It was dusk now, they were leaving under the moon's light back to Arkadia by horse. The darkness would hide them from prying eyes.

They all slowly packed their things and readied themselves for the trek back to Arkadia. If they left soon they could arrive by nightfall. They needed to get back to the camp; they weren't safe in the cave. They were certain there were scouts from Azgeda searching for them. Ontari wouldn't just let this go. She would want to know who held Wanheda's power. Her words were running in Clarke's rain the more she thought about it.  _Whoever exits the pit with the power of Wanheda will be mine,_  she had said. A shiver ran through Clarke's spine. For some reason she knew, her survival was surely going to come back to haunt her once more.

All of this was confirmed when Indra came back with a bloody sword. Urging that they leave at once.

Lexa saddled up behind Clarke on Icarus and the blonde sunk back into her chest relishing at the warmth between them. Lexa held her tight and pulled her hood up over both their heads. Clarke sighed against her at the loving gesture. She felt their love sparking and crackling between their bodies, stronger and more present than ever before.

"Are you still mad at me?" Clarke asked quietly as they made their way through the trees. Her forehead pressed lightly against Lexa's chin.

"Yes," Lexa said quietly.

"Still love me?"

Lexa kissed her forehead, "Obviously."

"I had to do it you know…"

She was suprirsed to see Lexa give her a small knowing smile, "I know you Clarke. I know all the reasons why you felt you needed to do that."

"But you're still mad."

"I almost lost you," Lexa said sadly with a small tremble. She even pulled Clarke tighter into her and breathed in deep. She inhaled everything that was Clarke.

Clarke nodded in understanding and breathed in deep as well. She bit her lip and tapped Lexa's chin, "I'm mad at you too you know."

"Me?" Lexa tried to play innocent and the blonde could hear Octavia snort in laughter.

"Don't even try to play that 'what did I do' card Lex," she chided.

"I was not going to hide in Polis with you missing, and I am not going to apologize for it Clarke."

"Your safety is important Lexa," Clarke said gently but sternly.

"My safety is just as important as yours. I would argue even more so."

Clarke rolled her eyes, "You're the Heda. Not me."

Lexa huffed and looked at her sternly, "You really think that matters anymore? Do not be naïve Clarke, your accomplishments, your triumphs help ensure safety of your people but many others. Your actions have saved countless of SkaiKru and grounders a like. You're my equal and you would do well to remember it."

"Well I'd rather risk myself than you…what were you thinking leaving Polis, what were you thinking when you came to find me at the trial!?" Her voice wavered in her panic as she thought about the implications.

Lexa smirked, "WWCGD."

Clarke heard Raven cackle behind them hearing Lexa's answer. "Fucking right."

Clarke huffed understanding what it meant now, "That's a lame excuse."

"Do you deny that it's what you would do?" Lexa asked playfully lightly leaning forward into Clarke and laying her head on her shoulder to get a better look at her.

Clarke paused as she was about to say no. She bit her lip and sighed remaining silent. She heard a soft beautiful chuckle was Lexa that made her swoon. It was fucking beautiful.

"That's what I thought."

* * *

 

Clarke woke sometime later still snuggled tight on the horse against Lexa. Her breathing was rapid and a light sheen of sweat was on her forehead. She felt warm lips on her neck, "Clarke. Are you okay?"

Clarke took a second to shake the images of the fever out of her head.

As if she knew Lexa asked, "Are you feeling guilty?"

Clarke nodded but said nothing. She knew Lexa could feel the guilt wafting off of her in droves. The brunette kissed her neck again, "You're worried about how you will be received in Arkadia because of it?"

Clarke nodded again, "Not only that. I don't want people to fear me…"

"People fear you because you are powerful Clarke."

"I don't want to be powerful."

"You don't have a choice. It's who you are. It is not something you can turn off, especially now that Roma's warning has come to fruition."

Clarke sighed thinking about their newfound energy neither of them fully understood, "Fear plays a big role in the hearts of men." She quoted something Lexa once said to her.

She felt the brunette nod and kiss her neck once more. It burned wonderfully. "I don't want people to follow us because they fear us." Clarke thought about the Azgeda who bowed before her. She thought about the possibility of more grounders doing the same wide eyed and asking silent questions Clarke had no answers to. Panic began to sweep through her.

But Lexa did what she always does. She made Clarke feel better about herself. She had Clarke calming down instantly.

"Fear is what makes them take notice, Clarke." She tilted her head so Clarke would look at her green honest eyes, "But make no mistake love, your heart is what will keep them loyal."

Lexa turned Icarus one last time and Arkadia came into view. They were flanked by Octavia with Raven on one side. Bellamy had echo with him on the other. Indra and Ryder were ahead with the scouts waiting by the gates. Nyko with Abby in the cart brought up the rear.

Coming into the opening of the field, escaping the cover of the trees Clarke put her hand on Lexa's around her waist. She lowered her voice so no one would hear them speak, "Ontari can't see clearly when I'm involved I found out. I want to keep that quiet though." Lexa subtly slowed Icarus a bit looking at her.

Clarke could almost see the wheels in her head begin to turn. The brunette furrowed her brow, "Heda Kom Faete?" Lexa quickly put two and two together. Then she saw a wide smile grace her so often stoic face. "That is excellent news. The odds are in our favour."

Clarke grinned and nodded unable to contain it and letting it crush her worries.

Lexa sped Icarus up once more. The gates began to open with riot like cheers as their people saw them returning. "Are you ready to see your people Clarke?"

Clarke swallowed and sat up a little straighter. She thought about how she ran away from her duties so long ago. How she fled after all the deaths she caused. This time, as she listened the cheers and shouts, as they got closer she held her head high. Lexa was right. The people of Arkadia had feared Clarke as Wanheda, but don't anymore. They had started to believe in her, love her, and want to give their life for her.

The grounders would spread the legend of Wanheda once more. Hearing of her surviving the pit and (inadvertently) causing the fever would cause wide-spread fear, it would cause distrust as and make some act to defend themselves. If they learned of the two leaders new found connection and energy it would only accelerate things.

But just as the Arkers had, Clarke had to believe they would come around.

She couldn't help but think people fearing them would eventually lead them to follow. The follow would lead them to learn how fiercely Clarke loves.

Yes, Lexa was right.

Clarke's heart would make them loyal.

And it roared.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The struggle from here is real. Over here doin' the most...
> 
> Also high key craving to write a badass Lexarke fic.
> 
> *Screaming 'Fuck You Jason' to my grave*


End file.
